A Celtic Knot (26 page)

She heard Olivia’s key in the door, and then her musical voice. “Honey, I’m home.”

Catherine hurried happily down the hall and met Olivia as she reached the top of the stairs. “And what a lovely sight you are, Dr. Carrington.” Catherine brushed her hands along her jeans and slipped into Olivia’s arms, feeling the tension in Olivia’s muscles. She kissed her softly and looked into her eyes, alarmed by the exhaustion and sadness she saw there. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

Olivia forced a smile. “Geez, I can’t hide anything from you.”

Catherine took her hand. “You’re too sensitive to hide your feelings from me. Let’s go in our kitchen. I’ll pour you a glass of orange juice and you can tell me what’s troubling you.”

“That sounds great.”

They walked hand in hand down the hall. Catherine had moved everything from her own small kitchen into the one in her and Olivia’s suite. She doubted they’d prepare more than breakfast or snacks here, but it made her happy to be surrounded by her favorite dishes and utensils.

Olivia watched Catherine dig into the fridge and pour her a tall glass of orange juice. She slipped onto a familiar stool from Catherine’s house and touched the leaf of a lush fern. “Are you making headway with your unpacking, babe?”

Catherine handed Olivia the glass. “I’m nearly finished with the books. Wait till you see how great the wall unit looks.” Catherine touched Olivia’s face. “Thank you for being so patient with me about this decision. I’m so excited by the way things are coming together.”

“The rewards have been worth it.” Olivia took Catherine’s hand and pulled her close. She kissed her softly and deeply.

Catherine held Olivia’s face in her hands. “What’s wrong, darling? What happened this afternoon?”

Olivia set the glass on the counter and pushed it away. “Emma never showed up for her two-o’clock appointment this afternoon.”

Catherine frowned. “What happened?”

“I had my receptionist call her house. One of her sons answered. He’d gone to pick her up and bring her to our appointment when he found her down on her kitchen floor.”

Catherine brought her hand to her chest. “What does that mean?”

“Emma was dead when he found her. There was no evidence of foul play so they’re speculating that she had a heart attack or stroke.”

Catherine stared at Olivia in disbelief. “Why didn’t you call me and tell me as soon as you heard?”

“I couldn’t tell you at the time, Catherine. I had a waiting room full of patients I still had to see. I would’ve loved to pick up the phone and share this with you, but I couldn’t.”

Catherine stepped away from Olivia as tears filled her eyes.

“I’m sorry, babe,” Olivia said. “I know you cared about Emma.”

“She was such a darling. She had such strong will to fight her cancer.”

“I know. I wanted to help her fight.”

“If that first idiot doctor had helped her instead of blowing her off, this may never have happened.”

“You don’t know that. We still don’t know the cause of her death. Echo did a very thorough study of Emma’s cardiac function and she cleared her medically for surgery. If it was a stroke, it may have happened whether she’d had earlier surgery or not.”

“Are you defending his actions?”

“I’d never defend another physician for not giving a woman a chance to fight her breast cancer. We’ll never know how well she would have done had I done the surgery.”

“Emma died not knowing, either,” Catherine said, her voice harsh.

“This is my career, Catherine. I deal with life and death issues every day. But I don’t want to see you upset like this. It’s not healthy for you or us.”

“I see. Because I’m not so skilled at dealing with cancer and death and dying like you and my mother then I’ll be only allowed to share a selective part of your life. Well, that’s not good enough, Olivia. I thought we’d committed to sharing our lives completely. I’ve got news for you. Us mere mortals feel what we feel. If something upsets me, I show it. When someone I care about dies suddenly, I’m deeply shaken. You’re telling me she was found this afternoon and you’re just telling me now and you’re expecting me to handle this rationally.”

Catherine walked to the window and stared out into the yard.

“This isn’t the type of news we share on the phone, Catherine. I wanted to be with you when I told you.”

