A Constant Reminder (5 page)

Jane rushed to lock the door. She wondered how he got inside her house in the first place. She was going to have someone come out and install a security system tomorrow. It was short notice but she would pay them extra to bump her to the top of the list. She looked down at her hands and saw how she was shaking.

She was terrified of Adam. His addiction made him irate and sometimes violent. She would never forget the time he kicked the back window out of her Mercedes Benz when she tried to force him into rehab.

He had hit her once before in a struggle to get to her purse. He ripped the purse from her hands and pushed her down. She had to cancel all of her credit cards. Adam had her checkbook and he had gone to town writing checks until she froze her account. He had cost her four thousand dollars. Since she wouldn’t press charges the bank made her pay the money back.

Sometimes she cursed her late husband for leaving her all alone to raise two young men all by herself. Other times she cried herself to sleep at night because she missed her husband so much. He was the only man she had ever been with, the only man she ever loved and losing him ripped a gaping hole in her heart that she still felt three years later.

Adam was so glad to be out of his mother’s house. He told Tony to park a ways down the street. He wished the van were sitting in the driveway. He walked a few blocks toward where Tony’s minivan was inconspicuously parked.

Tony was asleep behind the wheel of the van. Sometimes Tony would fall asleep with the needle still stuck in his arm. Adam hated that about him.

Adam beat on the glass of the driver’s side window three times to wake Tony up. He also was successful in scaring the shit out of him. He was in a playful mood now that he had money.

“Motherfucker!” Tony yelled when he saw it was Adam.

“Open the fucking door.”

Tony popped the locks and rubbed his eyes. Adam hopped into the passenger seat.

“I thought you were the fucking cops.” Tony punched Adam in the chest. “Motherfucker please tell me you got something. I thought you fell asleep in there.”

“I got forty dollars.” Adam wasn’t sure why he lied to Tony about the dollar amount. He just did.

“Good job son.” Tony started the engine and pulled away from the curb. He removed a half smoked cigarette from the ashtray and lit it.

Tony offered Adam a cigarette from an open pack that was in the middle console. Adam took the pack from Tony. Tony talked with his lit cigarette hanging from his lips.

“Aye did you get any other loot, some credit cards? Tony asked.

Adam pulled a cigarette from the pack. “No, I looked all around for her purse. This money was in the bureau.” Another lie for no reason but for the sake of lying.

Tony gave Adam a light. “I knew I should have gone in with you. Did you get something we could sell?”

“No I didn’t have time. I think I heard her waking up. I had to bail.”

“You could have picked something up on your way out. I need gas. I’m on E.” Tony pointed down at the fuel gauge. Adam looked over at the fuel gauge and then out the passenger window of the van.

Tony looked disappointed. He blew smoke from his chapped lips. He stopped at a red traffic light and looked over at Adam. He felt sorry for him but he wasn’t quite sure why.

Tony knew he didn’t come from shit. But Adam wasn’t like him. Adam was lost. Adam had come from a decent upbringing. He wasn’t abused as a child. He never had any grown-ups fondle him when he was a kid. This wasn’t the life he was destined to have but somehow he was right here in the life with him. Tony didn’t really understand it.

Tony drove off from a red traffic light while Adam sat comfortably in the passenger seat.

Tony turned the radio on but it was barely audible. He rolled down his window. He smoked his cigarette and dangled his hand out the driver’s window. He tapped his hand to the beat of the faint rock music.

Tony made a hard right turn at the corner unto a dimly lit street. The street housed a strip mall. The stores were closed in the strip mall, all but one mini mart convenience store.

Tony cut the wheel and pulled into the strip mall entrance. He was sure not to pull right in front. They probably had video cameras. He couldn’t let his van’s plates get caught on film. He was trying to get some cash not make the evening news.

This had become a thing, a rush. It wasn’t like the rush that came when the heroin-filled needle pierced the vein and seeped into the bloodstream. This was a different rush.

They had both become criminals. Although they had money there was something addictive about the adrenaline rush of committing an armed robbery. Adam felt the rush and so did Tony. It was a high like no other.

Life was this monumental joke. The duo added robbing people as their newborn addiction. Being smacked out just was not enough. They craved more.

CHAPTER 4

Erika stood next to Roxanne’s twin bed in the dorm room they shared. Roxanne’s bed was stripped clean of the sheets and pillows. Erika flopped down on the bed. She gazed out into space.

Roxanne came into the dorm room from the hall. She walked over to the bed and knelt down in front of a jam-packed suitcase. Roxanne tried to zip the suitcase but it was stuffed full.

Roxanne looked up at her friend. “Erika stop looking so sad.”

“You’re leaving me.” She whined like a jilted lover.

“I have to go home.”

“In the middle of the semester.”

“I feel safer at home with my mom.”

“I understand but don’t drop out of school. If you do that, he wins.”

Roxanne took air into her lungs. He? The rapist, she tried not to acknowledge his existence. He was invisible. She truly wanted him to be, X-ed out of her universe. He was until Erika mentioned him.

“I’m not dropping out of school. This is no big deal. You can come over to my house whenever you want. You’ll get another roommate.”

Erika fell back on the bed. “Oh god. I’m going to be so lonely.”

Roxanne thought that was a selfish insensitive thing for Erika to say. She felt her safety was in fact more important than Erika’s loneliness. Maybe she was just unreasonable because of what happened to her.

“I haven’t quit my job at the library. I just took a week off. I’ll be back to visit.”

Erika sat back up to look her best friend in the eye. “You promise.”

