A Kiss of Lies (16 page)

He might recognize her. Her nervousness had flared again and the sickness in her stomach had returned as soon as she set foot on the island. She was happy enough to be tucked away at Roaring Pavilions, but what excuse would she give if Christian insisted on them going into town?

She stopped pacing and stretched her arms over her head. It had been a tiring day. She still felt a bit lightheaded from all the sun. She moved around her spacious bedchamber and blew out the candles, leaving the curtains undrawn, so that the moonlight flooded in. She stripped off her clothes and slipped into a thin cotton shift that only came to her knees. It was too hot for anything else. She left the windows open and, still feeling uncomfortably warm, lay on top of the covers.

She’d only just closed her eyes when she heard a soft rap on her door. It was probably Margarita. The housekeeper had promised to bring her a cool drink to help her sleep.

When she opened the door she felt the heat rise to furnace level when she saw who stood there. She took a few steps back in shock.

“I’ve come for my treatment. You promised you’d see to my shoulder every night. I’ve been downstairs waiting for you,” Christian said lightly as he sauntered into the room, closing the door firmly behind him without seeming to care that she was semi-naked.

Sarah pulled her scattered thoughts together and rushed toward the foot of the bed to don her robe, but found Christian had beaten her to it. He stood holding it open for her.

“I prefer you as you are now attired—no, actually, it would be even more pleasant if you were naked—but I bow to your sensibilities.” He hesitated. “At least, until we get to know each other more intimately.”

Sarah hurriedly shoved her arms in the sleeves of her robe and wrapped and belted it around her. Tonight Christian was more potent and virile than ever. He had already divested himself of his cravat and waistcoat. He stood before her with his shirt open at the neck. She could see a glimpse of his tantalizingly muscled chest. Her body tensed under his probing gaze.

She looked at the twinkle in his eye and his relaxed posture. There was something different about Christian tonight. His smile was reminiscent of the rake she’d spied in the ballroom all those years ago. That was before her disastrous marriage, and before his horrific injuries.

He sat down on the edge of her bed and began removing his shirt. She watched, her vocal cords muted by the glorious display of sun-kissed muscle being slowly revealed before her. She couldn’t wait to touch, explore, and stroke him.

She went to her dresser and gathered the liniment and a cloth. As she moved toward him he took in the length of her … her breasts, her hips, and her legs as they flashed at him from within her robe. All the nerves in her body ignited under his sensuous gaze.

“Why did you not come and join us this evening?” he asked.

“I thought you and Lord Coldhurst might like some time on your own.”

As she reached his side, he ran a finger down her bare arm. “I would rather have spent the evening with you.”

Sarah swallowed at the pleasure his husky words provoked deep inside her. He was in a very playful mood, and although she should be concerned, she couldn’t bring herself to chastise him.

Instead she dug some liniment out from the tin and, trying to keep her hands from shaking, began applying it to his shoulder. “Has it been hurting more than usual today?” she asked, pleased her voice sounded so normal.

“No.” His breath was like butterfly wings hovering over her skin. It was awkward with him sitting there on her bed. She had to lean over him to get to his shoulder.

He parted his legs and pulled her gently between them. “It’s easier to reach me from here,” he said, his hushed voice somehow more intimate than the position she found herself in.

She tried to back away, aware that her breasts were practically brushing his face with each stroke she gave his shoulder. But then his arms came around her to intimately cup her bottom, gently holding her in place.

“I don’t need to be this close,” she said primly. His nearness made Sarah’s knees shake, but not from fear.

He smiled at that. “Need, no. Want, yes.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” She put her hands on his bare shoulders to push herself out of his
hold, but one look into his face and she stilled. He reached to touch her lower lip with the pad of his thumb.

Sarah drew in a sharp breath, but she could not get her arms to work. She couldn’t push herself away. It was the gentleness that undid her. If he’d tried to hold her by force, she would have fought him like a madwoman.

