A Fine Mess (Over the Top) (15 page)

I pick my nails and curl my toes and try my best to act normal. Kevin and I trade small smiles, and he heads for the living room. I glance up the stairs, another thump confirming Grace is hard at work packing up Jim’s life.

I force my feet to move toward the living room.

After hugging Kevin’s sisters and sharing memories with them and my folks, we discuss the funeral arrangements, then the conversation drifts to the everyday: my trip to Belize, Amanda’s upcoming wedding, Kevin’s job. Life goes on. Each set of eyes in the room drifts toward the ceiling now and again, acknowledging Grace’s odd behavior, my pulse galloping the whole while.

Eventually, I pull my mother into the kitchen. “Is Grace donating everything?”

I stand, stiff, as my mother straightens my cotton sweater. With her bright skin and shiny blond hair, people often mistake her for younger than her fifty-four years, but shadows cradle her eyes. She glances at the ceiling and shakes her head. “It appears that way. There’s no right or wrong when it comes to coping. As long as she keeps the essentials, this might be exactly what she needs, to keep herself busy. Remove some of the everyday reminders. Who can say, really?”

I pick at my nail, and my thumb slips, cutting into my cuticle. A drop of blood pushes to the surface, and I suck it off. This could be what I need to heal, too. Gather Jim’s things and store them, as though my anxiety is a runaway train, Jim’s belongings the emergency brake. If my mother knew my intentions, would she be this understanding? Not that it matters. I’ll never tell her, and it has to be done. Sawyer is coming, and he can’t see me like this. If I don’t take Jim’s things to my property, my cuticles will be raw and bloody, my movements jerky with agitation. He’ll know.

“I’ll take care of the boxes,” I say quickly. “I’ll rent a van and drive it all to the Salvation Army.”

This is healthy. This is normal.
Normal, normal, normal.

I slide my fingers over the beaded belt looped through my jeans:
A girl’s house goes up in flames as she gathers what’s left of her possessions.

My mother’s eyes shine with wetness. “That’s thoughtful. I’m sure it would be a big help. And I’m so glad you had a nice time in Belize. After everything with Kevin, I’m sure it was needed.”

Although I told them about the snorkeling and paddleboarding (
some
of the paddleboarding) in the living room, I didn’t mention my travel companion. Kevin side-eyed me the whole time but didn’t spill my missing detail. Suddenly shy, I knock my knees together. “You know Sawyer, the guy I work for?”

“At Moondog? Sure.”

I picture him on our last day, sunglasses on, loose button-down blowing in the breeze, easy grin. I practically feel his arms holding me together. My body melts at the memory, and I lean into the island countertop. “We’ve started seeing each other. He actually met me in Belize.”

She frowns. “Are you sure dating your boss is a good idea?”

“It’s more like we work together than the whole boss/employee thing. We feed off each other creatively, make a great team. I’m not worried.”

“Does Kevin know?”

I nod. “He says he’s fine with it, but I’m not sure. Either way, we were both ready to move on when we broke up. It lasted longer than it should have.”

“Well, you know I love that boy like family, but I think you both made the right choice. You should be passionate about the man in your life. Just don’t rush into anything with Sawyer. Working with the person you’re dating, especially if he’s your boss, can add complications. Take your time.”

Kind of hard when I’m already in love with him. Instead of acknowledging the statement, I say, “He’s actually flying in. He’ll be here in a few days, the day after the funeral. I hope it’s okay if he stays with us.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Was I too late for the don’t-rush-in speech?”

“Maybe?”

She tucks a few stray hairs behind my ear. “You’re old enough to make your own decisions, just be careful. And of course he can stay with us. I’d like to meet him. Especially if he’s putting that blush on your cheeks. It’s nice to have some happy with the sad.” She sighs and looks around the kitchen. “I still can’t believe Jim’s gone. And poor Grace. You should go up and see her. I’m sure she’d like that.”

Reluctantly, I go. Grace’s bobbed hair covers her red-rimmed eyes every time she bends over a box, packing, organizing. Coping. The finality of death. We talk about Jim’s recent fishing trip and the good life he led. The room swims when she places his fishing hat inside a carton:
Rocking in a boat on Lake Eugenia while Jim helps me reel in a perch.
Immediately, I offer to cart his things away. Her tears spill over, mine following as I twist my hands. She hugs me fiercely, like she can’t breathe with his things here. I can’t breathe with them gone.

