A Home for Hannah (12 page)

Chapter Eleven

I
t was the longest ride of Miriam’s life. Nick tore down the highway with lights and siren blazing. There was nothing she could do but hold her mother’s head, keep the oxygen mask on her face, tell her that everything was going to be okay and pray that she wasn’t lying.

Please, God, please let her be okay. She loves you so much, but please don’t take her away from me.

They met the ambulance ten minutes after leaving the farmhouse. The paramedics were efficient, competent and sympathetic. The roadside transfer went smoothly. Miriam tried to summon her nursing expertise, but she couldn’t. At the moment, she wasn’t a critical care nurse, she was a terrified woman whose mother might be dying.

Once her mother was inside the ambulance, hooked up to an IV and on a heart monitor, Miriam was able to relax a little. She could read and analyze the information the equipment provided. Not knowing what was happening was the hardest part.

It wasn’t until the ambulance crew started to close the doors that she realized Nick was standing outside with Hannah in his arms.

Tears sprang to Miriam’s eyes. Was this the last time she would ever see the baby? She prayed, not for herself, but for the child she loved.

Please, Lord, if it is Your will that she go away from me, hold her in Your hand no matter where she goes in her life.

She met Nick’s gaze. “Can you follow us to the hospital?”

“Of course.” He nodded to the driver who closed the door blocking them from her sight.

The remainder of the trip to the hospital was a blur for Miriam as she concentrated on her mother’s pale face, her ragged breathing and the green blip steadily crossing the surface of the portable monitor.

In the emergency room, her training started to kick in again. She shared her mother’s recent cardiac history with the attending physician and was pleased when he immediately consulted her cardiologist. Her mother was transferred to the coronary care unit after her doctor arrived at the hospital. It wasn’t until Ada was taken for a heart catheterization procedure that Miriam had time to think about Nick and Hannah.

She found them in the waiting room outside the intensive care unit. Nick was feeding the baby and didn’t see Miriam. Her carrier sat on the floor at his feet. He was alone in the room except for the infant he held.

His monologue of baby talk had Hannah enthralled. The baby couldn’t take her eyes off him. Miriam smiled at his antics. He was so cute. Parenting seemed to come naturally to him.

He tipped Hannah’s bottle to give her the last drops, then set it aside. Lifting her to his shoulder, he patted her back gently until a loud unladylike burp was heard.

“That’s my girl,” he cooed as he settled her in the crook of his arm and dabbed at her chin.

“I leave you alone for thirty minutes and already you’ve taught her to belch like a sailor.” Miriam walked into the room and took a seat across from him. The minute she sat down she realized how tired she was.

“How’s your mother?” Nick asked.

“She’s stable for the moment, they’ve taken her downstairs for a heart catheterization. Her doctor suspects that one of the blood vessels in her heart has closed off. He’s going to try to put a stent in to keep it open. I knew this might happen, I thought I was prepared for it, but I wasn’t.”

“You did everything you could.”

Looking back, she realized it was true. She’d done everything she could under the circumstances. The outcome was up to God and Ada’s doctors. Miriam held out her hands for Hannah. “May I?”

Nick gave the baby over. “She finished her bottle, but I haven’t changed her yet.”

“Leave the tough stuff for me, that’s so like a guy.”

“Hey, if you had shown up five minutes later, it would have all been done.”

“Sure. Sure.”

“That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.” His teasing
was just what she needed. He had a knack for reading her mood and finding a way to lighten it. She loved that about him.

The thought startled her. She gazed at him intently. He was focused on Hannah and didn’t seem to notice her scrutiny. He had changed a lot from the young man she once knew. His eyes were bracketed with small crow’s-feet, and laugh lines were carved into his cheeks. He smiled a lot. She loved that about him, too.

He had a small scar on his chin that was new, or at least she didn’t remember it. His eyes were the same intense blue, but there was a weariness behind them that told her life wasn’t always easy for him. How could it be for a law enforcement officer?

“You’d better take this.” He held out the burp cloth.

She took it, kissed Hannah’s head and settled the baby in her arms with the burp cloth under her chin just in case.

If only it could be like this forever, the two of them taking care of the most beautiful baby in the world. It couldn’t be, but just for a moment, she could imagine what it would be like. Much as she wanted to, she couldn’t keep reality at bay. “How soon do you have to notify Child Protective Services?”

“Soon.”

“Can you wait until I know that Mother is going to be okay?”

“Yes. I’m so sorry, Miriam. I didn’t realize she would take it so hard.”

Miriam saw the regret in his eyes and heard it in his voice. He wasn’t to blame for her mother’s condition. Even if the stress of the situation had triggered this episode, none of it was his fault. He didn’t need to carry that guilt.

“Nick, Mother could have had another attack at any time. I don’t blame you for this, and you shouldn’t blame yourself.”

“I appreciate that.”

There was so much she needed to tell him about Mark and about the days leading up to his death. Some of what she had to say would reflect poorly on her, but Nick needed to know the truth. Even if it changed what he thought of her.

“Nick, I need to talk to you.”

“I have things I’ve been wanting to say to you, too.”

She opened her mouth to speak just as his phone began ringing. He gave her an apologetic glance and pulled his cell phone from his pocket. “Sheriff Bradley.”

As he listened, his expression hardened. “I’m already at the hospital. How soon will she be here?”

He glanced at his watch and then rose to his feet. “I’ll meet you in the emergency room.”

Nick snapped his phone shut and gave a deep sigh. “I’m sorry, Miriam. There are a lot of things I want to talk to you about, but they’re going to have to wait.”

“What’s going on?”

