A Family Holiday (30 page)

Charlie wanted to ask questions. She wanted to manage her own expectations. ‘Why?’

‘It’s important, Charlie,’ his expression pained. ‘That’s all I can say right now.’

‘Okay,’ she shrugged. ‘How’s Ted?’

‘Grumpy, but he’ll get over it. Don’t worry.’ She watched him run back through the picture-postcard scene to the boat and she wasn’t convinced that the back view of Blue running wasn’t even better than the front.

There had been something in his voice that gave her the merest glimmer of hope. This was last-chance-saloon territory that they were entering. She had wanted Blue to get to the right answer on his own, but she had hoped it would have been a lot quicker than this.

Her attention was pulled back to the hotel pool and the game where Millie was Princess Seaweed and George was her pet dragon; it was an interesting twist on a classic legend, she thought. The children were all laughing and Millie was dishing out her orders, which were barely audible due to the giggling. It was certainly a sight to commit to her memory photo album.

The day went by as if someone had it on fast-forward, despite Charlie’s best efforts to make it drag out. There had been lots of laughter and lots of silliness and it warmed her soul to have witnessed it. She felt calm, which was something new, and she guessed it might be close to the peaceful place that Blue had talked about.

When Blue arrived, dressed quite smartly for him, Charlie had all the children sitting waiting in the living room. Ted was on the floor with his ear buds in and a face that would frighten a troll.

‘Hiya, folks. Let’s go!’ said Blue, waving everyone towards the door. Millie was already disappearing before Charlie could get her words out, ‘I thought you wanted to talk to us all together?’

‘Er, yeah. But not here. Down to the boat, everyone.’ He gave Charlie what she expected was meant to be a reassuring wink, but she had no idea what he was trying to convey. She shook her head at him and he grinned back. ‘Lovely dress, Elle. Green suits you.’

‘Thanks,’ smiled Eleanor as she skipped out of the room. Ted lumbered to his feet, his sloped shoulders had returned and made a great picture together with his miserable face. George was talking at him, but there wasn’t even a flicker of recognition as they left the room.

Blue put his arm round Charlie’s waist. ‘Relax,’ he said, giving her a gentle squeeze. ‘You smell nice.’

‘Hello Darling,’ she replied.

‘And hello to you too, darling,’ he said, his eyebrows dancing.

‘The smell is my Victoria’s Secret body cream, it’s called ‘Hello Darling’.’

‘Oh, right. Yeah, of course,’ he said shaking his head slightly at his mistake.

The walk down to the beach seemed to take longer than it ever had before. Ted was walking as if his pumps were made of concrete but the others were marching on obliviously. Charlie sent Blue on ahead so that she could grab some time with Ted.

‘Have you sorted things out with Esther?’ asked Charlie. Ted didn’t change his focus from the ground and didn’t show any sign that he had heard her. He flicked his hair out of his eyes and straightened slightly.

‘She won’t speak to me,’ he said, his voice a gruff monotone. When had that changed, she thought?

‘She’ll be pissed off with you for a bit, but she’ll come round.’

‘But what’s the point? I won’t be here when she does.’ He quickened his pace and started to jog to catch the others, as if running away from the conversation.

The boat ride was short and, as the engines slowed, everyone recognised where they were going to moor up. Tiny Ibis Island was awash with white fairy lights and a party was already underway on the beach. The small group included Berta, Esther and some staff from the hotel who were all either clapping or waving at their arrival. Millie started to jump up and down on the boat, her excitement overflowing.

‘Surprise!’ said Blue, belatedly. Tigi waded in and helped Blue secure the boat in the shallows before carrying the children to the sand. Blue took Charlie into his arms and, for once, she didn’t struggle or protest. The strength of him was reassuring, his body tantalisingly close to hers, and a moment later she was standing on the sand watching him pass things off the boat to Tigi.

