A Different Side (University Park #4) (56 page)

“Yes, sir.” I nodded. “Got them embedded right here.” I tapped my temple.

“We appreciate your help.” Lexi smiled at Mr. Marshall. I knew she didn’t particularly like his mannerisms, but she appreciated what he had done for me.

Mr. Marshall’s eyes softened. “My pleasure. Just keep this boy in line. I need his ass on that field come fall.”

Lexi hooked her arm around my waist and looked me directly in the eyes. “Don’t worry, I will.”

“I know you will.” I kissed her forehead, grateful I had this wonderful woman in my life. “Hey, I think this calls for a celebration!”

“It better be food and sodas.” Mr. Marshall eyed me. “I just got you out of this mess, I don’t need you in another one.”

“Speaking of the mess, is it true? Will Raven remain on the team?” Jenna Presley, PHU’s sports reporter, was stalking me again. Maybe she was hoping for a little more action or information after I ignored her when we left the athletics office.

I shot Mr. Marshall and Steve a glance, hoping they would intervene so I didn’t have to say anything rude to her. Steve turned to Mr. Marshall and he gave him a slight nod. But that didn’t stop Jenna from inching her phone closer to me.

“What were the results from the meeting?” This reporter was persistent.

Steve stepped in front of Jenna, lowering her phone. “If we give you an exclusive press release with some detailed information, privy only to you, will you leave Mr. Davenport alone?”

She placed her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes. “Will it be different than what is sent to the general media?”

“Yes.” Steve inclined his head.

She kept a straight face, not wavering from her request. “How soon can I get it?”

Mr. Marshall glanced at Steve. “What do you think?”

Steve took some folders from Mr. Marshall and stuffed them into his briefcase. Rolling the sleeves of shirt to his elbows, he replied, “Is two hours sufficient?”

“Yes. That will work.” Jenna’s blue eyes sparkled as she smiled. “Here’s my card with my email address.” She handed it to Steve.

“Thank you, Miss Presley.” He tucked the card in the pocket of his shirt. “I’ll make sure to send it to you.”

“Thank you.” She looked at me and then glared at Lexi before spinning on her heels. I shot Shawn a quick glance and nodded in her direction. He responded with a slight nod. I didn’t have her number any longer, but I could tell him to get it from Steve. Maybe that would keep her busy and out of my business.

“Lunch anyone?” I asked, considering Mr. Marshall’s advice.

“Yeah, I’m starving.” Shawn rubbed his stomach while keeping a keen eye on Jenna.

“You kids go ahead.” Mr. Marshall removed his bowtie and suit jacket. “Steve and I have some catching up to do at the office.” He folded his coat over his forearm and handed Steve his tie. “Raven, I’ll touch base with you later in the week.”

“Okay.” I locked fingers with Lexi and led her toward the stairs.

“Thank you again, Mr. Marshall.” Mom shook his hand as they walked with us. “I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you for all that you’ve done.”

“Like I said, no need to.” He gave her a kind smile. “Just take care of your son and keep him on that field. That’s the best way to pay me back.”

“I’m more than happy to do that.” Mom’s voice lifted as she threaded her arm through mine.

We exited the building into the bright sunlight and brisk air. This day had turned out good, despite what the demon voices told me. I was still trying to process everything. I’d definitely be walking a tight rope; any slip-up could land me in hot water and out of the football program and PHU for good.

We decided to eat lunch at a local Italian restaurant. Luke and Delaney said they’d meet us there, but by the way they were flirting with each other, I wasn’t counting on them showing up. Josh and Shelby went and got the car while my mom, Lexi, and I waited.

Mom sat on a nearby bench and motioned for us to join her. I slid next to her and Lexi sat next to me. I reached behind them and drew them together for a hug. “I couldn’t have asked for a better turnout.”

“Me either.” Lexi gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

“Son, I’m really happy for you.” Mom gave me a soothing pat on the leg. “But, I’d like to know what they said. I’m sure they laid down some stipulations.”

I retrieved my arms and bent forward, dropping my hands into my lap. I wasn’t ready to talk about it, but my mom wanted to know the details and Lexi would eventually ask too. Blowing out a deep breath, I decided to get it over with and tell them. “Yeah, they did.”