Her exhalation will be my inhalation. Her purge my safety net.

Once Jim’s boxes are safely at my farmhouse, everything will go back to normal.

I’ll be normal.

Normal, normal, normal.

There are better ways to meet your girlfriend’s parents for the first time than the day after a funeral. Especially when the funeral is for her ex-boyfriend’s father. Still, there’s no chance I’m staying away. Lily’s been weird since she found out, upset, naturally, but jittery, too. She rambles more—talking quickly like she does when she’s nervous. I bet her nail polish is history, her cuticles picked to shit. I just hope it’s not because she misses Kevin.

Not that I look at the guy as competition.

Kevin’s no match for me, but he and Lily have history, eleven-plus years of history, and Lily isn’t one for change. Might be time to man up and tell her I’m in love with her. Words I didn’t think I’d ever say. Nico is Mr. I Love You. The dude falls fast, showering women with roses and chocolate. He wrote a song for his high school girlfriend and serenaded her at prom. He’s 270 pounds of mush. I’m Iron Man, one sarcastic comment away from isolation.

For Lily, I’ll lose the armor.

Her family’s ranch is impressive. And cold. The wind is relentless, the snow knee high, and Lily’s car isn’t in the drive. I probably should’ve told her I caught an earlier flight today, but I wanted to see her look of surprise, relive the moment when I showed up in Belize.

Nope. Total bullshit.

I changed my flight to catch her and Kevin unaware. Just to be sure.
Not
because he’s competition. Makes me a Grade A asshole, or as I like to say, an
idiota del culo
. I took Spanish in grade ten and spent most classes attempting to invent various insults and curses:

Jode a todas las madres
: Fucks all the mothers.

Idiota del culo
: Idiot of the ass.

Me cago en todo lo que se mueve!
: I shit on everything that moves!

My behavior may make me an idiot of the ass, but I need to learn the lay of the land, know what I’m dealing with, then nip this Kevin situation in the bud.

Fuck it. Fine. The dude is totally competition.

I knock on Lily’s door and wait. When nobody answers, I glance through the snowcapped evergreens to my right, at Kevin’s family home next door. Even worse than meeting my girlfriend’s parents after the funeral of her ex-boyfriend’s father is doing so in said ex-boyfriend’s house. This must be karma. Living fast and sleeping with random women must come with consequences. Time to grow a pair.

Hands stuffed in my winter jacket, I walk over. A number of cars line the drive, none of them Lily’s. I frown and knock. Chatter carries from inside as I wait, probably too much noise for anyone to hear me. Instead of trying again, I push open the door.

I pull off my hat and survey the house. The walls are painted a light sage green, a wooden plaque on the wall reading
Friends are like seashells we collect on the way.
A small number of people mill about, most conversation coming from a room down the hall to the right. The second I get to the doorway, I spot Lily’s mother, their resemblance impossible to miss. (If I knew Lily in high school, there would have been a barrage of tasteless MILF jokes.) Her mother’s blond hair isn’t as light as her daughter’s, but her gray eyes are all Lily, the same lips and cheekbones lined with age. Still, she looks young, her navy suit tailored to her slim figure. She’s busy talking with a couple of women and doesn’t look my way.

“You’re early.” The clipped words come from Kevin, the man-child stepping from the side, assessing me with challenge.

Yep. Competition.

We should circle each other, stomp our feet, and piss on the floor, but he just lost his father. Although I wouldn’t shed a tear for mine, I’m sure this past week has been hell for him. I hold out my hand. “Sorry about your father. Can’t be easy.”

He stares at my peace offering and shakes, applying more pressure than I’d expect. “Thanks. It’s been rough, but we’re dealing.” He releases his grip and crosses his arms, silent, waiting. His territory. His house. Lily’s been here daily, helping out. How much support has she given him? How close have they been?

Superpower wish: mnemokinesis,
erase Lily’s memory of past relationships
.

“Is Lily here?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “You just missed her. My mother packed a lot of my dad’s things already, and Lily rented a van. She left for the Salvation Army.”

The people here are gathered for Kevin’s family, people I don’t know. Better to find the woman I’m here to support. “Maybe I’ll give her a hand. Is it nearby?”

He widens his stance, looking like the insurance salesman he is, striped button-down and dress pants included. “You shouldn’t be dating her.”