His hand left her bottom and moved up to her waist. He waited, his eyes—warm, inviting, and mesmerizing—holding her gaze. When she did not object, the hand slid to the tie of her robe and gently pulled it. The robe fell open, and he caught his breath as he saw her breasts straining against the thin cotton of her shift.

Sarah felt her nipples pucker under his heated gaze.

“So beautiful …” He bent his head and nuzzled one breast through the material. She could feel his moist mouth gently exploring. He pulled back and blew on the wet material, making her nipples harden further.

She couldn’t stop looking into his eyes. He seemed to be willing her toward more, stroking her side and piquing her curiosity as he did so.

Dear God, he was delicious, with his dark-lashed emerald eyes hot with desire, his sensual mouth wet and lush; she no longer noticed the burns.

A shudder running through her made her grip his shoulders for support. His nearness and the heat radiating off his bared torso made her dizzy. She could feel the warmth of his body, his leashed power. He could so easily overpower her, but he didn’t. He was waiting, waiting for her to make the decision as to how far this would go.

What would it feel like to have him kiss her, touch her, make love to her? Could he help evaporate for good her nightmarish memories of abuse at the hands of her husband?

“We can go slowly, as slowly as you desire. I won’t even try to make love to you fully this night.” He kissed the bare skin above the swell of her rapidly rising and falling breasts. “Simply let me share with you a small measure of mutual passion. For a woman of such intelligence, do you not wish to know how it could truly be between a man and woman? How it should be?”

She bit her lip, teetering on the edge of a monumental chasm. To say yes would alter her plans, she knew. She had the safety of her role as Lily’s governess. The reason the job was perfect was because of his injuries. He’d categorically stated he didn’t invite company. What if
becoming his lover jeopardized her job? It would be dangerous to have to apply for other positions in England. The chance of her being recognized would grow if she had to find a position elsewhere.

Then there were her feelings. Already she felt far too much for Christian. What if she lost her heart to him? Once he grew tired of her, once he married—he would have to marry due to his title—how could she watch him be with a wife?

But, on the other hand, must she say no to him? She might never get the chance again to feel a lover’s gentle touch and not be afraid, to face her fears and regain her courage. For once in her life, she should do and have something just for herself—to think only of herself.

She knew many men and women had affairs that had nothing to do with the heart. Physical pleasure did not have to involve love. Could she separate the two? She’d been forced into the bed of a man she did not love and found no pleasure, only pain. But then Peter had never been concerned with her pleasure, only his own.

She looked deep into Christian’s eyes and saw only gentleness and understanding. Christian would be different. She knew going to bed with the Earl of Markham would likely be an experience she’d never want to forget.

But that was exactly what concerned her the most. At some point the affair would end and she’d have to forget.

An idea formed in her head. What if she controlled the end of the affair? She could stop their liaison before she fell in love with him.

A rush of confidence surged in her.

She’d do this for her.

And she’d do it for Christian too. Her inner voice told her he needed this as much as she did. They both needed to heal.

Sarah couldn’t get the words to form, so she merely bent down and pressed her lips to his. He tensed beneath her touch and she instantly pulled back, a puzzled expression on her face.

He gently cupped her cheek. “You merely surprised me. I was hoping that you’d trust me enough, but I know the courage it takes on your part to allow me this privilege. Thank you.”

“I know you won’t hurt me. But promise me you’ll go slowly.” She felt her bottom lip tremble. “I don’t know how brave I can be all at once.”

Christian stood, his body rubbing hers, sending shocks of warmth over her skin. “You’re
beautiful,” he whispered. “I won’t take it too far tonight. Just say the word and I’ll stop. I’d never force you to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing. You know that, don’t you?”

She rested her head on his chest and listened to his heart pounding steady and true under her ear. “I trust you,” she whispered.

She felt his body shudder in response. She felt him harden against her stomach, and for an instant fear returned and she wondered if she was doing the right thing.

He ran a hand over her back. “I can’t help my reaction to the feel of your body. But I promise you, tonight is only about your pleasure.”