“EMS is bringing in a suicide attempt. An eighteen-year-old girl has slashed her wrists. Apparently, her boyfriend is the one who found her. I need to interview both of them and sort out what happened.”

“Eighteen. That is way too young to feel life has nothing to offer.”

“Amen to that. I don’t know how long I’ll be.”

“What about Hannah?”

“As far as I’m concerned, she’s in the best possible hands.”

She smiled in relief. At least she would have a chance to say goodbye. “Thank you.”

“If you want, I’ll make arrangements for someone to take you home in case I’m tied up later.”

“I’m staying here until I know mother is doing okay.”

“All right, keep me informed. You have my cell phone number, right?”

“I do. Don’t worry about us.”

She could tell he was reluctant to leave. Suddenly, he crossed the room and bent to kiss her. She was so astonished that for a second she didn’t respond. The firm pressure of his lips on hers sent her heart soaring. Then the warmth drew her in and she kissed him back as joy spread through her, making her ache to have his arms around her.

He drew back and said, “When this mess is over and your mother is better, we need to talk.”

“Yes, we do,” she muttered as she came down to earth with a thud.

He nodded and headed toward the door. She accepted that conversation needed to wait until they could have some uninterrupted time together, but she hoped it wouldn’t be long before she could ask him exactly what the kiss meant.

When he was gone, she gazed at Hannah’s face. It was amazing how a baby changed things. With God’s help, Miriam had come to understand that forgiving Nick was her first step on the journey to forgiving herself. For the first time since Mark’s death, she was able to believe in the possibility. And the possibility of a future with Nick.

* * *

Nick was waiting in the emergency room when the ambulance carrying the girl who had attempted suicide arrived. As they wheeled her past him, he thought how small, pale and alone she looked. Her eyes were open, but they were empty of emotion.

One of the nurses stopped a young man from following the gurney into the exam room. She directed him to the information desk and told him someone would be with him shortly. Nick had a chance to observe the man wondering if he was the boyfriend. He looked a lot older than eighteen. Nick would’ve pegged his age closer to thirty. He was unkempt with dirty clothes and greasy hair.

Nick saw his deputy’s cruiser pull in behind ambulance. Lance Medford got out and came inside the building. When he caught sight of Nick he stopped. “I was surprised to hear you were already here. I hope everything’s okay?”

“I was out at Ada Kauffman’s place when she had a heart attack.”

“That’s a shame. How’s she doing?”

“I’m not sure yet. They’re still working on her. Is that the boyfriend?” Nick nodded toward the nervous man standing in front of the reception desk.

“That’s him. Said he found her in the bathroom when he got home tonight. He claims the cuts were self-inflicted.”

Nick gave Lance a sharp look. “You don’t believe his story?”

“I do, but I’m running the name he gave us, anyway. I suspect it’s an alias. He has conveniently misplaced his ID. Our crime scene tech was pulling some fingerprints from the apartment when I left. My guess is that we’ll get a hit and it won’t be on Kevin Smith.”

Lance pulled out his notebook and opened it. “He says she’s eighteen years old. To me, she doesn’t look older than sixteen. He’s twenty-eight and claims he was just giving her a place to stay.”

“Does he have an idea why she might have wanted to kill herself?”

“Yeah, he said she had a miscarriage a little over a week ago and she hasn’t been the same since then.”

Another woman who’d lost a baby. He couldn’t help but think of Miriam waiting to have Hannah taken away from her. Life wasn’t fair. “What about the girl’s family?”

“He says she doesn’t have any. She wouldn’t talk to me at all. As far as I know, she hasn’t said a word to anyone.”

“All right, you sit with Mr. Smith until we can figure out if we need to hold him or cut him loose. I’ll check with the doctor to see how soon I can talk to her.”

After speaking to a nurse in the emergency room, Nick learned it would be at least two hours before he could interview the young woman. She was in serious condition and on her way to surgery to have her lacerations repaired.

He no longer had an excuse to put off making his call to Child Protective Services. With lagging steps, he went back inside the hospital to search out Miriam. He found her sitting beside her mother in the intensive care unit. Hannah was asleep in her carrier on a chair beside Miriam. When he entered the room, he met Miriam’s eyes. She raised a finger to her lips, and came to the door to speak to him. By mutual and unspoken consent, they stepped outside of the room before speaking.

“How is she?” he asked.

“The procedure went well. They were able to get the stent in place and increase the blood flow to her heart. The doctor is optimistic that she will make a good recovery.”

He let out a breath of relief. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”

“How is your suicide attempt doing?”

“She’s in surgery. I’m still waiting to talk to her.”

“I hope she’s okay.”

He cupped her cheek and stroked it softly with his thumb. “How are you doing?”

“I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m angry.”

“At me?”

“At the universe. At God. Why bring Hannah to me only to tear her away? Why make my mother suffer with a bad heart? Hasn’t she suffered enough already? Life is so unfair, it makes me want to scream.”

“Come here.” He pulled her close in a comforting hug. For a second she resisted, then she settled against him with a weary sigh.

“Thank you. I needed a hug.”

“I will always have one for you if you need it.” It was the least he could do after the grief he’d brought into her life.

Miriam pulled away and folded her arms over her chest. “Have you talked to Child Protective Services?”

He pulled out his cell phone. “I was just about to make the call.”

She nodded, but there were tears in her eyes. He had no choice in what he was about to do, but it didn’t make him feel any better. Miriam didn’t deserve this. She deserved happiness and so much more. He noticed the sting of tears at the back of his own eyes and knew he wasn’t doing any better than Miriam at letting go of the child they had both grown to love. He dialed the number of Child Protective Services and swallowed back his grief when a social worker came on the line.