A Different Kind of Despair (7 page)

I struggled with my ruse now that my mother
entered the conversation. Her name formed a splinter in my heart. I
missed her, but I was also upset with her for not sharing this
knowledge with me beforehand. If I was old enough to have a husband
then wasn't I old enough to know what lied before me?

"Suna also had age and
experience on her side," said Marvin. "And even if we take that
tattoo, or
kuana
or whatever you want to call it, out of the picture, it's
normal for Miraj to act out right now."

My throat constricted. Now that someone said
it aloud the events of the past few days felt more real than ever
before.

"Apart from the whole Shaman bit, I think
she's handling things really well," Leo remarked.

Will snorted. "Can't you see that's the
problem? She's handling it too well, which is another way of saying
she'd not handling it at all. I'm more surprised you didn't let her
run back to that slaughter, Marvin."

"How many times do I have to tell
you I'm not the heartless bastard you think I am before it actually
sinks into your head, Will?"

"And I'm not sure you're as
nice as you think you are -this kid has got a thing for you and
you're still stuck mooning over Diana. Sooner or later she's going
to figure it out and then she'll
really
wish she was
dead."

Diana?

I curled into a ball, jealousy crippling me
like a pox. Just once, Ayasha, couldn't you let things go my way?
First I lose my home, then I lose the sunlight, then I start to
lose my tenuous grasp on reality, and now I'm losing the affection
of the man I love.

"Miraj?" I heard Marvin jump down from the
ledge. He put a hand on my arm. "Hey, are you alright?"

I quickly sucked in my tears, rolled over, and
made a face.

"This damn dirt got in my
eyes. I've never
seen
a place this filthy."

Ah, it hurt. I wanted him to be able to see
through the lie, and yet I didn't.

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand,
blinking at the glow of the fire. It seemed that Leo had prepared
some kind of meat. He handed a plate to me and offered a goofy
smile.

"Time to fill up. We should get to an entrance
in a couple more hours."

I poked the food, surprised by my lack of
appetite. Rationally, I knew I would need the energy, so I forced
it down my throat, doing my best to ignore the queasy feeling in my
gut.

Tully the emu plopped down next to me. I
smiled on reflex, but it was an expression devoid of its usual
heart. The charade was draining me faster than a mile long
run.

"You should be able to ride on him now," said
Leo. "Modified Tully to support the extra weight while you were
sleeping."

"Thank you," I said, genuinely grateful. "I...
really. You've done so much for me the past few days. I owe all of
you my life."

No one said anything for a moment. Finally,
feeling embarrassed, I glanced through my eyelashes to find that
the men were taken aback.

Will was the first to break into an unnatural
grin. "You might make a proper leader yet."

"Well said, Miraj," Marvin smirked, setting a
hand on my head.

"And I think," I began again, causing them to
fall silent a second time. "I won't stay in Nethermountain very
long."

"What?" Marvin asked.

I straightened my shoulders.

"I want to track the Kurai back to the
mountains. I want to ask why they massacred their kin."

"That," said Leo, "has got
to be the
worst
idea I've ever heard. You said it, Miraj: the Kurai
massacred
your tribe.
What makes you think they'll break bread with you once you see
them?"

"I am Shaman."

"So was your mother!" he exclaimed. "And look
what happened to her!"

I clenched my fists against the dirt, glaring
at him.

"Do you think I don't know the consequences
involved? I said I'd track the Kurai. More than likely I'll seek
out the Akatsuki first, see if they know why our cousins committed
this crime. If it's for honor, then they might even back me long
enough to parley."

"Or," Marvin countered, sitting in front of
me, "you can just put this behind you. Start a new life, one where
you'll never have to think about what happened ever
again."

I made a face at him, wondering if he could
actually be serious. This was more than a matter of petty
vengeance.

"How
dare
you?" I demanded. "Hikari was
my home, my
family
. I can no more run away from the fact than you can your
history as a necromancer. I can change my name, the way I speak,
dye my hair and keep as many secrets as I please, but it
will
never
change
who I was before. I loved my people, and it's because I still love
them that I will never trample on their names by pretending they
don't exist."

"Miraj-"

"-no, YOU listen to me!" I
shouted. "That's the price of living, Marvin. We live, we breathe,
and we die, and then all we have -all we
really
have after our bodies return
to the earth, are the memories carved into the hearts of the people
who loved us. It's through them that we continue living, not
through some... some... dark, twisted reanimation. It
hurts
." My eyes stung
with a vanguard of fresh tears. "Gods how it hurts! But that's the
way it has to be. That pain is the proof that they lived, and I
won't run away from that."

Marvin blinked at me, and this time, much to
my relief, he let me be.

I watched as the men picked
up the camp. Only the emu stayed by my side. Tully craned his neck
to the side, plopping his head on top of mine as though to
say,
well spoken
.

