A Haunted Heart (4 page)

A couple of days later, sadness took residence in my heart after hearing nothing more from Adam.  Michael and Jack had occupied every thought for so long. This temporary romantic connection was a welcome distraction…but I felt as if I’d screwed it up.  With my phone in my hand, I decided I wanted to text him.  So…getting his number was my next priority. I could do this.

After getting myself ready—actually applying mascara and lip gloss then combing my hair out, I peeked between the blinds.

Holy hell!! 
As he carried 2X4’s across the lawn, every muscle in his arms and back tensed and were accentuated by a light sheen of sweat. Being a doctor, I knew the name of every one of those muscles. His traps. His lats. His biceps.
Shit
! I’d never seen them look like this—at least not in person. Chills shimmied up my spine.

I covered my eyes, a little embarrassed at my body’s reaction to simply looking at him.  There was some comfort in knowing this would be temporary. That he would have to go. When Adam left, I wasn’t sure when there would be another, so I’d made up my mind—I was going to enjoy this month that we had together—this vacation from the pain.

I went through my closet of old clothes to try to find something that wasn’t ‘gunny sack’ like. I went with a pair of jean shorts and a tank top. If this didn’t get his attention, I didn’t know what would.  As I eyed myself in the full-length mirror, I found myself prepared to do the seducing. Two weeks ago that thought would have never made its way into my head…but now, I smiled with the idea.

After writing the note and finding confidence, I pranced out the front door, smiling inside when I heard more than one hammer stop pounding. It felt like one of those dreams where my legs don’t work right given that my anxiety was off the freaking charts.

I put on my shades to cover up my eyes and walked a direct path to his truck, knowing that several sets of eyes rested on me. After I lifted his windshield wiper, I slid the note against the glass and lowered the wiper pinning the paper beneath.

Continuing with the risks, I lowered my sunglasses and cast a glance his way. There he stood in all his glory—bare, sun-kissed, glistening chest. He wore sunglasses too, but I knew his eyes were on me when the smile crept across his face.

Adam Stroud had lost his parents at the same time I’d lost my everything, and maybe he needed this as much as I did.  This delicious creature held my stare until I returned the smile and flipped around going the opposite way.

When I stepped into the library, a round of hushed whispers circulated around the room. Miranda’s brows shot up and mine arched too in reaction to hers.

“Hey woman,” she whispered.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

She was checking books back into the library.

“Seriously, Anna. What’s going on is you. You don’t look like a homeless spinster today. You look like a beautiful woman who is ready to live again, as hard as that may be for you.”

Her words treaded on thin ice with my newly found bravery, and with anxiety rearing its head, I felt myself retreating.

Her hand covered mine.

“Anna. You have weathered a treacherous storm over the past year. You know why I got this job here.”

“Because I was in the loony bin,” I whispered, all life gone from me again.

“Yes! And if Tom and Ellie were taken from me…I’d try to hurt myself too. Just like you did. There aren’t many people in this town that could have endured what you did.  There is no shame in it AND there is no shame in moving forward.”

Life clung in her words, and my body drank them in as gospel. How could I be so ready one moment but so scared the next?

“Thank you, Miranda.”

“Don’t thank me sweetheart. Just tell me his name.”

Sunshine broke free within me again masking the guilt and relief.

“Don’t tell anyone. I DO NOT want to make the town gossip list. But he’s new to town and…”

“ADAM!”

My eyes widened. “Yes. You know him?”

“The question is what woman in this town doesn’t know him. Of him at least. Jesus Anna, he is beautiful. He likes
you?
”

I shook my head in disbelief and back stepped away from her. I used to be…attractive!

“Wait.” She held up her hands. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she laughed.

I cocked my jaw to the side and narrowed my eyes as she continued to giggle. 

“Seriously! I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Shhhh!” Carole shushed us from the computer screen she hid behind.

“Whatever. He’s been hurt too and it seems like he was meant to come along at this time. He’ll only be here for another month or so…so why not?” I shrugged.

Miranda clicked her mouth. “Why not indeed. If you don’t want to do that…I will.”

Though I knew she was joking, the possibility of him spending time with someone else stirred something deep within…   I didn’t like it.

After reading the note over and over, I went ahead and added her name to the number already stored in my phone. At the same time I was typing it in, my other phone rang.

I pushed the answer button and waited.

“Verifying secure line.” The robotic voice stated.

“Call number?”

“976925” I said.

“Code name?”

“Apache.” I answered.

“Adam. What the hell are you doing?”

“Sir. If you have something to say, please just say it.”

Raking my fingers through my hair, I felt myself get pissed.

“Agent Stroud. You’re a smart man. We assigned you there because of that oh so beautiful face of yours.” His words dripped with sarcasm. “And what do the female agents say…that
hot, fuckable body
.” He snickered and I wanted to reach through the phone and wrap my fingers around his ugly, scrawny ass neck. “But we didn’t mean it literally. Keep your dick in your pants. You get to know the girl without fucking her. Am I clear?”

“Sir. With all due respect…”

He interrupted. “Do you think we didn’t see that kiss the other night?”

I slammed my hand on the hard granite. “Sir. She asked me to kiss her. I would have jeopardized myself more had I declined.”

“You can slant or skew it anyway that makes you feel better. But I want to know two things. Is she involved or isn’t she? Does she know about it or does she not? You being able to tell me what she tastes like doesn’t help nor does it interest me. And the last thing we need is to be sued by some woman who thought you’d be sticking around.”

I knew I wouldn’t be sticking around. If the fucking AD didn’t understand how it went down—that wasn’t my problem. Her melted brown eyes lured me in, searched somewhere within me, and I wondered if she read in my eyes that a kiss had been a long timing coming for me as well. 

“Stroud?”

