A Breath Until Forever (33 page)

“Ready?” Asked Joshua, anxious to get a move on. After his bad night of living through his own personal nightmare, he knew for him in order to heal that he must get back to the same land that had bridged a love so passionate, that the wild fires from the hot North Carolinian sun couldn't even begin to understand.

“Yeah.” Joshua left the room, locking it behind him. He heard a soft click, then followed Joshua down steel stairs, and down into the parking lots where a most familiar pick up truck waited to deliver them to Thunder Valley Ranch. It was the same pick up truck that he had driven around in when he had spent time with Meredith, and ever since then, he had felt strongly sentimental about it. The transmission had blown out of it ages ago, and he had expensively gotten it replaced, and it had acquired rust spots the size of donuts but he had taken it into a body shop for cosmetic repair. He couldn't quite give up on his Ford Pick Up truck, for every time he got behind the steering wheel and slipped into the driver's seat, the ghostly image of Meredith would hallucinate in his mind alive, and she was still living, animated and well.

“Thank you for spending time with me. Wasn't sure how receptive you would be.” Mentioned Daniel honestly as they made their way towards Thunder Valley Ranch.

“It's fine.” Joshua replied, as he reconstituted his driving skills in order to overcompensate for the bumpiness of the back road that they were beginning to drive on. “I don’t mind, really. It brings back good memories.” 

They drove past old barns, and small Amish communities, and cows in pastures, watching as the world fade by. The sun was starting to rise, and shades of oranges and reds and yellows began to gloriously color the new day.

And as they passed all that was to see, the sun rising from the east, Joshua began to speak, his gravelly voice churning into something that was sad and lonely. “I have something to tell you.” Joshua suddenly became withdrawn. “I don't have long to live.”

“What do you mean?” Instantly, Daniel was confused. He had heard what Joshua said, but it was something he never thought he would hear in a million years, nor was it something he wanted to hear. And as Daniel sat there in the truck, lines of telephone poles blurring past, the sun breaking through the back window of the Ford Pick up truck, Joshua continued to confess to the son of his old lover that he never knew, but only heard of, as Meredith would have wanted him to.

“I have cancer. Of the liver. Always was an alcoholic. Could never get rid of my taste for the hard stuff.” Confessed Joshua. Tears began to well up in his steel gray eyes, but he sucked it up, as he wanted to remain strong in front of another man, and he didn't allow the tears to fall from the overwhelming pool of sadness from which he painfully felt.

This was terrible news for Daniel, yet, in a horrible, horrific, absolutely awful way, it was such great news equally as well. It was terrible that Joshua Aspen was dying, but it was great news that Daniel had found him before he had died. Daniel had needed answers for such a long time, and Joshua had given them to him. Daniel didn't know what he would have done, if that part of his search had returned empty and unsatisfied.  He probably would have lost his will to live. This was that important to him. Finding Joshua Aspen, was like finding the biggest diamond in the world. And here he was, lavishly enjoying all of those riches.

“Don't know. A few weeks. A month. Doctor's aren't really quite sure.” Answered Joshua as he continued to drive past meadows that were as green as emeralds as gypsy wheat that were as golden as the sun. “But it's okay. That's why I have been staying here, my wife found out and that's why she is at her sisters for a few days. She couldn't quite handle it. She'll be back, but it's hard to know that her husband she loves so much is dying. But I lived such a good life. I've been able to be a father, a husband.” Still driving, he momentarily took his eyes off the road so that he may look in Daniel's eyes directly. Daniel had the same eyes as his mother. The same shape, the same size, and the same color. Honey eyes that glowed brighter than the summer sun. “And I got lucky enough to meet your mother. My one and only true love.”

“You really loved her, didn't you?” Asked Joshua, looking sternly in his eyes. For a brief moment, Daniel turned into Meredith, and her femininity expanded Daniel's masculinity. She was wearing a white dress, smiling lovely, her hair flowing in the wind from the passenger seat's window being rolled down. Joshua had to shake it off for a moment, then he looked back on the road, and just in time as he almost ran over a small cat that had ran suddenly out in the street. “You know Daniel? We were so close, your mom and I. So close of leaving everything behind so that we may be with each other. I have always wanted to be with a woman forever. We were so close to forever, so close, but yet, so far away.”

Joshua's words had been so prolific, so profound, that Daniel didn't know exactly what to say. Rather he just melted away into the moment until they were to meet their destination, in which he could see before him in the horizon.

Joshua and Daniel finally reached Thunder Valley. Joshua got out, followed by Daniel. The meadows stretched out as far and wide as Daniel could see, and he was so overwhelmed by the beauty of it all that he couldn't speak, and he couldn't hear; only see.

“Daniel? Daniel?” Asked Joshua, trying to gain Daniel's attention for a few minutes now, but Daniel had been so hypnotized by the beauty of it all.

“Oh sorry.” Daniel apologized. “It's just that it's so beautiful. I can see why my mother loved it here.”

“Whatever happened to those painting that she painted? We never knew. All I can remember is getting a car.” Daniel laughed. “How many artists can buy a car? So many of them starve, but not my mother. She never went hungry, she was that good.”

“As far as I know, they are still in Miami.” Said Joshua. “She sent them to Mr. Wilson shortly after visiting here. He paid her a lot.” He smiled, his lips thinning into a grin. “She was so talented, but I think the trees and the violets spoke to her.”

“As so did you.” He said. “Her painting was always good, but after she returned, her painting were much brighter, much more colorful. And I think that all had to do with you.”

