A Dream for Hannah (28 page)

“You next,” he told Hannah with a quick smile and then followed her up.

She felt no nervousness at this public display. Not that Jake had made a big deal, but her friendly relationship with Jake was already well established with the others. If they only knew what her feelings toward Jake sometimes were, they might actually conjure up a few ideas. Hannah felt very thankful that no one but God could know her thoughts. To the others Jake was her friend—almost like a brother.

Hannah glanced back at Jake who was still following closely behind.

“Some view, huh?” he said brightly.

Indeed it was, and Hannah nodded. She wished her heart wouldn’t beat as hard as it did, but perhaps that was from the climb. With a glance out over the valley, she asked, “They pay you to work here?”

“It doesn’t seem right,” he said, laughing, “but they do.”

When they reached the top, Hannah stood with the others, taking in the full impact of the view. “It’s so beautiful,” she said, her voice expressing the awe she felt.

Jake nodded silently beside her.

“Time to go down,” he said a few moments later. “We have to keep it moving. Lots of people come through on a Saturday.”

Halfway down Hannah glanced over her shoulder toward Jake. For the first time, she caught a gleam in his eye that she had never seen before. Her heart leaped, and this time Hannah couldn’t blame it on the climb. Hannah only hoped she wasn’t bright red.

By the time she reached the bottom of the stairs, she had somehow collected herself. She made sure to keep her eyes away from Jake’s face as she walked over to the railing to look at the valley again. The other half of the group headed up the metal stairs above her.

“Have you thought about moving out here?” Elizabeth asked from beside her. Hannah had been too distracted to notice Elizabeth’s approach.

“It’s a wonderful area,” she replied as soon as she could think of what to say. “But moving…I’m not sure. I’m still an Indiana girl at heart.”

“We’re always looking for new people,” Elizabeth said, “young couples especially. It seems like they are more resilient than older people to new things.”

Hannah decided it was time to re-establish things as quickly as possible. “Sam will inherit the farm on the home place,” she said.

“Oh, you’re that serious, then?” Elizabeth said.

Now Hannah did blush. “Well, we’re writing.”

“He must be a nice boy,” Elizabeth said hopefully.

Hannah nodded. She didn’t trust further words. Sam was nice. At least her mom thought so. She might agree if his mouth didn’t fall open all the time.

Moments later the group got underway again and reached the top of the mountain an hour later. Going back down was much quicker. Jake seemed to make a point of staying out of Hannah’s way the rest of the afternoon. Even on the way home, he sat on the back end of the pickup. Hannah sat on a hay bale close to the cab.

The truck stopped at the end of Betty and Steve’s driveway to drop Hannah off first. After her brief goodbyes, she walked into the kitchen where Betty cheerfully asked, “Did you have a good time?”

“Wonderful,” Hannah said. “The valley looks lovely from up there.”

“Any problems?”

“No,” Hannah said, wondering if the way Jake looked at her that once in the tower might actually become a problem. She resolved, quite firmly, to keep her dreams in check.

Twenty-five

That evening after she retired to her room upstairs, Hannah made a valiant effort to stem the tide of her uncertain feelings. They seemed to come in waves out of nowhere. In desperation she shut her eyes in an attempt to block them out. But then they would come again—those same desires the poem and Peter had awakened in her.

Perhaps action would help. Hannah took out paper and a pen to write. Surely a letter to Sam would help her focus again. It was worth the attempt because something needed to be done.

“Dear Sam,” she wrote on the fresh sheet of paper and then continued.

We hiked up the mountain today during a youth outing.
The view of the valley was really something.

Hannah lifted her pen, considered what else to write, and then decided to include more details of the day and tidbits about her past week handling riders. When she came to the end, Hannah told Sam:

I know it’s only the first part of July, but already my thoughts are about coming home at the end of August. As fast as the time has been going out here, it will come soon enough.

She thought for a second and then closed with, “I will see you then, I guess. Love, Hannah.”

She slipped the letter into an envelope and sealed it for Monday’s mail.

“There,” she said out loud, “that’s done.”

Now no more dreaming!
Hannah told herself as she got ready for bed.