“Yes, Sir. I heard you.”

The line disconnected, and I angrily threw the phone at the sofa and simultaneously kicked the ottoman to the kitchen. Flashbacks flooded back. My hand at the curve of her back. Her dainty finger poking through the material and making contact with my skin. Her beer breath panting over my face. And her taste…
Shit!
Worried, I dragged the length of my face with my palms resigned to the fact that I could never kiss her again. Undoubtedly if I did, I wouldn’t stop there. That much I knew from the other night.

When I walked to the fridge to get a beer, I decided I was going for a run instead. This pent up frustration needed an outlet.

Twenty minutes in and I heard the roar of a car creeping up. Taking a glance over my shoulder, I saw TJ sitting eerily behind the wheel. I offered him a nod and sweat dripped into my eyes hindering my vision. 
What the hell was he doing out here?   

“Hey. What’s up?” TJ said.

I leaned over, peering in his window.

“Oh. Hey TJ. Just joggin’. What’s up with you?”

Being the total douche that he was, he revved the engine.

“Ah. Just thinking about doing some shooting practice.” 

His eyes were hidden behind his sunglasses. The hair on my neck didn’t stand often, but it was on end and that wasn’t a good sign.

I tapped his window as I excused myself from this conversation wondering if I could consider that a threat.

“Be careful,” I said.

“See you for football on Sunday. And Adam, you be careful too.”

Now that, motherfucker, was a threat. Knowing he was probably watching me from his review mirror like any piece of shit pussy would, I kept pace.  The moment I watched his car turn off the gravel road, I flipped back around and headed home. 

Obviously, some townie had run their mouth to him about Anna and me.  Now more than ever, I needed to be on guard and ready for either of them to react. 

The one thing the AD didn’t realize was that if Anna was willing to give herself fully to me…there was no way in hell she was involved or helping TJ in any capacity.

The next day the weather was cooler again; soon we would be working indoors so my visuals of her would lessen. The ache in my gut hadn’t gone away since I woke up during the long night and regretted not making the call to her.  She warranted so much more than that. Better than that.

When she finally made it out of the house, I stepped outside to try and catch her eye. No go.  As she walked in the opposite direction with her shoulders held high, there was a slight tug on my heart.

“Fuck it,” I hissed out, dropped my hammer and jogged toward her. “Anna! Wait!”

Her guarded eyes fluttered up to mine. If me not calling hurt her, what was going to happen when she learned the truth? The disappointment her brown eyes held cranked a vise tighter on my heart.

“Hey, Adam.”

“Listen. Thanks for the note yesterday. It was sort of a crazy day.” I rubbed my dirty hands on the front of my jeans.

“Adam. It’s ok.   You don’t have to explain.” Attempting to step around me, I blocked her. She stared at her feet and took a step back.

“Please come by tonight. Eight o’clock. I’ll pick you up if you like.”

When I lifted her chin, hope was there…I spotted it in the sparkle in her eyes.

“I don’t want to drive.”

“I’ll pick you up at 7:30 then.”

Her half-hearted smile wasn’t much to leave me with…but it was enough.

Adam and I were texting, and every time my phone chimed a thrill shot through me.  For the first time in nearly eleven months I felt alive.  Leery about getting my hopes too high, there was something in his eyes today—a secret or something that he was longing to tell.

While waiting for the next text, I stepped over the toys that had remained in place for so long. The thought crossed my mind to move them, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. 
A wife!
He’s married?
Maybe that’s what it was. I covered my face with the agony of the thought. I’d walk away immediately if that were the case.

The thought of him leaving already created dread—but this was a goodbye or departure I would be prepared for.

He texted after our conversation and invited me to dinner.  While in the shower, I examined my unshaven…parts. Ugh. Disgusting. In medical school, we paid for a waxing when we could, but there was no waxing salon in this small town. A sharp razor was a must. My hands shook as I shaved the most delicate areas of my body…my scrambled thoughts caught somewhere between Michael’s touch and the anticipation of Adam’s.

As I toweled off, just thinking his name forced everything beneath my belly button to clench. My breasts were already full of blood and anticipation. With my towel wrapped around me, I passed our wedding picture in the hall. Michael and Adam were so different. Michael, my handsome pharmacist. Even in our wedding picture, his sideburns held a touch of gray. God he hated that. When I realized I was standing in the hallway smiling, I touched my heart, relieved that thoughts of him brought smiles for the first time rather than tears.

“Michael. Forgive me. I want this. It won’t be long term. But I need to feel. I want to feel.”

Tears.

I had not ‘dated’ for a while so this was new to me…especially with a man almost five years younger. When I stepped out onto the porch, he narrowed his eyes in my direction.

“I was coming up to get you.” His shoulders slumped.

“Adam. I may be elderly to you but I’m not handicapped.” I winked.

“It’s proper,” he said. “No gunny sack tonight?”

His roaming blue eyes sparkled as they took in the sight of me from head to toe—the fitted sundress I had bought today along with the sweater I tossed over my shoulders for later.

“Guess that means you should take off your shirt now, huh?”

A slow smile met both of our faces. Adam was perfect. Maybe it was because I was older by a few years.  But as he smiled and held out his hand, I noticed how it engulfed mine…and the hem, on the sleeves of his shirt, gripped his biceps as if the hem was stretched to capacity. His longer hair mussed up in the front made him sexy as hell, but the two-day’s worth of growth on his face—did me in.  A longing pulled from between my legs.

Once in his truck, the orange and black lights and blow up decorations around the neighborhood were coming to life. We both shook our heads and rolled our eyes at the craziness as we happily pulled away and drove from town.

As the town and the memories disappeared behind us…I had made up my mind. I was a 31-year-old woman, and without a doubt I wanted to have sex with this man…so…I was going to do it.