A Family Holiday (28 page)

Esther looked across the small beach, ‘looks like someone was here before us,’ she said, indicating the rake marks in the sand. Charlie hadn’t noticed them, but it made her smile to think that Blue had bothered to come out and set up the treasure hunt and rake the beach of seaweed. They found a shady spot under a clump of precarious-looking palm trees that were bowing down to the sand, laid out their towels and settled themselves without conversation, instead exchanging the odd half-smile.

Charlie glanced across at Esther’s book and was surprised to see she was reading
The Catcher in the Rye
. Esther saw her looking and raised her eyebrows.

‘Any good?’ asked Charlie.

‘It’s an odd one,’ said Esther, studying the cover, ‘mainly in flashbacks covering key themes of rebellion, identity and independence. I’m not a fan of first-person narrative but it works well here.’

‘Right,’ said Charlie, surprised by the articulate response.

‘How’s yours?’

‘Good,’ said Charlie. Esther smiled and went back to reading.

Charlie must have nodded off as she was woken by squeals of delight. She quickly wiped her mouth in case she’d been dribbling, and sat up. Millie came running across the sand waving a pirate flag. ‘We found the treasure, Charlie!’ George was following her and was carrying what looked like a treasure chest but, as it got closer, Charlie could see that it was a large cardboard box that had been painted to look like one.

‘Wow!’ said Charlie, ‘What’s in the treasure chest?’

‘Don’t know yet,’ said George. ‘Blue said we had to open it together.’ George looked so relaxed and happy since he’d been in Antigua; the anger was long gone, the boredom had subsided and it was good to see him having fun. He placed the box down on the sand between Charlie and Esther. Esther was looking hopefully at the trees from where they had appeared. Blue and Ted strode out together laughing and both Charlie and Esther instinctively leant forward.

Charlie watched the two men and it struck her for the first time that Ted had become a young man. His stance was different, he was walking upright, not the slouchy teenage lollop she was used to seeing in London. He had a purposeful stride that kept pace with Blue and he was looking more muscular than before, though his tan was perhaps emphasising that. Charlie looked at Esther and saw the adoration in her eyes, and it worried her.

Ted flicked his hair; it was sun-streaked and ridiculously long. She never had sorted out that hairdresser. ‘You’ll all need haircuts before
…
’ Charlie realised she was saying her thoughts out loud and she stopped; she didn’t want to spoil the moment by mentioning their departure, but it appeared no one had noticed until Esther chipped in, ‘I could cut their hair. If you wanted me to.’

Charlie was expecting a lot of dissent from the troops but Ted led the chorus, ‘Yeah, great idea. Thanks Est.’ His easy acceptance was yet more evidence that he was growing up.

Millie was kneeling and jigging up and down on her heels as the anticipation powered her body.

‘Go on, Mills, you can open it now,’ said George, having a quick look over his shoulder to check that Blue was concurring with his instruction. Blue gave him a friendly slap on the back as he knelt down next to Charlie. Ted folded himself onto Esther’s towel and she leaned into him.

Millie edged forward and slowly lifted the lid of the treasure box, her eyes widening as the inside was revealed. ‘Wow!’ she shouted, pushed the lid off and thrust her hands inside. She pulled out handfuls of toy gold coins and piled them onto the edge of Charlie’s towel. More digging revealed some beaded necklaces and bracelets or ‘jewels’ as Millie declared them. Millie shared some jewels with Eleanor as George lost interest and sat back on the sand.

‘Is that everything?’ asked Blue.

‘Yes,’ said Millie, sticking her head inside the box.

‘Are you sure?’ asked Blue with a wink, which made Eleanor’s face join Millie’s in the box.

‘There’s a false bottom!’ yelled Eleanor.

‘Bottom!’ giggled Millie, falling back against Charlie, who instinctively caught her in her arms.

Eleanor wrenched a large piece of cardboard out of the box and half threw it to Charlie. She took it from her and noted that someone had taken the trouble to paint it to look like wood planks. She felt that someone watching her and she looked up. She and Blue exchanged weak smiles. Eleanor still had her head in the box.

‘There are bags for all of us,’ said Eleanor, starting to hand out the brown paper bags. Each one had a neatly folded top, sealed with a skull and crossbones sticker and marked with their first names. ‘Esther,’ she said, handing her the first bag; as Esther leaned past Ted to reach it, the fact that she rubbed her cleavage against his arm was not missed by Charlie.

‘Thanks,’ said Esther to both Eleanor and Blue. All eyes were on her as she opened the bag and for the first time she looked quite shy. She reached in and took out a pen set, which she appeared genuinely pleased with and an Antigua bookmark, which made her smile. She crawled over the sand to kiss Blue a thank you, and Charlie noted the bird’s-eye view that she and Blue had received of her abundant cleavage.

