A Husband for All Seasons (7 page)

“You look tired today,” Vicky said. “Are you sure you aren't doing too much?”

He shook his head. “Not doing—worrying too much.”

She looked at him, questioning, waiting for him to explain.

“The preacher's message hit me dead center,” he said. “I'm ashamed to admit it, but I feel pretty small when I compare my attitude to Job's.”

“Everyone has lapses of faith. I struggle with it all the time.”

“I suppose that's the reason you understand my shortcomings.”

“As I've told you before—my problems don't seem like much when I compare them to yours. I think you're allowed to lapse into self-pity sometimes. If I'd suffered the reverses you have, I'd be bawling my eyes out.”

“It irritates me that I'm dwelling on the things I've lost rather than the things I still have. I wish I could just trust the future to God.” He sighed with frustration.

“What other choice do you have? There's no other way to deal with the future.”

“I admit my thoughts aren't too coherent. I guess I've had things going my way for too long. But I can't dwell on gloomy thoughts in this beautiful area. Let's walk a little farther. The more I see of this place, the more I think I'd like to spend a few weeks here.”

“The park offers plenty of camping opportunities. You can rough it and live in a tent like we did or stay in a cabin. Or even better, if you still want to avoid people, you could rent an RV and park at one of the campsites. Everything you need would be in the camper.”

“I like that idea,” he agreed. “I'll think about it. And now, if you don't mind, I'm ready to go back to Columbus. I know my limit and I've about reached it.”

“If you decide to go that route, you'll find several rental agencies in the phone book.”

 

The light was blinking on Vicky's answering machine when she entered the apartment. She punched the button.

“Vicky, this is Mom. Give me a call when you get home.”

Vicky had anticipated reliving the euphoric day she had spent with Chad and she didn't want to return the call. But if she didn't her mother would probably think the worst and send out a dragnet for her. She dialed her parents' number.

“Hi, Mom. Did you need to talk to me?”

“I called two or three times today. Did you just get home?”

“Mom! I'm an adult now—I don't need a keeper.”

“I'm not so sure about that. That is, if you've been out all day with Chad Reece.”

Seething with frustration, Vicky didn't answer.

“You know I don't like to interfere in your life.”

“Then don't do it! I left home to prove to you that I can take care of myself.”

“I can't stand by and let you get involved with Chad like you did with Damon. I thought that experience would have taught you something.”

Tears stung Vicky's eyelids and she wanted to hang up on her mother. The day with Chad had left her feeling serene and healed—as if by sharing his recovery, she could put her past mistakes behind her and face a new life. How could she make her mother understand?

“Chad has had a bad experience and I want to help him through this crisis. His whole life has been ruined and he needs someone to talk to.”

“And as soon as he's well, he'll move out of your life just like Damon did.”

“I expect him to. My relationship with Chad doesn't compare to what happened with Damon.”

Rachel continued as if Vicky hadn't spoken, and every word brought a searing pain to her heart. “Face it, Vicky. You don't show any wisdom when it comes to men. Even as a child, you made poor choices in your friends. Remember the time you took a migrant farmer's child under your wing at school. She could speak only a few words of English, but you were determined to help. You were devastated when her parents moved on.”

Vicky closed her eyes and collapsed into the nearest
chair. Despair swept over her as her mother continued to cite instances when Vicky's efforts to help others had brought sorrow to her. Rachel had never seemed to realize that her critical assessments of Vicky's friendships had added salt to her festering wounds when she lost those friends.

“Are you listening to me? I'm only telling you these things because I don't want to see you get hurt again.”

Vicky's hands trembled, and her throat was so tight that she didn't know if she could speak. With an effort, she said, “I'm listening, but not for long. Goodbye.”

She severed the connection and laid the receiver on the table. She knew her mother would try to call again, and Vicky
could not
talk to her now. She had never talked back to her mother and she knew that in her present state of mind she would say things that she would regret always. She stood and paced around the apartment, as she seethed with anger and humiliation.

Did her mother think she enjoyed the raw sores of an aching heart? She had gone through that twice already, and she believed her heart was seared to prevent her falling in love ever again. It was obvious to her that Chad wanted only her friendship and she was content with that.

