A Life Plan Without You. (42 page)

“I want the zoo and the funny My-isshy, I do all please, and I
wanna see a monkey, and feed a nelly, please Sam?”

“It was your idea Sam, do we do the pleasure beach first or
the zoo?” He just smiled.

“Zoo, let’s show our little monkey, the monkeys is that what
you want JJ?”

“Yes Sam, you my friend too?” He chattered away to Sam and
smiled.

“Yes JJ, I’m your friend too.” I smiled Sam genuinely was
enjoying himself. We jumped in a taxi to the zoo. JJ wanted out of
his pram, so when we got in, he got out, hopefully a few hours here
and he would be knackered. The pair of them ignored me, as we
wandered around the exhibits. Disposable cameras purchased and
snaps of Sam and JJ with various animals. A nice lady took a
picture of us all together.

“Your little boy is so cute he looks so like his Mum.” I
looked at Sam and smiled. He just thanked her and held my waist, as
JJ ran a mock in the petting zoo. He was trying to feed the
animals, the donkey, the rabbits, then the goat, was treated to a
fist full of kibble, but as it wanted more it went for JJ and poor
JJ couldn’t get to the kibble quickly enough so, it ran off with
the bag from his hand, that was after it drop tackled him to the
floor, even the llama spat at him. Sam cleaned him up I was
laughing too much because he wanted to spit back at it and failed
miserably. He was even attacked by a rabbit; they were nothing like
Blue, who he carried around all the time, no not this one, because
it didn’t like JJ, he had a bad day in the petting zoo.

“My Son looks like his Mother, there’s an interesting
thought.” I just smiled he was having so much fun.

“Whatever Sam, that’s not happening any time soon. Given your
erm failure to deliver on the goods.” He just smiled.

“Our Son needs feeding Mommy.” I threw him a look and he just
smiled. Three hours in a zoo, monkey mask, stuffed tiger, farm
animals and other toys bought we head back to the pleasure beach,
so far I’ve not been able to pay for anything apart from a drink of
tea. Much to Sam’s amusement, he is fantastic with JJ, and I’m
definitely warming to the idea of telling him yes I would marry
him.

JJ is asleep for the short journey to the pleasure beach, but
woke up as we pull up outside. Out of his pram again and running
amuck with Sam, the clown in a glass case frightens the life out of
him, as it suddenly starts laughing at him, he starts screaming at
the laughing clown. Sam picked him up gave him a cuddle, and then
ran off with him down the path, him now screaming but with
laughter, because he was away from the bad clown. Leaving me
laughing and giving me time to purchase the tickets for the
attractions, I laugh as Sam realises.

“Sneaky Mi cielo, that was so very sneaky, where are we going
to first then?”

“Well, as we can’t go on the big rides, he’s too small and
this I have to capture on film, it’s you on the baby rides with
JJ.” We went on Alice in Wonderland I sat alone in the back as Sam
showed the things to JJ. I really was seeing him in a different way
today. He laughed and held me tightly kissing me, JJ telling him to
stop eating me. That made me laugh and got JJ another tickling.
Plenty of photos taken, hot dogs and candy floss eaten and JJ loved
it. The day at the funfair ended with us having afternoon tea in a
cafe. Sam and I walked down the promenade, his arm wrapped around
me pushing a sleeping JJ. I had plenty of kisses.

“What Sam? They will lock you up for grinning like a
fool.”

“I just keep remembering last night it was really good please
will you marry me Michelle? I want that every night, but to have it
in our own home, I want to make love to you with you and with
noise, not muffling our joy in pillows. I want to be able to call
your name when we play. I want to hear you when I drive you to the
edge. I want to scream your name, when you rock my world Mi cielo.
When we make love and when we have sex, I want all the passion and
noise that goes with it, your noise. Last night would have been
better if I’d been able to shout your name aloud you made me so
happy.” The very thought of all that is making me hornie as hell,
we need to talk first, my heart says yes with wedding bells already
chiming, my head says we need to talk about stuff first.

