A Holiday Proposal (12 page)

Holly washed her hands and sat at one of the round tables. “I can’t imagine doing that all by myself. I usually help my mom and sister cook. I have to say I don’t miss the hot kitchen today.”

He chuckled. “And here I thought you were always cold.”

The teasing glint in his eyes brought a smile to her face. “That’s because you always run into me outside, where it’s in the low twenties.” She pulled off the foil as her stomach growled. She slapped her hand to her midsection and felt her face heat. “Guess I’m hungry. I probably shouldn’t eat too much, though, since I’m having a big meal at my parents’ when I get off.” She hadn’t had time for more than a piece of peanut butter and toast for breakfast, and she couldn’t pass this up, whether she’d be eating another meal in two hours or not. “How’d you keep it warm when it’s so cold outside?”

“Hand warmers.” He pulled two from his pocket. “I had it wrapped in a towel and put the hand warmers in the towel.”

“Smart man.” She cut a piece of turkey and dipped it in gravy. “Oh, my, this is good. Please tell April I said so.”

“I will.”

She held up the plate. “Want some?” No way should she eat all of this. None of her clothes would be comfortable if she ate two turkey meals.

He shook his head. “Thanks, but I’m stuffed. How long do you get for your break?”

She glanced at the wall clock. “Ten more minutes.” Her eyes held his, and she stopped chewing. What was going on between them?

He broke eye contact and cleared his throat. “Are you going Black Friday shopping tomorrow?”

“Actually, I am. Jessica, my mom and I are taking the train to Seattle and spending the weekend.”

“John is heading out in the morning, too. Maybe I’ll see you at the platform.”

“I’m sure you will.” She started when Matthew rested his hand on hers. She looked up and saw tenderness in his eyes. Her heart beat a rapid staccato.

“I was hoping you might agree to go skiing with me this weekend, but since you’ll be away maybe next weekend would work?”

“Um.” Holly’s pulse pounded in her ears. This sounded like a real date. Not their impromptu playtime in the snow or unplanned coffee.

She rammed her hands into the pockets of her sweater. This was her chance to undo a wrong from high school. Thanks to her ridiculous pride she’d turned him down for prom because she was too embarrassed to walk into the dance on the arm of a pimple-faced boy. To this day she felt bad about that snub, but would saying yes now be just as bad if she only went out of guilt?

She blinked rapidly—she didn’t want to say yes from guilt. She actually wanted to go, even if it was a date. She liked Matthew, but what about being a nurse? What if she opened her heart to the possibility of dating and something more developed down the road?

* * *

“Holly?” Matthew’s gut clenched. She was going to say no—again. He should have waited for God to answer him regarding Holly. He knew better, but they were getting along so well...what was it about him that made dating him such a turnoff to Holly? “Sorry. Forget I brought it up.” She’d humiliated him once, but he was a grown man now. Could he handle only being friends with her when he felt so much more than friendship for her? He should have heeded Todd’s warning. What was he thinking, coming here?

She cleared her throat and looked nervously toward the door. “Do you remember back in high school when you asked me to the prom?”

His eyes widened and he took a step back. “Yes, but I’m surprised you do.”

She winced. “I’ve never forgotten.”

“But you didn’t even recognize me when I brought April to the hospital.”

“You’ve changed a lot since then. Plus, I was focused on your sister and doing my job. I barely noticed you.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat. Honesty was always best, but it wounded his pride to hear it sometimes.

“Anyway, I’ve felt horrible about that for a long time. You’re an amazing guy and you deserve a great catch. I’m focused on my job. If I agree to go skiing, it’s just as friends.”

The tension on her face nearly did him in. “Relax, Holly. One day on the slopes doesn’t mean you’re committing your life to me. My bakery has been open less than a year, and I need to stay focused on building my business. But I also need to enjoy life a little, too.” He couldn’t believe the line of hooey that spewed from his mouth. What he wanted to say was that it didn’t matter if they were both career-minded. Somehow they’d make it work.

“Good point. Thanks. Guess I’m a little jumpy because of what happened with Todd.”

“Understandable. So, next Saturday, then?”

“Sure.” She took a bite of the roll and closed her eyes. “These are melt-in-your-mouth delicious. You really should sell them.” Her eyes twinkled.

He tweaked her nose. “Will you be able to make it to dinner on time with your family?”

She swallowed then took a long drink of water. “Barring an emergency, yes.” She frowned. “Of course, my mother hasn’t stopped her matchmaking. She invited a man named Thomas from church. Do you know him?”

Matthew stilled. “I don’t think so.” He didn’t like the idea of another man showering attention on Holly, but if history was any indication, he had nothing to worry about. “I’m sorry she can’t be happy for you in your present state of singleness.”