Eleanor handed out the other bags. Millie’s revealed a pink flowery umbrella of the telescopic variety, which she was now waving in the air as she danced in the sand. George had a shark’s tooth on a leather cord, as well as a musket ball from roughly the same time as when Nelson and his troops would have occupied the island.

Eleanor was thrilled with a photograph of Mr Wriggly in a shell-encrusted frame. ‘I got the photo from Fleur,’ said Blue, ‘but you can put anything in it,’ he added and he gave her a hug. Charlie was pleased by Eleanor’s smiley face as, had he asked her, she would have advised against it for fear of Eleanor being upset. Ted opened his bag and pulled out a watch identical to Blue’s; he forgot himself and bear-hugged Blue without any word of thanks, but it seemed the hug was more than enough for Blue. There was a lot of mutual manly slapping and Ted put the watch on.

Charlie was feeling a sense of tense anticipation of what was in her bag and she was tempted to say that she’d open it later, but the expectant faces forced her to unfasten it. She peered inside with caution, as if surveying a volatile substance. Inside was a small velvet box. Charlie stared at it as it sat in the unassuming paper bag.

‘Come on, Charlie, what’s in there?’ asked Ted. Charlie looked up, terror etched on her face. She knew it was a ring box. What was Blue playing at? Had she been watching this in a film she would have thought what a marvellous setting for a proposal, but now, sitting here with a key role in a script she was not controlling, she was petrified. All the same, she reached in and pulled out the innocent box.

‘Open it,’ urged Esther. I bet you wish this were you, thought Charlie bitterly.

As if on autopilot, Charlie opened the small box, her eyes not immediately registering its contents. Millie appeared at her shoulder, ‘Ooh, pretty ear things!’ she cooed and skipped away. Charlie breathed again and blinked.

‘If you don’t like them, you can swap them,’ said Blue, with caution in his voice.

‘They’re lovely,’ she said, looking up at his hesitant face. She noticed the disappointment in Esther, who had shrunk back to Ted’s side. She too must have made the same assumption as Charlie. ‘Thank you,’ Charlie added, somewhat belatedly. Now feeling embarrassed by her ridiculous assumption that he was giving her a ring.

‘Right, who’s up for a game of cricket before lunch?’ said Blue, getting to his feet, and he was met by a mixture of cheers and groans.

George was victorious at cricket thanks to his brother’s generosity of spirit at not catching the two balls he skied. Everyone was now flaked out on the sand, either reading or sunbathing, apart from Millie, who was merrily burying her own legs, something of a new favourite pastime. Charlie was keeping a watchful eye over the top of her book. She thought Blue was asleep next to her until he leant up on one elbow. ‘Fancy a walk around the island?’

Charlie pulled a face. ‘Not keen on leaving them.’

Esther put her book down. ‘We’ll watch them. Won’t we Ted?’ Ted was dozing, with his arm covering his eyes. He waved his hand slightly, which Charlie took to be his acceptance. Blue pulled Charlie to her feet and kept hold of her hand as they walked off along the beach. She liked the gesture; the closeness and she didn’t want to let go.

They strolled slowly and in silence for a while. Blue with his feet in the filter-clear water and Charlie next to him, her feet sinking into the damp sand.

‘I feel I owe you some answers,’ said Blue, his voice soft.

‘You don’t owe me anything.’

‘Well, I’m going to tell you some things anyway as they might help you to understand why I’m the way I am.’

Charlie kept quiet. She would never have asked, but if he was going to volunteer that was fine, as long as he wasn’t expecting a mutual outpouring from her.

‘Did Toby ever tell you about our brother, Seth, and what happened?’

‘Seth died, didn’t he?’

Blue looked down at his feet as they ambled along and let out a long, slow breath. ‘I killed him.’

Charlie stopped walking and tried to look Blue in the eye, but he was staring, unblinking, at his own feet. ‘Explain,’ she said gently.

‘The summer I was twelve, Seth and Tobes were meant to be looking after me. I was a lot younger than them, a bit of an afterthought on Mum and Dad’s part, I think. Anyway, we used to spend days messing about down by the river near our house. We weren’t meant to, but you know?’ Charlie nodded her understanding and they started to walk again, perfectly in time with each other.

‘We’d been flying my kite and I’d got it stuck in a tree. We couldn’t reach it but I wouldn’t give up. It was time to get back and I decided to have one last go, so I climbed up the tree. I thought if I kept going higher I would be able to grab it.’

‘That sounds a lot like, George.’

