A Good Man (52 page)

“You mean you won’t do it anymore,” Regina said.

“We drove past the tree last night,” John said.

“No,” Regina said. “Don’t—”

“And I slowed down like I always do,” John continued. “But this time, with Jazz by my side, I felt peace, Regina. I felt hope. I didn’t feel the despair that usually sweeps over me as I go around that curve and see those crosses. I felt free. You have to understand that.”

“No, I don’t,” Regina said. “I can’t see how you can even drive by there. Your wife and child died there!”

“And they’re in heaven laughing their butts off at us right now because we’re wasting our time on the past,” John said. “I can hear Sheila saying, ‘Mama, you trippin’.’”

Regina looked away. “I’m not trippin’. I just miss her.”

“We all do,” John said.

“You don’t,” Regina said.

At least she’s crying and not screaming anymore. “Regina, I have barely smiled for fifteen years. The first time I saw Jazz, I smiled, and I’ve been smiling ever since. She makes me smile, and laugh, and sing—and even dance.”

“That wasn’t dancing,” Regina said. “I’m pushing seventy, and I can dance better than you ever will.”

John nodded. “True. But whether God sent me to Jazz or her to me, I don’t know. I do know that I’m at peace because she is in my life.” He smiled at Sonya. “And it’s peace that passes all understanding.” He touched Regina’s elbow. “It’s time for a little peace, don’t you think?”

“When am I gonna get peace?” Regina said. “Huh? When will I be happy again?”

“I can’t answer that,” John said. “All I know is that as soon as I let it all go to God, Jazz came into my life. Let go, let God, right?”

Regina nodded slightly. “You plan on marrying her here at New Hope? Where you married my daughter?”

That was the original plan, John thought. But now? “I don’t know, Regina.”

“Well, I prefer you don’t,” Regina said, and she walked away.

That was painful. I don’t want to be in any pain today, Lord. Why’d she have to bring up Khari? She’d be turning sixteen this year, and I’d be teaching her how to drive, and we’d be tearing up the roads around here, and—

“You okay?” Sonya asked.

“Yeah, um, I want you to see my house,” John said. “Now. I want you inside my house.”

Sonya nodded.

And I might even weep a bit. Oh, I know I will. Who am I kidding?

John walked out of the parking lot, gripping Sonya’s hand tightly, tears streaming down his face. “I guess I really haven’t stopped mourning them, huh?”

“It’s okay, John.”

“No, it’s not,” John said. “I am happier than I’ve ever been, Sonya. Believe me when I tell you that. I am overflowing with happiness.” He stopped and pulled her to him. “You make me happy.” He kissed her tenderly. “I wouldn’t be happy without you.” He started for the house again. “But then Regina says Khari’s name, and I’m flowing like a river. I didn’t tell you about Khari because I never knew her, you know? I never held her, never even saw her. I only named her Khari for the headstone because Sheila once told me her first baby would be named Khari, whether she had a boy or a girl.” He wiped his eyes on his shoulder. “I’m more of a mess than you bargained for, huh?”

“We all have our messes, John,” Sonya said. “We all have our baggage.”

“Yeah. I guess that’s why I am so attracted to you,” John said. “You’re, what’s the word, unencumbered, not weighted down, uncomplicated. Free. You make me feel free.” He laughed. “You make me feel weightless.”

They reached the porch.

“Climb on my back,” John said.

“I’m not exactly weightless after all the food I’ve eaten today,” Sonya said.

“Get on.”

Sonya climbed on.

John carried her inside. “Welcome home, Sonya.”

Sonya slid off his back. “Are you going to turn on the lights?”

“No,” John said, sliding his hands into her back pockets. “You are the light, Sonya. With you in this room, there will be no darkness.”

He led her up the stairs to the apartment. “This is where I live.” Sort of. “Test the couch. It’s very comfortable.”

Sonya sat and bounced on the couch. “Comfy.”

John sat next to her, fumbling with his hands. “I want to drag you into the bedroom and have my way with you, but even that’s not the place I want for our first time.”

Sonya took his hand. “It’s okay, John.”

“I, um, I should have replaced the bed by now, you know?” And now, the weeping. “I still have Sheila’s pillow in there. It smelled like her for a long time. Her Bible is still open to what she read that morning. Psalm Forty-two. ‘I will say unto God my rock, Why hast thou forgotten me? why go I mourning …’ I got stuck on verse nine. I didn’t like God very much for a long time. I still went to church, though. I still went through the motions.”