Her eyes widened then she laughed.

His face heated. Had he really just said something so stupid? A half grin touched his lips. “Stop making fun.”

“Forgive me. I think I needed a good laugh. Thanks.”

He chuckled. “Anytime.”

Holly re-covered the plate then stood and placed it in the minifridge. “I’ve got to get back. Be sure to tell April thanks for me. The food was fantastic.” She moved toward the door then whirled around, bumping into him.

He grasped her arms to steady her. “Hello.” He drew the word out with a grin. Her eyes widened then looked lazily at his mouth. She moistened her lips. He tilted his head and hesitated for a second. She leaned in. He brushed his lips across hers. Wrapping an arm around his neck, she drew him closer—her lips probing.

His hands rested on her back. Her lips tasted delicious, and he deepened the kiss.

She pulled back a few inches and locked her gaze with his. Her breath warmed his already too-hot face. “Matthew?” She pursed her lips.

He cradled her cheek with his palm. “Hmm?”

“Let’s not do that again. It complicates things.”

“Okay.” His heart sank.

“Thanks for the meal.” She spun around and fled from the break room.

Matthew stood helpless, knowing if he followed she’d push him away, and if he did nothing she might avoid him forever. But one thing was certain—Holly might say she wanted only to be friends, but that kiss screamed otherwise.

Chapter 14

H
olly drifted through the hospital hall in a daze. She touched a finger to her still tingling lips. She’d kissed Matthew! He’d only given her a light peck but she’d gone full throttle. And then she’d all but scolded him. Her cheeks burned and she groaned.

Leslie, the other nurse on duty, looked at her with concerned eyes. “Are you sick? You looked flushed.”

“I’m fine. What did I miss?” She sat.

Leslie stared at her, one eyebrow lifted. “Nothing. Quiet as can be.”

“Good. Maybe I’ll get out of here on time.”

Nodding, Leslie returned her gaze to the computer screen.

A light on the board flashed. “I’ll take care of it.” Holly stood and walked back in the direction she’d come from, forcing her mind to return to work. Matthew came around the corner. She stopped and looked down, unable to meet the challenge in his gaze. Yes, she’d blown it big-time.

“I won’t keep you, but we need to talk—soon.”

She nodded. Her mind jumbled. Matthew was everything she wanted in a man and more—why couldn’t she be a nurse
and
have a relationship? The answer stared her in the face. She couldn’t divide her focus. She’d proven that time and time again.
Lord, what should I do? Matthew is amazing, but You know how I messed up before. I can’t do that again.

She remembered a scripture in Proverbs about trusting God and not leaning on her own understanding.

Of course she trusted God. What did that have to do with Matthew? She pushed the door into her patient’s room. “Hello, Tommy. Did you need something?”

The teen coughed. “I’m thirsty.”

She left the room and filled his water bottle, then returned and handed it to him. “You do know it’s okay for you to get out of bed?”

He shrugged and took a long draw from the straw. “Guess I forgot. What are you doing?”

“Talking with you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Can you sit with me for a bit?”

She glanced at the wall clock. “I can’t right now. I need to give someone her medication. Maybe you could watch football.” She handed him the remote.

“I hate football.”

“Would you like a magazine? I spotted a car one in the waiting room.”

His face lit. “Yes.”

Holly left his room to go retrieve the magazine. She felt sorry for the teen. His parents had been in earlier, but couldn’t stay with him all day because they had a house full of guests for Thanksgiving. She grabbed the magazine and a few others that might interest her patient and returned to his room. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I’m off for the next few days, so I probably won’t see you again. Take care of yourself, Tommy.”

“I will. I don’t like hospitals, and I don’t plan to come back ever again.”

She nodded and walked out. Tommy reminded her of Matthew as a teen. At least Matthew had been a wrestler, but Tommy didn’t appear to have anything going for him. She collected the medicine another patient needed and knocked on a closed door before pushing it open.

“Time for your painkiller, Mrs. Jacobs.”

The middle-aged woman perked up. “Finally.”

Holly refilled the woman’s water bottle. “Are you in a lot of pain?”

“Some.”

“If you find the pain to be too much, please let one of us know. We want you to be comfortable.”

She waited for the woman to swallow the pills. “Is there anything I can get for you?”

Mrs. Jacobs laid her head back and closed her eyes. “Thanks, but I think I’m going to rest for a bit.”

Holly slipped out of the room and headed back to the nurse’s station.

“How’s Tommy?” Leslie sent her a concerned look.

“Fine. He was thirsty and bored.”

Leslie shook her head. “It’s so sad that he has to spend Thanksgiving alone.”