Exhausted from the afternoon of physical exercise and her mother's censure, Vicky's self-confidence plummeted as she recalled the callous way Damon had abandoned her. A heaviness centered in her chest when she acknowledged that her mother's assessment was right. She
didn't
have any common sense when it came to romantic relationships. After Chad left, she would avoid male companionship. It was safer that way.

Vicky changed into her nightgown and took up her Bible. A hot tear rolled down her cheek, and then another and another until the tears dripped on the pages of the Bible. She tried to bite back the tears, but when she couldn't, she laid the Bible aside and got into bed. Her mother had opened an old wound, and although she knew that crying didn't solve anything, the tears continued to flow until she slept from sheer exhaustion.

A
fter a night's rest, Vicky's suggestions about going camping still sounded good and Chad borrowed Grace's phone book. After two calls he found what he needed. He contacted the taxi driver who had volunteered to chauffeur him and had the cabbie take him to the rental agency. After resisting the high-pressure salesman's pitch, he chose a modest five-year-old motor home, which provided everything he would need. He didn't want to call attention to himself by traveling in a pretentious RV. He paid an advance on the cost of the vehicle for two weeks.

He didn't intend for anyone except Vicky to know where he was. He would take the cell phone so he could communicate with her. He wasn't so lacking in consideration that he wouldn't let his parents know what he was doing, however, so after he returned to his apartment he telephoned them.

Mrs. Reece answered the phone when he called.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Oh, Chad,” she said, “I'm so relieved to hear from you. How are you getting along?”

“Just great. I'm going camping for a couple of weeks.”

“Camping! Are you able to do that?”

“Yes, and I'm looking forward to it. I haven't been camping since church camp when I was a boy.”

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I'm still hiding, Mom, so it's better if I don't tell you where I'll be. I may call you, but don't worry if I don't.”

“It will be impossible not to worry,” she said. “I wish you'd come home, Chad.”

“Maybe at Christmas, but not before.”

When his father came to the phone, he asked, “Have you talked to Perry or Lorene? They've called here several times to see about you. They deserve better treatment, Chad. You also have a sister now. This isn't like you.”

Chad didn't take offense at his father's tone, because he knew he deserved the reprimand. “I'm not like I used to be in many ways, Dad, but I'll give them a call.”

The happiness in Lorene's voice when she heard his voice a few minutes later seared Chad's conscience. “Perry,” she called, “it's Chad. Pick up the other phone.”

“How are things?” Perry said in his deep, pleasant voice.

“Physically, I'm in great condition. The surgeon checked me out last week, and he's pleased with my recovery. How are
you
?”

“Very well. But my doctor wants me to come to Columbus in three months and let the surgeon look me over.”

“I'll come, too,” Lorene said eagerly. “If you're still there, we can see you.”

“I think I will be, but I'm not making any long-term plans at the moment.” He explained about his planned retreat. “When I finish that, I hope I'll have my head sorted out, so I'll know what to do. Right now, I'm totally confused.”

“I wish you had someone in Columbus to help you,” Lorene said. “You've cut everyone off, but you do need someone to talk to.”

“As a matter of fact, I have someone,” he said. “I don't know if you even saw her, but Vicky Lanham, a volunteer, sat with me several nights when I was in the hospital to give Mom and Dad a break. We've kept in touch and have become good friends. She pointed me in the right direction for a nice apartment, and I went to church with her last Sunday. She's the only one who knows where I'll be for several days.”

“That relieves my mind considerably,” Lorene said. “I can understand your need to be alone—I suppose you got that from me. When I'm troubled, I'm better off alone than in a crowd.”

“When I was a kid, I sometimes noticed things about me that were different from my parents. I wondered then if I'd gotten that trait from a parent or grandparent I'd never seen. So now I know.”

“We aren't going to force ourselves on you,” Perry assured him. “We're here like we've always been. We'll accept whatever part of your life you want us to have.”

“I hope to spend these next few days considering my
future. When I get back to Columbus, I hope I'll have my life sorted out.”

