A Kiss of Lies (26 page)

“I don’t know where to start.”

He took the other chair by the fire and indicated she should resume her seat. “I find the beginning the best place.”

Serena pulled the robe tightly around her. If she was to strip her soul bare, she’d rather do to it without being naked to his gaze as well. She began her confession. “As with most distasteful tales, my story revolves around money—or rather, the lack of it.” She drew in a shuddering
breath. “My father loves to gamble, and he got himself into some financial straits. Unbeknown to me, he owed a huge amount of money to Peter Dennett.”

Christian clenched his hands on his lap. “You were the settlement of the debt?” She nodded and looked away. He had to ask. “Why did you agree?”

Self-loathing coated her words. “Because I was young and stupid, and Father swore it would help the family, and Peter was the brother of a marquis, handsome and charming. I did not love him, but I thought my life would at least be content. It was unlikely I’d marry for love, anyway. The man I loved didn’t even know I existed.” She looked directly at Christian with a raised eyebrow.

“Me?” he asked. “You were in love with me? We’d never even been introduced.”

“Perhaps ‘love’ is too strong a word. Infatuated, actually. Remember the stories I told you about Lady Serena spying on you at her father’s ball?” His face suddenly turned a charming shade of red at the memory. She sighed. “It was silly infatuation. I know that now. What I feel for you now is—well, I can’t find the words. Love is deeper, more consuming, and less selfish. I was just a silly girl.”

She chewed her bottom lip. “No, I’m being too hard on myself. I wasn’t silly; rather, I was naive. I gave in to Father’s plan because I never knew men as evil as Peter Dennett existed in this world. Perhaps if women were not kept in the dark about such people and their perversions, I would not have been so easily fooled.”

There was barely any light in the room, and she was glad he could not see the wash of shame over her face.

“It wasn’t until the bishop completed the vows that I even understood Peter was taking me away from England. They’d kept everything from me.” She could feel the tears welling. “I never thought I’d see England again. And—” She gulped back another sob. “Once on board the ship, in my husband’s bed, I didn’t care. All I cared about was surviving.” She couldn’t hold the tears back now. A sob rose up and escaped before she could slap her hand over her mouth.

In a flash, Christian rose and gathered her to his chest, pulling her down onto his lap. “You’re not alone now.” He cupped her face tenderly and wiped a tear away with his thumb. “What happened when you got to America?” he asked softly.

She briefly closed her eyes. “He treated me literally like one of his slaves. One time he even had me stripped and lashed when I denied him his husband’s rights. He meant it to serve as
an example to his slaves—if the master treated his wife like that, what would he do to them if they disobeyed? That was his twisted thinking. You saw the scars on my back. He took pleasure in humiliating me. He seemed to relish seeing me in pain. After one episode, I couldn’t walk or leave my bed for over a week. I knew if I stayed much longer, he’d kill me.”

Christian’s hand tightened on her knee but he said nothing.

She wiped the tears from her face. She’d cried too many tears already because of Peter Dennett. “Then one night he brought a male slave to my room.” Her voice faltered, and she gave an anguished cry. “I can’t—I can’t tell you this. You’ll be revolted by me.…”

He pulled her tight against his chest, the heat from his body warming the chill inside her soul. “Nothing done to you against your will could ever revolt me. I just want the truth,” he whispered against her cheek. She clung to him, praying he’d understand and forgive her.

“He ordered me to let the slave service me while he watched.”

“If he weren’t already dead, I’d kill him.” The venom in his voice sent a flutter through her heart, and her hope rose at his words.

“It was Zachary, husband of Pippa, a slave who worked as my maid. She and I had become firm friends. Peter used to regularly abuse her too.

“Zachary was brought to my bedchamber and told what to do. Peter sat in a chair at the side of the bed, naked and fully aroused. He was going to take his pleasure by watching another man fuck his wife. He instructed Zachary to make the rape look real or else he’d rape Pippa again, promising to hurt her badly this time.”

She’d never forget the agony of Zachary’s choice reflected in his eyes. “He had to hurt one of us—me or Pippa. As he should have, he chose not to hurt his wife. As he approached the bed he kept apologizing, kept asking God for forgiveness.”