Catherine turned back to Olivia. “You’ve had time to process your feelings, Olivia. I haven’t. I need time to deal with my feelings, too. I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you with my anger. I’m sorry I can’t be supportive to you right now when I’m in shock.”

“This tears me up too, Catherine. I’ve been so afraid that you would feel like I failed you.”

“The only way you failed me, Olivia, is by not letting me be me. You’ve underestimated my faith in you. I’ve seen you in enough professional situations to know you’re an outstanding physician. You not only care for your patients physically, but emotionally and spiritually. I’m responding to the loss of a wonderful woman who I only met for an hour. She touched my life in that space of time. I need you to have more faith in my emotions. I need to be able to expunge my feelings and know that you won’t worry that I’m attacking you personally or professionally.”

She took a breath, then went on. “I told you in the beginning I don’t know how you deal with this, day in and day out. You’re a much stronger woman than I am. I’m going to ask you to let me lean on that strength once in a while, and to learn from it. I did my best to deal with losing my father. I learned so much about my mother and myself as we went through her breast-cancer treatments. Both of you are extraordinary women. I admire and envy both of you. You’re the type of women who teach by example. I may not be ready to help cancer survivors myself, but I need to hear your stories and be allowed to react to them, as the emotional woman I am. You need to tell me now if that’s more than you’re prepared to deal with, because I want you completely, Olivia. Not just the safe, selective parts of your life.”

Olivia reached for Catherine and pulled her in tight. “I love you so much. I love your fire. I never want you to stop sharing your feelings with me. I just want so fiercely to protect you.”

“You can’t protect me from life, Olivia. I want you to make me a part of your life. Good and bad. I want to be there for you but I need you to give me a chance to react to such horrible news and digest it. I promise I’ll put it in the proper perspective and never let it affect us.”

“You’re way more woman than I ever dreamed of falling in love with, my mere mortal. I’m more than willing and eager to share my life with you. But I’m so sorry about Emma. I wanted to help her. For her and also for you.”

“I know. And you did help her. You have no idea the strength your office gave Emma by just giving her that appointment. You gave her hope before she even met you. I just pray that she went quickly and painlessly.”

“I hope so, too.” Olivia watched the tears fall from Catherine’s deep blue eyes. “I’m sorry about squelching your emotions. I promise not to let that happen again. I love everything about you and I never want to stifle the emotional woman you are.”

Catherine brushed at her tears. “Good, because I plan on tormenting you with my emotions for as long as we both shall live.”

Thirty-Nine

C
A
THERINE CAREFULLY PULLED OUT
of the Cocoa Cream parking lot and merged with the evening traffic. She secured the earpiece in her ear and hit the preset button for Olivia’s cell phone.

Olivia picked up on the second ring. “Hello, sweetheart. Are you coming to take me away from all this madness?”

“I’d be delighted to.”

“I’m just finishing my rounds on the fifth floor. I should be done within the hour.”

“Sounds great. I’ll go talk to my dad. Why don’t you call me when you’re done?”

“That would be my pleasure. Don’t forget to light a candle for my grass-skirt fantasy. I’m still waiting for that one to become a reality.”

Catherine laughed. “Dr. Carrington, one of these days I’m going to shock you by coming to bed dressed only in a grass skirt with a tall icy Mai Tai in my hand.”

“If that’s how prayers work, sign me up.”

“There’s a little more to prayer than that, darling. Go take care of your patients, and I’ll see you soon.”

Catherine smiled as she disconnected the call. She liked it that Olivia felt comfortable speaking lightly about prayer. She truly believed that their differences—including their feelings about faith—could make them stronger as a couple, more balanced. And she knew that Olivia was happy for her when she sought out the rituals that soothed her.

Catherine walked through the main entrance of the hospital and past the lineup at the coffee cart. Just past the gift shop, she saw a familiar figure standing at the end of the hall, seemingly lost in thought as she stared out the huge glass wall to the hospital courtyard. It was Natalie, the daughter of Olivia’s patient. Catherine could still feel Natalie’s pain the day they’d talked in the bookstore. She’d thought about the young woman and her mother often, and Olivia had kept her up to date on their progress. Natalie’s mother had been admitted to the hospital a couple of days before, for something to do with her diabetes. Luckily it didn’t sound too serious.

