A Glimpse of the Dream (31 page)

The patient’s name was Jerry Beck. He had been on vacation with his girlfriend when the gas grill they were using malfunctioned and burned part of his upper body. The girlfriend didn’t stick around after that, and Jerry had been in the burn unit for over two months. His skin was so tender, the pain in his eyes so pronounced, I actually felt his pain in my own body. And yet, he was smiling and laughing, finding something to be happy about despite his circumstances. People based strength on physical ability, but real strength comes from within, like with Jerry and Kane. People who find the will to continue on, even when they’re at their very lowest.

“You’re here with Kane?”

“Yeah. He’s with another patient.”

“Don’t know what I would have done without him.”

“He visits you often?”

“Yeah, he arranged for my mom to visit too.”

“He did?”

“My mom’s alone and she doesn’t have money, so when she heard what happened, she couldn’t get to me. I know it just tore her up. And then one day she’s here. Kane paid for her trip and even set her up in some place for the duration of her visit.”

I was going to start crying right there in Jerry’s room.

“I guess having been where we all are, he gets it. Not a lot of people would do that, take such an active interest. He’s a good guy.”

“You have no idea.”

I managed to make it out of Jerry’s room, discarding my gown and gloves in the red can marked for them, and down the hall to the locker room before I lost it. Sliding down the wall, pulling my knees toward me, I cried. I cried for Jerry and his mom, I cried for all those other beds filled with burn victims, but mostly I cried for Kane, because I could see him in Jerry’s place.

The door opened; I jerked my head up, expecting to see Kane, but it was Lydia. She settled next to me on the floor.

“He used to call out for you. Every day, all day long. I couldn’t imagine what kind of person wouldn’t come to the one she loved when he’d needed her the most. Years later, he explained who you were and why you never came. And then I hurt for you too, being so ruthlessly pushed from his life.

“I’ve been doing this job for a really long time. I know people handle grief differently, but that first day Kane came walking into the unit, holding on to the wall because he couldn’t see where he was going, he stood just in the doors, asking if it would be all right for him to sit with one of the patients. At first I thought he was acting out of contrition, that he had some horrible things in his past he was trying to do penitence for, but that isn’t it. With all he’s suffered, including the loss of you, he comes in here looking to offer comfort to strangers.”

Now I wasn’t just crying, I was weeping.

She reached for my hand, her hold strong but affectionate. “Got to tell ya, I’m really happy to see you walking through those doors with him. If anyone deserves to be reunited with his loved one, it’s that man.”

And before I could say anything, she stood and slipped from the room. I washed up—though one look at me, and it would be clear I’d been crying—and then I went in search of Kane. He was sitting in a little kid’s room: the child’s face was wrapped, his hair mostly gone. His parents were in the room too, sleeping, as Kane held a book in his lap, his fingers moving over the pages. He was afraid he wasn’t the boy he had been, but he was so wrong. He was my Kane, older, wiser, maybe a little more hardened, but he was still the boy who came to me and offered comfort, the boy who used to help our elderly neighbors carry their groceries home, the boy who ran into a burning building to save the life of another. We were better together than apart. We were apart when he’d walked into that burning building, apart for the past nine years that were filled with so much pain. No more. No more sadness, no more tears. We were together again, finally, and that was something to celebrate.

A half an hour later, he too was dumping his gown in the can. I stepped up next to him and took his hand. Pulling him down the hallway, I led us to the stairwell, and, as soon as the door closed at his back, I curled into him, wrapped my arms around his waist, and kissed him. It took him a few beats to respond before his mouth was moving, his tongue searching for mine, his fingers threading through my hair, his palms settling behind my ears in both possession and tenderness. We were both breathing heavy when we finally ended the kiss many, many minutes later. “What was that for?”

“Just because.”

Even though he couldn’t see, his gaze searched mine. “Can you tell me what I did, so I can do it again, and often?” he asked.

“Just being you.”

“So I have more of those in my future.”

“Oh yes, you do.”

“Excellent.” His fingers traced the features of my face. “You’re blushing.”

“How can you possibly know that?”

“There’s heat right here.” His thumb trailed over my cheek. “I loved making you blush, watching your cheeks turn all rosy.”

“Now you feel it.”

“Yes, almost as good. Thank you for coming with me.”

“I’d like to come again.”

“I was hoping you would.”

Wrapping his arm around my shoulders, we started down the stairs. “I’ve been thinking . . .” I said.

“A dangerous pastime.”

I punched him in the gut playfully. He used to say that to me all the time growing up.

“You hit harder.” At least that’s what I think he said, since he was laughing.

“Anyway, I think it’s time to properly welcome Simon to the family. What do you say?”

He looked downright wicked in response. “Oh, I think that is a brilliant idea.”

“We can get started as soon as we get home.”

His arm on me tightened. “Yeah, home.”

“Are you serious?” Mrs. T looked conflicted, not knowing if she should laugh or discipline Kane and me. “You do realize that you are all grown adults.”

The way Kane’s head turned to mine like he was confused, the same very way he did when we were kids, made me roar with laughter. His face was so serious, as if we were discussing the cure for cancer.

“Come on, please?” Again Kane was talking just like he used to when we were younger; that particular voice had always worked and, as it happened, it still did.

“Fine.”

Kane grabbed my hand as we ran out the back door.

