A Beautiful Struggle (17 page)

“Well this isn’t something I get to see
every day – Katrina Roberts, sitting around on her lunch hour; Shouldn’t you be
off with David or running around a park somewhere?”

A hollow sound replaced my laugh, “Not
today Kayley. I'm just doing my own thing this time.”

Lowering herself to sit next to me, she
asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Turning my head to meet her concerned and
friendly face, I felt a sudden rush of emotion as my eyes threatened to spill
my confusion out in the open. I blinked rapidly, concentrating on the pigeons
to keep my control.

“I’m just all over the place Kayley, I’m
supposed to be training for the selection races in January, and studying for my
exams that are happening this week and next; but instead of focusing on those I
am fighting with my best friend and attempting to have inappropriate
relationships. It’s all just a bit too much for me to deal with.”

My phone chose that moment to beep, telling
me I had a message. Hope swirled in my chest as I reached down, pulling it out
of my pocket to read it, sighing in frustration upon seeing the name on the
screen.

“Plus I keep getting these,” I threw my
hands in the air in annoyance.

“What? What is it?” I handed her my phone,
showing her the text message I’d received. It read
Good luck in your exams,
thinking of you. Love Christopher.

“That’s my ex. I get a call or a text from
him at least once a week. Normally, I just ignore them, but right now they’re
bothering me - I have two men in my life that I desperately want to call or
text, and the only one that does is the guy I don’t want anything to do with!”

“Sounds like you have a lot going on right
now,” she said kindly, handing my phone back to me.

“When did my life become a soap opera? What
happened to having fun, going out with friends and going to uni?”

“I don’t know Katrina, but if you ever want
to talk about things, I am happy to listen. No judgements, no repeating, just
an ear to hear your troubles.”

“Thanks Kayley, I appreciate that. You
know, I think I am mainly upset not talking to David – it’s not normal for us
not to hang out or at least talk.”

“Perhaps you should stop throwing your
lunch at the birds and call him?” she suggested.

“Maybe… I might try calling him now
actually,” I got up decided that I’d rather call him from my desk instead of on
a noisy city street, “I’ll head back, you coming or staying out here a while
longer?”

“I thought I’d go and grab a coffee across
the street before I head back. Hope you sort things out with David.”

Nodding, I gave her an appreciative smile
as I left to walk back to my office’s building. Standing just inside the
entrance, I could see David, Beth and Bianca. I instantly stopped moving
forward, taking a step to the side to watch the exchange unseen.

David was talking and laughing with them as
Beth touched his arm flirtatiously. My breathing grew difficult and my heart
leapt into my throat as I witnessed him lean in and kiss Beth goodbye before he
started toward the door.

Not wanting to be spotted, I quickly turned
and crossed the street to the coffee vendor where Kayley was lining up. I
couldn’t explain it but right at that moment I felt… betrayed. He was supposed
to be my best friend, and here he was hanging out with the two people that made
my working life more difficult. I guessed there was more to that night with
Beth than just a screw then.

“I thought the coffee sounded like a great
idea,” I said with faked brightness as I approached Kayley, shooting a glance
over her shoulder as David meandered down the street back to his work, my chest
hurt, and I felt sick watching him.

Smiling, she offered to buy one for me,
which I gratefully accepted, promising to get the next one. Taking our coffees
upstairs I couldn’t help giving Bianca the evil eye as I walked past reception
and saw her talking and giggling with Beth.

She accepted my challenge saying, “Ever get
the feeling that you’re being replaced?”

Beth looked at me and giggled behind her
hand. I stopped, venom dripping off my tongue and shot back, “Last I saw, it
was you hanging off David, Bianca. Looks like you’re the one he passed over.”

“You know Katrina,” Beth started, as she
moved like a cat towards me, “David doesn’t need you anymore, so you can run
off with your little Irish boyfriends all you like now. He’ll be fine with me.”

I almost snorted, “David doesn’t do
relationships,” I told her flatly.

“Oh, we’ll see about that,” Beth said
boldly.

“Come inside, Katrina,” Kayley urged me.
“This isn’t getting you anywhere.”

I listened to her voice of reason and went
back to the library, trying to immerse myself in work – I cursed that my job
wasn’t more complicated because my mind wouldn’t stop thinking about why David
would want to pursue either of those girls.

***

I was taking Wednesday off work for an
exam, so I spent all of Tuesday studying and trying not to miss David too much.
As we usually studied together, his absence was highly noted.

I picked up my phone a couple of times to
call him but thought better of it - I didn’t want to talk about seeing him with
Beth and Bianca, and I especially didn’t want him to confirm that he had
started dating Beth; it was bad enough thinking it.

My brother Tom stuck his head inside my
bedroom door to see if I wanted to walk up to the shops with him to get some
fresh air. I agreed that I could use a break and put my shoes on.

“So how’s your latest girlfriend? I never
see you anymore,” I enquired.

His face went all soft at the thought of
her, and I could tell he really liked this girl, “She’s great actually. I let
her meet mum and dad on Saturday.”

I was surprised; he had never brought a
girl home before, “Wow, that’s pretty epic for you. I’m sorry I missed it.”

“That’s ok. You were off with your latest
anyway. You should have heard mum gushing about the guy you were with! Oh my
god, I reckon if she was young enough, she’d go after him herself!” he laughed
easily, “but seriously though - I’m glad you are moving on from that last guy.
It’s about time. You're young. You shouldn’t be worried about dickheads like
that... Is this one treating you nicely, or do I have to beat him up?”

It was my turn to laugh, “No, violence
won’t be necessary thanks. This guy, Elliot, is fine, he’s nice. Things are
just complicated because we work together, that’s all.”