Catherine thought about saying hello but didn’t know if she could bear any more sadness. It had been less than a week since Emma died, and she still felt shaken. She slipped into the chapel and felt embraced by feelings of stillness and solace. Dropping a twenty-dollar bill in the collection box, she reached for a stick, lit the end, and stared at the flickering flame. “I could pray for her, Dad, or pray with her. What would you like me to do?”

Catherine lit the nearest candle and felt a surge of strength and guidance. She smiled as she slipped the stick into the jar of sand. “I was afraid you were going to feel that way. Well, here goes.” As she stepped out of the chapel, Natalie was still standing at the end of the hall.

The young woman glanced over as Catherine approached and broke into a smile. “Well, hello there.”

“Hi, there. I noticed you here a few minutes ago, but you looked lost in thought and I wasn’t sure I should disturb you.”

“I was just watching the sparrows play in a puddle of water. How are you?”

“I’m great. More importantly, how are you and your mom doing?”

“Up and down.” Natalie shrugged, but she seemed relaxed. “Mom started chemo as an outpatient last week, but she had a lot of problems with nausea and dehydration, and her blood sugar’s been really low. Dr. Carrington decided to hospitalize her to get the vomiting and blood sugar under control, and to rehydrate her.”

“Wow. That’s a lot to handle. But you seem in better spirits than when we met.”

“I’m in much better spirits, in spite of everything. I can’t tell you what a difference it made to talk to you and your mom. Ever since then, Mom and I just talk about anything and everything that’s on our minds about her illness. It’s helped us both to understand we have the same fears. It’s brought us a lot closer and helped us to be stronger these last few days. I feel I can be there for her and she feels comfortable talking to me instead of feeling she has to protect me.”

“That’s wonderful.”

“It really is. Dr. Carrington’s been great. She’s been wonderful to my mom and never tires of answering our millions of questions. She makes you feel like you can conquer anything when she’s on your team.”

Catherine laughed. “Don’t tell her we both see her as Joan of Arc. We’d hate for it to go to her head.”

“I won’t if you won’t. Hey, would you like to meet my mom? The nurses were helping her back to bed. She’s been up in her chair most of the day. I just came down here to get out of their way.”

Catherine hesitated only a moment. “I’d love to.”

Olivia stood at the bank of elevators on the fifth floor and flipped open her cell phone. Sensing a familiar presence, she glanced up and saw Catherine walking down the hall, a delightful smile on her glowing face.

Olivia tilted her head. “I’m sorry for staring, but I’m a little confused. You’re certainly as beautiful as my girlfriend, and you walk like my girlfriend, but my girlfriend is the last person in the world I would expect to see strolling down this hall.”

The doors slid open to an empty elevator and Catherine stepped inside, taking Olivia’s hand and pulling her along. “I’m trying my best to show you that I’m not totally hopeless.” Catherine hit the button for the main floor. The doors slid closed as she leaned into Olivia and kissed her softly. “Hi, beautiful. I was just talking to Natalie and her mom. And before you think I acted on my own, my father made me do it.”

Olivia stumbled back against the wall of the elevator and raised her arms to the sky. “I love you, Aidan. You’ve given me one incredible girl. It doesn’t look like I’ll have to trade her in for a newer model after all.”

Catherine narrowed her eyes at Olivia as the elevator doors opened. “You can barely keep up with this model, Dr. Carrington. You’d be wise to learn to enjoy this ride, if you know what’s good for you.”

Olivia leisurely looked Catherine up and down as they walked toward Olivia’s office. “I’ve already bought tickets for unlimited access to your ride, sweetheart. Nonrefundable, nonexchangeable. I’m in for the long haul.”