And so Joshua started talking talked all morning and into wilds of the afternoon. It was almost as if he had been hiding all the feelings bottled inside of him for so many years. And since he couldn't really share what he felt inside to anyone, that he could never express his undying love to Meredith, except to a couple shots of whiskey and his now passed on dog Izzy, it made him feel good to actually talk to someone and express how he felt. It made him feel reborn.

“Your mother really was something.” Joshua said as he continued to walk in front of Daniel.  “She made me feel something most incredible.” He confessed. Truth imitated steel in his words. “She had this powerful spell over me. It was hypnotizing.” Joshua continued to walk through the light paths that meandered through wild violets, and wide as a saucer sunflowers.

“I remember her being out here, like yesterday. And that white dress. Oh damn! That white dress with those cute, pretty little straps. She looked so beautiful in it. I remember her wearing it on a slow night, where the moon and the stars all combined into one magical moment.”

When he had finished, he stood real straight, and allowed the afternoon to embrace him wholeheartedly.

“Well we best be going now.” Joshua said. He stretched his arms up into the air long and hard, his large oversized belt buckle rising up. “It's already a half past three, and I have that anniversary party to play at.” Joshua looked up at the sky. It had been darkening for quite awhile now, and was starting to form into a visual irony of what the morning had been before. Once full of brightness  “And it looks like it's going to rain.

Joshua drove Daniel back to the motel room. Once there, Daniel called for a taxi to drive him up to Raleigh International. There wasn't a flight until 8:00 pm, but he took it. As he waited, he thought about everything that Joshua had shared. He had shared so much in such a short period of time. He got what he wanted, and that was to know his mother better, and to fully understand her affair, and to gain insight as to why this man by the name of Joshua Aspen had changed his mom's life forever.

Joshua Aspen, in the meantime, played the anniversary gig. But afterward, still feeling sentimental and a little drunk, decided to return back to Thunder Valley Ranch where he could share his feelings he had for Meredith with nature, and himself. For a long time he had felt the love for Meredith killing him slowly, but now, being able to talk to Daniel her son and sharing all those hidden feelings that he had kept secret inside of him now, made him feel free and released from the chains of doubt.

It had started to rain now. Hard and angry. Thunder roared in the distance, and lightening streaked the night sky. Joshua walked underneath the large oak tree that Meredith and him had made love underneath a couple of times. He touched himself briefly, feeling his manhood swell for his lost love.

Then, he took out his silver plated harmonica, and began to play. He played for his aching heart, he played for his own soul to fully heal, but he mostly played for the memory of Meredith Hurley. Meredith Hurley, the older, but beautiful woman who knew him better then he knew himself. Meredith Hurley, the woman that he truly loved. Joshua played long and hard, the sounds of his harmonica mixing with the sounds of thunder. The interweaving between a man's instrument and the orchestra of nature made for a very harmonious, and healing sound. 

Rain came down in buckets now. Bullets of rain stung his skin. The wind grew harsher, and whipped wildly around the leaves of quaking oak trees. Clouds grew from dark, to pure black. Shadows turned into unadulterated nightmares. But even in the storm, Joshua Aspen did not stop playing his harmonica. Oh, how he played for Meredith Hurley!
Listen to my heart sing
, the harmonica seemed to play. Thunder escalated, and its grumbling intensified into a raging beast of noise. Suddenly, a lightening bolt electrified the sky, and it struck Joshua Aspen. Joshua Aspen fell down to his knees. His harmonica rolled out of his hand. Joshua looked up through the dark and rain and wind, and he saw her; like an angel; Meredith Hurley, and she was reaching out for him. She looked as beautiful as ever, wearing her white dress, pure white light radiating behind her. He reached out for her with a frail hand, then dropped his hand down. He was now dead.

Meanwhile, Daniel was in the air, flying right above where Joshua Aspen had just recently died and he had seen a bolt of lightening flash before him in the clouds below. Daniel suddenly felt an eerie chill, his arms feeling of pins and needles. Even though Daniel didn't know the horror that just happened, Daniel did know that something was terribly wrong. But there was nothing that Daniel could do about it, and so Daniel finished his drink, then quietly went to sleep.

About a week later, Daniel found out that Joshua had died.  Laura Piccleby had taken it upon herself to look Daniel up, and had sent him a card of the most horrible news that Joshua had ever read. That Joshua Aspen had been struck by lightening, and had, tragically, died. Right after reading it, he looked at the random pictures of his mom and Joshua. Something about those pictures made his heart elated. Even though the both of them were dead now, they had been lucky enough to have found their one and true love in life. So many people search their whole entire lifetimes for something so magical and special and his mother, Meredith Hurley and her lover, Joshua Aspen had found that love when they had least expected it, but most importantly, had given up on ever finding it. They had found love, and that was something worth more than any money or material thing in this world. 

Daniel stood there, in the dusky twilight, near his mailbox, pining to have had one more day with Joshua, just one more day. Perhaps if he had one more day, he could find out why his mother and her lover from the South were able to find something so rare that many are unable to find. He hoped that he could find the same love that they had found. Would he ever be able to find his one and true love? Was it possible for him to also love with all of his heart and soul? Was there a woman waiting for him out there to love him unconditionally as much as he could unconditionally love her back? Right then and there, Daniel gave up all his worldly possessions, left all of his responsibilities, and decided that he would begin his search. His search for love. He climbed into the front seat of Meredith's 1959 Jeep Wrangler, ignited the engine, and headed down the I-80W towards the beautiful sunset that was rising from the East. And as he drove, he began to smile, knowing that if he drove far enough, and he opened up his heart wide enough, that like his mom, Meredith Hurley and her old lover Joshua Aspen, that he too, could find his one and true love if he believed.

His dream would come true.