A Glimpse of the Dream (32 page)

“Kane?” I never forgot the sound of her voice. And though I had recently heard it over the phone, it wasn’t the same as hearing it in person.

“Mom.”

Her voice pitched deeper; I could hear the tears in it. “Sweetheart, are you blind?”

Again, she used an endearment for me; rarely did she call me Kane. “It’s a long story. Mom, this is Tea.”

“Hello, Mrs. Nesbit. It’s very nice to meet you. And this is Zeus.”

“Please, come inside.”

Tea led me inside, her soft voice guiding me through the house, describing what she was seeing. We settled in a room painted a pale blue with Queen Anne–style furniture. I had no idea what Queen Anne–style furniture was, but I didn’t mention that. Apparently, a tray was already set on the table with iced tea and cookies.

“The sofa is right behind you—feel it on the back of your legs?”

“Yep, thanks Tea.”

Once settled, Tea sitting pressed right up against me on one side and Zeus on the other, I heard my mom offering me a glass of iced tea.

“Please.” Something cool and wet to help ease the dryness in my throat sounded good.

When she touched me, guiding the glass into my hand, a sharp pain erupted in my chest and my eyes stung. I didn’t realize until that moment how much I had missed my mother’s touch, even for something so simple as handing me a glass. I took a sip and found the table with my free hand to place the glass down.

“Please, you must tell me what happened.” Her voice sounded a bit hysterical, and I understood. It had to be a shock to see your child so many years later and so altered. So I summed up the nearly two decades that had passed, everything from Tea’s arrival to the fire to her return. And in sharing my story, I realized that every major moment had been with Tea. I wanted Tea to share all my major moments, and I was glad she was there with me then. She must have realized the same thing, because her warm hand found mine, and she held it tightly. I wished I could see her face in that moment, so I touched her with my free hand, along her lips that were tilted slightly up, along her cheeks that curved a bit from her smile, along the small indents near her eyes that were smiling right along with her lips, along the silky brows that were arched every so slightly.

“I like to see you smile.”

She pressed her face on my shoulder, sending a dampness through my shirt. Unlinking our fingers, I moved my arm around her shoulders and pulled her against me.

“You’re beautiful together.” I had completely forgotten my mom was watching us.

“I worried, after I left, but Mrs. Marks assured me she would take care of you. It looks as if she did.”

Bitterness pierced the moment, reminding me of why I was there. “Why did Mrs. Marks agree to take me?”

“I suppose I need to explain why I left. I didn’t want to go. I loved you so much, but I was ill. My bipolar disorder was not under control. I’d take my meds, but they made me feel so out of it. I really thought I could control the swings, that I didn’t need the meds. I’d go off, and everything would be great, and then I’d drop, sink far lower than I ever had before. I worked at Raven’s Peak, and one day, when I knew the others were gone for the day, I was on the cliff. I planned to walk right off it. Mrs. Marks hadn’t gone off with the others; she had stayed behind to watch me. She was the one to stop me; she brought me back into the house and called my doctor. I thought she was going to have me arrested, I couldn’t blame her if she had, but instead we talked about her son.”

That came as news. “Mrs. Marks has a son?”

“She probably doesn’t talk about it because it’s too painful, but I know she wouldn’t mind me sharing with you what she shared with me. She had a son. She had him later in life after a brief affair. The man didn’t last, but the way her face lit up when she talked about her son, she had clearly been thrilled to learn she was having a baby. When he reached his early teens, he started showing the early signs of schizophrenia. It was years later that he went off his meds, because they made him feel like mine made me feel. The hallucinations got so bad that he ended up killing himself. He hanged himself in his room.”

So that was why she had those odd sad days growing up, every year on the same day. That day must have been the anniversary of his birthday or of his death. Tea must have realized the same thing, since I heard her soft gasp.

“She didn’t want to see the same thing happen, couldn’t bear the thought of someone else losing their battle with their own demons. She paid closer attention to me, making sure I was seeing my doctor, urging my doctors to make sure they found the drug combination that didn’t make me feel so out of it. Everyone at Raven’s Peak took a more active role with you—Mrs. Marks never told them why. She didn’t need to, because they just loved spending time with you, so I had some space to find my balance.

