A Dream Unfolding (39 page)

“Good.”

She asked, “Might we pull over for a minute?”

Hannah’s expression must have shown the urgency, because Lieutenant Harrison did not hesitate to comply.
 
She walked a short distance to a shrub to provide herself with some privacy.
  
She did not delay in returning to the wagon.
 

Once back on board, Harrison seemed eager to get moving again.
 
She noticed his face was flush.
 

“Are you feeling well?” she asked, sitting up stiffly at the far end of the seat.

“Fine,” was his curt reply.
 

Her concern quickly vanished as a new wave of grief spilled into her heart.
 
Staring at the back end of the wagon in front of them, she felt despondent.
 
What would she do on her own?
 
Would the aching never cease?
 
How could she provide for herself and a little one?
 
Drew was really gone, never to see his son or daughter born.

They home they were going to build in the Granite Creek settlement would never rise.
 
The clinic he would run would never exist.
 
Their child would grow up without a father.
 
Oh, how he would have loved their child!

Instead of seeing the hopeful future Drew painted for her, she saw nothingness, blankness, death.

She became so consumed with her thoughts that she forgot Lieutenant Harrison was even there.
 
She startled when he spoke.

“We should be stopping shortly for the midday meal.
 
Mrs. Lancaster is most eager to see for herself how you are doing.
 
She insists that she will take care of preparing the meal for you.”

Hannah nodded numbly.
 
Looking around as the wagon pulled into camp formation, she realized there was no snow on the ground and the temperature warmed considerably.
 
How far had they traveled since…the accident?

Lieutenant Harrison set the brake on the wagon before circling around to her side.
 
She let him help her down, too empty to manage the simple task on her own.
 
Then he pulled a crate from the wagon and directed Hannah to sit there.
 
She looked longing back towards the mountains far off in the distance—Drew’s final resting place.

As she sat, she stared at her fingernails, keenly aware of how chipped and uneven they were.
 
Strange how the oddest thing brought some sense of normalcy.
 
Clasping her hands together, she let her gaze drift to the ground.
 
Tall grass hid her feet and brushed against the long skirt of her calico dress.
 
The soft blue color had been Drew’s favorite. She thought as she unclasped her hands and brushed the dust from the dress.

Blue.
 
As a widow, she should be wearing black.
 
But, she did not own any black.
 
And she was in the middle of a vastly unpopulated wilderness.
 
Where would she find black cloth or black dye?
 
And did she really want to destroy the dress that would always remind her of him?

Betty bounded over to where Hannah sat.
 
Wrapping her in a motherly embrace, Betty said nothing.
 
The gentleness of the action brought forth more tears.
 
Hannah soaked in the compassion from the older woman as Betty stroked her hair and whispered words of love until Hannah calmed.

“You sit right there,” ordered Betty as she started preparing the meal.
 
“I know you are dealing with a lot, dear, but we need to come up with a plan for you once we arrive at Granite Creek.
 
You are welcome to help Paul and me with the boardinghouse.
 
We will likely have more than we can handle on our own.”

Now that someone else made mention of moving on with her life, Hannah refused to talk about it.
 
There was no life without Drew.
 
As she looked away, she was reminded of the way his face lit up when he teased her.
 
His serious nature when treating patients was always followed by a kind soft voice, setting their minds at ease.
 
She loved the way her heart would jump just at the sight of him coming into her kitchen from the clinic.

Those times were gone, left thousands of miles ago locked away in some other lifetime.
 
Buried under ten feet of snow.

She knew she should respond to Betty, but words would not come.
 
She turned her face back to the older woman.
 
With her eyes she begged the discussion to end.
 
It was too painful to consider her future, when she could not see beyond today.
 
Betty must have read her expression, for she did not press the issue.

The next week passed in the familiar routine of the trail, only under a heavy shroud of grief.
 
Hannah forced herself daily to gather firewood and prepare meals, hoping the routine action would pacify the ravenous pain shredding her heart.
 
Each day she looked forward to the time Lieutenant Harrison checked in with his commanding officer.
 
For those few minutes she could feel the full depth of her agony without having to pretend she was fine.
 
Then, when he returned, she would carefully put on her mask of hollowness and silence.

After the evening meal each night, Hannah and Lieutenant Harrison sat around the fire with Betty and Paul.
 
It should have been Drew there by her side.
 