“Complicated huh?” I nodded, not wanting to
elaborate, “I couldn’t help but notice the absence of David today. Is something
going on with you two? You seem pretty mopey for a girl in a new relationship.
Aren’t you supposed to be running through fields of wild flowers right now,
sighing all the time?”

“Yeah, well David and I got into a bit of a
fight on Saturday night before I came home,” I filled him in on most of the
details and explained why I dislike him spending time Beth and Bianca.

“Do you think maybe you’re jealous?”

“No Tom, I don’t think I’m jealous – I
think I’m pissed off,” I said incredulously.

“Hey relax, I’m just checking. He’s normally
a bit of a wombat with girls, and now he’s actually hanging out with one, and
she’s not you. I thought that might bring out the green-eyed monster a
bit."

“What the hell does a wombat have to do
with it?” I asked, not understanding his analogy.

“You know, a wombat – eats, roots and
leaves."

I chuckled, “I haven’t heard that one
before.”

“Well, you can have that one – keep it in
your pocket and use it for later; I’ve got loads,” he joked with me.

“How very generous of you,” I said
sarcastically.

“Hey, what are big brothers for?”

***

I stood outside the exam room waiting to go
inside, looking around, hoping to find David. Although, I couldn’t see him
anywhere. Despite feeling hurt by him, I was missing him terribly; this was the
longest we had ever gone without talking or seeing each other since we met as
kids.

My phone beeped,
Good luck in your exam,
will miss you at lunch. Evan :P

I smiled to myself at the use of his alter
ego, tapped out a thanks and put my phone to silent.

I didn’t spot David until we were inside
ready to take the exam. We were allowed to leave after the first hour but had
three hours to complete the booklet.

When the examiner announced the hour was
up, a few people got up to walk out, one of them being David. Seeing him leave gave
me cause to scramble and get my things together, handing my exam in unfinished
to go after him.

Rushing, I caught him just outside the
building, as he headed in the direction of the parking lot. “David!” I yelled
out.

He stopped and looked up to the sky as if
he couldn’t believe I was coming after him. He didn’t turn to look at me; he
just stood there until I reached him.

“What do you want Katrina?” he asked
flatly.

“I want to talk to you! Why are you being
like this?” I demanded.

“Because I’m pissed off at you Katrina! I
thought that was all pretty clear from Saturday.”

“Are you serious? You’re going to hold the
fact that I didn’t wait for you against me?! How long for?”

“Lower your voice Katrina, you’re causing a
scene,” he warned me through gritted teeth.

“I don’t care!” I yelled.

“You want to do this here do you? Fine,
we’ll do it here - I am glad that you feel ready to date again Katrina. I
really am. But I’m not going to stand by while you fall head over heels for
some muscle-bound guy who treats you like shit because it’s all a secret. Did
you know he has been with Beth too? Kept it all a secret so nobody knew
anything, just like what he is doing with you.”

“That’s not true. I'm the only …”

“How do you know that? Because he told you?
Maybe that’s just what he does; maybe he has a whole string of secret
girlfriends. Have you considered that?” He stood glaring at me, and I opened
and closed my mouth, not knowing how to respond.

“You know what Katrina, you can do whatever
you want – I won’t stand in your way. But I will be damned if I will stand by
and watch you fawn all over him, while I cop the brunt of your boyfriend's
insecurities again – I won’t do it – not this time!”

“So what? I’m not supposed to date anyone
now? Or I just can’t date unless you approve of them?”

“You’re supposed to be careful, date openly
– date guys who are cool with you being around me. I’m just sick of this shit!”
He threw his hands up and started to walk away from me.

“Stop David,” I ran to move in front of
him, “Where the hell is all this coming from? Did Elliot say something to you?”

He stopped again, “He doesn’t have to say
anything, it’s all over his face when he sees me near you. Every guy you’ve
ever dated has a problem with me. When it’s just you and me, we have a great
time – we don’t work with when there’s another guy around; I never expect you
to hang out with the girls I am seeing!” he argued.

“That’s because you only fuck David, you
don’t
see
anybody. How many times have I had to sit by and watch you
flirt and pick up every girl around us? Do you think that’s fun for me? Do you
think I actually want you fucking around with the girls I work with? No, I
don’t! But you can’t seem to keep your dick in your pants, so who gives a fuck
about what Katrina wants!” I narrowed my eyes at him as I watched his face
screw up with hurt and anger from my words.

 “I have never left you somewhere to go and
screw some girl. If I am with you – I am with you. But every time we go out
with people from your work you go off flirting and leave me on my own, what am
I supposed to do? Just stand there and watch you make a fool of yourself? There
has to be something in it for me too besides being your fall-back guy,
Katrina.”

I stood with my hands on my hips as I
considered what he said, “What are you talking about? You left me to go and
screw Beth on Friday!” I countered, watching him as he shifted on his feet
before I went on, “Besides that, you think you’re my fall-back guy? You think
that’s what you are to me?”

He looked at the ground, scowling, “Maybe.”

I shook my head, “Goes to show how little
you think of me.” We stood for a moment, looking everywhere but at each other
as we gathered our thoughts.

Taking a calming breath, I ploughed ahead,
“I saw you with Beth…Are you dating now?” I had to ask, even though I didn’t
really want the answer.

“I guess,” he mumbled with a shrug of his
shoulders.

“Are you with her to spite me?”

He held his hands out to the sides as his
irritation flared, “Maybe I like her Katrina, have you ever considered that?”
he glared at me, waiting for my response.

No, I hadn’t considered that. Why Beth? Why
now? I felt that the only possible reason for him to be dating her was to hurt
me somehow. I couldn’t understand why he’d want to do that.