“Sam I love that you keep asking, but no I’m not old enough
and we haven’t had a row, we haven’t even discussed if this happens
how we can afford for it to happen, so no not yet we have got many
talks ahead of us first. I’m not saying no. Just not yet, just give
me more time angel please?” He smiled. More thought needed, I was
only eighteen and everything was so expensive, plus I was going in
the navy, or was I? I didn’t know anything of Sam’s finances, other
than he liked spending bloody money. Apprentices don’t get paid
that well, I know I was offered one. We needed to talk of the
practicalities, yes that was it, talk things through before jumping
feet first in, but hell, I loved the idea of being Mrs
Todd.

“One day you’re going to make me so happy and say yes.” I
laughed, ten out of ten for persistence. “Tower next, if you want
Missy?” JJ was waking up.

“Okay, lead the way Sam.” I pushed the pram, reaching the
observation deck. I clung on to him for dear life he looks worried
too. I looked at the houses they were so small and stretching the
whole length of the coast, the piers looked so small, and the
people looked like ants. The sea stretched for miles, the wind up
at the top was cold and breezy, I started to shake fear, or cold I
couldn’t tell? He took off his jacket and wrapped me in it. JJ
hated it too, though he was strapped into his pram. Sam tucked his
blanket around him, tightly.

“Come on let’s get you inside little fella your freezing, so
is Missy.” I was relieved when we got in the lift down, as I’m not
a lover of heights. We passed the ballroom, it was warm and
inviting, and Sam gave me that look, he knew the question was
coming, before I asked it.

“Can we look in please?” I gave him his jacket back and he
opened the door.

“This way baby, let’s get you your fix. It was a little chilly
up there.” I’d been here with Grams loads of times because she
liked to show off my dancing when her oldest friend came, to stop
with us.

“Would you like a drink?” I nodded, he removed his jacket and
he went for drinks, coming back with our goodies, he smiled at me
and lent in for a kiss, JJ taking his crisps and saying thank-you,
he had a head kiss.

“No mushing me, only get mushed bedtime, snot monster and
stink gets one swell, mush My-isshy, sted she likes mushy with
you.” I laughed as he ranted at Sam, he was right I did like
mushing with Sam.

“Dance with me Sam, JJ can you please just sit and eat your
crisps and drink whilst I dance with Sam?” He nodded. The woman at
the next table offered to keep an eye on our boy, Sam smiled again,
this was heaven, I loved being in his arms he held me close, as I
breathed him in, his smell was wonderful, I could stay here, just
being held by him. We danced for ages until I spotted the monkey
getting restless.

“Are you all right Michelle?” I looked up at him.

“Perfect thanks, I wish we could just stop here but we have
things to see and stuff to do, the restaurant is just up the road
from here.” He put on his jacket, strapped JJ in and held me close.
We left the tower, been up it and done that so I never have to
again. I found the seafood place and we went in for dinner. JJ sat
quietly colouring in, after I had changed him again.

“Sam can you get me a dry white wine please?” He looked at me,
but ordered me a dry white wine and himself a lager. He leant in
for a kiss. “I have it with meals when I go out with Aunty Liz. I’m
not a drinker I got merry at the family dinner for my birthday, so
I don’t do it, given the vodka incident; me and alcohol are not a
good combination angel.” He laughed as he sat back down. The waiter
returned with a lager, an orange juice and my wine. We had ordered
our food, Sam not a fish fan had let me order and when it came, I
hoped he liked it.

“Monk fish, it’s in a ginger tomato and pepper sauce, served
on a bed of watercress, please eat all the potatoes Sam. I will be
full after the fish.” He smiled and started to eat, he liked it
thankfully, and who comes in a fish restaurant if you don’t like
fish? Sam of course, he it turns out does like some fish, because
he loved it! JJ tucked into his fish pieces and chips with half a
bottle of ketch-up on the side, Sam had been so good with him and
JJ had a new best friend, I was told I was his old friend now,
cheers JJ, I was dumped in favour of Sam.

“Cheers Sam, this day has been great thanks.” I took a sip,
making sure JJ ate as Sam and I watched him clear his plate and an
ice cream sundae, this he had to share with Sam, and no I was not
allowed to share the friends sundae.