But once her eyes closed, Hannah drifted between sleep and awakening and then
did
dream. It was Peter’s car again she rode in, gravel crunching under its tires. They were traveling at a fast rate, but she couldn’t see who drove the car. Somehow she sensed in her dream that it was not Peter at the wheel.

They passed rapidly through the darkness and then under the yard light of some residence along the road. She caught a glimpse of the driver’s face. It was Jake Byler. The face was focused and intent. And then the light from the yard light was gone, and she couldn’t see anymore. In the darkness she hung on to the handle as horror swept over her. She was disobeying again, and now she was back in the car. How had this happened without her consent, or had she consented and didn’t know it?

Scenes flashed in front of her eyes as the car slowed and finally stopped. She glanced outside the window but wasn’t sure where she was. A flash of light came through the car and revealed the driver’s face again. It
was
Jake.

As darkness filled the car again, the first notes of the praise song began. Jake was singing them loudly, confidently, just like he had done at church. Its melody rose and fell in the night air. Never had she heard such a haunted and out of place sound.

Hannah reached deep within her for the strength to awaken. Her muscles strained with the efforts, and it seemed as if nothing moved. Her left arm was pasted to her side, and the other clutched the handle by the window and wouldn’t let go.

She filled her mouth with air and screamed. At least she thought she did. Finally awake, she heard no sound. Her body was covered in sweat under the covers and chilled. The whole house was silent. Hannah waited for footsteps in the hall, expecting someone to come and see what the problem was. There was still only silence.

If she had screamed, wouldn’t she have awakened someone? Hannah waited, trembled, and listened in the dim starlit room. Still, no one seemed to stir anywhere else in the house.

Finally her breathing slowed, and she relaxed enough to think about going back to sleep. Hannah’s last thought before dropping off was a fresh resolution to hold her heart’s dreams in check.
I must stay away from Jake Byler.
That much was clear. How could such a nice boy do such awful things? But then hadn’t Peter also been nice? Her heart obviously couldn’t be trusted to do the right thing.

In the morning, Betty said nothing about any screams in the night, and so Hannah figured that must also have been a dream.

At church the next morning, Hannah kept her eyes on the floor whenever Jake Byler was in her line of vision. Sunday night at the hymn singing, she made a point to sit on the second bench even though the younger girls sat there. She had to avoid Jake no matter how great the effort.

Hannah crawled into bed that evening, impressed with her own efforts to still her heart, yet had a vague suspicion she might have made matters worse. How that could be, she wasn’t sure. A brief glimpse of Jake’s face toward the end of hymn singing didn’t bode well.

By the end of the week, Sam received his letter from Hannah. He was close to the barn door when the letter carrier stopped at the mailbox. In a dash out the lane, he was the one who got to the mailbox first. He read the letter, one page dangling in the air on the walk back to the house.

What he read couldn’t have pleased him more. Hannah’s hard work with the horse stable at Steve and Betty’s continued to impress him. Perhaps she was quite the businesswoman. This couldn’t help but improve his parents’ opinions of her.

Also, Hannah had said she would come home soon and would be seeing him then. Not that they had ever said it in so many words, but it had been somehow implied. Now it was official—of this Sam was sure. Hannah would be his steady in the true sense of the word—not just in letters but in his buggy on Sunday nights for the ride home.

The whole world would know that he, Sam Knepp, had done well for himself. Gone would be the stigma he had often felt since the last few years of Amish grade school. Now, with such a girl as Hannah by his side, all would be set right.

Sam held his chin firm as he walked up the lane toward the house, his letter still in his hand. This was a moment to savor. Full of joy, he remembered to keep his mouth shut. He was almost a man, and such habits now seemed to belong to childhood days.

“Another letter?” his mother asked when he stuck his head through the kitchen doorway to deliver the rest of the mail.

He grinned, and his face revealed the answer before he shut the door.

She watched him walk toward the barn, his step high, but she couldn’t help the worried look on her face.

The next week a letter arrived from Sam. Hannah stuck it in her drawer after she read it, intending to read it again later, but time seemed to get away from her.

This was Jake’s scheduled weekend down from the mountain, and against all her protests, Hannah knew she wanted to see him.

On Saturday the regular number of riders arrived throughout the day, keeping her busy. As of yet, there had been no unruly children, but her nerves were on edge for another reason. How was she to deal with Jake if he came down today for another of his rides?