A Flicker of Light (33 page)

“I returned that evening to the flat my father and I shared with a family of six to find him gone. I rushed out into the street
,
looking for anyone with information. No one
knew anything. But there was an old lady who lived down the block. She always knew everyone’s business. We called her a
yenta
. You know what that means, Aaron? It means nosy lady.

“Anyway, I knocked on the door of the room she shared with three other elderly women. They shared a twelve-by-twelve room and slept on the floor. I often wondered how their old bones could tolerate the conditions. You see, few of the elderly survived the ghetto. If by chance they did, when they arrived at the camps they met their deaths within an hour. The Germans consider them to be useless. They only allowed the strong and healthy to live because they could work. I know for a fact that as the trainloads of people arrived at the camps, a guard stood at the gate ushering them to the left or right. One side would go to the barracks, the other to be gassed in the showers and then burned in the crematorium.

Ah, well anyway, the
yenta
knew what had happened. She
’d
s
een
my father as he gobbled the bread and jam that he traded for his life. Then she watched as they pushed him into a cattle car loaded down with people on its way to Auschwitz. I never saw him again.”

“So, did you have an uprising?” Aaron asked.

“
Oy
, did we fight. We placed the guns in different flats all down the main street, each with a single shooter. That way we figured we’d be able to confuse the Nazis. We’d make them think we had a large number of fighters.

“It took only one person, man or woman, even a child, to operate a post. Our entire arsenal consisted of only two heavy machine guns, four light machine guns, some rifles, and a limited amount of ammunition. The Germans had lots more, of course. But we managed to hold them off for almost a month.

“You should have seen their faces when the shooting began. Up until that time, Jews had never fought back. They hardly expected us to drop them like flies in the middle of the street. The Nazis ran for cover and then called in troops to fight just a
handful of angry
, ravenous Jews. We fought until our ammunition ran out. Then those of us still alive escaped out into the forest. By the time we finished, almost all of my friends lay dead. But so did a lot of fucking Nazis.”

“That’s quite a s
tory,
” Aaron said to Karl.

“It is. I know. After that I met up with this group. The original leader was a Gypsy. He and I became instant friends. Sadly, they shot and killed him when the SS
raided our camp. Every time I kill another Nazi, I avenge his death, the deaths of my family, and the deaths of so many others.”

Aaron stood speechless. The notion of Jews fighting back appealed to him. He’d seen them broken and subservient at Dachau and wondered what would have happened if they had fought back in the beginning, before they allowed themselves to be taken from their homes.

For a moment he thought of Dr.
Blumgarten
. The doctor knew even when it first began that things would become ugly, so he’d devised his plan to leave Germany. A good plan, but perhaps it would have been better to organize and fight. He wondered what had become of the doctor and his wife, the only family he’d ever really known, until he’d met Petra and
Siegland
. Maybe they had found a better life in America. He hoped so. And what of Greta - selfish, young, spoiled Greta? He smiled wryly. How deeply she had hurt him at the time. Now he realized that if she not broken his heart, he would never have found Petra. Then too,
what would become of Petra,
Sie
gland
, and Klaus after the Allies marched in? He hoped citizens would be spared and only Nazis would be held accountable. The thought of Petra in danger sent a powerful jolt of strength through his
injured body. He would have to recover quickly and get back to the farm to do whatever he could to protect her.

Lil spoke, interrupting his thoughts, “Here, drink some water.” She handed him a flask. He gulped the liquid. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m a little weak, with some pain, but much better.” His smile struck something inside her, causing her to feel things she had never felt before. She noticed that he had dimples and the whitest teeth. Since Aaron’s arrival, she thought about things that she had pushed to the back of her mind.

Lil had never had a lover, and she wondered how it would feel to lay in his strong arms. She longed to hear him call her pretty; no man ever had. For such a long time she’d ignored her natural needs as a woman. Now they had surfaced at night and plagued her dreams. She knew it best not to care too much for anyone or anything.

Since her father had pushed her out of a small hole in the bottom of a cattle car as they were traveling to Auschwitz, she had not allowed herself the luxury of thinking about love. At the time she’d just turned thirteen, but she was still small enough to fit through the opening. Everyone in the train was crammed together, standing at
attention for lack of room. The children had howled, their faces wet with tears, and their mouths and noses red and covered in mucus. Several days had passed as they rode on that dark overcrowded train. They had been without food or water. The stagnant air had reeked of urine, feces, and vomit. The floors were soaked with it. An infant who
laid
in its mother
’
s arms had stopped shrieking the night before. Lil had known the baby was dead. But its young mother had continued to hold it, refusing to let go. The temperature had continued to rise as the sun beat down on the wooden cattle car, and everyone had been covered in perspiration.

When her father had spotted the light coming through the broken wood of the floorboard, he’d devised a plan. Although he had known the danger involved, he’d willingly taken the risk to give his one child a chance at survival. Lil remembered how he’d placed his hands on her shoulders and looked deep into her eyes.

“Listen to me, Lilly, my precious child, you are going on a very important adventure.” His hands had shaken as he’d held her. She’d seen that tears threatened to fall from his eyes. “You will go through the bottom of the train the next time we stop. Lay as flat on the tracks as you can while the train goes over you. You must not move. You
must stay very flat. Do not lift your head or look around. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Papa, but I am afraid. What about you? What about Mama?” Lil had answered.

