A Dream for Hannah (26 page)

But according to the story, Naomi had gotten hold of some English romance novels that led her to conclude there should be more feeling in her relationship with Johnny. Naomi’s mother told her to throw the books away. She said that those people didn’t live in the real world. People just wrote that stuff to make money off of other people’s dreams. Naomi tried to the best of her ability to forget about what she had read, but it didn’t help much. She would still remember the story and how the girls in love felt. Surely she was supposed to feel that way too.

Hannah was now fully into the story. How was Naomi going to sort this out? Was there really something wrong between her and Johnny? As she read on, it happened that Naomi became so worried about her lack of feelings for Johnny that she told him to no longer bring her home from the singings.

Johnny, of course, couldn’t understand this and wanted to know what he had done wrong. Naomi was unable to explain it to him, which sadly caused hurt feelings to a heart that was already burdened down with life’s duties.

Johnny waited until he was in his buggy before he showed his true feelings. Then he cried most of the way home. Yet the next morning, he got up at four o’clock to do the milking as usual. He had so collected himself by that time that his mother didn’t even notice his tears when she served him breakfast at six.

All day and the week that followed, Johnny carried his burden alone and wondered if God had forsaken him. Happily, he did find peace before the next Sunday when he would have to see Naomi sitting across from him on the girls’ benches. He decided that God could take care of even Naomi’s heart, and that he, little Johnny, would leave the problem in the hands of a big God.

It was unclear how long these two young people might have been kept apart. Fortunately, the next week Naomi ran across her aunt who was visiting from a neighboring district. Naomi’s aunt carefully explained everything to Naomi. She explained how love really works and that Naomi couldn’t rely solely on feelings that come and go. Feelings, the aunt said, are fleeting, here one day but gone the next.

Hannah sighed as she read the conclusion. Naomi apologized to Johnny and began seeing his value as a person. It was then that her feelings for Johnny rushed back, and Naomi resolved to never let any romantic fantasy dictate how she must feel.

“Well,” Hannah said as she put the magazine down, “why can’t I be like that?”

She picked up Sam’s letter and looked it over carefully again. Was he like Johnny? She supposed so.
I guess I should at least try,
she thought.

With fresh resolve Hannah found her writing tablet and started to write. For half an hour, she wrote to Sam, telling him all about the weekend, the volleyball game, the delicious cider, and the young people. The one thing she left out was a mention of Jake Byler, but Hannah figured he wasn’t important. He was just the boy who made all the feelings go around in her heart.

For Jake Byler the days passed slowly. The mountains still awed him, yet he was bored. Looking out his window at the surroundings, he was sure they weren’t the cause. Something else was the problem. Now even the silence and the slow passage of time weren’t as enjoyable as they had been when he had first arrived.

Jake was determined to figure this out. He fidgeted on the chair by the kitchen table, his meager supper over. Perhaps his mother’s cooking was what he missed. Jake laughed at the thought. Her food would taste good again, but it was something more than that.

Then it occurred to him that he had just laughed at himself. It had been a long time since he had been able to do that. Could it be that his laughter meant he was finally getting over his pain? Jake was sure that was what it was, and the more he thought about it, the more sure he became. Somewhere on this mountain and in this cabin, the pain had become less.

Jake found himself a little unnerved by the discovery that while he could still envision Eliza’s face, the emotions no longer stirred him. Oh, there was still anger at the unfairness of it all, but somehow the healing must have begun. Now new emotions came over him with the realization that it was truly over.

A sense of calm settled in, a cessation of the roiling emotions he had endured for so long. He walked to the window and looked out. Full darkness was only half an hour away—the sun had already slipped below the horizon. Shadows were filling the valley, reaching out as if with long bands to hold the earth in their grip for the night.

Over the top of the mountain behind him, remnants of sunlight still streamed through the sky, highlighting the contrast between the sky and the darkness below. Jake sighed in resignation.

Jake turned away from the window, and a question occurred to him. Where was he to go from here? Was there another girl for him? The very thought, which would have seemed unthinkable not that long ago, now presented itself and demanded an honest answer.

He then realized he could ask this without feeling like he was committing a sin against something sacred. Was there to be another girl?

That question produced another question almost before the first was answered. Could she be Hannah? Hannah was so different from Eliza. Could it be possible that he should show some interest in Hannah?

No, perhaps not, he decided. It was simply not fair to Hannah. No, Jake wouldn’t do it. A friend—now that was a possibility. Was that not what they experienced at the volleyball game on Saturday night when they felt so compatible, so much that even others noticed it?

Jake concluded that it was. They were a natural at it. He would keep it so. This new direction would not need to have the same goal as before—that of marriage—but simply something more manageable—a friendship with a girl.

Jake went to the kitchen table, picked up his dirty dishes, and took them to the sink. The summer lay before him. He would enjoy it freely and without regret. That was his decision, and next week would be a good time to start.

Twenty-three

More than a week later on a Saturday afternoon, Hannah was busy with the horse brush, taking long rapid strokes on Prince and Mandy’s coats. She planned to turn the horses out to pasture for the weekend when she was done. The last riders for the day had just trotted up the trail on the other two horses.

