A Family for Christmas (9 page)

“Oh,
Gabe, please don’t stop.” She was now jerking just as erratically as Gabe had
been earlier. She was so close, almost there, started making helpless little
sounds in time with his pumping.

Then
he moved his other hand from her butt. Slid it forward toward where his fingers
were sliding in and out of her. Massaged her for only a moment, pushing her
over the edge.

She
opened her mouth in a silent exclamation of pleasure as her body spasmed around
his fingers, and one of her legs twitched so much that she accidentally
clobbered him in the hip with her knee. “Sorry,” she gasped, as the
contractions started to ease. Her body was trembling, but she felt a wash of
pure satisfaction.

Gabe
shook his head, smiling a little, and rubbed his hip where she had knocked into
it. “I think I’ll survive.” After a few last soothing strokes, he pulled his
hand out from between her legs.

She
giggled, squeezing her thighs together over the lingering sensations. “That was
amazing.”

He
looked rather pleased at her words and stretched out beside her, pulling her
closer with one of his arms. “Good. You’re pretty good yourself.”

“I
wasn’t expecting it to be nearly so good.”

He
stiffened slightly. “Why wouldn’t you think it would be good?”

“Nothing
about you,” she said quickly. “Just sex in general. Especially the first time.”

He
gently stroked her hair. “I think we can do even better. I usually have more
control than that. It’s been a long time for me, and you’ve been making me
crazy with lust for a while now.”

“Really?”
She looked up at his face with a pleased smile, realizing he was serious.

“Yeah.”

“Well,
I’ve kind of wanted you too.”

“Good.”
He kissed her hair with a sigh.

She
felt close to him—closer than she’d ever felt to a man before. She wanted to
snuggle against him. But she was suddenly hit with the knowledge that it wasn’t
always going to be like this between them.

They
were headed for India, where they would both pour themselves into their work.
She wasn’t even going to live with him a lot of the time, since he had to spend
the school year in the States.

She
had to be careful about getting ideas that weren’t practical, weren’t smart,
weren’t part of their arranged agreement.

So
she made herself pull away from his warm body, no matter how much she wanted to
be close to it. “Thank you,” she said, sitting up in bed and pulling a sheet up
to cover her breasts when she felt kind of self-conscious.

“You’re
welcome,” he said, blinking slightly in what might be surprise. “Thank
you
.”

“I
think I can sleep now, so I’m going to head back to bed.”

He
nodded, pulling back from her slightly. “Okay. Sure.”

Something
felt awkward between them for the first time, but she ignored it because she
had to get away before she started having daydreams that would never come true.

She
grabbed her pajamas from the floor and pulled them on, feeling suddenly so sore
between the legs that she winced.

“Are
you okay?” he asked, raising himself up.

“I’m
fine,” she said quickly, limping to the door. “A little sore. Nothing too bad.
It was great.”

He
stared at her, revealing nothing. Feeling like he’d pulled back in some way.
“Yeah. Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Then
she was finally out of the door and back in the safety of her room.

She
felt weird and shaking and like she hadn’t handled things right, but she wasn’t
sure what else she could do.

They
weren’t in love. They would never be that way.

They
could have sex if they both wanted to, but she didn’t get to spend the night in
his arms.

The next morning, Lydia
woke up groggy and with a heaviness in the pit of her stomach, and it took her
a few minutes to remember why.

She’d
had sex with Gabe last night, and now she felt weird about it.

There
was no reason to feel that way. They were married. They could have sex if they
both wanted to, and clearly both of them had last night. She tried to talk
herself back into her normal reasonable perspective, but didn’t succeed.

Her
head felt so fuzzy that she pulled a sweatshirt on over her pajamas and went
downstairs for coffee. She was a little sore between her legs, and each time
she felt the pang of pain, she remembered why, making her feel a little
heavier.

The
heaviness only increased when she realized that Gabe and Ellie were already up
and in the kitchen. She heard them before she turned the corner to see.

“Good
morning,” she said brightly, determined not to let Gabe see that she felt
uncomfortable about the night before.

“Morning,”
he said, glancing back from the stove, where he appeared to be making pancakes.
He was wearing a sweatshirt and pajama pants, just like her, and his hair was
rumpled and eyelids heavier than normal. But his blue eyes were sharp as they
rested on her.

She
smiled breezily and turned to Ellie, who was seated at the table with an opened
book in front of her. “Good morning, Ellie.”

The
girl mumbled, “Good morning,” without looking up.

Lydia
sighed. Exhibit One that sex didn’t fix relationships. Things weren’t any
better this morning than they’d been yesterday.

When
she realized that Gabe was still watching her, she smiled in his direction and
headed for the refrigerator, mostly for something to do. She looked inside for
a moment before her eyes landed on the orange juice. Then decided that was as
good an excuse for opening the refrigerator as anything else.