“Don't expect a blueprint of your future,” Lorene said. “I learned the hard way that I had to take a day at a time on faith.”

“Yeah… ‘The just shall live by faith.' God gave me that message a few days ago. It isn't easy to accept. Anyways, I'll be in touch.”

“God bless you, Chad,” Perry said before he hung up.

 

Looking in the mirror on the day Chad picked up the rental camper and headed for Hocking Hills State Park, he saw a face that could have been a stranger's staring back at him. He didn't think anyone would suspect who he was. From head to toe, he looked more like a lumber-jack than a pro football player.

He wore brown waterproof vulcanized rubber boots with a specially engineered sole for climbing mountains or walking on snow and ice. His trousers were made of heavy corduroy. Over his T-shirt, he wore a chili-red flannel shirt. A weatherproof cap with lined earflaps was perched on his black hair. Over his arm he carried a hooded reversible parka. Chad had thought of growing a beard to conceal his identity, but only his closest friends would recognize him in this getup.

He hadn't owned any outdoor gear, and he didn't want to stick out like a sore thumb in brand-new clothes, so he went to a store that carried used garments and bought everything he needed. In a store catering to hunters he'd purchased a backpack, a hiker's medical kit and a thermos.

Vicky agreed to let him rent the camper in her name for two weeks, so he wouldn't be leaving a paper trail behind him. She took him to pick up the RV, and he squeezed her hand when they parted at the parking lot. “Thanks for all your help. I'm hoping to find my way before I see you again.”

“You will if you don't want to look too far into the future,” she said. “If you keep that up, you'll be miserable. God expects us to trust Him. Personally, I'd just as soon the future is obscure.”

Now that it was time for him to cut loose his moorings, Chad realized that he hated to leave Vicky behind. Over the past weeks, she'd been like the Rock of Gibraltar to him firm, unwavering, always there. Momentarily, he wished she could go with him, but that would defeat the purpose he'd set up for himself. Besides, it was out of the question for them to camp together.

“You still haven't told me why you're disillusioned. I apologize for being so selfish—thinking of myself, not of you,” Chad said.

She waved away his apology. “Remember,” Vicky said, as he started the engine. “I won't call you, but you can call anytime you want to talk.”

As he carefully steered the RV out of Columbus and accessed Route 33, Chad felt as if he was leaving his old self behind. When he returned would he feel like a new man—one beginning again?

 

As she stood beside her car and watched Chad slowly maneuver the camper out of the parking lot, Vicky welcomed a few days without his company. While she
had sympathized with and encouraged Chad to look on the brighter side, she often remembered the proverb Jesus once quoted in relation to his ministry.

“Physician, heal yourself.”

She'd given plenty of advice to Chad, and if she continued in this mission she thought God was calling her to do, it was time for her to deal with her own rebellion.

Was it time to stop focusing on Chad and think about her own future? She readily admitted that she was wasting her life. The hours she spent at the bookstore had turned into drudgery, and she was determined to find some answer to her own problems.

When she wasn't working, she spent hours driving along the rural roads around Columbus, carefully avoiding byways that would take her close to Hocking Hills State Park. She didn't want to be tempted to drop in on Chad. He had to make the first move if he wanted to see her.

As she drove she kept hearing over and over in her subconscious, “Return to Bethel.” She associated these words with Jacob, one of the Israelite patriarchs in the Old Testament, later to be known as Israel. Finally, one evening, she looked up the story in the Bible.

Jacob had run away from home to escape the wrath of his brother, Esau. During his flight, God appeared to Jacob in a vision. God assured Jacob that He would be with him during his exile in a foreign land, making it plain that his exile was only temporary. God would eventually bring Jacob back to the land he was to inherit, where his descendants would become as plentiful as the dust of the earth. God's revelation to Jacob contained
the promise that
all
people would be blessed through Jacob and his descendants.

“God, thank You,” she prayed, “that I was included in that ‘all' when I repented of my sins and accepted Jesus as my Savior. Once I made a promise to You that I would carry Your message to people who had never heard of You or Your Son. I've failed You, Father—forgive me. Give me another chance.”

