A Constant Reminder (25 page)

“I’m really, I’m upset and I don’t want to talk about it. I need to leave. I want to get Morgan and go home. I need to call a taxi.”

“Nonsense, someone will take you home.” Jane insisted.

“Roxanne I’ll take you and Morgan home.” Melanie offered. She really liked Roxanne and wanted to fix whatever this was.

“Morgan is playing out in back. I have to get her.”

“Roxanne wipe your face and go outside and get her.” Jane said.

“Roxanne, I’ll get my purse and I’ll meet you out in front.” Melanie rubbed Roxanne’s back.

“Okay thanks.” Roxanne left the hall and almost ran down the stairs.

“Melanie dear.” Jane whispered. “On the ride you talk to her and find out what is really going on?”

“Okay sure I will.”

Melanie walked down the hall and Jane stood dormant in the hallway. She was confused. Just moments ago they were happy. Now something happened and she was completely thrown by this turn of events.

***

Roxanne practically jumped from the car as Melanie pulled up to her apartment complex. Roxanne drug Morgan behind her. She had texted Erika to meet her at her apartment and she was relieved to see her car parked in the lot.

Melanie pulled away from the apartment complex without getting a coherent explanation for the fight that transpired at her mother in laws home.

When Roxanne entered her apartment like she was on speed. She briefly told Erika what happened and went straight to her bedroom. Erika followed with a sense of bewilderment. She had never seen Roxanne act this way and it scared her.

Erika called Roxanne’s mother and had her come pick Morgan up. She wanted to get Morgan out of the house because she could see that Morgan was frightened by her mother’s erratic behavior.

Roxanne dragged a large suitcase from the bedroom closet. She feverishly packed her clothes in the suitcase. In an attempt to help, Erika started gathering clothes from Roxanne’s closet.

“Roxanne please just calm down. Everything is going to be okay.”

Erika placed a pile of clothes on the bed.

Roxanne was crying harder than she ever had in her life. Harder than after she was raped. At least that’s what Erika thought.

“How can I be calm?” She asked a question that had no answer. “I could kill him. I would have if I had a gun. I just got to get out of here or I’m going to go crazy.”

“Roxanne, this is your apartment. Why are you leaving?”

“I cannot stay here. He has a key. He could come back. I can’t change the locks right this minute.”

“You should just call the police.”

“And tell them what? My live-in boyfriend raped me seven years ago and I have no proof, no evidence. Give me a break. I would sound like a lunatic.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to get out of this apartment.”

“Don’t worry. You can stay with me.”

“It’s just until I can get the locks changed.”

“You and Morgan can stay as long you want to.”

“Oh my god where’s Morgan?”

“Your mother came and picked her up remember. I walked her downstairs to the car.”

“Yeah I remember.” Roxanne shook her head like she was trying to coax herself back to sanity. “Do you think he’ll take me to court and try to get custody of Morgan?”

“I don’t know. You said he said he didn’t do it.”

“He said that but he’s lying. I know he’s lying.”

“You shouldn’t even be thinking about that right now.”

“Right I’m just so flustered. I’m so mad. I’m so confused.”

“It’s going to be okay.”

“Oh God I forgot about that real nasty bruise Morgan has on her leg. I need to take her to see the doctor.”

“I can take her to the doctor tomorrow if you want me to.” Erika offered.

“No, but thanks Erika. I still have to be a parent. I’m not going to let him mess my head up.” Roxanne walked over to Erika. “Thanks for being a real friend to me and being there for me every time I really needed you.”

“That’s what I’m here for. I love you girl.”

“I can’t believe this is happening.” Roxanne’s chest felt tight and constricted.

“Give me a hug.”

Roxanne and Erika hugged one another. Tears streamed down Roxanne’s face. She hated being such a mess. They pulled away from each other.

Erika wiped the tears from Roxanne’s swollen eyes and leaned in and softly planted a kiss on Roxanne’s lips. Roxanne flat-out yanked away from Erika’s embrace.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Roxanne asked as she tried to make sense of the act that had caught her off guard.

“I love you.”

Roxanne’s face drew into a frown that marked her heightened level of confusion. “Jesus Christ Erika. You’re gay, lesbian whatever? I can’t believe this. I don’t have time for this right now. I have enough problems right now, you do this, you do this to me now? So what? You’re coming out of the closet.”

“Roxanne just calm down.”

“God Erika. Are you serious? So you and Teri?”

“I’m sorry okay.”

“No, no I said pull my clothes out of the closet. Could you for once just do what I say?”

“Roxanne I--”

“When the hell did you turn gay?”

“When you cut your hair? No no forget it. I don’t want to hear this right now.”

“I didn’t turn gay.”

Roxanne shook her head to convey her outrage. “Shut up. I don’t want to hear this. Just help me get my stuff and keep your hands off me. I’m not in the mood for this.”

Erika silently removed clothes from the closet and placed them on the bed. Roxanne looked Erika in the eyes. She was stunned in ways she couldn’t express.

Erika was embarrassed. She had never planned to kiss Roxanne. In her mind, hidden back in her excuses pile, she believed it would never happen.

Roxanne rolled her eyes. “I need some air.” Roxanne stormed from the room.

She took it upon herself to go down the hall. She went into the bathroom. She looked in the mirror. Adam was a monster. That was all she needed to think about. She didn’t have time for Erika’s sexual identity crisis. She slowly put the lid of the toilet seat down and took a seat on the toilet. She cried while sitting there.