It had been a long day. The first riders of the day brought their six-year-old son, Jared, with them. The sign at the end of the driveway now held the phrase, “Will Babysit While You Ride,” written in small letters underneath “Horseback Riding,” and so childcare was expected.

Jared, however, was
not
what Hannah was expecting. He wouldn’t listen to anything she asked him to do. Instead, he ran all over the barn and into places that were dangerous for him. Everywhere he went, Hannah had to follow him.

“What’s this?” he asked, sticking his hand into a feed bag of oats.

“It’s a bag of oats,” Hannah said. “The horses like oats a lot.”

He then pulled out his hand and let a handful of fresh oats run through his fingers and onto the floor.

“It’s for the horses,” she said. “You can’t waste their food.”

“I never saw horses eat this stuff on TV,” he said. “It must not be any good.” Jared then deliberately tipped over the bag so the oats spilled out onto the floor.

“Don’t do that!” Hannah protested. “Now I have to pick them all up.”

“But if they’re not good for the horses, you should throw them away.”

“They
are
good for the horses,” Hannah said. “Television doesn’t show everything.”

“Yes, it does,” he said. “I watch it all the time.”

So it went from one end of the barn to the other.

Finally when his parents returned, Hannah sighed in relief, only to see that the next couple also brought along their child.

This time it was little Louise, and although she was not nearly as much trouble as Jared, she did pull the cat’s tail and manage to get herself scratched on the hand. This made Louise cry loudly, and she never completely subsided until her parents finally returned.

The incident also required Hannah to give Louise’s mother an explanation that became more involved the longer Hannah talked. Her explanation didn’t seem to have the same effect it would have for Amish mothers.

“Do you have some bandages?” the mother finally asked.

“Ah, yes,” Hannah told her, “they’re in the house.” Since it was such a small scratch, she had not thought to bandage it but now went to get the kit Betty kept in the kitchen pantry.

With the hand bandaged, Louise’s mother wanted to examine the offending cat. Hannah was afraid this demand would be hard to comply with now that kitty’s tail had been pulled, but to her surprise, kitty proved amicable, even purring in Hannah’s arms. Louise’s mother thoroughly and carefully examined the cat. When she was satisfied, the mother petted the cat. The cat offered no resistance, even arching his neck for her hand.

“This cat is usually just fine,” Hannah said and then thought about adding,
unless someone pulls his tail,
but decided against it.

“I guess everything will be okay,” the mother finally ventured and gathered up Louise to go. “Maybe you ought to watch the cat in the future, though,” she said.

Hannah nodded. What else was there to do? She would watch kitty in the future, if for no other reason than to keep him away from any future babysitting charges she might have.

So the day had gone, and now Hannah glanced up and was surprised to see another car drive up.
Not another customer,
Hannah thought.

The vehicle slowed, and someone got out, but not the driver. No, it was Jake Byler!

He got out of the car and waved to the driver, who then took off. Jake walked toward the barn. Hannah was uncertain how she’d react. She did have to admit he was an attractive boy. She quickly shoved
that
thought away before it triggered other unwanted thoughts.

Hannah tensed, prepared herself, and waited for his arrival.
What on earth could he want?
Surely Jake was not up to what he seemed to be. If he was, she would have nothing of it. There was simply no reason for this. Hannah had given Jake no encouragement of this sort, not even an indication at either the volleyball game or on Sunday night.

“Hi,” Jake said when he got close enough for her to hear him. “How’s your day going?”

Hannah shrugged and then said, “The last riders are on the trail.”

“Do you have an opening for one more?” he asked.

When she hesitated, Jake said, “I know it probably sounds funny, but I get lonesome when I’m away from horses too long. I thought this would be a good way to get some riding in and some exercise too.”

“You want to ride?” she asked, uncertain she had heard him right.

“Yes,” he said, “how much is it for an hour?”

She told him.

“That sounds fine,” Jake said.

Hannah, however, wasn’t finished. “You—an Amish boy—are paying to ride a horse?”

“Why not?” Jake asked. “The Forest Service pays me well enough. Can’t I spend some of it on a worthwhile cause?”

“I suppose so,” Hannah said, unconvinced. She was sure there must be more to it than this and waited. Any moment now he would surely drop the other shoe.

“So, which horse will it be?” Jake asked.

She forced herself to think. “Prince, I guess. He’s a wonderful horse.”

“You like him?”

“Yes,” she said, “very much.”

“Then Prince it is,” Jake said as if that ended the matter.

“I just got him brushed down, but I can do it again when you come back,” Hannah said as she stroked the horse’s neck.

“Don’t worry. I’ll do it. It’s not like my Saturday afternoons are that full. Where’s the saddle?” Jake asked, looking around.

Hannah pointed toward the barn. “I’ll get it if you lead him over closer.”

“No, you lead him,” Jake said, his voice firm. “I’ll get the saddle. Which one is it?”

Hannah took the reins from him and kept her eyes from his face. She did not want feelings to come at her again. There was just no way this could go anywhere. She was writing to Sam, and that’s all there was to it. Another Peter was not on her list of things to do in life.