Jacob had believed God's promise and he had vowed,

Jacob spent years in a foreign land, but the promise could not be fulfilled until Jacob returned to Bethel to accept the mission that God had chosen for him. Vicky couldn't get her mind off the promise she had made. She had spent three troubled years because she had forsaken her vow. She was also distressed because she had allowed a rift to widen with her parents. Jacob had to reconcile with his brother and father before he could receive the promise.

Was God telling her to renew the vow she had made years ago? Would she be able to do that without asking her parents' forgiveness for ignoring their advice and going her own way?

Vicky knew what she had to do, but as she shrugged out of her terry robe and crawled between the covers of the bed, she wondered if she had the courage to do it.
How had Jacob felt when he had to admit to his brother that he had wronged him? She snapped off the bedside lamp and lay a long time in the darkness. She prayed for sleep but lay awake most of the night.

The next morning, Vicky stood beneath the warm water of the shower nozzle, languid and uncertain about the decision she had made. She wrapped herself in a large towel and stood where she could look at the television in the living room as she fashioned her hair.

“Cold and breezy today. Kiss goodbye to our beautiful fall weather,” the meteorologist reported gleefully, as if he welcomed the end of autumn.

“Not me,” Vicky said, shivering. The owner of the apartment hadn't turned on the central heat yet, and her small space heater didn't do much to warm the apartment. Her thoughts strayed to Chad. She would like to know what he was doing.

Vicky unzipped a garment bag that held her winter clothing and picked out a pair of fleece pants and a top with a lined mandarin collar. Brown leather boots completed her outfit. She bundled into a hip-length lined fleece jacket. In spite of the cold wind, she decided to walk to work. As she walked she contemplated how she could implement her need to “Return to Bethel.”

Now that she knew God wasn't finished with her, Vicky felt as if the weight she had carried for so long had been lifted from her shoulders. She prayed that Chad was also finding peace in his heart.

Even the small bookstore, which had seemed like a prison to her, was more inviting today now that her mind was at rest. She felt more energetic than she had
in months, and her hands needed something to do. She washed the display window and chose several books dealing with Thanksgiving. She searched the Internet and found pictures depicting the coming of the Pilgrims to the New World. She downloaded the pictures and shaped them into a large collage. Her employer was impressed, and Vicky herself was pleased with the outcome. She'd been fretting for months over her lack of witnessing when she could have been spreading the Good News at the bookstore. Why had it taken her this long to realize that involvement in mission work always started at home?

 

Vicky hadn't expected to hear from Chad for several days, if at all, while he was gone. But the phone rang the next morning while she was putting away her summer clothes and getting winter things out of the storage bags. Chad's smooth voice filled her ears.

“Just reporting in. I thought you might want to know that the camper and I made it to the park without incident.”

“I wondered if you were settled in.”

“Yes. I'm in a campground close to Old Man's Cave, which I intend to explore today. I fixed my own breakfast in the camper, but there's a small restaurant close by if I want to eat out.”

“Is the campground crowded?”

“About half of the campsites are occupied. But I don't have anyone close. Oh, I guess I'll have to revise that—a large motor home is pulling in right beside me. So I guess I'll have company whether I want it or not.”

“Have you done any hiking?”

“On some of the short trails. I'm going on a longer hike today, gradually working up my strength until I can walk from Old Man's Cave to Cedar Falls to Ash Cave in one day. That's six miles, I think. I may rent a bedroll and spend a night or two outdoors.”

“According to the meteorologist, we're going to have several days of cold weather.”

“I haven't bothered to listen to any news, although there is a small TV in the camper if I take a notion to turn it on. If it's too cold I won't sleep out at night. I feel as if I'm physically recovered, but the surgeon suggested that I should watch out for colds and viruses. When do you have a day off?”

“Friday.”

“Want to come and visit me?”

“That would be nice. Thanks for the invitation. I'll wear my hiking clothes. It's been a while since I've walked in the forest.”

He gave her directions to his campsite. Chad had always been a “people” person, so it didn't surprise him that he had soon grown tired of his self-imposed isolation. When he was still physically recovering from his surgery, it had been easy to avoid people. It felt good to want to see people again.