Read A Christmas to Believe In Online
Authors: Claire Ashgrove
It might take him some time to warm up."
Instinctively, Clint reached between them to cover her
hand with his. He gave her fingers a reassuring squeeze. "It's
okay. I'm not offended."
She turned her hand over, and Clint's breath lodged in his
throat. A shift of her palm aligned her fingers with his. She
curled them closed, locked their hands together. Heat surged
up his arm and tripped his heart into double time. Damn. He
liked
the feel of her hand in his. Soft skin. The gentle press of
manicured nails.
He met her gaze, swallowed around the tightening of his
throat. At a loss for words, he drank deeply, ignoring the hot
brew's burn.
A warm smile brightened her blue eyes. "I didn't have a
chance to talk to you at the funeral. I've missed you. Your
brothers. Five years is a long time, Clint."
Too long, and yet, nowhere near long enough. He felt a
frown tug at his brow. Dismissing the pull of guilt, he
answered simply, "I bought a racing stable."
"A stable that, according to your mother, has a manager."
"Jim. Jim takes care of the horses. He's real good. Reliable.
Smart."
"So if he's there, what kept you away?"
At her question, his father's voice rang in his ears.
A farm?
I didn't pay thirty thousand dollars for you to go to college
and throw it away on horses.
Though the condemnation came
40
A Christmas to Believe In
by Claire Ashgrove
ten years earlier, it still felt as raw as it had when Clint
bought his first horse. Each visit brought the same look of
disappointment behind his father's eyes.
Clint had tried to overcome it. Set out to prove himself to
his father. His dad had always made ends meet, always
turned everything he dabbled in, into a success. Clint spent
every waking morning trying to prove himself to his father.
Vowed one day he'd make him proud.
Except, his father passed before Clint ever broke even on
the land investment.
There were some things he couldn't bring himself to
acknowledge, not even to Jesse. Failure was one of them.
He cleared his voice and answered, "Jim's good, but he still
has a lot to learn."
The crinkles at the corners of Jesse's eyes deepened as
she chuckled. "You don't change, do you? Always have to do
everything yourself. One of these days, Clint, you're going to
have to trust someone to help you. You can't do it all."
"Hey, I'm doing a pretty good job."
Her smile dimmed as her expression softened with
seriousness. "Yes, I'm sure you do. You always have." Her
fingers tightened against his. "Your father was proud of you. I
can't tell you how many times he praised you. He knew what
you were doing wasn't easy. But he always supported you. I
don't know why you felt you had to stay away."
The lump in his throat hardened, and Clint looked down to
where their hands joined. He knew better than to try to hide
things from Jesse. She knew him too well. Could read him like
a book. Even Heath and Alex couldn't relate the way she
41
A Christmas to Believe In
by Claire Ashgrove
could. Maybe it was because they'd been the closest. He
couldn't exactly define what bonded them, or how their
friendship differed from his brothers'. Yet, they'd related a
little better, spent a tad bit more time together.
Just like tonight. While his brothers remained at home, he
sat on her couch talking to her. Holding her hand.
Feeling her nearness far more than he had any right to
consider.
He lifted his gaze, found her deep blue eyes on him. The
light in them flickered with dark indigo. Under the intensity of
her steady stare, his heart thumped hard. Where they
touched, sudden sensation gathered. His palm twitched
against the sharp call to brush his thumb over the back of her
hand.
Between them, a foreign energy crackled. It enveloped his
senses, saturated his body. The fierce demand to lean in and
sample the fullness of her mouth rose fast and hard.
She was so close.
His gaze dropped to her mouth. The tantalizing sweep of
pink as she wet her lips with the tip of her tongue made him
suck in a sharp breath.
So damnably close. And damn it all, it made no sense, but
he wanted her. Wanted to feel the silky brush of her hair
against his skin. Wanted to tug that sweater over her head
and memorize breasts he'd long forgotten.
"I better go," he murmured.
"Yeah," she whispered.
Clint reached out to tuck a stray lock of dark hair behind
her ear. But when it was secured, he couldn't bring himself to
42
A Christmas to Believe In
by Claire Ashgrove
retract his fingers. He cupped the side of her jaw in his palm,
brushed his thumb over her cheek.
Her lashes fluttered shut. She sat utterly still, the hitch in
her breathing hanging between them. Invitation beckoned.
This was a mistake. They'd both hate each other when it
was over. He should get up. Walk out the door. Give her a
kiss on the top of her head and drive away. Forget about the
way her perfume made him picture the way she'd tip her
head back while he explored her delicate throat by taste.
Aw hell.
Drawn to the call of her mouth, he leaned closer. "Jesse,"
he whispered against her lips.
"Mom! Sam's parents want to talk to you!"
The voice at the top of the stairs snapped Clint to his
senses. He drew back, chugged down his coffee. "I'll let
myself out."
It took a moment for Jesse to respond. Her throat bobbed
as she swallowed. The hand she pushed through her hair
shook. She cleared her throat. "I'll be right there."
Clint didn't linger. He set his cup on the bar and yanked on
his coat. "I'll be by in the morning to check on my horse."
"Okay." She jumped to her feet. "I'm sorry. I've got to
take this call."
He pulled the door open and stepped into the frosty air. He
was sorry, too. Sorry things had already changed between
them. Damn it all, he'd known trying to kiss her would be a
mistake.
43
A Christmas to Believe In
by Claire Ashgrove
"Yes, that's fine, Brenda. Thanks for calling and for
understanding. I'll make sure Ethan's ready to go at six on
Wednesday. Talk to you then." Jesse dropped the cordless
phone onto the countertop and lifted her hand to her mouth.