Some nights Betty started singing hymns with Paul and the lieutenant joining in.
 
Hannah remained silent and distant, closing off her heart from everyone.
 
She could not praise a God who would abandon her.
 
Other nights, her friends would converse with her, trying to get her to decide where she would live and what she would do once they arrived in Granite Creek.
 
But, Hannah would not respond.

While physically present, her heart was not.
 
It was buried on that snow capped mountain with her beloved.
 
There was no funeral, no burial, no grave.
 
She would never see him again, nor be able to visit his grave.
 
Her Drew was forever gone.

Chapter
21

Since joining the California Volunteers, Lieutenant Joshua Harrison had seen numerous forts throughout the western territories in varying stages of permanency.
 
Fort Whipple was probably the most primitive—just a large gathering of tents clustered together.
 
Not a single permanent structure had been built in the month since the army established the fort.
 
On one side of the camp, there were several corrals for the horses, oxen, cattle, and other livestock needed to support the military.
 
Somewhere he even heard the clucking of chickens, probably hens to provide eggs for the large group of hungry soldiers.

The soldiers already occupying the fort formed precise lines as the governor and his party pulled to a stop.
 
Joshua helped Hannah down from the wagon as the government officials made their way to a crudely constructed stage.
 
Staying on the edge of the crowd, Joshua watched as the soldiers offered up an eighteen gun salute for the new governor.
 
Then, Major Willis spoke briefly, followed by the governor.

While the government officials announced their headquarters with the military at the fort for the next few months, the rest of the civilians continued into the town roughly twenty-five miles south.
 
On horseback, the trip could be made in one day, but traveling in heavy laden wagons pulled by oxen and mules, the settlers should arrive in two.

When the brief celebration concluded, Joshua found a flat area to set up the tent for Hannah.
 
The cavalry, of which he was still a member, was stationed here and here he would have to remain.
 
And he wanted to keep Hannah close.
 
He and Mrs. Lancaster heatedly discussed what to do with Hannah this morning.
 
While Mrs. Lancaster thought Hannah would be better off working with her at the boardinghouse, Joshua disagreed.
 
He thought Hannah should remain with him, where he could offer her protection.
 
Hannah said nothing, resigned to let others decide her fate.
 
In the end, Paul suggested to his mother that they get the boardinghouse set up first and let Joshua care for Hannah.
 
Then, perhaps once they were settled, they would see if Hannah wished to join them.

After depositing Hannah with her belongings in her tent, Joshua sought out the supply officer.
 
Hannah would have no use for either her husband’s medical supplies or the wagon and team.
 
With her current state of mind, he saw no reason to involve her in disposing of these things.
 
The supply officer eagerly purchased the medical supplies, wagon, and team for the army.
 
Pocketing the cash, Joshua headed towards the mess hall.

Upon nearing the mess tent, he saw the long line of hungry men waiting for their turn to be served.
 
Skipping ahead to peer into the tent, he saw there were but two lonely Mexican women frantically dishing up food for the hungry crowd.
 
He spoke with the man in charge of the kitchen to secure a position for Hannah.
 
She would probably not be pleased, but he also did not think she would refuse the position.
 
Deciding dried beef and leftover bread would be meal enough, he left.

After checking in with the major, Joshua walked back towards Hannah’s tent.
 
As he suspected, the major ordered him to report back to his post with the cavalry tomorrow morning.
 
Good thing he already made arrangements for Hannah’s supplies and secured her a position as cook, for he would have limited time to care for her after today.

“Hannah,” Joshua called to announce his presence outside her tent.
 
With her acknowledgement, he entered, briefly realizing the impropriety of a single man entering a now single woman’s tent.
 
He tied back one side at the entrance leaving it open.
 
With some embarrassment, it dawned on him how many of his actions in taking over her care slightly crossed the lines of proper society.

Having pondered what he was about to say for days, did not make the task any easier.
 
Joshua nervously shifted his feet, kicking up little puffs of dust.
 
The hollow look in her eyes furthered his resolve to say what he came to say.
 
“I would like to discuss your future.” When she parted her lips he stopped her before she could protest.
 
“Wait, hear me out.”

Hannah nodded and Joshua continued, “I know that you are still grieving your husband’s death and what I am about to ask is unusual, but I think it is for the best.
 
I would like you to marry me,” he stated with the precision and authority he used to command his troops.