A Beautiful Truth (14 page)

His office is small but has a floor-to-ceiling window, which he insisted on, that looks out over the enclosure. From here he gets a good enough sense of what goes on that he rarely walks out to the roof or the towers. He thinks about looking out, spending the day watching and speculating. He wishes he could smoke.

He will turn his back on the window and work at his desk. Letters. I. They. Tiny flagpoles staking claims on pages and screens.

The day shines behind him.

He hears a chorus of hoots and turns away from his desk. He looks down at them. If he missed something important he will hear about it.

They see him watching from the window sometimes, and of course when he is out on the towers. He sees Mr. Ghoul looking up. Most of the time they are all in the mire of their own moments, and he is sure that the buildings and the eyes of humans are incidental and faded decorations to the action of their days. He must be as remote to them sometimes as they are to him, those days when he lacks empathy and sees nothing but dirt and hair and clouds of animal scurf.

Here he is, high above. He used to like taking his daughter here on the weekends when she was little. She always said can’t we go down. I want to talk to them.

Magda and Fifi arrived a long time ago and the World began changing entirely. The World became the World. For a time there was also Billie, Rosie and Bongo, but they all left the World.

Doors opened and they went outside. At first there was a small space outside with a hard ground and wall, which wasn’t really outside, it was inside with no roof.

They were not afraid.

Then there was another space, with grass and monkey bars. Mama recognized this space from seeing it through the window and wanted the keyboard to say: that red. She hugged Mr. Ghoul and waited for him before they went out. Mr. Ghoul was the wisest and strongest for a moment.

He had been to the woods with Dave and knew the feel of grass. He knew how to climb outside. For the rest there were memories and ideas of what to do and some were more excited than others. Mr. Ghoul went out in this new World and sat atop the monkey bars and hooled. He smelled fresh smells.

Mama had never stepped on grass before and was frightened.
She made sure her cat was on her back so it wouldn’t feel the grass.

Jonathan and Podo watched Mr. Ghoul and touched each other and arphle-coughed noises of wonder and lost certainty. Podo walked to the monkey bars and looked up at Mr. Ghoul. He held the bars and got a feel for them.

Jonathan wandered over to the fence, never having known electricity before. He smelled the faint hum, put his hand around a wire, jumped without knowing he was jumping and saw all colours more clearly. He sat and now realized he was terrified of the fence.

Magda and Fifi were friends already, having learned how to skate for

¡Holiday on Ice!

They never knew sex before but spent a long time getting pinned by yeks in hollow rooms in the Hard with bars for walls and people wearing masks and watching.

Fifi liked it.

They were moved to the World and no one liked Magda. She still did tricks from when she performed on skates, but she no longer wore skates and seemed poogly. She did lipflips and grins, pulling her lips back over her snut like she was taught or stretching them hard across her teeth to make everyone laugh, but here in the World it looked weak, like she could not control her fear or disapproval.

She had trouble making friends and sat in the corner of her bedroom for a long time pulling out her hair.

Not liking anyone comes from not being liked, but not being liked comes from not liking anyone: there is no beginning or end.

Fifi made friends with Podo, Jonathan, Mr. Ghoul and Mama, and Magda tolerated Fifi’s arm around her shoulder, and needed it.

The women sat apart sometimes and there was something about Mama that made them look up to her as if she were always tall. She let them play with her cat.

Magda took Mama’s cat and ran to the edge of the World and Mama chased her while Fifi screamed and Mama pounded on her back until she dropped it.

Later Jonathan felt like someone was pouring hot Coca-Cola through his cock. It swelled and burst greenyellow like a squeezed caterpillar, and Jonathan showed it to Dr. David through the plekter like he did with all his booboos.

Jonathan was put in the cold white room.

So was Magda, who felt the burn when she pissed.

They got needles. Magda liked needles. Pain made sense to sadness like food makes sense to hunger.

Magda and Jonathan were welcomed back to the World and hugged.

New doors opened and the World grew even more. The great blue wall appeared and its base was flooded with pokol-fear and many things felt less urgent when the limits were expanded and cries did not resound from walls and ceilings.

A huge new space and days outside, an electric tree and birds. They were amazed to see such open space, and afraid. There were needle trees and the greybald tree, and groves and corners to hide in.

Mama’s cat got bigger and climbed the electric tree. It went electric and fell over the other side of the wall, and Mama still looks up there some days.

There are parts of the World where some are still afraid to go. Slowly, though, they explored.

They got used to grass and dirt and most climbed trees if they had the inclination and Podo could do so like a thought cannot be stopped. Black Podo.

The more the World grew, the less they went into the Hard except for dinner and sleep.

Billie and Rosie arrived and they were kept apart from the others for a while because they were yekel. Then Billie made friends with Jonathan through the plekter.

Rosie came out, Rosie long and dulchy.

Podo liked Rosie.

Podo grew bigger.

Bongo came, fat grey Bongo, old as a stone and slower. He didn’t wake up one day.

Mama missed her cat.

Podo and Jonathan and Billie fought. Jonathan rarely bloned before he attacked, he would bite without warning like Magda.

Billie and Jonathan tried to keep Rosie to themselves. They beat her face and gave her treats, and interfered when she tried to sit with Fifi. She couldn’t leave their side sometimes. Billie pulled her by a foot and his heavy slaps made her fly and roll through the dirt.

Podo sat close to Rosie, and Jonathan attacked him. Podo lost a piece of a finger and hurt his wrist and he walked with a limp for the rest of his days.

Podo sat with the others.

A great fire arose in the world beyond the World, a constant heat, breath of a thousand mouths, and ash on the wind like black feathers. Podo and Rosie sat far apart from each other, but Podo knew that there was something wrong, a small hot thorn in her sight. She called and he knew she was calling for him and he walked to her. He removed an ashen splinter from an eye and she saw again. She gave his fingers a kiss and rubbed him and she looked at him, searching and seeing.