Christian tightened his hold and started gently rocking her on his lap.

“It was Zachary’s pain that made my temper snap. I was not so victimized yet as to sit helplessly by. I fought. I refused Peter’s request and began screaming at him. I told him that he could beat me all he liked, but I’d never sin before God for him. He ordered Zachary from the room, and I thought I was in for a whipping. Instead, he started to strangle me, his hands tight around my throat. I couldn’t breathe and I began to see stars. I knew he was trying to kill me. I managed to reach for the decanter of whiskey I kept by my bed. It was heavy and made of thick glass. I smashed him over the head with it.”

“Clever girl.”

“Zachary raced in upon hearing the crash and the thud of Peter’s body hitting the floor. There was blood everywhere. It poured from his wound. Zachary checked Peter and told me I’d killed him.” She covered her face with her hands. “I didn’t mean to. All I could think about was surviving.” Great racking sobs engulfed her body, and Christian simply rocked her, smoothing her hair and whispering that everything would be all right.

“You acted in self-defense.” He reached into his coat. A second later he passed her his handkerchief. “Is this why you remained incognito?”

She raised reddened eyes. “There is more. Zachary told me to collect my valuables and we would run away together with Pippa. We would try to make it to Canada. He and Pippa had been planning such an escape for months. They would use the Underground Railroad, a network of sympathizers who helped runaway slaves. They thought having a white woman along with them would help if we were stopped. They could pretend to be my servants.

“Zachary left to get Pippa and we arranged to meet at the stables. I grabbed my jewelry and made my way quietly to the meeting point. However, not quietly enough, as it turned out. Sean Burcher, my husband’s overseer, caught me. He’s a lecher.” She caught her breath. “He’d been watching everything through a peephole in my room. Unbeknown to me he’d been spying on me for months.”

“Christ. Your father’s a dead man. How could he hand you over into this sort of life? How could he not take the time to find out who and what Peter Dennett was?”

“I’m sure he knew. He just didn’t care. I wrote to Father, hinting at what Peter was like. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the complete truth. Father’s reply stated that I was married before God and that it was up to me to behave like a dutiful wife and not invoke my husband’s wrath.”

“Invoke his wrath—Christ!” Christian ran a hand over his face. “Well, I bloody care.”

She gave a tentative smile. “Burcher tried to rape me, but Zachary once again saved me. We tied Sean up, and all the while he was yelling and cursing and swearing that he’d hunt me down and make sure I was hanged.”

She looked at Christian. “I don’t want to hang,” she uttered with quiet determination. “Not for killing a man like Peter Dennett. The world’s a better place without him.”

Christian remained speechless, studying her with an expressionless face. “So, my
advertisement for a governess was very opportune. You probably saw it as a godsend. A grotesque and desperate earl you could easily sway, just with the batting of your eyelashes.”

She sucked in a breath of indignation at his words. “No!” she cried. “I thought you were fate, an angel sent to save me. Besides, if you recall, I tried to hide my looks.”

Reaching out a hand, she stroked his cheek. “I thought it was God telling me he was helping me, for I used to worship you from afar. I dreamed of becoming Lady Markham right up until the day I was married to Peter Dennett.”

“I see.” The short, whispered words rushed from him on an exhalation, as though someone had punched him in the stomach, or perhaps stuck a dagger through his heart. “But now that you are safely hidden in England, I’m not such a catch, am I? Better to simply use me for protection, is that right?”

“How can you even think that after all we have shared?”

“How, my lady? You seemed quite averse to marrying me or remaining my lover only a few days ago. In fact, as soon as we stepped onto English soil, it’s as if you no longer needed me.”

She swallowed hard. A trifle pale, but with a look of stony resolve, she took his hands in hers. “With every breath in my body, I swear I wanted to accept your proposal, but how could I? How could I become your wife without the world realizing who I was? Then I would have dragged your good name through the mud. I know you. You would have defended me. How could I let you fall in love with me and then let you watch me hang? It was better to hurt you now, before we became entwined too deeply.”