She
grabbed the carton, closed the door, and turned around—only to discover that
Gabe was standing directly in front of her.

She
gasped involuntarily and stared up at him.

He
leaned in closer. “Is everything okay?” he murmured, barely audible. Obviously,
he didn’t want his daughter to hear the question.

“Of
course.” She kept her voice just as low, but she wished he weren’t standing
quite so close.

It
made her think about last night. About touching him last night. About the way
he’d touched her. About the way he’d felt inside her.

She
swallowed hard and fought to keep her expression breezy and natural.

Gabe
glanced quickly over to the table and, on seeing that Ellie was focused on the
book, he tilted his head so he could murmur in Lydia’s ear. “You feel okay
about…everything?”

She
stiffened, worried that her discomfort had somehow been evident. “Why wouldn’t
I?”

“I
don’t know. I’m checking to make sure.”

“I’m
fine.” She was overly conscious of his body, even covered in the sweatshirt.
“Did you think I would swoon or something? I’m not a silly woman.”

“I
never said you were silly.” His voice was just as soft, but now it sounded
faintly annoyed. “I was just checking.”

“Well,
I could check with you about it too. Are you okay?” She was able to meet his
eyes with a challenging look.

“I’m
just fine too.” His eyes had narrowed.

“Good.”

“Good.”

Now,
she was even more aware of his body. And his tension. And the reined in passion
she sensed beneath his reserve.

This
was ridiculous. If he kept trapping her like this in the kitchen every morning,
she was going to get turned on any time she got close to a refrigerator.

“Are
you guys fighting?” Ellie asked from the table, very much as she’d asked the day
before. She was still focused down on her book.

Gabe
took a quick step back from Lydia. “Of course not.” He turned back to his
pancakes, which looked rather overdone.

“Were
you kissing?” Ellie asked, glancing up now with a suspicious look.

“We’re
not fighting or kissing. We were just talking.” He sounded casual, laidback,
but for some reason Lydia thought he might be uncomfortable.

“Are
you keeping secrets?”

For
no particular reason, Lydia felt a jolt of sympathy for Gabe, who looked like
he was fighting to keep his patience and easy demeanor. So Lydia said lightly,
“Maybe there’s a reason for keeping secrets. It’s not long until Christmas, you
know.”

Ellie
looked over at her for the first time. “Oh.”

Feeling
vaguely pleased that she’d stymied the girl, Lydia poured herself some orange
juice and then went to sit beside Ellie. “What are you reading?” she asked.
“That’s a really big book.”

“I
know,” Ellie said soberly, showing Lydia the cover.

“Is
it good?” Lydia studied the cover, having a faint recognition of the author but
coming up with no piece of knowledge to add to the conversation about it. But
she remembered as a girl that she’d always liked to talk about the books she
was reading, so she asked, “Are they riding a Pegasus?”

“Yes.”

“Is
it good?”

“Yes.”

“It’s
part of a series, isn’t it? Is this the first one?”

“No.
This is number four.”

“Oh.”
Lydia was looking at the words on the pages now. It seemed pretty hard reading
for such a little girl. “I wonder if I would like these books.”

“Why
would you like them?”

“Why
wouldn’t I? I like the Harry Potter books.”

“You
do?” Ellie’s eyes widened.

“Yes,
of course. Do you have the first of these books?”

“I
have all of them. You can read them, if you want.”

Lydia
felt a silly swell of pride that she was having an actual conversation with the
girl, without even setting about with any sort of strategy. “Thank you. I can
start the first one today.”

Ellie
nodded and accepted the plate of pancakes her dad set in front of her. “It’s a
good one.”

Lydia
glanced up when Gabe handed her a plate too, and she caught a strange look on
his face. She wasn’t sure what to make of it. A little bit questioning. A
little bit cautious.

She
had no idea what it meant.

But
the pancakes were right there in front of her, so she ate them.

***

Lydia started Ellie’s
book that afternoon, and it was really a pretty good story. She actually was
kind of sorry to put it down when she had to get ready for dinner at the church
that evening.

Jessica
and Alice had planned the dinner to celebrate Lydia and Gabe’s marriage. It was
a potluck, so it was low-key, but Lydia still didn’t much want to go.

Since
it was in their honor, there was no way not to go, though. She made an effort
with her appearance and wore a nice pair of black pants and her favorite green
dressy sweater.

On
the way there, Lydia asked Ellie questions about the book. Ellie answered
easily enough. She sounded faintly impatient, in that condescending little-girl
way, but Lydia suspected she was pleased by the interest.

Gabe
listened without saying much, although Lydia caught him watching her more than
once. He’d made an effort with his clothes too and wore a brown sport coat over
his dress shirt.