The first shot is fired. I can’t tell if his vehemence stems from a need to look out for Lily, or something more. It better not be something more. “But I am. And just so you know, she never cheated on you. Nothing happened until you broke up.”

He snorts. “Of course she didn’t. I know her, probably better than you ever will. Lily would never cheat. You, however, are a different story. She deserves better.”

My shoulders lower. Slightly. This isn’t a guy pining. This is a dude looking out for someone he loves.
Brotherly
love
, I tell myself. And he’s aiming for the kill shot. “I’d never hurt her,” I say. “Ever.”

He steps a fraction closer. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Shay and Raven. I know you’re quite the player. Lily’s different. She’s more fragile and has a big heart. Don’t mess with it. It won’t end well.”

The man-child has excellent aim. But I’m done worrying about my past and how it affects my future. I’m different with Lily, and our few days apart sent the message home. Before Finn fell for Meryl, he did his share of messing around. The second he met her, all that changed. It’s the same for me, and I don’t need to stand here and listen to Kevin’s accusations. I could crush the guy with my pinky. “I appreciate you and Lily will always have a relationship. It’s fine by me. But don’t go poisoning her mind. This thing we have isn’t casual.”

His eyes narrow into slits. “Until you lose interest.”

“Won’t happen.”

“Save it for someone who believes you.”

“Seriously, dude. Watch your step.” I pause, jaw clenched. “I’m in love with her.”

Just like that my secret identity is revealed, but I should be pouring my heart out to Lily, not her ex. I should be telling her she’s invaded every aspect of my life. I brush my teeth and think about how cute she is when she flosses. I ride my bike and can’t stop picturing her face when she laughs. A skirt of hers ended up in my bag, and I refuse to wash her smell off it. Man, do I have it bad.

He stares at me. “Does she know?”

I roll my shoulders, wishing I had taken off my jacket. Sweat gathers at the base of my spine. “Kind of. Not in so many words, but I plan on making sure she does.”

He blows out a breath. “It’s too soon for her. But if I told her that, she wouldn’t listen.”

“It’s not your decision to make.”

“Like I said, it’s too soon, and I don’t trust you.”

As much as I’d like to tell the man-child where he can shove his advice, this isn’t the time or place to get into things. “I’m sorry again about your father. I’ll head to the Salvation Army and try to catch Lily. Help her unload.”

He shakes his head, turns, and stalks down the hallway. Doesn’t look like Kevin and I will develop a secret handshake and join a bowling league, but he better not get between Lily and me. I glance again at Lily’s mother, her head bent in quiet conversation. I’m curious to meet her and learn more about Lily’s life, but it’s an introduction that will have to wait.

A few minutes later, I find the Salvation Army address, punch it into my GPS, and I’m on my way. The country roads are slick, blowing snow obscuring visibility in spots, but the thrift shop isn’t hard to find. There’s no rental van outside. No sign of Lily. Hat on and collar up, I push through the glass doors and wait for the cashier to finish processing a man’s transaction.

When he leaves, she scratches her hip and runs a tongue over her teeth. The mole on her cheek protrudes. “Can I help you?”

Don’t focus on the mole. Don’t focus on the mole.
“I’m looking for a girl, petite, blond—she should be here to donate a bunch of boxes.”

She looks around the space, racks of used clothes crammed inside, leaving little room for walking. “I haven’t had any donations today. You sure she came here?” Again, she swipes her tongue under her cheek, and that damn mole pops.

Don’t focus on the mole.

I keep my eyes on the red Salvation Army emblem painted on the wall. “Yeah, I’m sure. She should’ve been here fifteen minutes ago. Is there a back room or something?”

“Yeah, but no one gets in without buzzin’”—she points to the intercom by her counter—“and it ain’t buzzed.”

Frowning, I pull my cell from my pocket and dial Lily. She picks up after three rings. “Hey, aren’t you supposed to be boarding soon?”

“I caught an earlier flight. Where are you?”

After a long pause she says, “At the Salvation Army. Kevin’s mother’s been working nonstop packing Jim’s things, so I offered to help. It’s the least I can do. I mean, donate the stuff for her. She’s been having a rough time. As expected, obviously, but she needed his things moved out of the house. And donated. So I’m at the thrift store, just making things easier for her. Donating Jim’s things. At the Salvation Army.”