At dinner, Kane and I sat at the chairs closest to the doorway. Mrs. T placed Simon’s potpie in front of him. “It’s tradition in our house to break off the top crust. My homemade churn butter is just delicious with that warm crust.”

“That does sound good. You guys aren’t eating?” Simon asked, but he wasn’t really that interested, because he loved food. The fact that we weren’t eating was of no matter.

“No, we ate on the way home from the hospital,” I lied.

“God, this smells really great, Mrs. T.”

Kane’s hand was wrapped around mine; I was supposed to squeeze it when Simon pulled off the crust. And as Kane had done when he was a kid, Simon lifted the crust, and then his eyes went wide and he looked across the table, but Kane and I were already halfway out the door.

“What the fuc—Teagan!”

He was in pursuit, pie in hand, but there was no way I was wearing worms. Kane and I had grown up in that house; we knew every room. We tucked into a small room off another room. “How long do you think he’ll look?” Kane asked.

“Not long, maybe five minutes, before he’s back in the kitchen sweet talking Mrs. T into something to eat.”

“So we’ve got some time,” Kane said cryptically.

“For what?”

And then he was kissing me. It started off as fun but quickly turned hot. His hands on my bare thighs curled my toes as he moved my skirt up my legs. As he lifted me, my legs wrapped around his waist, and my arms sought his neck, pulling him closer. Sucking his tongue into my mouth, I stroked it with my own. Pressing me back against the wall, one of his hands left my body to work his zipper. He slid into me, and I yanked my mouth from his, bit my lip, closed my eyes, and rode the waves of pleasure. Tightening my thighs, my calves pressing against his ass, I urged him to go deeper, move faster, and when I came, he swallowed my cry just as his own orgasm burned through him.

We found Simon after our interlude and, as I suspected, he was eating with the others, completely undisturbed by the worm potpie. We apologized for the trick. He forgave us after some posturing. Much later, we all went off to bed. But as soon as Simon disappeared into his room, we snuck out to stand just outside his door. Five minutes after he closed his door, Simon screamed, “I am going to kill you, Teagan.”

We ran back to my room and slammed and locked the door.

“What number was that?” Kane asked.

“Kane 226.”

A toad in the bed—classic.

Kane

I didn’t know if I wanted to follow through with this. Tea and I were parked down the street from my mom’s new home. Whatever had caused my mom to run from me, she was thrilled at the idea of seeing me again. I wasn’t on the same page. She had left me and now she had a new life. No children—I think if there had been children, I wouldn’t have reached out to her. To leave your kid only to have more, no, I wouldn’t have understood that. The fact that Tea had asked about children when she had spoken to Mr. Lawson just showed how well she knew me.

Without having to ask her, Tea was describing my mom’s house to me. “It’s a small Cape, painted white with black shutters. There’s a small postage-stamp lawn with gardens and a seminew-looking blue car in the driveway. It’s cozy.”

I loved that she did that, brought me into the scene without having to be asked. She knew exactly what I needed.

“Are you ready, or do you want a few more minutes?” she asked.

“No, I think I’m ready.”

“Okay.” I heard her car door open, so I opened mine too, holding the door for Zeus. We waited for her to come around the car. She handed me Zeus’s leash, taking my other hand and linking our fingers. We started down the street.

“There are about ten houses on each side of the street. It’s a small little neighborhood off one of the major roads that runs through the town. It’s lined with maple trees, the leaves all red now. There are a few kids playing: some at a basketball net that’s set up on the curb in front of one of the houses, and others are riding their bikes or playing ball. Several yards are fenced in, many with dogs who look like they want to jump the fences so they can play. We’re going to cross the street now.”

Her hold on my hand tightened, and, as much as I loved the gesture, I also felt bitter that she needed to guide me, that I wasn’t able to do it myself. It was stupid, but, of all the people in my life, I wanted to be strong for her, wanted
her
to be able to rely on
me
.

Her next words shouldn’t have surprised me, but they did. “I love you blind or sighted, so stop overthinking it.”

It was my turn to ask, “How did you know what I was thinking?”

“I’ve known you since you were eleven. Plus, your hand stiffened a bit in mine. I knew you were having a negative thought, probably about me needing to help you across the street like a little old lady.”

“Little old lady?”

“Well, I imagine whatever you’re thinking isn’t very flattering to you. But you should know, Kane, a person looking at us would see two people in love walking their dog.”

I just knew the face I was getting, had seen it countless times growing up. In that moment, it really hit me: She was back, she was with me, she was my Tea again. Emotions tightened my voice, turning it rough. “Glad it’s you walking me across the street.”

Clearly she liked what I’d said, “Me too. We’re just at their driveway. There are three steps to reach their front door. I’ll let Zeus take over.” Her voice had turned warm, with a husky edge that lit a fire in me.

Zeus was amazing. I had been dead set against the idea when Mrs. Marks had suggested it. I’d been in denial, believing I could get along just as well as I had when I was sighted. Now I didn’t know what I’d do without him. Smart and loyal, he had kept me company and made the darkness seem not quite as dark. Reaching the door, I felt Tea at my side.

“You ready?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

I heard Tea knock, then heard the sound of feet coming from down the hall, the rate and clip of them suggesting the person was excited. Then the sound of the lock disengaging, the swoosh of air as the door opened, and the subtle scent of her perfume—a scent that took me back to when I was a kid. Memories bombarded me; luckily Tea had a hold of my hand, or I’d have likely been swept away by the rush of them.