“I promise.” Roxanne stood and gave Erika a hug. She fell on top of her and pushed her back down on the bed. They shared a brief giggle before Roxanne hopped off of her.

It warmed Roxanne’s heart to know that she could still have a laugh. She had forgotten what laughter felt like. Roxanne put her hands on her hips.

“Now could you help me shove all this junk in my suitcase?” Roxanne asked.

“If you can’t close it, then how can I?”

“You can use your huge butt to sit on it.”

Erika jumped from the bed and they both got down on their knees to push the clothes into the over stuffed suitcase.

***

Roxanne was happy to be back at home in her mom’s cozy familiar condo. She had unpacked her bags as soon as she got home. Her mom helped to welcome her back. They had dinner together. Roxanne thought it was nice to sit and eat with her mom. It reminded her of the past.

Even though her mom was keeping a stern watchful eye on Roxanne, it made her feel safe, comfortable and loved.

After Roxanne’s mom did the dishes she was back in Roxanne’s room hovering like a dutiful mother hen.

“Are you going to school tomorrow?” Margaret asked. She surely would understand if Roxanne didn’t go back to school at all. She could transfer but she didn’t want Roxanne to regret not finishing college when she was so close to the finish line.

“No I don’t think so.”

“Roxanne you have to go back to school eventually.” It hurt Margaret to say those honest words.

“I don’t know if I can do that. Of course I want to go back but.”

“It’s your last year. You have worked so hard to get here. You’re on the Dean’s list.”

“Mom I don’t know if I can concentrate on school with what’s happened.”

Margaret thought it impossible but she would never say it to Roxanne. “I know it will be hard but you have to carry on. You’re a very smart, strong and capable young woman.”

“I want to go mom. It’s just going to be so hard. How can I sit in class and listen to the professor when I don’t know if the guy that raped me isn’t sitting in the class with me. I can’t look at any man without wondering if it’s him.”

“I understand.”

“No you really don’t. It’s like there’s someone following me every time move. It’s like something is attached to me when I knew there’s nothing there.”

Margaret walked up and patted Roxanne’s hair back with her hand.

“I will support you no matter what you do. I can’t make you go back to school but your future is something you should think long and hard about. You’re almost at the finish line.”

“Mom I know that.”

Margaret held Roxanne’s face in her hands. “That monster already raped your body. Don’t let him rape you of your education.” Roxanne’s eyes started to tear up. “You think about that. Before you make any decisions that will affect your future. I’m going to go put us on some tea. I’ll be right back.”

Margaret left Roxanne’s room. Roxanne walked over and looked in the mirror above her chest of drawers. She held back her tears before they fell from her eyes.

Everything her mother said was true and she knew it. She wanted to continue her education. Even if her mind could focus, would her body be able to drive to class everyday without it shutting down. She wanted to get rid of that car. That was where it all happened.

***

Everything was calm and peaceful that night at Roxanne’s mother’s condo. Roxanne had thought long and hard and she had her mind made up.

It was a completely different tale that night on the city streets. Tony’s minivan was parked a few parking spaces away from yet another convenience store. Tony sat alone in the van. They had changed up their regular routine. He snatched a baseball cap off the dashboard and shoved it down on his head.

Tony opened the door and got out of the van. He closed the door once he was out. He spit his cigarette down on the pavement.

Tony was already feeling the rush of the crime and it hadn’t been committed just yet. He walked up the curb and entered the store. There were small bells attached to the door that made a jingling sound when he opened the door to enter.

The sound of the bells alerted the only employee. The cashier looked over at Tony and gave him a halfhearted smile. Tony nodded and pulled up his sagging pants.

The cashier was a skinny white kid around nineteen years old. He had short thick hair and a face full of acne that had been picked and prodded for years.

The counter was a four-sided island dead smack in the middle of the store with two entrances. One was near the rear of the store and the other near the deli sections display case.

Adam was already in the store. He was standing opposite the deli counter at what could be considered the main counter. He pretended to be browsing. He had gone in the store a few minutes prior in an attempt to act as if he and Tony weren’t together.

Adam grabbed a box of condoms and placed them down on the counter. The cashier picked up the box of condoms from the countertop.

“So that’ll be it for you?” The cashier asked Adam.

“Yeah, you got any breath mints?”

“They’re right under there.” The cashier pointed downward. “They’re next to the gum.

Adam’s gray-blue eyes followed the cashier’s finger. Adam grabbed a roll of spearmint-flavored mints. He put them on the countertop. His stomach felt queasy. He was probably just hungry.

Adam looked over the cashier’s shoulder. He could see Tony standing directly behind the cashier.

“Don’t move punk! I got a gun!” Tony commanded.

Tony jumped over the counter and was right behind the young cashier. Tony pushed the handgun into the small of the cashier’s back.

“Put your hands up! Now!” Adam added to inform the cashier that this was a two-man job.

The cashier raised both his hands above his head. He was too afraid to turn around to see if Tony actually had a gun. Tony grabbed the cashier’s neck from behind. His bony fingers acted as a vice grip on the cashier’s neck.

“Look you pimple faced punk, this is a holdup don’t make it a goddamn murder! You understand?”

Tony slammed the cashier’s face down hard on the countertop.

“Yeah man. Yeah I, I, I understand.” The cashier stuttered. “Don’t kill me.”

“Okay motherfucker listen. You listening?” Tony howled.

Adam slapped the terrified cashier on top of his head. Adam’s stomach was churning. He had no idea why but he was very determined to play his part in this melodrama.

“Yeah, yeah I’m listening.” The scared young employee muttered through shuddering teeth.