A Firing Offense (15 page)

“We get it,” Malone said. “You sharp, Louie.”

Louie cleared his throat and turned back to the ads. McGinnes closed his eyes, dropped his chin to his chest, and began softly snoring.

“Anyway,” Louie continued, ignoring McGinnes, “I called them up first thing this morning, and they don’t have but one or two in stock. So now you know what to tell the consumers.”

“Okay, Louie,” McGinnes and Malone said robotically and in unison.

“Now,” Louie said, “this one’s tough,” and he pointed to a Stereo Godfather’s (“Our Competition Sleeps with the Fishes!”) ad. “They’re runnin’ a VT290 for three ninety-nine. That’s damn near cost. We can’t meet the deal at that price. We’ve got to figure some way to get off of it.”

“No problem,” McGinnes said. “Isn’t that the same model that caught fire in the customer’s house last year?”

“Yeah,” Malone said. ”Killed a couple kids, too. Little itty-bitty motherfuckers.”

“And we absolutely refuse to sell that model,” McGinnes said, “until the manufacturer corrects the problem. It’s a matter of principle.”

“You know what the problem with that piece was,” Malone said.

“What’s that?” McGinnes asked.

“Fire in the wire.”

“Really?” McGinnes said. “I thought it was shrinkage in the linkage.”

“All right, girls,” Louie said. “I don’t care what you tell the
customers. Just don’t give the damn thing away. And we need some volume today. I figure we’re about twenty-five grand down in pace for the month. On the for-real side, provided we get some traffic in here, I’d like to make up fifteen of it today.”

“Shit, Louie,” Malone said, “I’ll write fifteen myself.”

“Sellin’ woof tickets, maybe,” Louie said. “There’s a case of beer for the top dog today. And five percent of your volume has to be in service contracts. Any questions?”

“Just one,” I said. “What is the meaning of life?”

Lee laughed charitably but the others ignored me. Louie was already headed for the back room.

Lloyd said, “Did anyone see ‘Mr. Belvedere’ last night?”

“Too busy gyratin’, Lloyd,” Malone said. “How about you? You been doin’ ‘the nasty’?”

Lloyd gave Malone an awkward wink and raised his pipe to his mouth, hitting his teeth with the stem in a botched aristocratic gesture. Splotches of pink began to form on his pasty face.

“Well, Andre,” McGinnes said happily. “I can almost taste that case of beer right now.”

“Go on and taste it,” Malone said, pointing to the front door as the first customer of the day walked in, “while I take this motherfucker to the bridge.”

THE MORNING WAS EVENLY
paced with customers, mostly young couples with the type of money that affords residence in upper Northwest. Malone and McGinnes handled the floor nicely and closed most of their deals, as did Louie, whose strength on the floor I had forgotten.

The boys had instructed Lee to tell any customers who phoned, inquiring about small appliances, to “please ask for Lloyd” when they came in. This would keep him tied up in the low-commission department, and also keep him from blowing any major deals.

I took the overflow when the floor traffic became heavy and
picked up my first customer of the day. She was an attractive woman in the last leg of her thirties, wearing colorful, gauzy clothing that attempted to conceal her shapeliness, but failed.

After my greeting she immediately pulled from her tote bag a copy of
Consumer Reports,
a legal pad on which she had neatly charted competitive prices, and a pen. She asked for the price of the top-rated VCR. I explained to her that, as is often the case, the top-rated model had been discontinued one week before the article was published; that top-rated models were usually a poor buy anyway, since manufacturers, upon receiving the rating, jacked up the cost of the particular model to their distributors, who passed it on to the retailers, who passed it on to the customers; and that the intelligent model to purchase would be one of the same brand and similar features but with a different model number and hence a lesser retail.

She wanted the model number that was printed in the magazine. Further, she thought
Consumer Reports
was
just great,
a protection against sleazy retailers who take advantage of unsuspecting customers. A smug smile appeared on her face. She looked me up and down, and her implication became clear.

I wanted to ask her why any person of even limited intelligence would choose to believe an article in a faceless magazine whose writers had looked at a product for a few days, over professionals who spent years working hands on, learning all the strengths and weaknesses of every model. I wanted to show her, through back issues, how
Consumer Reports
routinely top-rated a model one year, then turned around and gave the
identical model
a low rating the next.

I wanted to, but I didn’t. This truly misanthropic breed of salesmenbaiters, who spend entire sunny weekends on retail floors with their magazines and pads, imagining themselves as crusaders in some made-up battle that is significant only to them, truly lie beyond conversion to humanity. And there is nothing more indignant than a salesman who is called a liar on those rare occasions when he is struggling heroically to tell the truth.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “We simply don’t have that model. It’s been discontinued.”

“I hardly have time,” she said, “to bandy about on this matter with a
clerk
.” Then she walked quickly from the store.

Louie finished up with his customer and swaggered my way. He looked down at his shoes and scraped a fleck of dead skin off the bridge of his nose.

“That was pretty smooth, Nick. You didn’t call her any names before you blew her out the door, did you, just so I know?”

“Nothing like that.”

“Yeah, well. You been off the floor too long. Half the people come in here be actin’ all superior—you can’t let that bust on your groove. It’s part of the job, man, it’s what they payin’ us for.”

I looked at his sagging, tired face, and then at McGinnes and Malone, who were talking to each other in the Sound Explosion. The twelve-hour shifts, the standing on one’s feet all day long on concrete floors and the varicose veins that resulted from that, the constant degradation from customers and management alike, the absence of praise or compliment, the cycle of work and drink and drugs and back again—it was taking its toll on all of them. The money became insignificant; ultimately the only reward was to get the deal, a small victory for its own sake that led inevitably to some suburban funeral parlor, where small groups of old men in stubbornly plaided polyesters stood in circles and said things like, “I remember the time Johnny stepped a customer off a giveaway RCA to a no-name piece of
dreck
that had a fifty dollar bill on it.”