Holly enjoyed alone time, but being lonely would be horrible. Was she destined for loneliness for the rest of her life because she wanted a career? She had her family, but what about love?

The clock finally struck five. She punched out then retrieved the rest of the leftovers Matthew had brought. At least she had a family who loved her and was willing to put off their meal to wait for her. Excitement bubbled as she raced across the street. Holly pulled out her cell and called her parents’ number. Despite the recent problems she’d had with her mom, she loved the holidays and couldn’t wait to see everyone.

“Hello?” Mom’s voice sounded tired.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Mom! I just got off work. I’ll shower and be there in time for dinner.” She zipped up the stairs to her apartment.

“I’m glad you’re going to make it, but the turkey cooked faster than expected, and since everyone was here we went ahead and ate.”

Holly stopped at the door and frowned. “You already ate?” How could they start without her? She swallowed unexpected tears.

“I figured you’d probably have to work late, anyway. But don’t worry. There are plenty of leftovers. I’m sorry, honey, but everyone went home. I don’t think you would have hit it off with Thomas, anyway. The only thing the man could talk about was himself.”

Holly’s shoulders sagged. She’d missed the holiday. “Are you and Dad the only ones there?” She pushed the door open and shuffled inside.

“Yes.” Her mom yawned. “When do you think you’ll be here? I’m wiped out and thought I’d take a bubble bath then head to bed early since we have such an early morning tomorrow.”

“It sounds like it’d be best if I don’t come.”

“You need to eat.”

She still held the plate Matthew had brought to her. “Don’t worry. A friend brought me leftovers. I won’t starve.”

“Well, if you’re sure. That’s probably best. I’ll see you at the train station in the morning. Are you packed and ready to go?”

“Yes. Is Daddy dropping you off? I thought you could swing by and pick me up so we could go to the platform together.”

“Sure. That’s a good idea. See you in the morning.”

The line went dead. Holly plugged her phone into the charger and collapsed on the couch. How could her family have celebrated without her? Now she
really
knew how Tommy felt. The knot in the pit of her stomach tightened. Was this what it would be like forever if she chose to put her job ahead of everything?

She touched a finger to her lips. She’d kissed Matthew—seriously kissed him. Her face heated and she buried it in her hands. She needed balance. Balance in her relationships and priorities. But how could she achieve balance and still stay focused?

Matthew said they needed to talk. Would he mind a call this evening? Somehow she doubted it, and since she was heading out of town in the morning... Holly reached for the phone and hesitated. Maybe it was a sign that calling tonight was a mistake.

The phone rang in her hand and she jumped. “Hello?”

“Holly, it’s Matthew.”

“No way. I was just thinking of calling you.”

Matthew chuckled. “I was afraid I’d miss you—glad I took a chance and called anyway. When are you leaving for your parents’?”

“Actually, their plans changed, and I’m on my own tonight.” She tried to sound cheerful, but failed. It stank to be alone on a holiday, especially one meant to be shared with friends and family.

“In that case, would you mind meeting me?”

“Sure. Where?”

He suggested his bakery, and she jumped at the idea. “Sounds perfect. I’ll be there, in say, twenty minutes. Does that work for you?”

“Yep. See you then.”

Holly hung up. Her heart thundered and she pursed her lips. Her mind was a mix of confusion and nerves. She’d never kissed anyone like that. It’d been so long since she allowed herself to feel anything for a guy, and what she was beginning to feel for Matthew scared the stuffing out of her. For so long she’d been focused on redeeming herself, but now everything was topsy-turvy.

She’d shut herself off to serious romantic relationships ever since her sophomore year in high school. Why had she punished herself for so long? There was no undoing that horrible afternoon when the baby she was watching died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Everyone said it wasn’t her fault, but to this day she couldn’t forgive herself for paying more attention to her boyfriend than baby Sean sleeping in his crib.

That day changed her life forever. Made her want to become a nurse—more important, made her realize that distractions were dangerous. But she was not fifteen anymore, and no one had died on her watch since. At least, not yet.

With sudden resolve, she stood and quickly changed into jeans and a white sweater, then slipped on wool socks and boots.

Fifteen minutes later she knocked on Matthew’s bakery door. The light flipped on and a moment later he pulled it open with a grin. “Glad you came.”

“Was there any doubt?” She shed her coat.

“Yes.”

Her chin dipped. “I guess that’s fair. I’ve been fickle.” She blew into her freezing hands. “Don’t you heat this place?”

“When we’re open the ovens do a pretty good job of that. How about some hot chocolate?”

“Yes, please.” She followed him behind the counter and watched him pour milk into mugs, then steam the milk. He turned to finish, and though she tried she couldn’t see around his shoulders to watch how he created the delectable cocoa.