Mom leaned closer to me. “Well, what did they say?”

Without fail, the voices entered my head again, poking and prodding. I didn’t know why it was so hard for me to accept counseling from a professional — God knew I needed it. The more I thought about it, the more it pissed me off. I wasn’t some weakling who got in a corner and cried when things didn’t go my way. No, I was stronger than that. I shook my leg, trying to calm the rising anger.

“Is everything okay?” Lexi touched my arm. “You don’t have to be afraid or embarrassed to tell us.”

“Please don’t shut us out, Raven. We’re here to support you.” Mom patted my leg repeatedly, but it wasn’t helping.

“I know that,” I bit out, shoving their hands away.

Covering my face with my palms, I leaned forward. Everyone wanted to help me, but no one knew what I was dealing with daily. It wasn’t easy controlling these monsters inside of my head. The only thing I’d learned was to become friends with them and try to beat them at their own game. I wasn’t sure anyone could help me, not even a trained professional.

It was wrong of me to snap at Mom and Lexi and I felt terrible. I loved them and needed their support. Straightening, I sighed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bite your heads off. It’s not easy admitting to your mom and your girlfriend that you can’t get your shit together without a shrink helping you.”

Lexi pulled me close to her. “It’s okay, Raven, many people—”

“Oh, that’s great, honey,” Mom said, cutting off Lexi, sounding little too happy about my confession. “Do you have to pay for it?”

“What?” Her question caught me off guard.

“Seeing a therapist is very expensive.” She held onto her purse as if one had personally robbed her. “I know.”

My head jutted back at her comment. “What do you mean you know? Have you seen a therapist?”

She stared at the floor, as though embarrassed to admit the truth. “Several times.”

“And did it help?”

She remained silent for a moment. I don’t know why her revelation surprised me, knowing all she’d gone through. The hell she faced with me was enough, not to mention losing a husband.

She shifted in my direction. “It did and it still does. When I have a little extra money, I go see my therapist. She’s helped me deal with my problems.”

I rested against the bench and let out an exhausted breath. My mom didn’t deserve all this shit. Life was so unfair. All I had done was make it harder for her. “You never told me.”

“It’s not something you want to tell your kids, especially when you’re their sole provider and the head of the house.”

My head snapped in her direction. “Then you know how I feel. Being a guy, I should be able to deal with my problems and learn how to overcome them, not have someone solve them for me.”

Mom’s eyes softened in understanding. “But I had to learn that it isn’t a sign of weakness.” She cupped my face with her palm. “Raven, whether you’re a man or a woman, sometimes we aren’t equipped to deal with what life throws at us. It has nothing to do with our determination, but how we learn to deal with those issues.”

“Is that why you’ve tried to get me to seek help before?”

“Yes,” she nodded, tears filling her eyes. “Not because I think you’re weak or a failure… because I knew you weren’t able to do it on your own.” She shook her head and her jaw tightened. “Time and time again, you refused to listen to me, and I knew if you wouldn’t do it on your own terms, it’d be a waste of time.”

Her words resonated within me. Mom was right. I obviously hadn’t learned how to deal with the disappointments in my life and the demons knew it. I had all the determination in the world, just didn’t know how to use it to my advantage. The first rehabilitation, which was more of a drug and alcohol awareness program PHU forced me to attend, was useless. I went in telling myself I didn’t need it and it didn’t apply to me, because I was strong enough to say no. Reality was — I was weaker than I thought.

“That explains why the rehab didn’t work,” I muttered under my breath, feeling my throat tighten. I didn’t want to cry, but the tears dripped from my eyes, releasing the pent up frustration I’d been holding in for some time. There was no one to blame but myself. I might’ve been dealt a shitty hand, but it was up to me how I played the cards. All I’d done was let the house win.

Lexi wrapped her arms around me, holding me tightly. Even after hearing all this, she was supporting me. I wasn’t sure what I’d done to deserve a woman like this, but obviously, I had God’s good favor when it came to her.