“I’m going to take a break, Louie.”

“Go ahead,” he said.

THE RAIN WAS NOT ABATING
. I crossed the Avenue and jogged south two blocks to an Amoco station, as the wet tires of slow-moving vehicles hissed past. I bought road maps of Virginia and
the Carolinas in the office of the station and fitted them in the dry inside pocket of my jacket.

By the time I had run back up the block and entered the Golden Temple, I was heavy with rainwater. The matriarch of the family-owned restaurant seated me at a warm deuce in the rearmost corner. She set down a cup of tea and left the pot.

Her husband came out of the kitchen shortly thereafter, rubbing his hands with a rag. He was wearing a white uniform and had a white paper hat on his head. Straight gray hair shot out from underneath the hat in several directions. He clapped me on the shoulder. I said hello as he pulled the menu from my hands.

“You don’t need,” he said, and walked back to the kitchen after tossing the menu behind the register.

He returned five minutes later with steamed dumplings and some combination noodles that were mixed with thin slices of pork, shrimp, spring onions, and ginger. I ate while I studied the road maps I had spread out on the table.

Mama-san handed me the check when I was finished. I left fourteen on nine and walked to the entranceway, where I dropped a quarter into a payphone and dialed. Pence picked up on the second ring.

“This is Nick Stefanos.”

“Mr. Stefanos,” he said, bringing some phlegm up from his throat. “What’s the word on your progress?”

I told him nearly everything I had learned in the last few days, soft-pedaling the character of Broda’s companions and omitting entirely the theft and drug angles.

“Frankly,” I said, “I think your grandson is just on a long joyride. He’ll be back as soon as the money runs out.”

“And you plan on leaving it at that?”

“Not entirely. But I believe he’s safe right now.” The old man picked up the doubt in my voice.

He sighed, said in a sarcastic manner, “You do what you can,” and hung up.

I replaced the receiver and stood looking through the window at the rain, which was slicing at the road diagonally now, powered by a fierce wind. I pushed open the heavy door of The Golden Temple, stepped out onto the sidewalk, and let the stinging water hit my face.

T
HE FLOOR WAS
dense with customers when I returned. Louie, who was hopelessly tied up with an elderly man, raised his arm over the man’s head and pointed to a couple of live ones in the TV department.

I made my way towards them, ignoring a guy in a down jacket who was carrying a clipboard and demanding, for anyone who would listen, to see some “literature.” McGinnes approached me in the aisle, doing his clipped goosestep and obviously in a hurry to get by. I grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“That guy over there needs some literature,” I said, jerking my head in the direction of the professional stroker in the down jacket.

“I sell electronics,” McGinnes said, loud enough for the customer to hear. ”If he wants literature, tell him to go to the library.” Then he rapped me on the dick with his fist and walked away.

The pain had subsided by the time I greeted my first customers. Louie had been on the mark by signaling me, as they bought within five minutes.

The rush was unusually long and steady, even for a Saturday, and continued unbroken for the next three hours. McGinnes and Malone did battle all afternoon. From the wide smile on Malone’s face and from his energy level (at one point I saw him leap over a console to greet a customer), it was clear that he thought he was trouncing McGinnes.

But McGinnes was quietly writing some business that day. I knew he was booking from the way he rushed customers to the front counter as he closed and from the look of thought and determination on his face as he prioritized the floor. Louie basically handled the be-backs and took TOs from Lloyd. Between the two of them they probably popped five grand.

As for me, I found my rhythm. During one pitch I felt the adrenalin rush at that point where I realized I had succeeded in stepping a customer into a four-piece, high-profit, high-commission deal, though ultimately Malone’s sales number would go on the ticket. And the day peaked for me when I attracted the audience of three separate couples during my pitch to one of them on a twenty-seven-inch stereo monitor set. Two of the three couples stepped up and bought. From across the room McGinnes smiled, crossed his arms, cocked his hip, and gave me a broad wink.

By four-thirty the crowd had dwindled to a few customers. My voice was nearly shot. Louie and Lloyd were waiting on the last people, while McGinnes, Malone, and I stood in the shadows of the Sound Explosion and popped three malt liquors. Lee came to us with several strands of adding machine tape in her fist. I handed her my can and she had a swig.

“So what’s the total, darling?” Malone asked.

“We did twenty-five,” she said. “Louie’s going to be happy.”

“Damn good Saturday,” McGinnes said.

“What I do?” Malone said.

“Okay,” Lee said. “Here it is. Louie and Lloyd wrote almost six between them. Nick wrote six, and gave you guys three each out of that.”

“What I do?” Malone said again.

“You wrote ninety-two hundred, Andre. And Johnny did just over ten thousand.”

“Got
damn,”
Malone said, jumping up and half-spinning. “That last motherfucker was the only customer I had all day that walked on my ass. I would’ve had you too.”

“You had a
day,
Andre,” McGinnes said, and slapped Malone’s hand. “You too, Nick. We all did.”

Lloyd, wearing a nylon windbreaker and galoshes, waved good-bye to us, and left the store with Louie, who locked the door behind him. Minutes later he was back from Mr. Liquor and marching down the aisle with a case of Tuborg cradled in his arms.

“Here,” he said, breaking the cans off the plastic rings and passing them around. “I don’t care who the top man was today.
Everybody
smoked.”

For the next hour we sat there, our ties loose at the collar, and killed the case of beer. Malone’s cigarette smoke hovered around us as we told war stories of the day that became increasingly more dramatic with every beer. When the last empty hit the trash can, McGinnes suggested we shut down and walk up the Avenue to La Fortresse, a bar that he childishly insisted on calling “La FurPiece.”