To show her acquiescence, Sarah pulled back and shrugged the robe off her shoulders, letting it slide to the floor. She felt naked even though she still wore her shift.

Her arms rose and she wrapped her hands around his neck. He groaned and drew her close, until her sensitive breasts flattened against his solid chest. “I want you to introduce me to pleasure.” Her husky entreaty seemed to make him harden further. She heard him draw a sharp breath.

“I can’t imagine a task I’d enjoy more.”

When she raised her face to his, his breath fanned warmth against her mouth.

“I
choose
you to be my lover, Christian, nothing more. I won’t become your mistress. This ends when we reach England. I shall take up my role as Lily’s governess and nothing must taint that. Any gossip and I leave.”

At this moment he’d promise her almost anything. Her enticing offer to become his lover was music to his ears. He would do nothing to destroy the honor she was bestowing on him.

She’d known passion with no other man. He’d make damn sure she became addicted to his kisses, to his touch, and then he would set out to win her. She would become his wife.

He hoped that once she grew in confidence, once she healed, she’d not look at the battle-scarred shell he was and think differently of him. What if she decided to look for a man who was more attractive? Deep down inside he constantly struggled with feelings of inadequacy.

No woman had ever freely given her body to him since he’d been burned. Was Sarah doing so because she thought she was damaged too? What would happen when she realized she wasn’t? Her scars were internal, and once mended she’d still be a beautiful, intoxicating, sensually experienced woman. Men would flock to her. He inwardly grimaced. As if they didn’t do that now; Sebastian was enticed with just one look.

Christian, however, would be forever burned and forever judged by his scars, except with Sarah. With Sarah in his arms, he’d completely forgotten about his burns.

She was watching him with fire blazing in her beautiful blue eyes. “I feel selfish. What about your pleasure?”

He lowered his mouth and gave her a chaste kiss. “I’ll anticipate how good it will be when you finally allow me inside your body, sweetheart.”

Tears welled in her eyes, and his heart skipped a beat in response. He took her mouth once more in a gentle kiss. Her arms slipped to his shoulders and she ran her hands down his back. Still kissing her, Christian lifted Sarah in his arms and turned to lay her gently upon the bed. As she lay there, he took his time to remove the rest of his clothes. She watched him hungrily.

“You’re beautiful too.”

“Thank you.” He took her hand and brought it to his lips. He stood next to the bed and stared down at her. A tiny flitter of fear sliced at his confidence.

He cleared his throat. “I’d like nothing more than to light the lamp and see you clearly. However, you might like less light. Should I draw the curtains?”

She vigorously shook her head. “I want to see that it’s you, know that it’s you.” She gave him a wicked smile and reached for him. “Besides, I’ve seen your burns, and I still think your body is magnificent.”

“Truly? They don’t repulse you?”

Her heart welled at the vulnerability she saw in his eyes. When she was young, Christian Trent, the Earl of Markham, had never doubted that any woman would find him maddeningly attractive. It must have been devastating; a crushing blow to his pride, to have his body marked so.

She knew.

She clambered off the bed and, with more bravery than she felt, slipped the straps of her shift off her shoulders and let it slide down her body to fall at her feet. She stood naked before him. Then with a big gulp she turned, so that her back was presented to him, and lifted her hair.

She was scarred too.

Angry curses exploded from Christian’s mouth, yet his fingers, as they traced the whip marks that crisscrossed her lower back, were gentle, as if trying to erase all her pain.

“He did this to you?” His voice was choked with a mixture of horror, seething anger, and pity.

She nodded, her mouth gone dry. “Does it make me less attractive in
your
eyes?” She held her head high, her shoulders tightening, waiting for his answer.

His answer was a press of soft lips on her bare back. “No. To me you’re even more beautiful.”

Only then did she turn. Christian took her hand in his and drew her onto the bed. They lay down next to each other, their breaths short and sharp.

The simple contact of skin against skin had a stunning effect on her. Their erotic intimacy made Sarah whimper and want to press her full length against him.