The calypso was the happy pulse of the party beating out a steady tempo. A few people were dancing on the sand as the heat from two oil-drum barbecues blurred the picture. There was masses of food all lined up waiting to be cooked and Ted quickly took charge of one of the barbecues that was laden with the biggest prawns Charlie had ever seen. She was glad she’d brought the camera so she could take a picture of George eating one.

Blue had set up a coconut shy, with the aim being to see how many you could knock off with five cricket balls. Tigi quickly took the top score, despite George’s best efforts to beat him. Millie nearly took out Berta when she strayed within five metres of the shy. Despite Millie not knocking off any, she was still insistent that she’d won and was now walking around hugging and talking to her coconut.

‘Limbo!’ announced Blue, driving two large poles into the sand. Anyone over ten groaned, but was soon jollied out of it by the sight of Millie and her coconut limbo-ing under an imaginary bar between the poles.

‘Let me show you how it is done,’ said Tigi, when the bar was in place. ‘Now, none of this walking like a zombie that’s pooed his pants,’ he said, stretching his arms out in front of himself and bending his legs to fit his own description perfectly.

‘He’s right, you know, all the tourists look like that when they do the limbo,’ said Blue. Tigi changed his stance, widened his gait and wiggled himself to nearly horizontal before he almost danced under the bar like a crab, to rapturous applause.

‘This is precisely why you won’t catch me doing it!’ said Charlie.

‘But it’s compulsory. They won’t let you leave the Caribbean unless you have made an enormous fool of yourself doing limbo,’ and Tigi took her hand and dragged her to join the end of the line. The bar had been raised for the uninitiated. Blue took his turn. He had a good rhythm and his hips were flexing erotically. Charlie found it very hard to concentrate on anything else. The bar wasn’t very low but Blue was almost on the sand as he went underneath.

Charlie wished she had stuck at the yoga classes – they might have been of help right now. As she waited for her turn, she noticed Ted and Esther were standing together talking and, from what she could make out, it looked amicable. Charlie hitched up her dress, put her hands out in front of her and tried very hard not to look like a zombie.

‘Zombie!’ shouted Millie repeatedly as she ran under the limbo pole without ducking.

Charlie made it underneath with a little space and with a small amount of her dignity intact. Blue wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. ‘I’ve discovered that I fancy zombies.’ He took her hand and, as the limbo continued, they disappeared into the trees and were soon on the rocky side of the island. There was no breeze tonight but there were a few clouds. They sat down and watched the sunset in silence, with the music and laughter a minor and distant interruption.

‘This little island is amazing. I take it you have permission to use it?’

‘Kind of,’ said Blue. ‘I’ve a friend who’s a real-estate agent and she’s selling the island for a client. They moved away years ago but hoped one day to come back but
…
I don’t know what happened but they never did. She’s very happy for me to show it off to prospective clients and what better way to show them what an amazing place it would be than to hold a lime?’

‘You scammer! Who’s supposed to be the prospective client?’ asked Charlie.

‘That’d be you.’

‘If it’s anything under a hundred dollars I’ll take it!’ They both chuckled but it wasn’t easy laughter for either of them.

Blue had his arm around Charlie. ‘You’re tense,’ he said, giving her an affectionate squeeze. Charlie didn’t really know how to respond without sounding totally dramatic.

‘I’m kind of still waiting for us to have the important talk you mentioned.’ She kept her gaze on the dropping sun, the colours in the clouds changing from gold to pink before her eyes.

Blue hung his head, his eyes downcast. ‘That was just the line I used to get you all to the party. Nothing has changed, Charlie. I still feel the same about you.’

‘If you care as much as you say you do, why won’t you do this for me?’

Blue leant back onto the hard stone and Charlie watched as the sun disappeared behind the last pillow of cloud and turned it a deep orange.

‘I know you love the children, Charlie, but it’s not just about them.’