Sonya put her arm around him. “Isn’t your favorite verse from that psalm?”

“Yeah,” John said, tears spilling off his face. “‘Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.’ It took me years to get past verse nine, and when I did, I shook off my pity party. At least I thought I did. I didn’t know how miserable I was until I met you. I didn’t know how alone I was until I saw your smile. I don’t ever want to be alone again.” He slid to the end of the couch. “Can we just cuddle for a while?”

Sonya nodded and covered him with her body. “I don’t want to be alone again either.”

He kissed her forehead and breathed in her hair. “Why don’t we be alone together, then?”

“Deal.”

Sonya shook her head at Kim. “No, no, no!”

“But why, Sonya?” Kim said. “I like this outfit.”

“That’s not an outfit,” Sonya said. “That’s a gold teddy, and you’re only supposed to wear something like that on your honeymoon. You’re liable to bust out of that completely while you’re clapping.”

Kim spun around, and her breasts nearly popped out of her top. “See. They didn’t pop out.”

“Girl, we are going to an old-school AME church,” Sonya said. “You can’t be showing all that skin.”

“But it’s gonna be hot, Sonya,” Kim said, “and that itchy wool skirt and I don’t get along.”

“Change, Kim. Now. The white blouse and the skirt. And make sure you put on that white camisole I bought you in LA. I don’t want you scaring any of the biddies with your dragon.”

“I am going to burn up,” Kim said, snatching the blouse, camisole, and skirt from the closet.

“Better you’re a little hot than you feel the flames of hell, little girl,” Sonya said.

“Don’t get religious on me now, Sonya,” Kim said, removing the gold dress.

“I wasn’t talking about the literal flames of hell, Kim,” Sonya said, “though you should be afraid of them, too. I’m talking about the flames of ‘hell nah!’ shooting out of the eyes of the women at the church.”

Kim yanked the camisole over her head. “I didn’t know you were all about appearances, Sonya.”

“You dressed conservatively at Bethel,” Sonya said. “What’s changed?”

“The weather,” Kim said. “It’s freaking hot.”

I sure hope John has that AC working today.

“And it won’t be the same without Tony there,” Kim said, wriggling into the skirt. “I am not going to enjoy this.”

“You’ll see him tomorrow, Kim,” Sonya said.

Kim buttoned up her blouse. “Well, it’s not soon enough for me.”

John met them at the steps of New Hope and handed them two fans from Jones Unity Funeral Home. “The AC is a bit overwhelmed today,” he said. “We’re standing-room only.”

“Because of the cameras?” Sonya asked.

“Yep.” John winked. “We’re puttin’ on the dog. There are only two cameras, but the folks inside seem mesmerized by them. We have the first pew on the right to ourselves. I’ll lead you in.”

The ushers opened the door to the sanctuary, and a somewhat cool but humid breeze wafted around Sonya’s face as she walked down the aisle to the first pew, a sea of waving fans on either side of her.

A whole pew for just the three of us? “Are your parents coming?” Sonya whispered as she sat.

“I don’t know,” John said. “I’m saving them some space, just in case.”

The organist blasted into “Have Thine Own Way, Lord,” and the lights dimmed and pulsed.

“Be back in a moment,” John whispered, and he disappeared through a side door.

A few moments later, the lights brightened.

John returned. “A fuse blew,” he whispered. “The new one ought to hold through the rest of the service.”

Sonya nodded. I hope the organist doesn’t blow out the AC. She looked at Kim. Maybe she should have worn that teddy.

The organist transitioned to “It Is for Me,” and a few people in the congregation softly sang, “What God has for me, it is for me …”

After a short prayer and a reading from Psalm 46, little Keisha led the children’s choir down the aisle clapping and singing “O Happy Day.” Sonya wanted to jump to her feet, but she was afraid she would be alone.

C’mon, y’all. That is the cutest children’s choir on earth! Get to your feet! Give them some encouragement. Don’t just tap your feet! Get up on them! At least clap your hands!

No one stood or clapped along with the music.

Just as well, Sonya thought. It would have only added to this heat. My heels are sweating already.

When the children finished singing, Sonya stood and clapped. “Aaa-men!” She glanced behind her and only saw fans. Oops. She sat.

Reverend Wilson rose as the children skipped out. “Amen,” he said.