Mom wiped my tears away with the wadded up tissue she had in her hand. “Please don’t get mad about what I’m going to say.” I nodded, unable to speak. “If you don’t come to terms with the fact that you need help from a professional, you will continue to battle this for the rest of your life. You’re getting another chance, Raven, to finish your education, to play football — something you love dearly — and you’ve worked too hard not to see that dream come true. If you can just face the fact that you can’t do it on your own, I know the counselor will be able to help.”

I sniffed. My mom wasn’t afraid to tell me the truth. “I know, Mom. I’m trying.”

“Don’t try. Just do it.” She tugged on my chin, giving my face a wake-up call. “Focus all that determination on whatever that therapist recommends, whether it’s advice, recommendations, tactics, or prayers. Because I know you can do it.”

My mom was beginning to sound like Coach Anderson. “I know I can.” I reached for Lexi’s hand and latched on.

Mom wasn’t done lecturing me, though. “Because if you don’t, everything you’ve worked for will be for nothing. There won’t be another chance, Raven.”

“I know. They told me this was it. No more chances. I have to see a counselor weekly and submit to a drug test.” I wiped the tears that continued to release.

“That’s not so bad,” Lexi said, her tone understanding.

“I don’t know about you, but I don’t like someone watching me piss in a cup,” I smirked.

Lexi faltered for a second and then said, “At least it’s just one time.”

Lexi had no idea how this probation thing worked. “It’s weekly. And I’ll also have random Breathalyzer tests.”

Confusion formed across her face. “But you’re not an alcoholic.”

“Tell them that.” I rolled my eyes, pissed that I didn’t ask Mr. Marshall to fight that stipulation. “All they see are the medical reports and assume if I’m drinking, then I’m doing drugs.”

She brushed the lint from the lapel of my suit jacket. “Then you’ll just have to prove them wrong.” Lexi sounded so confident in my ability to follow their rules. I just hoped she was right.

“I know. And don’t worry.” I tucked the hair blowing across her face behind her ear. “I’m not going to let either of you down. I want to do this. I’ll see that therapist and allow them to help me this time.”

I was desperate and ready to get rid of these demons once and for all. It would be tough, but not impossible. I’d go in with an open mind and really try to turn my life around this time. Not only because I wanted to play football, but because I was tired of hurting those I loved. They didn’t deserve to put up with my issues and it was time I really allowed someone to help me. With their assistance, I knew I’d win this fight.

Lexi smiled, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I love you and I’m going to be right here, by your side, every step of the way.”

I wiped her cheeks with the pads of my thumbs. “You promise?”

“With all my heart,” she sniffed.

“Good. Because I want you with me.” I rested my forehead to hers. “It’s all or nothing, baby.”

She nodded, tears continuing to drop. “Then you have all of me.”

It was more than I could ask for.

Σ

Chapter 37

Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.

~Jim Morrison

Hearing Lexi tell me she wanted to be with me every step of the way was incredible. No doubt, her love for me was genuine. It did concern me, only because I didn’t know what to expect. I wasn’t sure if she could handle what I was facing — hell, I didn’t even know if I could. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her or push her away. I’d do everything in my power to fight those demons and allow the counselor to try and help me.

The biggest surprise was meeting her dad, Travis. He showed up at my apartment complex after we got back from celebrating my good news. Initially, I was reluctant to let her go with him — I didn’t trust him as far as I could throw him — but she reassured me he wasn’t trying to take her back home and that they just needed to talk. I really wanted them to reconcile, so I agreed. To make sure her dad didn’t have other intentions, I’d followed them.

They had driven to the park down street, the same park I got drunk at on New Year’s Eve. They talked for about thirty minutes before spotting my car at a restaurant across the street. At first, I was mad that I hadn’t taken Josh’s truck, but was glad I got to meet him. We had more in common than I thought. We talked about sports, Star Wars, and The Walking Dead. It was clear who Lexi took after. She might have had her mom’s looks, but she had some of her dad’s personality, too. I wasn’t sure if he liked me, but I could tell he was trying. Then again, so was I.

The next day, I had my first appointment with Dr. Salvador Galen, a licensed therapist who worked at PHU. I held the door open as we entered the Baxter Building, home to the counselors and financial aid offices. Lexi needed to apply for graduation and discuss changing her minor so she came with me. We trudged up the flight of stairs and I stopped before going to the next level. “Aren’t the degree counselor’s on this floor?”