‘Yeah, I see a lot of me in him. He needs a close eye,’ said Blue, before returning to the story. ‘Seth was shouting at me to get down and I wouldn’t. I thought I knew best. Eventually he lost his temper and started to climb up after me. Except he chose a slightly different route via the branches that overhung the river.’ Blue took another deep breath and Charlie squeezed his hand. ‘He was really cross and he wasn’t concentrating on the climbing. He missed his footing and slipped. He banged his head as he went down and he landed in the river. He went under and that was it. Tobes dived in but he couldn’t see anything. I was frozen to the tree like a fly to a web, unable to do anything. Toby shouted at me to get help, but I couldn’t move. Toby lost his temper, got out of the river and pulled me down,’ he said, rubbing the scar on his chin. ‘So that’s it. It was my fault Seth died.’

‘Blue, that’s an awful thing to have witnessed and I can see why you blame yourself, but it wasn’t your fault. It was an accident.’

‘Yeah, that’s what the therapist said. I realise now, as I watch George, that I was only doing what kids do. I guess I’m starting to see that it was really bad luck, but it was an accident that I caused so it was my fault.’

‘It says a lot about you that you didn’t take the easy option. It’s easy to blame other people. It’s far harder to look to yourself for the answers.’

‘That’s a good quote, who said that?’ asked Blue.

‘Someone I used to know,’ said Charlie, uneasy at the sudden change of attention in her direction.

‘Charlie, this someone, was that your mother?’

Charlie half-snorted her reply, ‘No! What made you think that?’

‘It’s the way you often have these pearls of advice that someone has given you. Who was it, then?’

It was Charlie’s turn to stare at her feet and take in a deep breath. ‘It wasn’t one person, it was lots of people. Some I remember better than others; I was given a whole lot of advice when I was younger. Just about everyone had something to impart. I only remember the useful stuff.’

‘Who were all these people? Friends? Family?’

‘Foster parents mainly, social workers, advisers, some behavioural therapists. All sorts. I was in care from a young age, shuffled about by Social Services, so there were lots of different people. They all had a crack at ‘sorting me out’.’

‘That must have been tough?’

‘Meh,’ said Charlie with a sardonic shrug. ‘Some people have it much worse. I’m still here to tell the tale.’

‘Still, it can’t have been easy. Do you have any family?’

‘I thought we were talking about Seth?’ she said, nudging his ribs with her elbow.

‘Not a lot else to say, really.’ He shrugged his shoulders but Charlie was gesturing for him to continue. ‘We all muddled along as best we could. Tobes went to uni and I stayed home and got fussed over by our parents. Mum was diagnosed with cancer, most likely the stress of Seth’s death, and she went to join him a few months after being diagnosed. Dad and I tried to carry on but it was all too much for him, really; he got old before his time. He had a variety of illnesses and then, when I was at uni, Tobes turned up unannounced to take me home and I knew Dad had gone, and that was it. That was the moment it all came crashing down around me. I realised that I had killed them all.’ He stopped and took hold of Charlie’s other hand. ‘I make it sound all dramatic and I don’t mean to. It’s how I felt at the time. I needed to get away. I felt I needed to get away from Toby, so that I didn’t jinx his life too.’

‘Jinx? Now that would have been a better nickname than Blue.’

Blue laughed, the mood between them was one of calm understanding. He leaned forward and kissed her ever so tenderly.

‘That was presumptuous of me. I’m sorry.’

Charlie felt the sensation caress her body and she smiled. Surrounded by paradise this was a moment she would always remember. ‘Forgiven.’

‘Do you see now why I can’t get close to the kids?’

‘No,’ said Charlie calmly, ‘I’ll never understand that. And, despite what you say, I think you are getting close to them.’

The beach ended and they climbed up some low rocks onto the narrowed middle of the elongated island. This part of the island was still green but rocky and Charlie was glad of her aqua shoes to protect her feet. Blue was like a mountain goat and bounded over the undulating surface with ease in his bare feet. They were soon on the higher side of the island. This side had no beach, the cliff edge dropping into the bright-blue sea beneath. There was a good view of the other islands from here and Blue went into tour-guide mode and rattled off their names and key birdlife. After sitting in silence for a while they eventually walked back through the trees and Blue showed Charlie the large sandy hole where the children had dug up the pirate treasure earlier.

‘You went to a lot of trouble for the children today. Thanks.’

‘You’re welcome. They’re lovely kids. They’re coping well, with everything.’

‘I think so, but that will all change when we get back to London.’

‘Why should it? I’m sure they’ll be fine.’

‘Blue, you need to wake up and smell the Americano, my friend. They won’t be fine unless we do something to sort out the guardianship.’ Her voice was even and gentle.

‘That again,’ said Blue, the frustration evident in his voice. ‘You have got yourself in too deep, you need to distance yourself. Look at it from another angle. Look at it from the point of view of the carefree single young woman you’re meant to be.’

‘I can’t walk away. The children need me.’

‘Do they? Or is it really that
you
need to be needed?’

‘What do you mean by that?’ Charlie felt the calm mood leave her instantly.