He bent and kissed her lips chastely. “It’s too late for that. I’m already in deep. And you’re right. I will defend you until my dying breath. You killed in self-defense and are blameless.”

Christian could still recall his mother’s anguished cries in the night. It wasn’t until he was much older that he’d come to understand what they had signified. His father had beaten his mother. His father had killed his mother. He’d not see another innocent woman die because of a brutal bully. Unlike his mother, Serena would not be left alone and helpless.

“Oh, Christian, how on earth can I prove that? There is no way Sean Burcher will tell the truth. I cut him with a knife. I escaped. I humiliated him. My only other witnesses are slaves. What British court would take the word of a slave over a white man? Peter is the brother of a
marquis!”

“Sebastian can testify for you. He’s also a marquis.” He hugged her, pulling her tightly against his chest. “He knows of Dennett’s behavior. Dennett almost killed one of Sebastian’s lightskirts with his sadistic tendencies. I’m sure we could find other men willing to testify to Dennett’s debauched character.”

“Lord Coldhurst did say that all I had to do was ask and he’d come to my aid.”

“Ah, so he did know who you were when we were in Jamaica. I thought he was hiding something.” Christian couldn’t hide the stab of hurt in his tone.

“Don’t think too badly of your friend. I made him promise not to tell you who I was. He was only protecting you. That’s why he interrogated me at the beach. He too thought I was abusing your good nature.”

When she finished speaking, Serena met his stare with a look of guarded tenderness. Blue shadows from the moonlight sculpted his face as she searched it for signs of how he was feeling.

“He must have believed you were genuine, for we came to blows over you, yet he did not reveal your identity.”

“In York, when I entered your study that first day, I can’t explain my reaction to you. I was drawn to you in exactly the same way as I had been when I was a young girl. I inwardly cried when I saw your wounds, and wondered how anyone could mark something so beautiful. I knew in that moment we would be good for each other. I got the overwhelming impression that somehow we could heal each other.”

“You were the first woman to look me in the eye since I received my burns. That was what impressed me.”

“I saw past your injuries to the man underneath. You were still the good, honorable, and kind man I had worshiped from afar.” She cupped his cheek. “And you’re still my beautiful, sexy hero.”

He could barely breathe. “You still think I’m beautiful?”

Her gaze trailed lingeringly over his finely chiseled face and drank in his potent male beauty. “How could I think otherwise? You are beautiful, both inside and out. Look at what you have done for me. You have had the patience, kindness, and understanding to help a woman overcome her worst fears. I can’t imagine how empty and cold my life would have become without the touch of another human being—without your touch. And here you are protecting me
even after you’ve heard about everything I’ve done, and that I had deceived you as well. I’ve never wanted any man the way I want you.”

“Would you want me even if I couldn’t protect you?”

“Christian, I never ever expected you to protect me. I still don’t. I never thought you’d be interested in me as a lover in the first place. I was more than happy to be Lily’s governess. After what Peter did to me, wanting to be intimate with a man was the last thing on my mind. I couldn’t bring myself to let any man near me. It was you who pursued
me
.”

What she said was true. If she’d been trying to manipulate him into protecting her, she would have taken the opportunity to seduce him the first night she came to his room. Instead she’d simply stayed to ease his nightmare, to help him, not herself.

But what would happen when she became free of the charges? If he aided her in getting the charges dropped, would she still stay with him? He wanted to help her regardless of what it might cost him. Once she became Lady Serena Castleton again, men would flock to her. Would her feelings for him turn to pity, and would she decide she could do better than an ugly, disfigured war hero?

He could force her hand right now. Marriage! He’d help her if she married him. But did he want her on those terms? If he made marriage a condition of aiding her, he’d never know if she truly loved him or if she felt nothing more than pity.

Christian struggled with himself. Did he still want to marry her? Could he protect her if she became Lady Markham?

They would both be dragged through the courts, and the process would tarnish his name still further. Then, there was the situation with Barforte. Would the Duke use Harriet’s rape against him? Would Harriet’s accusations be listened to and believed? Was his word of honor still recognized by his peers? Would it be enough to protect Serena?