CHAPTER 19

The days were long, hard and empty. Roxanne returned to her apartment after she got the locks changed. All Adam’s stuff was still there but she acted as if she hadn’t noticed the Xbox, the clothes, the shoes, the food he liked that was stocked in the refrigerator and kitchen cabinets.

Adam called and texted her too many times to count but she blocked his number. Adam wasn’t really into Facebook but he tried to IM her and she blocked him before she opened the message. She had eliminated the problem. He could no longer contact her.

Roxanne ignored Morgan when she asked where Adam was. She lied to Morgan when she asked her what was wrong. She had become distant from Erika too. She refused to miss one single day of work. Her job was her solace. She tried to stay as busy as possible.

Roxanne couldn’t stop thinking about Adam. The memories were too much, the bad ones, the good ones, the ones she didn’t understand. She tried to clear her mind with endless hours of exercise.

After a week she realized she had lost too much weight. So she stopped exercising when people at her job asked if she was sick. She tried to eat but food tasted like copy paper. She rid herself of him in the physical sense. Her heart still ached for him and she wasn’t sure why. With all the barriers she put in place he still found a way to get to her. She received an email. She opened it and read it.

Dear Roxanne,

I don’t know where to begin. It is my hope that you read this email and that you don’t send it to your spam folder. I love you. I would never harm you. You have completely misread the belongings you found in my closet. I need to talk to you to clear this all up. There is a very good explanation for all of this. Please talk to me and let me explain. My heart has died. I can’t bear for you to think that I would be capable of harming you in any way. I live to love you. Please read this and reply. I can explain this to you if you just give me half a chance.

A day passed and she received another email. Roxanne wasn’t sure why she hadn’t sent him to junk mail.

Dear Roxanne,

Please talk to me. Please answer my calls. Please answer my texts. Please respond to this email. I don’t know where you are? I can explain this all to you. I just need a moment of your time. I need you to hear my words. I swear to tell you the truth. I swear that you have misread this entire nightmare. If you ask me anything I will answer you truthfully. I love you. I miss you. I miss us. I’m dying over here. Please. Roxy talk to me. I can’t sleep without you by my side. I can’t breathe without your scent in my space. I love you. Please, never ever forget that. My heart is shattered.

It was stupid to read his daily email but Roxanne couldn’t help herself. She was in pain and it made her day go better to read that he was in pain as well. Maybe it was her resolve was weakening and she needed to have some connection to him.

Dear Roxanne,

My heart aches for you. I’m so sad. I hurt so very deeply. I only want to explain. I don’t want you to cast me aside when you only have just a piece of the information that I know you so desperately seek. I didn’t act alone in the crime I was incarcerated for. I committed this crime with a guy named Tony Demarco. He is currently in prison. He is the person you think I am. Maybe if you saw a picture of him and read about his previous criminal record you would point the finger at him and not at me. I hope you recognize him as the person you seek. I am innocent. I didn’t harm you. I love you. I would never hurt you now and I would have never hurt you in the past. I love you more than I can express in an email. He told me about his crimes and I wanted to insure you were okay. It wasn’t my intention to fall in love with you. I do love you. I will always love you. I sent his picture and his police record as an attachment. I hope you recognize him as the perpetrator and give me a chance to explain everything.

She checked the email attachments and tried to make sense of the information overload. She started to doubt her own mind. She started to crumble. She knew it was time to see Adam. She had put it off long enough. She wanted his things out of her apartment. Maybe they could sit down and make the proper arrangements for him to collect his belongings.

She decided to respond to his email.

I don’t care about any of the stuff you sent me. I want you to get your things from the apartment. Meet me at Mellie’s on 7
th
at 7:30. Let us act civilized and move on with our lives.

Roxanne couldn’t bear to be alone with Adam. She wasn’t sure why she wasn’t afraid. She was very confused with the information Adam had sent her. She knew exactly what he was implying and she wanted it all to be true. She wanted Tony Demarco to be the man that attacked her. She had to hear it for herself. She had to see if Adam was being honest. She had to relive that horrific day one more time to uncover the truth.

She showed up early at the restaurant they used to frequent when they were together. She picked the place because it was always fully staffed. They served Italian cuisine and the place was always quaint and quiet. She loved that place and it was the first thing that came to mind when she typed up her email.

Roxanne sat at the table waiting for Adam to show up. He was on time. He took the seat opposite her in the booth. He wondered how long she had been sitting waiting for him. He hoped for the best. He hoped she would be receptive. He hoped she still loved him.

He eased into his chair. “Thanks for meeting me.” Adam waited for Roxanne to respond but he only got a halfhearted glare. “Did you order?”

“No.”

Within seconds the waiter had appeared at the table. Roxanne saw the waiter but as he rattled off the menu she checked out. Her hearing was muted and her eyes stared out across the table at the stranger that would have been her husband.

“Roxanne, Roxy, Rox.”

“Huh.” Roxanne snapped out of her self-inflicted darkness.

“Where were you?”

“No where?”

“I ordered for you.”

“I’m sure you did. You know so much about me and I know nothing about you.”

“I will tell you everything you want to know.”

“Do you get off on lying?” Her first question slapped him hard and swift across the face.

“No, of course not.”

“So why? Why did you do it? Why did you do this to me?”

“I didn’t want to upset you with the truth. You were happy. I didn’t want to do or say anything that would change that.”

“Because you’re such a gentleman.” Roxanne snarled.

“No I just don’t want you to hurt.”

“So now after all the lies, I’m supposed to believe that Tony Demarco attacked me?”