No one repeated it.

“I said amen,” Reverend Wilson said. “It is true, it is true. Amen.”

A few people said, “Amen.”

“Oh, don’t get all high saditty on me cuz of the cameras,” Reverend Wilson said. “This Sunday ain’t any different than any other Sunday. Y’all know you like to shout. It’s why John has to replace the windows so often. Y’all know you like to dance. Just look at the carpet under your feet. It’s almost worn clear through to the wood. I’m gonna say it again. Amen!”

Everyone shouted, “Amen!”

The lights dimmed briefly, then brightened.

“That’s better.” Reverend Wilson smiled. “I think I want to hear the children sing that song again. Get the children back in here. This is a happy day, and we gonna be happy.”

The children danced back in and took their places.

I ain’t sittin’ this time, Sonya thought. She stood.

The rest of the congregation stood.

“O happy day,” little Keisha sang.

“O happy day,” the congregation echoed.

“O happy day,” Keisha sang.

“Sing it, girl!” Sonya shouted.

“When Jesus washed … washed my sins away …”

That’s more like it, Sonya thought. You want to keep children in church? Encourage them while they’re in church. And here I am forgetting mine. She pulled Kim to her feet.

Kim sighed, but she eventually clapped and sang along.

“You jump-started a church,” John whispered.

Somebody had to do it.

The applause flowed over the children as they ran out the second time, and Reverend Wilson laughed his way to the pulpit. “We gonna have service now, amen?”

“Amen!”

“I’d like to thank all the folks who cooked Friday and yesterday,” Reverend Wilson said. “You keep doin’ that, I won’t be able to button up my suit. Y’all in the front row, watch out, now. You may see a button or two flyin’ your way.”

Sonya laughed. Now this is more like it. There’s love and laughter in this church.

“I’d also like to welcome Miss Jazz to our church.” Reverend Wilson started clapping, and the congregation joined in. “Woman, I never watch TV.” He turned to his wife. “Do I ever watch TV?”

His wife shook her head. “Unless Auburn’s playing ’Bama.”

Reverend Wilson nodded. “You got me watching TV, Jazz, and you know what, y’all? She’s had America thinkin’ about Jesus for three months.”

“Amen!”

“She didn’t have to do none of that,” Reverend Wilson continued, “but she did, and sometimes the things she said were better than the sermon I gave the day before. Bless you, Sister Jazz. God bless you.”

And now everyone’s standing but me, and John is clapping the loudest. Man, I don’t mind this heat now.

“Y’all be seated,” Reverend Wilson said. “Now the choir has been rehearsing long into the night all week. I know. I can hear them from my house.” Reverend Wilson looked at Sonya. “When the Warner Brothers folks were trying to add some microphones yesterday, I had to tell them no. This choir doesn’t need any help.” He turned to the choir. “Y’all ready for your national debut?”

The organist played a single note.

A beat later, the choir burst into “Hallelujah Praise.”

Cece Winans would be amazed! Sonya thought. This place is rocking without drums and guitars and keyboards. And that soloist should be signed to a contract! Wow! I was expecting “Peace in the Valley” or “Take My Hand, Precious Lord” from this old-school church. Even Kim is up and dancing!

The choir transitioned to “Lord, You Are Good.”

I’m sure Florida and Mississippi hear this! They gotta at least get a drummer and a bass.

John tapped her shoulder. “My parents are here.”

Sonya looked to her right and saw John’s older twin and the woman who gave John his brown eyes. Sonya walked up to Mr. Bond, hugged him, and even kissed his cheek. She hugged and held on to Mrs. Bond, saying, “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“We wouldn’t have missed this for the world,” Mrs. Bond said. “They can sing, can’t they?”

“Lord, You are good and Your mercy endureth forever!” Sonya sang. Yeah, Big Man up there, You are certainly good.

Reverend Wilson had trouble settling himself down after the singing ended. “Y’all … whoo! Amen! Hallelujah! Whoo!” He drank an entire glass of water. “We were cookin’, weren’t we! Whoo!” He blinked. “And we’re still cookin’, ain’t we?”

“Amen!”

Sonya looked down the pew at Mr. Bond. So that’s how John might look in, what, twenty-five, thirty years? He’s a right handsome man. I see where John gets his huge hands.

“I’d like to welcome back Brother John’s parents,” Reverend Wilson said. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Yes,” Mr. Bond said.