Her lips still tingled from the airy brush of Clint's breath. Her
heart had yet to slow down.
Heaven above. He'd almost kissed her.
Her gaze strayed to the curtained windows that overlooked
the backyard, and she swallowed hard. Clint King, her older
brother for too many years to count, had tried to kiss her.
Worse, she hadn't tried to stop him. Instead, she'd sat
there on baited breath. Too afraid to exhale, for fear he'd
change his mind.
She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. This could not
be a good thing. She didn't dare get tangled up with a man
who'd walk away after the holidays. Any man, for that matter.
She needed to stay focused on Ethan. She'd filed the adoption
papers months ago. Everything complete, their final hearing
would come in two days. A family was his Christmas present.
The only thing he'd ever wanted. Clint wasn't part of that
vision. He couldn't be. Not when he lived in Kentucky.
Clutching at the countertop, Jesse opened her eyes and
looked toward the stairs. Ethan didn't need another man to
waltz into his life and sail out without a backward glance.
Ethan needed stability. Guidance. Love. He'd had more than
44
A Christmas to Believe In
by Claire Ashgrove
his fair share of heartbreak and abandonment. While Clint
was everything she'd like Ethan to become, Clint would leave.
She let out a disappointed sigh, and her shoulders
slumped. Too bad, because she couldn't remember a time
where one possible kiss had made her tingle all over.
"Hey, Mom!"
With a blink, Jesse pulled herself out of her thoughts.
"Yes?"
"You gotta see this, this is cool!"
She chuckled under her breath and took a step toward the
stairs. Time to let go of fantasy. She was a mom now. Video
games and homework were more important than desire and
romance. Maybe later, when Ethan was older, she'd meet
someone who could light her up like Clint did. Someone who
didn't know all her embarrassing secrets.
"I'm coming."
Jesse mounted the stairs with her mug of coffee in one
hand. As she climbed, she watched the wide line of light that
trickled out of Ethan's half-closed door. When he'd first
arrived, he'd been so wild and hateful she'd made him leave
that door open all the time. He'd fought her tooth and nail,
until she'd finally asked her father to take the door off its
hinges.
Six months ago, he earned his door back. She'd even
granted him the right to close it, as long as he didn't lock it.
But now, Ethan chose not to. It stood always half-open, a
subtle invitation into his life.
They'd come so far.
He'd
come so far.
45
A Christmas to Believe In
by Claire Ashgrove
She lightly rapped on the door as she eased inside.
"What's up?"
"Check this out. Look, when you go over this bridge,
there's a secret portal. It takes you under the wizard's castle,
and you pop up on the other side of the three-headed ogre.
Watch."
Doing her best to tamp back a chuckle, Jesse watched as
Ethan deftly maneuvered his Paladin character through the
game. His thumbs and fingers worked like pistons, executing
the secret maneuvers with an expertise she envied. No
matter how many hours she spent playing Dragon's Overlord
with him, she still couldn't achieve the dexterity his thirteen-
year-old fingers possessed.
"That's pretty cool," she remarked.
"Isn't it? You want to play for a bit?"
His gaze flickered off the television and landed on her.
Though he did his best to disguise his hopefulness by quickly
returning his attention to the screen, Jesse heard the quiet
plea behind his question. She glanced at the clock. Ten till
eleven, and she had to get up early.
Cringing, she answered, "I don't know, Ethan, it's getting
late."
"Aw, Mom. C'mon. I don't have school tomorrow."
Unable to disappoint him over something so benign, she
let out a heavy sigh. "Oh, all right. But only for a little bit. You
might not have school, but I still have to go to work."
He flashed her a bright smile and lobbed the second
controller through the air. Catching it, Jesse dropped cross-
legged onto the floor by his side. With a press of a button, her
46
A Christmas to Believe In
by Claire Ashgrove
female warrior materialized at his character's side. "We have
to kill that vampire, don't we?"
"Yep. But Sam told me a new trick. If you use the bone
weapons, he takes more damage."
"Well, that's good to know."
Jesse watched as the screen flashed and turned in
response to Ethan's deft maneuvers. He led their small party
through a dark corridor littered with dead spiders, around a
sleeping dragon, and through the maze of the great wizard's
tower.
"So, you like him, or what?" Ethan asked quietly.
Jesse blinked. "Who?"
"That guy downstairs."
"Clint?"
"Yeah, him." His gaze slid sideways, rested on her for a
brief moment, then swept back to the screen. "Are you, like,
gonna start seeing him?"
It took all of Jesse's willpower to keep her jaw from falling
open. Ethan had always been perceptive. But how he'd picked
up on her wayward thoughts about Clint, she couldn't begin
to know. Had he seen their almost-kiss? No, she'd have heard
Ethan's footsteps overhead.
"Guess that's a yes," Ethan muttered.
"What? No! Don't be silly, Ethan. Why would you think
that?"
He shrugged. "Dunno. You've never brought a guy over
before. I figured..." He gave her another shrug.
Jesse reached across and set her hand on Ethan's knee.
"Hey, you don't need to worry about that. I went to high
47
A Christmas to Believe In
by Claire Ashgrove
school with Clint. He'll be leaving after Christmas, and he's
just a friend." Despite the tide of disappointment that made
her stomach roll with her answer, she punctuated her
response with a smile.
"I'm not worrying. Ain't no business of mine."
The brusque tone, and his sudden lapse into the terrible
speech he'd arrived with, revealed the depth of Ethan's
concern about her dating. Her heart lurched at the vivid
glimpse into the heartache he carried underneath his tough
exterior. No matter how she tried, sometimes she wondered if
she'd ever really gain Ethan's trust. He gave her some, yet he