They smelled smoke and wood, and the sky was orange at night and grey in the day, and everyone sat and moved together forgetting
complaints and dislikes and uniting in their worry. When others slept, Rosie lay on Podo’s chest, hot black feathers floating down.

Rosie looked at Podo, longer looks than any before or since, and she knew when he needed a friend and was the maker and cure of the ache.

They groomed close and snuck to corners of the World on their own and Rosie stood on her goon. She opened her rosé to the sky, to Podo, and gave the World her pinksalt. Podo invited her to him and she came and turned and arose before he felt her heat and she sat ahead, just ahead. She came back and did the same, again and again, and Podo leapt and showed her his worth. Rosie stretched up and stood and scratched her long body slowly and did this again, a dance for no one but Podo, and she turned to him so often those days, his cock so tired he had to use his finger. To Podo, she couldn’t stop coming.

Billie and Jonathan pinned her, over and over, and Podo watched, and her pink made the ground a bed of bleeding nerves.

Rosie got fat.

She had a new one in the cold white room and people helped her and pushed her and wrapped her, and her dreams might not have been dreams.

She was scared of her new one and didn’t know what to do. He hurt her and she didn’t know these people and felt sad.

Rosie walked like no other.

She was long and Podo’s friend: sad Rosie, dulchy-fruit lips and long stares.

Rosie’s new one scratched and sucked and screamed. She didn’t know him and he hurt her legs, sucked out her light, made her weak, and when she looked at Podo she had nothing to give, far away no matter where she was.

She left her new one on the ground.

People took Rosie’s new one and gave him to Fifi and taught her the bottle and called him Burke.

Fifi liked milk and drank the bottle herself, but people got angry and shouted whenever she drank it. Dr. David sat and showed her how to put the bottle in the tiny lips of Burke, and she pretended not to look in case Dr. David saw how much she wanted to kiss the new one and hold him and mimble yamyum, he was so chewy-eety she could feel him in her gums when she stared.

¡Baby!

She held him and gave him the bottle and cream came from her bones and one day dripped from her nipples.

Mama was sad, like fruit wasn’t in her hands even when it was, and when it was it didn’t taste like fruit. She sat in a corner of the World watching trees blow back and forth. They blew back and forth while Rosie wasted; and while everyone worried and arphled and wept, Mama sat still and heard nothing.

Rosie’s sadness was younger and more vicious than Mama’s. It ate her.

Billie pushed into weak Rosie, and Podo saw from afar Rosie being hurt. Billie pinned her and beat her and she couldn’t stand up. People took Rosie back to the cold white room.

Podo waited and watched, dark Podo.

He sat with sad Mama and patted her goon.

He groomed the tangled hair of Magda and tried to envision her unhale visions.

He waited for Rosie.

It got cooler outside then warm again, and no one saw Rosie, ever again.

Podo watched and scratched and frowned, and when Billie slapped Mama for not giving him watermelon Podo took him by the foot and bit between his legs. No one had heard such sounds.
Billie tried to fight but Podo pounded his face and jumped on his cracking and weakening body until no more noise came from Billie. Podo dragged Billie through the dirt. He dragged him and waited and pounded the ground and jumped, and dragged him farther and pushed him into the chill of the pokol-fear, no matter how the others screamed.

Fifi walked with Burke beneath her belly.

Mr. Ghoul saw dark Billie face down beneath the cold surface. Red was rising from between his legs like smoke from a blown-out match.

The death of Billie stayed with them. Podo dragging his body.

They needed protection from the things you cannot see. They were afraid of those things; they were not afraid of Podo.

Podo threw urulek at uninvited Visitors.

He helped all who lost—the losers of fights, the losers of food, the losers of new ones and oa.

He knew how to choose his grudges.

He never forgot that Jonathan made him limp and took a piece of his finger.

As Mama watched Fifi feed Burke and protect him, she wanted a new one all the more. She waited for Fifi to put Burke down so she could take him. Days passed and she got used to change. People had shown Fifi what to do with Burke and now Mama understood.

Burke watched what everyone did, learned how to eat and climb and his little eyes were open to everything, he never turned his face. Mama helped Fifi and kept Burke away from harm.

Jonathan thought Burke was in the way of Fifi. Burke would climb all over her whenever she was pinned, and Jonathan could not tolerate being screamed at when he tried to enjoy the heat.
He slapped Burke off the back of Fifi and this put everyone in ¡harag!

The young ones must be tolerated.

Fifi and Mama chased Jonathan into a needle tree and everyone circled and screamed.

It was then that Podo sensed how weak Jonathan was in the group.

When treats were thrown down from the roof of the Hard, Podo took what he wanted, but he also made sure that Fifi got extra, and that he got in the way of Jonathan.

He watched as Jonathan screamed and turned to others for help, hand held out, embraces neglected.

At first he and Jonathan fought, but Jonathan no longer won. And as this all continued and Jonathan’s begging was ignored, Podo found the solution.

Podo gave Jonathan food.

Jonathan began to beg from Podo, to turn to Podo for help and rely on no one else.

As Burke moved from Fifi’s belly to Fifi’s back, from Fifi to Mama and up his first tree, Jonathan began to believe he was beholden to Podo, indebted to his wisdom and generous hands.

Magda slapped Jonathan for sitting in her shade. Podo shouted at Magda on Jonathan’s behalf.

So convinced was Jonathan of Podo’s strength and beneficence, he greeted Podo more often than anyone, and eventually more loudly. Mr. Ghoul could hear Jonathan’s salaams from the other side of the World. Whenever Podo approached directly, Jonathan bobbed and slithered backwards.