‘It’s all that matters to me. I’m sorry, Blue, that’s the way I feel. I don’t understand how you can cut them out of your life.’ She felt the emotion bubble inside and had to swallow hard and concentrate to keep it under control.

‘I will keep in touch with them, I promise.’

‘A letter once a year when they’re sat round a stranger’s Christmas tree will not make everything better.’ She surprised herself at how calm she was.

‘I know that you believe me being their guardian is their best option but I’m not convinced. There must be some other way. I can’t help feeling that if I’m their only hope then they’re doomed,’ he said, before emitting a deep sigh. ‘What is it that you want, Charlie? Children aside, what do you want from life?’

Charlie stopped herself from sounding like a parrot by taking a moment to think. To try to push the children to one side for a second and answer his question; he deserved that at least.

‘I’ve always wanted to be part of a proper family.’ She started to laugh when she saw the pity in Blue’s eyes. ‘I didn’t mean to sound that pathetic. But it’s the truth, it’s what I’ve always wanted and it’s why I can’t bear to see this one torn apart.’

‘I can’t promise you a family, Charlie, and I don’t have much, but I can offer you a new start here with me. And who knows where it might lead?’

Charlie was about to protest when they were both distracted by footsteps nearby. Blue put his finger to his lips and, without making a sound, carefully got to his feet. He crouched for a few moments, listening to the direction the footsteps were heading and, when they couldn’t hear them any more, he crept away into the trees. Charlie threw her head back and quelled the desire to scream out her frustration. Why was it so hard to get through to him?

Blue returned after a few minutes looking flustered. He rubbed his chin and pointed into the trees. ‘I think you might need to intervene.’

‘Why? What’s up?’ said Charlie, instinctively getting to her feet.

‘I think Ted and Esther have disappeared to
…
to make hot dogs,’ said Blue, cringing at his own phrase.

‘Christ, Blue, why didn’t you stop them?’

Charlie ran into the trees and suddenly realised how dark it was. She stood still and listened. She could hear her heart beating, but nothing else. She closed her eyes to give her ears an advantage. She heard a noise to her left and started tentatively heading in that direction, pushing through the bushes. As she got closer she could hear muffled voices and a stifled giggle. Charlie started stomping on the spot and as soon as she heard the voices swearing, she stomped towards them, which was quite tricky in flip-flops. As she pushed vegetation out of the way she found them. They started to rearrange their clothes at high speed.

‘Oh, um, hiya, Tigi. Berta. Sorry, I got lost
…
thanks for the party and everything,’ and, with that, she almost ran back to Blue, who had followed her into the trees a little and was now trying to creep out.

‘You idiot! It was Tigi and Berta!’ she said, slapping him on the behind.

‘Sorry, I assumed
…
’

‘You didn’t check who it was?’ but Charlie was already laughing and her sides were starting to hurt. ‘Come on, let’s get back to the party,’ she said, putting an arm around Blue’s middle.

‘I love you, Charlie.’

They both stopped walking and Charlie slowly turned to face Blue. She studied his face and looked into the Cobley blue eyes, but she had no words to reply with, so she kissed him instead.

It appeared they had only missed the toasting of the marshmallows and the best part of a game of French cricket, the excitement of which appeared to have been heightened by Millie’s sugar intake. A short while later Millie flopped down onto Charlie’s lap and Charlie knew it was time to go. Blue gazed at Charlie and watched Millie snuggling into her. Without a word, Blue stood up, went and said good night to people and started rounding up the other children.

The boat ride back to the bay was somewhat morose, like the last journey of the condemned. The smiles were gone; Millie’s and Eleanor’s had faded into sleep. Charlie watched Ibis Island disappear and immediately felt the loss; it was the perfect piece of paradise. Blue and Ted took the children back to the villa and let Charlie have a few minutes to herself on the beach.

Charlie held her flip-flops in her hand and swung them rhythmically as she meandered slowly across the deserted beach. The sea whispered to her, calming her senses as it methodically caressed the sand.

