A Dash of Style (7 page)

Either is acceptable, and every sentence will have its own requirements and exceptions. But on the whole, one should become aware of where commas are placed within the sentence and the average size of clauses, and be aware of this placement within the context of the work.

WHAT YOUR USE OF THE COMMA REVEALS ABOUT YOU

The writer who overuses commas tends to also overuse adjectives and adverbs. He tends to be repetitive, won't be subtle, and often gives too much information. He grasps for multiple word choices

instead of one strong choice, and thus the choices he makes won't be strong. His language won't be unique. Commas are also used to qualify, offset, or pause, and the writer who frequently resorts to this tends to be reluctant to take a definitive stance. He will be hesitant. His characters, too, might not take a stand; his plot might be ambiguous. It will be harder for him to deliver dramatic punches when need be, and indeed he is less likely to be dramatic. He is interested in fine distinctions, more so than pacing, and is likely to write an overly long book. He writes with critics in mind, with the fear of being criticized for omission, and is more likely to have a scholarly background (or at least be well read) and to consider
too
many angles. This writer will need to simplify, to take a stronger stance, and to understand that less is more.

There are two types of writers who underuse commas: the first is the unsophisticated writer who has not developed an ear for sentence rhythm. He is unable to hear fine distinctions, and thinks writing is solely about conveying information. He will need to spend time reading classic writers and especially poetry, and train himself to hear the music of language. The second is the sophisticated writer who (like Gertrude Stein) has an aversion to commas and underuses them on purpose. There are numerous writers who rebel against the overuse of punctuation, and more often than not they find a target in the poor comma. The danger for these writers is the rare problem of overestimating the reader. Unless a reader is accustomed to reading twelfth-century clergical texts, he will want at least
some
commas, some pauses laid out for him. There is a need for marks —especially commas—to indicate ebbs and flows, pauses and pitch, division of clauses and meaning. The writer who ignores this is the writer who writes for himself, not with the reader in mind. He will not be a commercial writer, or plot oriented, but prose oriented, interested in nuances of style —but to a fault.

EXERCISES

• Choose a sentence from your work that might be confusing to the reader, or perhaps too open for interpretation. (If you can't find such a sentence, then give your work to outside readers, and ask them to point one out.) Can you add any commas to provide clarity? Can you apply this principle to other sentences throughout your work?

• Choose a section of your work where the pace feels too quick, or too choppy, or where there are a series of short sentences that are not very substantial. (If you are unaware of any such section, give your work to outside readers and ask them to find one.) Can you connect any of these sentences with a comma? Can you apply this principle to other sentences throughout your work?

• Choose a section of your work where the pace is too slow, or feels cumbersome, or where there are a series of long sentences. (If you are unaware of any such section, give your work to outside readers and ask them to find one.) Can you remove any commas? Can you apply this principle to other sentences throughout your work?

• Choose a scene that is pivotal for your characters, perhaps where they exchange crucial dialogue. Pick a revelatory moment, one that needs to be slowed and emphasized as much as possible, where every word counts. Can you add a comma to help emphasize a point that you don't want readers to miss? Can you apply this principle to other scenes throughout your work?

• Choose a page from your work and remove all qualifications or asides, along with their commas. For some writers, who rarely use

these, this will have little impact. For others, it will make a tremendous difference. How does it read now? Can you apply this principle to any other sentences throughout your work?

• Begin a new piece of creative writing. Write for an entire page without using a single comma. How does it affect the writing? The story? The character? Can you incorporate any of this into your greater work?

• Begin a new scene between two characters, giving each long stretches of dialogue. Don't allow any commas. How does it affect how they speak? Can you incorporate any of this into your greater work?

• Step 1: Look at one page of your work and count the number of commas per sentence. What is the average? Does the number of commas per sentence vary? Now count the total number of commas per page. What's the comma count? Read the page aloud. Remember how it sounds.

Step 2: Double the number of commas on the page. Now read it aloud. How does it read? What's the difference?

Step 3: Remove every comma on the page. Now read it aloud. How does it read? What have you learned from this exercise that can be incorporated into your greater work?

BETWEEN THE
comma and the period you'll find the semicolon. Pausing more strongly than the comma, yet dividing more weakly than the period, it is a mediator. The semicolon does not have as many functions as the comma, yet it has more than the period. As Eric Partridge says in
You Have a Point There,
"By its very form (;) [the semicolon] betrays its dual nature: it is both period and comma." As such, it is best thought of as a bridge between two worlds.

The primary function of the semicolon is to connect two complete (and thematically similar) sentences, thereby making them one. But when and how to do that is open to interpretation. The semicolon has been overused (Virginia Woolf's
To the Lighthouse)
and questionably used (Herman Melville's
Moby-Dick)
throughout the centuries, and has been the subject of endless debate. Compounding the debate is the fact that, grammatically, the semi-

colon is never
necessary;
two short sentences can always coexist without being connected. Artistically, though, the semicolon opens a world of possibilities, and can lend a huge impact. In this sense, it is the punctuation mark best suited for creative writers.