I glance around the shop again. No Lily in sight, and she just stuttered the word
donate
three times. Unless I’m mistaken, she’s lying. “So, you’re at the Salvation Army, in Collingwood,” I repeat.

“Yeah,” she says, dragging out the word.

I cover the mouthpiece and nod to the Mole. “Are there other Salvation Army shops in the area?”

“Not unless you wanna drive to Mulmur. Or Midland.”

Lily’s lying through her teeth, feeding me crap about where she is, and if she’s not here, where the hell is she? And what is she doing with Jim’s stuff? “When will you be back at your folks’ place?” I ask.

“Maybe an hour? How far are you?”

If I hadn’t seen Kevin, I’d assume they were together, and I’d be imagining a lot of scenarios that end with me karate-chopping his neck. Something else is going on here, but for the life of me, I don’t know what. This isn’t a conversation to be had over the phone. Lily can’t hide things from me when we’re face-to-face, not with her fair skin and fidgety hands. Best to feel her out in person. Still, lead settles in my gut. “I’ll probably make it there before you. I’ll introduce myself to your folks. Make sure I find out your most embarrassing childhood stories.”

She laughs, but the sound is thin. Not musical. Not
my
Lily. “Can’t wait to see you.”

I can’t wait to see her, either. Kiss her. Touch her. Three days apart, and I’m itching to have my hands on her body. Plus, she’s acting strange, lying. We won’t last three months apart if we’re not honest with each other. When Kolton tried a long-distance relationship with his girlfriend their first year at university, it blew up in their faces, insecurity undermining what they had. It scarred him so badly he almost fucked things up with Shay. That can’t happen with Lily. With the Christmas holidays, work’s been slow, and things won’t pick up for a while. I’ll stay as long as needed. This visit doesn’t end until I find out what she’s hiding.

Superpower wish: telepathy.

Mrs. Roberts covers her mouth as she laughs. “She didn’t leave the house for two days after, locked herself in her room. Her father and I were beside ourselves.”

The second best thing to spending time with Lily is learning embarrassing stuff about her. Picturing her on a boat, proud in the bikini she made, only to have the top come apart in front of a crowd, is mint. “Knowing her, I’m surprised she ever left.”

Her father grumbles, likely unimpressed she flashed a bunch of horny teenage boys, but her mother smiles, enjoying the memory as we stand and sip drinks. For the most part, the friends gathered today are keeping the mood light, warming the emptiness with stories and laughter. As they should. The sadness, tears, and anger are inevitable, but the happy is what keeps people afloat. A life raft made of memories.

When Kolton lost Marina during childbirth, I wasn’t sure he’d recover. It was rough for a while. Nico and I rallied around him, changing diapers and cleaning pee and puke like freshmen at a frat party. Nasty shit, but duty called. As did my need to wipe the permanent frown from his face. I placed prank phone calls from his house. I showed up to work dressed in my seventies Halloween costume, complete with moustache and chest hair. Nico and I had a contest to see who could eat more hot peppers until Nico writhed on the floor, sweat dripping down his back. (I’d spiked his peppers with habanero sauce.)

In time Kolton returned to himself.

From the looks of things here—Kevin smiling with his sisters, Jim’s wife laughing while wiping tears—they’ll do just fine.

Lily’s father leaves to freshen up his drink, and her mother puts her hand on my wrist. “Lily seems happy. It’s nice to have you here, even under the circumstances.” Unlike Lily’s, her nails are painted red, no chipped polish in sight. Then she adds, “I’m not thrilled she works for you, though. I’d like your word that whatever happens between you two won’t impact her job.”

She pulls her hand back, and I sip my Scotch, searching for the right words to reassure my girlfriend’s mother. To let her know I won’t hurt Lily personally or professionally. “Honestly, I never expected to meet someone like her, but I can’t imagine my life without her now. And working together has been great for Moondog. No matter what happens with us, I promise never to treat her unfairly. She’s important to me, but she’s also important to the business.”

After a long pause, she nods. “I’ll hold you to that.” She glances toward the kitchen, then back at me. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to help out.”

As she leaves, Kevin glances over and tries to kill me with his stare. Earlier, when I came back without Lily, I lied and said I got lost. He glared at me, like he knew I was full of it, but he didn’t push. It hit harder than I’d have liked. The people closest to Lily think there’s a chance I’ll fuck her over. Guess I’ll have to prove them wrong.