‘Are you letting your hang up about Social Services cloud your judgement? You could be denying them the opportunity to find a new family. It does happen. You could be making them miss out on an opportunity of a better life.’

‘If you honestly believe that the perfect family is sitting there waiting to take on four children, you are on another planet. First of all they will go into foster care while they wait to find this imaginary, perfect family. The chances of finding a foster family that can take all four together are ridiculously slim. If they’re lucky, they might keep Ted and George together in one placement and Eleanor and Millie in another.’

‘You’re looking at this from the worst-case scenario…’

‘No, I’m being realistic! Millie is the only one who stands a good chance of being adopted. Most adoptive parents want a baby or young child, which is always going to be their preference. I’ve heard of prospective adopters turning down three-year-olds because they wanted younger children.’

‘Don’t you think…?’

‘I’ve not finished yet. Millie might be adopted and her new parents might let her see her siblings occasionally but they might not. As soon as George and Eleanor start playing up they will get moved on to the next foster family, Ted the same, but because he’s older he’ll probably end up in a children’s home, where he’ll learn how to lie, fight and run away. I know, because it happened to me! And that is why I can’t walk away – it’s got sod all to do with what I need!’ and, with that, Charlie turned and stormed off. Blue sighed heavily as he watched her go.

Charlie could feel her fingernails digging into her palms and took a deep breath before releasing them. She wanted to lash out, to hit something and ideally that something would be Blue and with something a lot more substantial than a wet kipper. If she were a toddler, this is the point where she would be rolling on the floor screaming. She kicked a nearby tree and discovered how flimsy her aqua shoes were. She stood hopping on the spot and swearing.

‘Um, you do know the others can hear you swearing,’ said Ted, appearing, as if from nowhere. He pointed through the trees to the beach, where she could see the children mid-cricket match. Charlie realised that she and Blue must have walked a full circuit of the island.

‘Sorry. Can I have a go in bat?’ she asked, limping her way out of the trees.

The noise of the busy airport hummed in her ears as Fleur stood over Rob. The strong arm on her shoulder was urging her to turn around. She was about to fight against that, too, when she looked up to see a familiar face. Fleur threw herself into her father’s arms and clung to him.

‘Mr VB! Nice to see you, as always. Could you give us a hand here?’ said Rob, from his supine position on the airport tiles.

‘No. You can piss off, Rob,’ he said, as he put one protective arm around his daughter, picked up the handle of her case and, without taking his malicious stare off Rob, he stepped over him.

‘Ah, Mr VB, don’t be like that. We’re the same, you and me…’ but nobody was listening.

The car journey home was uncomfortable for them both but it was Fleur who broke the prickly silence. ‘I’m sorry, Pa. I shouldn’t have been cross with you offering Rob the money and the flat and everything. I know you were trying to help. I should have directed my anger at Rob. I can see that now.’

Her father glanced away from the traffic for a moment, ‘I didn’t offer him anything. He came to me with the proposition,’ he said firmly.

Fleur blinked slowly. ‘Actually, that makes more sense,’ she said, feeling even more of a fool. Why hadn’t she seen through Rob’s lies? ‘How have things been at home?’

‘Odd without you,’ he said, with a quick glance at her. ‘Your mother has fallen in love with Wriggly. I fear we might have to get a dog when he goes.’

‘Well, let’s see what happens with Charlie and the children first. Wriggly might yet need adopting.’

Mr Van Benton took his hand off the steering wheel to pat his daughter’s hand affectionately, ‘You’re a good girl, Fleur.’

She smiled and returned his hand to the steering wheel. The motorway was hazardous enough without him driving one-handed – look at what happened to the Cobleys, she thought.

‘So how was the holiday?’

‘You’d like Antigua. Beautiful beaches, really pretty island. The Cobleys had picked a beautiful spot…’ Fleur paused. ‘That’s why they were going there. God, I am thick.’

Her father laughed and looked puzzled.

‘Toby’s brother, Felix, runs a boat company near to where the villa was. Toby must have tracked him down. I can’t believe I didn’t work that out before,’ she mused, as she chuckled to herself. ‘Felix is actually a good person and he’s great with the kids.’

‘Does that mean the guardian problem is solved?’

‘I wish it was that straightforward,’ she said, shaking her head.

After a few patches of rainy bumper-to-bumper queues, they eventually pulled into the drive and Mrs Van Benton instantly appeared, almost running out of the front door, and Fleur felt a lurch of guilt at what she must have put her mother through.

After a few tears and mutual apologies they settled down in the kitchen as another rain shower battered the garden furniture outside. Everything looked the same, but Fleur somehow felt different. She felt that she was starting to take responsibility and make her own choices, and more importantly her own decisions. Wriggly had definitely settled in well and was sitting on Mrs Van Benton’s lap, licking her fingers affectionately.