The day you fell down the stairs, I had gone off my meds again. It was my day off, and we were home. We were playing, and I pushed you. I hadn’t meant to, and you probably don’t remember. All you remember was the fun we were having. I called her, before I even called nine-one-one. I hadn’t hurt myself—I’d hurt my beautiful son. I will never forget the look on your face, staring at me in such pain, wanting me to make it go away. And I was the reason you were in that pain. I waited until I knew you were going to be okay. I visited you when you were sleeping, signed over my parental rights, and then two days later I committed myself. Never again would I put you at risk. Mrs. Marks and the others had raised you with me, so it was never a question that she would adopt you.”

“Why did you stay away? Why didn’t you ever try to see me?”

“I thought you were better off, safer, without me. And you were so young. I really believed you would forget me, that I would become just a distant memory. I didn’t trust myself around you—even having the support of Mrs. Marks and the others, I’d still brought harm to you. What if the next time I did more than break your leg? I couldn’t bear it.”

“I spent my life wondering why my own mother didn’t want me.”

“Telling you would have made you seek me out. I know you well enough to know that, and I wouldn’t have been able to stay away if I’d seen you. Me being near you was not in your best interest.”

It was on my tongue to tell her off, to rage at her thoughtlessness. In trying to keep me safe, she had ended up doing more damage. But, feeling Tea against me, I couldn’t. I had done to her exactly what my mom had done to me. My intentions had been in the right place too, and yet I’d ended up hurting the one person I loved most in the world.

“As much as I would like to argue the stupidity of your decision, since I also exhibited the same idiotic thinking with Tea, I can’t. Are you happy with your life now?”

“Warren and I met in group. He’s wonderful, kind, and patient. He was one of the rotating therapists, and we started dating when he rotated out. He keeps me grounded, and I like to believe I help him with letting his hair down. He disagreed with my wish to stay out of your life. Argued until he was blue in the face that I needed to reach out to you. He was thrilled when he learned of your call, and he was very eager to meet you, but we thought for this first meeting, it should just be me.

“There’s been a hole in my heart that could never be filled, Kane. I want you to know that. Mrs. Marks sent me your school pictures every year; I have them hanging in my room. Seeing you grow through the years, knowing you were happy, made me happy. She told me about Teagan, how quickly you bonded, how you were always there for each other. It gave me solace, knowing something good came from all the bad.”

I couldn’t argue with her on that. Tea wasn’t just something good—she was everything.

“Can you stay for dinner?”

I felt Tea’s agreement in the way she moved into my side, settling to be there for a while. I held her closer. “We’d like that.”

Teagan

As we traveled home from visiting with Kane’s mom, his head remained turned away from me, a sign he was processing and wasn’t ready to talk. I used the time to reflect on the visit. There was no denying his mom’s joy at seeing her son, nor could she hide her pain when she’d learned what Kane had been through. Watching her, I could see so much of Kane: the same eyes and black hair, even some of their mannerisms. And it was also clear that she loved her son and truly believed she had acted in his best interest. I wondered why Mrs. Marks had never told her of the accident. Was she trying to spare her the pain?

Thinking about Mrs. Marks’s son, I think I understood now why she went by Mrs. Marks. She had been a single, unwed mother in the sixties; my guess is that she used “Mrs.” for her son’s benefit. After she’d lost him, being called Mrs. Marks kept him with her.

Before we’d left, his mom had asked Kane if she could see his scars. The sight was etched into my brain, and Kane’s blindness had been a blessing, sparing him from seeing her completely collapse. She didn’t crumble so much in words or tears, being mindful of Kane, I was sure, but the devastation and despair clouding her expression was very hard to watch. She was probably even now playing the what-if game: What if she hadn’t left, what if she had stayed or come to visit. Would Kane still have found himself in that burning building?

And Mrs. Marks losing her son . . . I had noticed two other angels on the tree in the years that followed the ones Kane had suggested I hang for my parents. I now knew one was for her son and one was for Kane’s mom. It seemed kind of fitting that we had all lost our families and had found a new one in each other.

“Thank you for coming with me.”

