A Highland Home A Contemporary Highland Romance Book Two (17 page)

The crease in her brow faded as a smile worked its way to her lips. “Does this mean I’m your culinary guinea pig?”

“Aye, love. Just be thankful my experiments have come a long way from when I first started. My meringue fiasco got me banned from my Ma’s kitchen for over a year. It took months before we could turn on the oven without having the house fill with smoke.” When she laughed, it eased the knot twisting around his heart.

Luckily, the ride home was a short one, especially since his thoughts kept nagging at him, telling him it would all go wrong. If she finally decided to question Conall’s father, it would all go to hell, especially once she found out Angus had already spoken to him about Rowan’s mother. He couldn’t ask the man to lie on his behalf, and Gordon was the next logical choice if she chose to go looking.

He’d just have to distract her, and he’d start with a meal that would blow her away. If he could make her happy, then maybe she’d concentrate on the things she
did
have in her life, rather than the things that were missing.

Astro was ecstatic to see them, and after a quick jaunt out to mark his territory, he followed them back into the kitchen with a bark of excitement and a full body wiggle. He watched Rowan play with his pup as her laugher filled the room, and knew his home would feel empty without her in it. It’d be impossible to go back to the way it was before she’d come into his life. Unable to resist and needing to feel her touch, he stole a quick kiss.

“Anything I can do to help?” She wandered over to the counter when he started pulling out ingredients.

“Not a thing, though I hope ye’re hungry. We’re starting with a cheese soufflé.” He cranked the oven to a temperature that could handle both the soufflés and the potatoes, quickly mixed the spuds with some olive oil, garlic and rosemary, and then tossed them in the oven.

“Soufflé? Is that all?” She gave her head a shake and her smile widened. “You’re always full of surprises.”

“I like to keep ye guessing.” Angus whipped the egg whites and added the cheese, checked the temperature of the oven and put them in to bake.

“So what else is on the menu?” She slipped her arms around his waist from behind, leaning her head against his back, making it hard to concentrate on the matter at hand.

“Dinner will be a filet of beef with whisky butter, served with caramelized onions and roasted fingerling potatoes. As for dessert, I can whip us up an apple and pear crisp with toasted hazelnuts and dried cranberries, topped with a bit of vanilla ice cream.”

“You spoil me, Angus.” Her hands wandered, leaving him ready to chuck dinner and carry her off to bed.

“It’s no more than ye deserve.” He leaned over his shoulder and gave her a quick kiss, while basting the steak with butter. The tension he’d felt between them at the studio seemed a distant memory, making him a happy man.

“My mom would always take me apple picking in the fall.  We’d bring home bags of apples and then spend the next week trying to find new ways of using them up. Crisp was always one of my favorites.” She let out a long sigh. “Even though it was just the two of us, we did have each other and we made the best of it. I miss her, Angus. A lot.”

“Och, love.” The sadness and longing in her voice tore at his soul and heart. She had no family left, save for a father she didn’t know-and who in all likelihood didn’t know about her. He thought about how he was trying to hold her back, but the truth was that he was basing his fears on decades old speculations. “I can’t imagine how hard this has been on ye.”

She shrugged, as if trying to shake off her sadness. “It’s fine.”

Except that it wasn’t. The need to ease her pain was overwhelming. He had to do right by her, but he was damned if he knew how. 

Needing to comfort her and ease his guilt, he pulled her close, and with an arm around her waist, kissed her slow and sweet. Then doing his best to clear his mind, lest she pick up on his unease, he gave her one more kiss, and then turned back to his cooking. “If ye’d like to have a seat in the dining room, I’ll get the soufflés.”

Angus did his best to keep conversation light during dinner. He didn’t want to think of her father or the threat. Didn’t want her to think of how her mother was gone. He just wanted them to enjoy their time together. Yet, part way through dinner, she sat there not really looking at him, their conversion rather one-sided, and her appetite-despite the food being delicious, if he might say so himself-diminished.