The semicolon is a powerful tool in the writer's arsenal. It is probably the most elegant of all forms of punctuation (it has been dubbed "a compliment from the writer to the reader"), and can offer an excellent solution to balancing sentence length and rhythm. Yet it is often overlooked by writers today. So in this chapter we'll focus on how—and why—to use it. We'll learn what we gain from its presence, and what we lose when we don't invite it to the symphony of punctuation.

HOW TO
USE IT

The first thing to realize is that one could always make a case for
not
using a semicolon. As an unnecessary form of punctuation, as the luxury item in the store, we must ask ourselves: why use it at all?

We use the semicolon for the same reason we trade cement floors for marble: cement floors are equally functional but not as elegant, not as aesthetically pleasing as marble. The semicolon elevates punctuation from the utilitarian (from punctuation that works) to the luxurious (to punctuation that transcends). Business memos do not need semicolons; creative writers do.

The semicolon's functions are all essentially creative, and are connected with a writer's sensibility. Some ways to use it:

• To connect two closely related sentences. Sometimes two (or more) sentences are so closely related that you won't want the separation of a period, yet they are also so independent that they need stronger separation than a comma can offer. Consider:

He ran with his shirt over his head. He had forgotten his umbrella once again.

Grammatically, the above is correct. Yet these two thoughts are so closely linked that they don't feel quite right standing on their own. A comma won't do, since they are each complete sentences:

He ran with his shirt over his head, he had forgotten his umbrella once again.

Thus, we need the semicolon:

He ran with his shirt over his head; he had forgotten his umbrella once again.

The semicolon lends an appropriate feeling of connection, while allowing each clause its independence. It functions in a position where both the period and comma cannot. Notice how, by connecting these two sentences with a semicolon, each sentence helps explain the other. "He ran with his shirt over his head" is technically complete and correct, yet is somewhat cryptic on its own. The subsequent sentence brings it to life. Another example:

The wind knocked over two trees on my block alone. The cleanup would be atrocious.

Once again a comma won't do, as these clauses are too independent:

The wind knocked over two trees on my block alone, the cleanup would be atrocious.

Thus, the semicolon:

The wind knocked over two trees on my block alone; the cleanup would be atrocious.

You'll notice that the first example is grammatically acceptable. Yet adding a semicolon extends the thought, and allows a richer overall sentence.

• Stylistically, in a paragraph plagued by short sentences, a semicolon can smooth out the choppiness. Commas serve a similar function, yet sometimes a semicolon is more appropriate, especially if you want clauses to be connected yet independent. Semicolons can allow shorter, complete thoughts without the choppiness of a period. Consider:

She wasn't going to support him anymore. It was time for him to get a job. He'd never leave the house otherwise. He'd loaf forever if he could. He was born that way. It was thanks to his father. It had taken her twenty years to get rid of him. She wouldn't go through that again. The son had two years. After that, the locks were changed.

All these short sentences give this paragraph a staccato, childlike feel. If we add a semicolon or two, though, the problem is solved:

She wasn't going to support him anymore. It was time for him to get a job. He'd never leave the house otherwise; he'd loaf forever if he could. He was born that way. It was thanks to his father. It had taken her twenty years to get rid of him. She wouldn't go through that again. The son had two years; after that, the locks were changed.

This version feels more readable, less stylistically pronounced.

The semicolons have lengthened some sentences and smoothed out the rhythm. They also provide sorely needed variety and contrast: instead of a cluster of only short sentences, they create a mix of long and short sentences, which enables each to stand out.

• Semicolons can enable a longer and more complex thought to exist under one umbrella, thus offering readers the satisfaction of digesting a fuller thought at once. Readers used to have longer attention spans, and it was the norm to write in long, complex sentences. For today's readers, such a style would be tiresome, almost academic. Yet I do believe modern readers have the capacity, even the desire, to digest longer and more complex sentences, as long as they are conceptually and rhythmically sound, and offer the rest stops of semicolons. Mark Twain is known for his use of the semicolon; an example from his short story "The Notorious Jumping Frog of Calaveras County":

I have a lurking suspicion that
Leonidas
W. Smiley is a myth; that my friend never knew such a personage; and that he only conjectured that if I asked old Wheeler about him, it would remind him of his infamous
Jim
Smiley, and he would go to work and bore me to death with some exasperating reminiscence of him as long and as tedious as it should be useless to me.

Using semicolons, Twain is able to convey considerably more material under the umbrella of a single sentence.

• The semicolon can enhance word economy, since its appearance often allows surrounding words to be cut. For example:

She couldn't dance in her favorite hall because it was under construction.

She couldn't dance in her favorite hall; it was under construction.

As John Trimble says in
Writing with Style,
"The semicolon is efficient: it allows you to eliminate most of those conjunctions or prepositions that are obligatory with the comma—words like
whereas, because, for, or, but, while, and."