Glancing over, my gaze collided with his blue one. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I am.” His hand moved from his lap, searching for mine. Slipping my hand into his, he linked our fingers and lifted our hands to kiss my knuckles, his lips lingering for a few seconds.

“I suppose an argument for nature over nurture could be made from this,” he said.

“How so?”

“She left to protect me, and I did the same to you, even though I hadn’t been in her company for over a decade when I left you.”

“I think the need to protect the ones you love is universal. Instinctual, like breathing. There was love in her face when she saw you.”

“I could sense it in the way she moved, how she breathed.”

“What will happen now?”

“We’ll probably take this slowly, but I’d like to have her in my life again. I hadn’t realized just how much I really missed her until she came back into my life.”

“I think she’d like that very much. Maybe you could even bring her to Raven’s Peak when Mrs. Marks is up for visitors.”

“Good idea.”

“Why do you think Mrs. Marks didn’t tell her about the fire?”

“I guess since my mom never tried to see me again, why mention it? The news would only bring her pain.”

“That’s my thinking too. Did Mrs. Marks ever mention her son to you?” I asked.

“No, never. And I never saw any pictures of him either, unless they’re in her rooms. I’ve never been in her rooms.”

“No, me neither. It’s sad but happy because we all found each other.”

He squeezed my hand. “Really glad you were with me today.”

“Me too.”

Sitting in the library, Kane filled Simon in on our visit with his mom.

“That had to be a sobering moment for her, seeing you at the bottom of the stairs and knowing she was the one who put you there. At least it sounds like the reunion went well, so maybe you’ll have a chance to be a part of each other’s lives.”

“What did you do while we were away?” I asked, since I could tell Kane was done sharing.

“Mrs. T made me a killer lunch—filet mignon sandwich. I’ll never eat anyone else’s steak sandwich again.”

“With horseradish sauce?” Kane asked.

“Yep.”

“Yeah, there’s no going back after one of those.”

“I’ve never had one of those. Why haven’t I had one of those?”

“It’s a recent addition to her repertoire,” Kane said.

“Oh, Teagan, you are missing out.” Simon wiggled his brows at me. “If you’re nice to me, maybe I can sweet-talk her into making them tomorrow for lunch. Oh, I almost forgot. I can’t believe I almost forgot—I’ve been waiting for you to get back to tell you. The sandwich is just that good.”

He had a one-track mind. “Simon, focus,” I said.

“Right. Mr. Sleazy was here to finish up the inventory. It’s shopping day. No one was supposed to be home, and I suspect he knew that. Shocked the hell out of him when I answered the door. I followed him—didn’t even bother being subtle about it. He really does not like me, but I think you’re right in that he’s looking to finance his next big purchase from pieces he lifts from here. He had a nice big satchel with him, and yet there wasn’t a thing in it when he opened it, no laptop, not files, no inventory sheet.”

“I knew it. So he must have a buyer,” I deduced.

“That would be my guess.”

“What are the chances his buyer is Camille?” Kane said from his spot near the fireplace. “Think about it—she stops in for visits all the time. How much do you want to bet she’s really been scoping out the pieces she wants Sleazy to steal?”

“I thought the same thing,” I said, “but how can she afford to pay him on a waitress’s salary, since Daddy seems to have taken a step back?”

“Good question. And why did Daddy take a step back? It’d be interesting to talk to the man,” Simon said.

“I wonder if he
would
talk to us.” I was speaking mostly to myself.

“Maybe not to us, but he’ll talk to Kevin O’Malley. It wasn’t just Kathy and Camille who were friends—their families are as well,” Kane said.

I couldn’t deny I liked the idea, but . . . “What would you say to Mr. O’Malley?”

“The truth. Camille’s been coming around, Mr. Sleazy is always around, I know about his checkered past, and do I need to be concerned.”

“And you’re okay with asking him that?”

“Why not? If something shady is going on, the three seniors who live here and I are vulnerable.”

There was an edge to that last comment, and I knew it stemmed from frustration—that he couldn’t defend his home as well as he’d like. There wasn’t a thing I could say to ease those feelings. I knew he’d only get mad if I tried.

“I’ll call him,” he said before he started from the room. “I’ll see you both at dinner.”