“I do know my white wines Sam, Aunty is a restaurant and wine
snob. Becky and I can hold our own in any restaurant and yeah for
me I’m actually a qualified Sommelier, well classroom qualified, I
liked that part of the course, I may do it in my uni placement.” He
smiled.

“So you’re going to go to Stockton Uni then?” I was, I had the
predicted grades, I needed high passes to get in uni and passes
were needed for the navy, but even the thought of doing that was
now not as important to me as it once was.

“Don’t get excited, the uni that deals with the patisserie and
confectionery course is in Lower Stockton, we only go to Stockton
to do the food sciences part of the course, I have a week’s
induction at the end of next month, and after that I enrol in the
second or third week in September and start in October.” He had his
hand on my knee and as I sipped my wine, I wondered more on how my
life plan is changing, would Sam be a part of it, would I still
want to go in the navy if he was still in my life?

“What’s going on in that head of yours Missy?” I smiled he’s
mind reading again.

“Just wondering, were all this fits into my life plan Sam,
you, us and it. I had been so sure that it was set in stone,
perhaps now not so?” I finished my very nice wine, and I managed to
pay the bill when he went to the loo, much to his annoyance, he
couldn’t stay angry with me long.

“Right, next on the list the hat, teddy and rock come on.” I
loved him because he’d remembered my list. JJ was sat on his
shoulders, as we walked back towards the station.

“One kiss me quick hat, which one do you want little
man?”

“Me’s
gets one too?”

“You can
have whichever you want JJ!”

“Me ave that pleazz?” He pointed to the cowboy hat. “I as to
ave a gun too!” Sam agreed all cowboys need a gun.

“May we have a pop gun too please?” I was well impressed that
JJ said please, and bloody annoyed he bought him the
gun.

“I bet I looked a proper idiot in it. Aren’t you getting one
Sam?” He politely declined. JJ now with a warm head in his cowboy
hat and a bloody pop gun, if he fires that thing at me one more
time it’s going in the bloody sea, the pair of them laugh as he
keeps doing it.

Winning the teddy part of my list proved a little harder than
he thought, I had won a pink hippo. He finally won me a cute green
monster and a yellow chicken which he could have bought a lot
cheaper, but win one he did. JJ was looking knackered.

“There you are a chicken for my chick and a monster for our
little monster.” How cheesy, but he looked so relieved he’d won
something. I was freezing Sam passed me his jacket and we headed
for the station, stopping for rock and a present for mum and Aunty
Liz from JJ, and a box of fudge for Emma.

“Thanks, here take your jacket, note to one’s self, bring more
than a cardi to Blackpool, or bring a hunky dude to nick his off
him.” He put his jacket back on he was freezing.

“Hunky dude eh?” I blushed. He picked up JJ and put him back
on his shoulders.

“I said that aloud again didn’t I?” He squeezed my hand
leaning in for more kisses.

“Let’s get the next train home I’ve had a great day with you,
thank you.” His lips were on mine soft and nice. JJ stuck his hands
between us and told us to stop mushing. We both laughed, that got
JJ yet more tickling.

“Thank you. I’ve had a really nice day too you will be a great
Dad one day.”

“Not too soon Michelle, we have places to see and stuff to do
and see first and oh the small thing about being married first, oh
but the practising, that will be kind of good if last night’s
anything to go by.”

“Umm it was nice. Still thinking about it but I’m warming to
the idea of being married to you and having kids and stuff,
but…”

“Not yet Mi cielo, I know, but we will be fantastic together,
and the fact that you’re thinking of me and our children makes me
believe, it’s more yes than no?” We made it to the train in plenty
of time. We were all three of us tired. JJ could have an hour, no
more or he would be up all night. I bought some drinks for JJ and
some Kit-Kats, as he hadn’t had his fix all day long bless
him.

“Are you back in work tomorrow Sam?” He was looking down at JJ
and smiling wrapping him up to keep him warm.

“Yes, I could have done with another week off and I will need
to book time off next week to sort out Mum.” I smiled.