“We could go sit by the fire if you’re not hungry.” He found himself now playing with his own food, his appetite ruined.

“I’m sorry, Angus. This is why I’m no good with relationships.” She reached out and gave his hand a squeeze. “I’m afraid I’ve ruined your delicious dinner with my sour mood.”

“Forget about dinner. It doesn’t matter. Come.” Angus took her hand and led her to the living room, settling her on the sofa while he got a fire going. 

His mind raced over his options yet again while he sparked the kindling aflame and poked at it. It was becoming clear he wouldn’t be able to keep things from her for much longer. He needed answers and information, but had nothing new to go on.

With the fire going, he sat by her side and pulled her close, wrapping his arm around her shoulder so she snuggled against his side. “Things
will
get better, love.” He’d make damn sure of it.

“What if you’re wrong? I’m no closer to finding my father, and you’ve seen how the people in town look at us. They’re not happy with the company you’re keeping, and things don’t seem to be dying down.”

“Listen, love. I don’t give a rat’s arse what people think.” He reached over and took her hand, needing her to know she wasn’t alone in this. He could easily see her packing her bags and heading back to the States-and she probably would have already if it weren’t for finding her father. “I know this has been hard for ye, love, but ye can’t let other’s dictate yer life-nor can ye base yer happiness on another.”

“I know that, Angus, but-”

“But nothing. Ye bought that gallery and came here to start a new life, so do that.” Frustration and guilt had him dropping his head in his hands. Didn’t she see that she belonged in Dunmuir, belonged with him? Why couldn’t she just be happy? “Ye’ll be fine with or without yer father. Do ye hear me? Ye can’t let him be the be-all and end-all to yer happiness.”

She shook her head and glared at him, hurt in her eyes. “How can you say that when you know what it’s doing to me?”

“Live yer life, Rowan, and stop hitting the pause button.” He’d have to tell her. Little by little these lies were killing what they had between them. “I just want to see ye happy.”

“And finding my father will do that. Why does it feel like you don’t want me to find him? I’m not imaging it, am I? You
had
been supportive, Angus. But lately? I don’t get what’s happened.” She shook her head and looked away. “Is this some weird way of trying to push me away? Is it because I’ve all but moved in and now you’re getting panicky? If you think this is all a mistake and would rather go back to just being friends, then just say so. It’d be a hell of a lot nicer than picking fights with me over my father.”

Of course the poor girl was confused about what was happening between them, grasping at straws, because she only had a small portion of the facts. It only made sense that she’d think it had to do with their relationship.

“Och, love… it’s not that. And I’m sorry, aye?” How the hell had he made such a mess of things? He tilted her chin up to make sure she could see that he meant the words he spoke. “Ye mean the world to me, love. More than anyone. Don’t ye see that?”

“I do, but then… I don’t know. Things have felt a bit… odd between us. Strained. You’re all I have here, Angus, but I need you to be honest with me if this isn’t what you want.”

“Listen to me, love. Ye’ve made me happier than I’ve been in a very long time, and to be honest, I’ve ne’er felt more whole than when I’m with ye. But I need ye to trust me. I need ye to know that I only want what’s best for ye.” He reached out and took her hand, pulling her close, his head spinning and his gut in knots. “Rowan… I love ye. And I know ye’re not there yet, but I need ye to know how I feel. I need ye not to doubt what’s between us.”

He knew better than to expect her to reciprocate his feelings, and that was fine-he could wait, even if it felt like his chest was being squeezed in a vice. As long as she knew how he felt and that no matter what he did, he had her best interest at heart.

“Then help me find my father. If you want what’s best for me, help me.” She cupped his cheek and kissed him, but he was drowning in guilt. “Promise me. I need to know I have your support when it comes it to finding him.”

“Rowan…” He inwardly cursed, desperately wanting to lie to her and finding that he couldn’t.

Her cheeks flushed red and her mouth fell open as her breath caught. “Am I missing something, Angus?”