A few hours ago the sun had been up and the beach had been alive with bright, happy people. The sand had glowed flashbulb-white and the sea had been its usual felt-tip blue but now they were on the moon’s shift and it was as if the whole scene had been painted over with a colourwash in office-block grey.

She sat down and hugged her knees to her and stared across the beach and out to sea. She wriggled her toes into the cool sand and gazed at the mass of glimmering silver that the surface of the sea had become.

Charlie thought about her time in Antigua. Four weeks ago, she had stepped into paradise and firmly closed the door on reality. Had it been the right thing to do? They had all made memories they would never forget, so that was one box ticked. They had found Felix, or rather Blue, which was something she never bargained for. She shut her eyes for a moment and let herself think about how she felt about him. If she could put aside her frustration over the children’s situation, then her feelings towards Blue were very different. It was such an intense emotion and nothing before had ever come close, nothing had ever felt so right. It was as if all those clichéd lines in the books Fleur liked to read suddenly made sense.

If it had only been him and her, she knew she would be staying in Antigua, but it wasn’t just the two of them; the children were relying on her and she wasn’t about to let them down. She knew that this time tomorrow she would be on a plane to London and she was trying hard not to think about what the real world had in store for her.

Where was there in London that she could wander alone at night and let her thoughts drift off into the black hole of darkness? She could try Hyde Park, but that was a bit like displaying a flashing sign saying ‘Victim seeks assailant. Apply now.’

As she strolled up the villa steps she could hear the argument drifting out on the warm evening air as it competed with the tree-frog chorus for her attention. At first she thought it was Ted and George, but as she quickened her pace up the steps she could hear that it was Ted and Blue.

‘… you’re the adult, you’re meant to take responsibility, but it’s all superficial isn’t it? You want to play happy families to impress Charlie, but you couldn’t give a stuff what happens to us!’ yelled Ted.

‘I do care, that’s why I can’t get involved. I’m a nightmare. I’m the nut job you said I was…’

‘Er, volume, people! The others will hear you!’ hissed Charlie when she found them on the veranda. They were standing dangerously close to each other and looked moments away from squaring up.

‘They’re asleep,’ said Blue, taking a step back.

‘I doubt it. I could hear you from the road.’

‘Everything’s okay,’ said Blue, splaying out his hands as if about to join a séance, a gesture Charlie guessed was meant to make him appear in control of the situation, despite looking very out of his depth.

‘No, it isn’t! This family holiday isn’t some massive coincidence, you know. Dad must have booked this villa because he wanted us to get to know you and you want to bin us after four weeks. Then what? See you again in another six years!’

‘Ted, I’m really sorry,’ he said, before turning towards Charlie. ‘I think I’d better go. I’ll call round tomorrow to see you off. Tigi is going to take you to the airport. I’m no good at airport good-byes,’ Blue said, with a ponderous smile.

‘Oh, save us the sob story and don’t bother coming round here tomorrow, we can say good-bye now. Bye Blue,’ said Ted, holding out his hand to shake, his chest moving rapidly with the effort of containing his temper. Blue hesitated before shaking.

‘Bye, mate, take care.’

‘I’m going to bed,’ said Ted, and for the first time he kissed Charlie’s cheek before leaving the room, just as he used to do with Helen. Charlie blinked. Despite everything, the wave of joy she felt wrapped around her like a blanket and made her smile. Blue was giving her a very odd look.

‘Sorry,’ said Charlie.

‘He’s a bit hot-headed. I was like that once.’

‘He’s not like you,’ snapped Charlie, feeling suddenly protective. ‘He cares about his family.’

‘Right,’ said Blue, with a cursory nod, brushing past her as he left.

‘Charlie!’ yelled Eleanor. Charlie was already out of bed and across the landing before she was properly awake. She found Eleanor standing in the bathroom pointing at the toilet bowl. Charlie blinked and tried to focus. It was morning and she had managed very little sleep.