“We will find you later.” A tear had dripped down his cheek. “When the train is gone, get up and run as fast as you can until you reach the forest. Then keep running. Get as far away as possible. Do not look behind you. Go as fast as you can.  Once you get far away, try to find a farmhouse. Look for a woman. Do not ever tell her or anyone else that you are a Jew. Just say that you are an orphan; your parents are gone, killed in accident with a horse and cart. You are alone. Tell her that you cannot remember where you are from, but you have been wandering for a long time. I will pray for you.”

“But Papa, how will you and Mama find me? I am afraid I will never see you again.”

“You must not think such things. You must do as I tell you.” He handed her the bread and jam they had given him and her mother when they’d boarded the train. “Here, eat this. For now it will fill you up.”

“But Papa, I ate mine already. This is yours and Mama’s. You are hungry too.”

“No, we are fine. We saved this for you for later. Neither of us are hungry, right Mama?”

“No, little bird, we are not hungry. Eat, my child.”

So she’d done as they asked. An hour later the train had stopped to take on water. The driver and the guards had taken their meal break. The time had come and fear had gripped her. She’d sobbed and wrapped her arms around her father’s waist.

“Papa, please don’t send me away. I can’t go. I am afraid. I want to go with you and Mama. Please, Papa, please.” She’d felt bile ride up her throat and then into her mouth, and she’d vomited.

“Lilly, darling, we love you. We know what is best for you. Now kiss your mother before it is too late and the train starts to go forward again.”

“Mama, please do
n’t make me do it, Mama, please!
” Tears had covered her mother’s face as she’d held Lil so tightly that she’d feared her back would break. Then her mother had kissed her.

“Go now.
Hurry!
”

“Mama…”

“Go.” Her mother had turned away as her father pushed her through the hole. She had lain flat against the cold metal tracks, sucking her breath in to make herself smaller. The rumbling of the train sent had her heart racing. She had lain on her stomach so she could not see anything but the ground. As soon as the last car sped off, she’d jumped up and run, just as her father had instructed her, and never looked behind her. That was the last time she had seen her parents. From that day on, she’d vowed never to love anyone again. Now that she knew the meaning of loss, she never wanted
to feel that much
pain again. Love, she had decided, made one weak. If she did not love anyone, she would never have to feel that pain again.

She never found a farmhouse. Instead, a young Gypsy girl had found her. She’d held Lil at gunpoint, demanding to know why she had come into the forest. Lil had told her the story that her father had given her, but
Florika
had not believed her.

“You’re a Jew aren’t you?”

“Yes,” she’d hung her head and felt ashamed for lying, “but my father told me not to tell anyone.”

“That was probably a good idea, considering the way things are going. Well, not to worry, you are safe with me. Are you hungry?”

“Yes, I’ve been wandering for a long time without food or water. My father told me to find a farmhouse with a lady, but I can’t. I don’t know where to go.”

Florika
had laughed, “Come on. You come with me. I will bring you to my family.”

Florika
had been only fourteen, but she could hunt and fish like a man. She’d lived with her
Kampania
, an extended family of Gypsies, who had hidden from Nazi persecution by traveling through the woods and rural areas. Lil had found peace there with the Gypsies, at least for a while.

Constantly moving was the Gypsies’ only defense against the Nazis. They knew mobility made them more difficult to find. At night, Lil had slept on soft eiderdown under the stars. She’d eaten hedgehog and wild greens. In the winter, the caravan would find a safe hideaway and wait for better weather to travel again. When cold weather came, everyone had slept inside their wagons.

Two years later during the winter some of the men left on a hunting trip. Lil had found a private place off in the
forest to take care of her womanly business. She had begun to menstruate only two months earlier.
Florika
had shown her how to catch the flow with torn rags. Lil had been busy cleaning the blood from her inner thighs, so she had not heard or seen the Nazis as they had approached the camp. Then, before she’d realized what was happening, the entire
Kampania
of wagons had gone up in flames.

People had run out of their wagons, but as they had, the Nazis had shot them. When Lil had seen
Florika
dash outside, her clothing and hair had been ablaze. A single shot had taken her life, and she’d fallen as the fire consumed her. Horror and grief had washed over Lil at the loss of her friend. From behind her, she’d heard a familiar voice. She’d recognized the deep baritone voice of the
Shero
Rom
, the head of the Gypsy
Kampa
nia
.

“Hurry, come this way.” He’d taken her to an area where the other survivors had gathered. This cluster had eventually grown into the group of Partisans she now lived with. As time passed, others had come along and joined with them, all strong in their desire to put an end to the Third Reich. They’d become her friends and her family, but she swore to herself that she did not love them.

She did not fully understand her attraction to Aaron, but the deeper the feelings grew, the greater grew her
efforts to avoid him. But at night as she tried to sleep, the thought that he lay sleeping only a few feet away caused stirrings in her that disturbed her and interrupted her sleep. She could think of no reason why she should feel this way. He had shown her no special interest. Yet, the sound of his voice sent her stomach into a dance. The blood rushed to her face, and she hoped no one else took notice of it. But the harder Lil fought her feelings, the stronger they grew.

Soon Aaron could walk again, and he insisted on helping. Karl put him to work fishing. He also taught him to hunt birds with a bow and arrow. “I will teach you to ma
ke
these soon. They work well for hunting, and help us to save bullets.”

Even though Aaron retained a limp, he still moved with the grace of a bobcat. The first time he returned with a pigeon for the hearth, it was clear to everyone that he was a good marksman with a keen eye. He skinned the bird and removed the feathers. They cooked it over an open flame that evening.