The Moor of Souls was a place of macabre
beauty. I was especially fond of two features: the glowworms and
the acid geysers.

The green plumes dispersed into the air like
wisps of fire after my mother threw ritual powder onto the logs.
The worms, as I'd mentioned before, were like stars above our
heads.

I could no longer tell whether it was night or
day, but as Tully moved I set my thoughts to the rhythm of his
plodding steps. First we head to Nethermountain, then, provided the
necromancers were gracious, I could stock up on supplies and get to
the nearest oasis. I would camp there, for however long, until the
Akatsuki returned to that particular watering hole.

It could take as long as a year and a half for
them to make that full revolution through the Howling Desert, but I
was young and able, and willing to bide my time for that to
happen.

My eyes drifted towards Marvin's
back.

Even if I had to go alone.

"We made it," Leo announced, but I couldn't
see anything in this darkened angle. Will lit a torch, and I gasped
at two great ebony skeletons carved out either side of the cavern
wall. If ever I had any sort of reservation in my life, it was
now.

Leo gave me a good slap on the back once he
saw my expression.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

Marvin shook his head into the palm of his
hand.

Good to know someone other than me still had a
lick of sense.

More appalling than the entrance to
Nethermount was what wandered out to meet us; a hulking brute twice
Leo's size, made of some kind of earth and... dear Gods... was that
human flesh?

"Lichtenstein!" Leo exclaimed, to which
this... thing got down on one knee, shaking the ground beneath its
mighty weight. Lichtenstein rapped a finger atop Leo's head in the
most bizarre greeting I'd ever witnessed.

"Last I checked," Marvin began warily, "wasn't
Lichtenstein a bit... smaller?"

"Oh we did some work on him," Leo grinned.
"Isn't that right, buddy?"

Lichtenstein rumbled, as though this was
passable for a coherent response. He turned to Marvin, and then to
me, holding out a massive hand in our general direction as though
to ask who we were.

"Come
on
," Leo sighed exasperatedly.
"You've got to recognize Marvin. Maaaar-vin, heir to House Thanos.
That Marvin?"

Lichtenstein's chiseled mouth opened with a
groan.

"
Chic-ken
?"

Will doubled over, laughing. "Close
enough!"

Leo, a bit uncertain, obviously wasn't going
to pass up this opportunity.

"Yes. Chicken."

Next the monolith pointed solely at
me.

"That's the rooster."

I watched as Marvin wilted where he was
standing, Will completely losing it at my side.

"At least now the pecking order is
official."

Marvin picked up a rock. "Leo, sorry in
advance."

"Oh shi-"

He hurled it at his friend's head. Both Leo
and Will screamed at the same time, clutching the point of contact.
I scanned all three of them, wondering what the hell just
happened.

"Is that the first time you've seen something
like this?"

I stiffened, a cold chill running down my
spine at the voice who asked me that question. Though I couldn't
see him, I knew he was right behind me, speaking loud and clear as
though he were in my own mind.

"Koronos," I whispered, careful to keep my
lips from moving. I sensed him follow as Tully moved forward,
trailing after our companions as we entered this place called
Nethermountain.

"Will over there is a Doll of my very own
creation," said the demon, and I flicked my eyes towards the blonde
as he said it. "But, due to various pesky developments, he now
belongs to Leo. Theirs is a special connection. Anything that
happens to one, the other can feel."

I tried to look as though I were paying
attention to the cavern walls as they began to get smoother in our
progression.

"Why are you telling me all this?"

I felt his fingers caress the
kauna on my cheek through the veil between worlds. It was cold, so
terrifyingly cold that while he was in contact I simply couldn't
move.

"Because you're interesting, my dear," he
chuckled away.

"If you're looking to strike up some sort of a
bargain then it isn't going to work," I hissed.

"Of course not, I
wouldn't
dare
presume a Shaman would fall for such a petty trick like
Marvin over there." I glanced out the corner of my eyes, and saw
the ghostly outline of his face. Koronos beamed in my direction. "I
can tell you're curious. There's no need to hide it. In fact, the
deal between Marvin and I is the reason he's coming up a bit...
short, these days." Koronos motioned to Marvin's skeletal
prosthetics.

"He gambled his legs?"

The demon snorted, "No, sweet Shaman. His
soul, all for the sake of the Lady Diana Galatea."

Diana; there was that name again. Leo
mentioned her mere hours ago, about how Marvin was still mooning
over her. My stomach twisted into a solid knot. Marvin loved this
woman so much that he risked his soul to save her.

"But if you're in his service..." I murmured
pensively. "Doesn't that mean he saved her? And if he did, then
where is she?"

My breath caught in my throat as the human
mask Koronos was wearing transformed into a grisly image of his
true form. He smile was so wide I thought he would eat me with one
bite of his giant maw.