Lydia
was feeling strangely nervous as they got out of Gabe’s car and entered one of
the doors of the fellowship hall.  She took a deep breath and reminded herself
that there was nothing to be anxious or uncomfortable about.

They
hadn’t lied to anyone. They were married for real. People could be happy for
them without it being some sort of deception.

Plus,
in a few months, all of this would be over and she’d be in India, where she’d
wanted to be all this time.

She
was ready to smile and greet people as they walked in. And then there was all
the hassle of getting the dishes on the table and the line to fill their plates
so there wasn’t much time for more than small talk.

And
then it all felt fine—like any of the innumerable church potlucks Lydia had
been to in her life. Yes, there were flowers for her and a table full of
cards—since she and Gabe had intentionally asked for no presents—but otherwise
people acted normal.

Except
Gabe was beside her the whole time.

He
had his arm slung over the back of her chair as they were drinking coffee after
the meal. Her brother Thomas was sitting across from them, and he and Gabe had
been talking about football.

Lydia
didn’t mind football, but she couldn’t seem to focus much on the conversation.

She
was trying not to think about how much she liked the feel of Gabe’s arm behind
her.

In
a lull in conversation, she glanced over and saw Ellie talking to Mia. She
couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Ellie obviously holding court and
imparting some sort of nine-year-old wisdom to the younger girl.

“They
seem to get along pretty well,” she said, nodding toward the girls. “Even with
the age difference.”

“Mia
is used to hanging out with adults,” Thomas said, his face softening as he
looked at his daughter.

He
looked tired and faintly stressed, but he almost always looked that way.

“I’m
glad she could come tonight,” Lydia said.

“Me
too. It’s my weekend with her. She’s been talking about the wedding for weeks
now, so she was really excited to see you again to see if you looked any
different.”

Gabe
chuckled, and Lydia smiled. “Why would I look different?”

Thomas
gave a half-shrug. “She seemed to think you might.”

Honestly,
Lydia felt different. If felt like so much had changed since she’d gotten
married a couple of weeks ago.

But
nothing really had changed at all. She was still her, and she was still going
to India.

“So
you have full custody of Ellie?” Thomas asked, looking over at Gabe.

The
question was posed casually, and Gabe didn’t seem annoyed by it. “Yes.”

“Does
her mother see her at all?”

Since
his arm was around her, Lydia felt the slightest tension in his body. “Every
once in a while. Very rarely. She…lives a different life.”

Thomas
nodded. He’d always been smart. He could tell he shouldn’t go further into this
conversation.

“How
is Abigail?” Lydia asked softly. Since Thomas had brought up the conversation
with Gabe, he couldn’t complain that she’d asked herself.

And
she’d always liked Thomas’s wife. She’d been really upset when they’d
separated.

Thomas
looked at her, then glanced away. “She’s doing fine.”

“Has
anything…changed?”

Her
brother shook his head. “Nothing.”

Lydia
swallowed and leaned back against Gabe, who tightened his arm around her.

She
didn’t know exactly what had happened with her brother’s marriage, but it was
obviously something not easy to fix.

Jessica
came over just then with a plate of lemon squares and sat down in an empty
chair next to Thomas.

“Oh,
I’m full—” Lydia began.

“Please,
eat one,” Jessica said with a wry grin. “Daniel said I made too much, and if I
have to take the whole plate home, he’ll be proven right. You wouldn’t do that
to me, would you?”

Lydia
laughed and accepted one, although she really was pretty full. “Oh, it’s good.”

Jessica
beamed. “No need to sound surprised.”

Gabe
took one too, eating his in three bites. When she saw a little powdered sugar
on his jaw, she reached up without thinking to brush it off.

She
kind of liked his expression as he gazed at her. It felt warm, intimate. Not at
all what she was used to.

But
when she turned back, everyone around was watching them with that silly, cheesy
expression that made her cringe. Like they were all so pleased she was in love.

She
wasn’t in love. She was married to Gabe, but it was a purely practical
arrangement.

He’d
had sugar on his face, so she’d brushed it off for him. It was a decent thing
to do. Not a sign that they were some sort of sappy, hackneyed couple.

She
shifted away from Gabe slightly, and he dropped his arm.

***

She felt more herself on
the way home, once all the intrusive eyes were no longer on them. Ellie had
evidently had a really good time, and she was in a particularly happy mood. And
Gabe was teasing her about the Christmas presents he’d bought for her, some
that she would never guess.

Ellie
tried to guess anyway, calling out increasingly extravagant possibilities.
Lydia couldn’t help but join in, guessing an apple tree, a ball gown, and a
zebra, and causing Ellie to laugh hysterically at each one.