When he pivoted back around a smile lit his face. “Here you go.” He squeezed past her and moved to a table and sat. “So...”

Holly sat across the small table from him and stared into her mug. This was going to be more difficult than she expected. She had spent so many years avoiding relationships that being open about her feelings was foreign. She drew the mug to her lips and took several long sips of the rich drink. “How was your Thanksgiving?”

“I think we covered that earlier.” His soft voice soothed her taut nerves.

“Right. Umm, when I kissed you I was caught up in the moment.” Could she really put the past behind her? She wanted to tell Matthew how much she admired him. How being with him felt so right and good, yet the words lodged in her throat. Fear zipped her heart closed.

“I’m confused. So you don’t have feelings for me?” Disappointment mixed with hurt clouded Matthew’s eyes.

“It’s not that.” She shook her head, but still the words wouldn’t come.

“What then, Holly? You’ve got to help me out here, because I don’t read minds.”

She rubbed her lips together. “Okay. Here it is. I like you—a lot. But for a very long time I’ve avoided relationships. Did you ever notice that I didn’t date in high school?”

“That’s not true. You had a boyfriend.”

“Right, but after him I never dated.”

His brows furrowed. “What are you trying to say?”

“Something happened.” Her heart hammered in her chest. She couldn’t say out loud that a baby died because she was busy kissing her boyfriend and not listening to the baby monitor.

“Whatever it is, it can’t be
that
bad. It won’t change anything between us.”

She swallowed the rest of her hot chocolate. “I think better when I’m moving. Mind if we go for a walk?”

“Okay.” He stood and shrugged into his jacket then helped Holly with hers and led the way to the door.

Holly followed him and waited for him to lock up. “Something happened when I was in high school that changed everything.”

“Did someone hurt you?” His brows shot up and his voice raised a notch.

“No. Nothing like that.” She bit her lip. This was harder than she realized.

A dog charged in their direction and a dark-haired woman chased after it. “Heel, Bud. Heel!”

Holly squatted and clapped her hands. “Here, boy.”

The dog trotted to her and lunged into her arms. She held tight to the runaway, which licked her chin. “Whoa, there.” Keeping a hold on the animal’s collar, she looked up at Matthew, who frowned. She stood.

The woman reached for the dog and clipped on his leash. “Thanks. The little stinker slipped out the door as fast as a bobsled on ice.” She held out her hand. “I’m Meghan. I work at the vet clinic up the way.”

“Sure. I know you.”

Meghan frowned. “I’m sorry?”

Holly thrust out her hand. “I’m Holly Miller. We have mutual friends.”

Meghan looked at her blankly and shook her hand.

Holly stuffed her hands into her jacket pocket. “You’re Keira’s husband’s assistant. I work in their candy shop now and then, and they’re my landlords.”

Meghan’s face lit. “Small world.” She looked from Holly to Matthew. “I imagine you two lovebirds want to be alone.” She took a step back. “Thanks for catching Bud for me.”

Holly waited until Meghan and Bud ran off, the dog dragging her about as fast as she could move. “So that’s the infamous Meghan. Somehow I pictured her differently.”

“What about her?” Matthew turned toward the duo running along the nearly empty sidewalk.

“Nothing, really. I’ve just heard that she considers herself a matchmaker. I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t correct her when she assumed we’re a couple. I didn’t want her to get any ideas if she thought we were unattached.”

Matthew chuckled. “She’s like a mini tornado and blew off before I could correct her.”

Holly grinned, her earlier awkwardness returning.

“You were telling me about high school.”

“Right.” Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. “I don’t think I’m ready to go there, Matthew. You’re a great guy, and like I said, I like you, but...” She sighed. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m sorry.”

“So that’s it?” He rubbed his hands over his face. “Somehow I thought... Never mind.” His shoulders straightened. “I’m
not
sorry, and I don’t believe for a second you have no feelings for me. No one can kiss like that and feel nothing.”

Holly’s face heated. She toed a ball of snow-covered ice. He was right, but she wasn’t ready. “I’m sorry, Matthew. I can’t do this. I have to go.” She turned and felt a hand on her arm.

“Wait. It’s okay. I knew all along you were a career-minded woman and that the chance of anything beyond friendship was slim. I enjoy your company. But like you said earlier, kissing complicates things, so let’s avoid it. Unless, of course, you want complicated.”

Holly smiled. “No. I don’t want complicated. Thanks. I really appreciate your understanding. Since you were so upfront and honest, I will be, too. I have feelings for you, but I’m not sure I’m capable of doing my job and having a boyfriend at the same time.”