He was gone before we could respond.

“He okay?” Simon asked.

“I’m guessing he’s just frustrated, and I get it, but it’s hard watching him be his own worst critic.”

“Considering the circumstances, I think he’s coping rather well.”

“Agreed. So if it is Camille who Sleazy wants to sell to, where do you think the money is coming from?” I asked.

“Don’t know. The woman we saw at the diner didn’t look like she had two pennies to rub together, so I don’t have a clue where tens of thousands of dollars is going to come from. Not to mention: What does she plan on doing with the stolen items? She couldn’t possibly think to display them in her home, because items like Mrs. Marks’s would stand out,” Simon speculated.

“Like I’ve said, she isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, so she may not have thought all of this out.”

Simon was rubbing his chin. He did that when he was thinking something through. “The whole situation just seems off. Sleazy, I think, is pretty transparent, but as for Camille, I don’t know. I have the sense there’s more to her involvement. Maybe her affection for Kane is sincere, and she really is coming here to see him, and because she’s cold and callous, her attentions seem forced.”

I didn’t like thinking about it, but I remembered her coming right out and saying she wanted Kane when we were younger; she hadn’t hedged at all. And the tires. “She slashed his tires when we were kids.”

“What?”

“Right after he told her it was never going happen with them.”

“What the fuck?”

“Maybe you’re right, maybe she’s got a warped attraction thing going on for Kane. That’s unnerving. I’d rather it be that she was only looking to steal from us.”

“Agreed, a thief is far easier to deal with than a loon. Anyway, after I saw Sleazy off and the others came home, I walked into town. I think this could be a great place to open a second store.”

“I think so too.”

“The Boston shop is firmly established—speaking of which, don’t forget the party is approaching. I think we need to branch out, and here seems just as good as anywhere.”

The party. I wondered if Kane remembered and was still willing to travel to Boston with me. I’d have to remind him. Moving past that, I focused on Simon’s suggestion. It was true, Blue Hill had seen significant growth during the years I’d been away, many high-end boutiques now had storefronts along Main Street. Antiques would do very well. “I like the idea of opening a shop here. We should call a realtor and see what’s available.”

Kane never did join us for dinner, so I found my way to the island. Zeus greeted me as soon as I stepped off the little boat. Walking around back with him, I found Kane, but he wasn’t working out with his bar. Instead he was sitting on one of the Adirondack chairs, a beer in his hand, seemingly lost in thought. Not wishing to disturb him, I stopped walking, debating if I should stay or go.

“You don’t have to leave.”

Uncanny how he did that. He answered my unasked question. “Your scent, not just your perfume but your natural scent, is unique and it drives me crazy. I can always tell when you’re near.”

Moving around to face him, I saw that his eyes were closed, his head resting back. He looked really comfortable. I had feared he was brooding again.

“You missed dinner,” I said.

“More for Simon. That guy eats.”

“I know. You okay?”

“Yeah, just thinking.”

“About?”

He placed his bottle on the table next to him and reached for me. Climbing into his lap, he wrapped me in his arms. I sighed. I couldn’t help it, since this was my very favorite way to sit.

“I was thinking about you,” he said.

Tingles moved down my body, like fans in the stands doing the wave. “Me?”

“Seeing my mom, knowing it was because of her illness that I found a permanent home at Raven’s Peak and met you . . . how one small change can have such drastic effects. I don’t know if things would have been different if my mom hadn’t left. Would I have volunteered for the fire department and ended up in that burning building? Would I have stayed here after graduating high school? I honestly don’t know, but what I do know, even with everything that’s happened to me, is that I’d go through it all again if it meant I could be with you.”

An involuntary sob ripped from my throat; as horrible a thought as that was—him going through it all again—the sentiment was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard.

“I mean it, Tea. Being with you these past few weeks has made me realize how wrong I was to push you away. How life, my life, is so sweet with you, and so empty without you.” He reached into his pocket, my ring appearing. “Marry me, Tea.”

Tears were falling now; there was just no stopping them. “Yes.”

Reaching for my hand, he slipped his ring on and, like he had done before, he kissed it. “I won’t fuck it up this time.”