“No.” He groaned. “Maybe. Och, Rowan… I need ye to trust me, love.”

She pulled away. “I do trust you-which is why this is catching me off guard. What do you mean by
maybe
?”

He reached out to take her hand, but she pulled away. It felt like he was on a cliff and the ground was crumbling under his feet. By the gods, he was losing her, and he knew the longer he took to answer her, the angrier she’d be. He just had to hold onto the reason he was doing this. “I want ye to stop looking for him.”

Her hands clenched into tight fists, her jaw tight. “Just like that-because you said so? Or are you going to tell me why? And don’t give me that whole
live your life
crap.”

There was no avoiding it. He’d have to tell her.

Relief washed over him with his decision made. “Aye, love. I’ll tell ye everything, but I need ye to know that I’ve only ever had yer best interest at heart.”

“Just tell me what the hell is going on, Angus.” She spoke through gritted teeth as her gaze bore a hole through him. He swore he’d never seen anyone look so angry.

“It’s about yer mother. I don’t have many details, which is why I didn’t want to say anything, but I think something or someone had her frightened and it was the reason she left Scotland. Before going, she refused to tell my mother and Gordon Stuart-Conall’s da-who yer father was, but they both said she was scared, and she made them promise to not go looking into the matter.”

Her eyebrows perked, and he knew he was in trouble. “Wait. What do you mean
Conall’s da
? Did you go and see him? Without me?”

“Aye, love.” He was doomed. It felt like his heart was being wrenched from his chest. There was nothing for it, though. He’d have to come clean now that he’d started. “I needed to know if ye were putting yerself in harm’s way by searching for yer father.”

Her face was scarlet and her jaw was clenched so tight, he was surprised she managed to get the words out. “That was
not
your decision to make, Angus.” 

“Aye, ye’re right. But it was the only way to keep ye safe. Ye’d go looking for him even if it put ye at risk. And though ye may be fine with putting yerself in harm’s way, it’s
not
fine with me.”

“
Not. Your. Decision.
” With her hands clenched into tight fists, and the anger pouring off her in waves, he half expected her to hit him-repeatedly. And he’d deserve it.

“There’s more.” Dread had it so he could barely breathe. “When we went to visit Imogen, I had a feeling she wasn’t being honest. Thinking she might have information on yer father, I paid her a visit.”

She swayed. “What did you do, Angus?”

He squeezed his eyes shut for a long moment to center himself. “I asked her why she was lying to us. She still didn’t say, but I now know without a doubt that I was right, and she knows more than what she’s telling us.”

She shook her head. “How could you, Angus? Not only did you do all this behind my back, but to not say anything?” Her eyes shimmered in the firelight as she blinked back tears. “What else have you been keeping from me? What else have you been lying about?”

He wanted to pull her in his arms, to comfort her, yet he couldn’t when he was the source of her pain. “I asked Conall to look into Imogen and her background. Her family. She’s hiding something. I just don’t know what.”

She blinked, and her tears spilled over. “I’ve got to go.”

“Wait, love.” He grabbed her hand before she had a chance to stand. “There’s more.”

“I can’t. I can’t take anymore and frankly, I don’t care.” She stood and he stood with her, but he didn’t release her hand, even as she struggled to get free. “Let go of me, Angus.”

He had to make her listen-and then maybe she wouldn’t go. “It’s yer father, love. I don’t think he knew that yer mother was pregnant.”

Chapter Fifteen

Rowan couldn’t breathe. Her world was spinning out of control, spinning out from under her. She was furious with Angus, but the last words he’d spoken… She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her, leaving her numb and confused. He pulled her into his arms and sat them back onto the sofa-and she let him. Damn it.

“He doesn’t know?” She was helpless to keep her tears from spilling over. Her entire life, she’d felt slighted and unworthy of her father’s love and attention, as if she hadn’t been good enough for him to bother with. No matter how hard she tried to stay positive, there was always a small part of her that felt incomplete and unwanted.