A Life Without Fear (Life #2) (8 page)

Rodger, Rodger honey, please stay with me don’t leave me. I don’t want to be without you. Please Rodger, please. Beep. Beep. The machine that he’s hooked up to beeps incessantly until it becomes one loud BEEEPPP…

I’m startled awake. My alarm has gone off for too long and is now one solid beep. Turning it off, I wipe my eyes, more tears. Always tears. I don’t feel like running so I skip it and go straight to the shower. After showering, I get ready for work and head out. I know I’m extremely early, but I need to get lost in work. Hailing a taxi, I make my routine stop for coffee then go straight to the office. I smile at Charlie, he smiles softly at me.
I wonder if he knows what happened?
I don’t dwell, instead heading straight up to the office and find it empty. I’ve even beaten Bill, that’s a first. Walking to my office, I get straight to work on emails. After about fifteen minutes my cell phone starts to ring, so I grab it out of my purse and notice that it’s Blake calling.

“Hello?”

“Angelica, are you all right?”

“Why wouldn’t I be Blake?”

“Well, you aren’t answering your front door.”

“That’s because I’m not home. I’m at work, did you need something?”

“Oh, well, no. I just wanted to check on you, bring you coffee.”

“Thank you for the gesture Blake, but I had to come into work. I could use a good distraction right now. I need to get back in the rhythm of my life.”

“I understand, I’ll let you get back to your work. I hope you have a good day. Please let me know if you need anything.”

“I will Blake, thank you. Have a good day.”

“Goodbye, Angelica.”

“Bye, Blake.”

I hang up my phone and get straight back to work. Not even ten minutes later my phone rings yet again, and this time it’s Betty.

“Good morning, Betty.”

“Good mornin’ sweet child, how are you holdin’ up?”

“As best as can be expected, I guess. I came into work early today so I can keep myself occupied.”

“Yes, I’d imagine that you need a distraction. How are you dealing with this Angelica?” Her tone is serious.

“Are you asking me if I’m taking pills? If you are then the answer is no, I’m not taking any. That’s not to say that I didn’t think about taking them. I thought about them more times than I’d like to admit if I’m being honest.”

“What made you decide against them?”

“Rodger actually, I didn’t want to use him as an excuse to take them. I suppose it’s like you said, there’s always going to be something stressful happening and I can’t take pills every time it happens. I have to learn to deal. More than anything I want to go back to normal. Before Edward came back before Rodger died, I just want to go back to everyday life.” I swallow the lump in my throat, I cannot cry at work.

“I know Angelica. We want that so badly for you too. You’ve been dealt a bad hand, but this won’t be the hand you’ll have for the rest of your life. Sometimes we have to fold a hand so that we can get a better one next time.”

“I love you, Betty.”

“I love you too, child. Your granddad will call you in the next few days, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll talk to you guys soon.”

“Goodbye, Angelica.” Her voice is sad…I’m tired of making people sad.

“Goodbye, Betty.”

I hang up my phone once again then get back to my emails. After about an hour of correspondence, Bill walks into my office. He’s carrying a vase of assorted beautiful flowers in a tall blue vase. He sets them on the corner of my desk.

“I’m sorry about your loss, Angelica.”

“Thank you Bill, you didn’t have to do that.”

“I know I didn’t, but everyone here pitched in. We won’t talk about it, but we just wanted you to know that we’re thinking about you.” He comes around my desk and I stand to hug him.

“How did you know I’d be in the office today?”

“Because this is you we’re talking about, you need the distraction.”

“You know me well, Bill.” I hug him once more.

“Okay, I’ll let you be, I’ll see you in the conference room for lunch today.” He smiles.

“I’ll see you there.”

Once Bill leaves my office, I get lost in work and the morning goes by smoothly. Lunch is light, and we hold a meeting during it. We have a few return clients that we need to start working on. We divide the return clients and the new clients among the staff then we head off to start on everything. The day goes by quickly.

After work, Joey calls and asks if I want to join him and Sammie for dinner, I politely decline. He tries to talk me into it, but eventually he gives up. I’m not much company right now and he knows it. I hang up and hail a taxi back home. Blake texts me and asks how my day was and I reply with a simple, “
Fine
.” He doesn’t text again. I change into pajamas the second I get home, wash my face and then go to bed.

On waking the next morning I feel exhausted, I’m not sure why since I went to bed so early. Maybe I need to run, get back into sync with my body. I change into running clothes and make my way down the stairs. It’s odd not having Rodger waiting at the door for me to leash him. I take a few steadying breaths then head outside. I turn my Pandora station onto The Cranberries. I’m in the mood for somber music.
‘Wonderwall’
by Oasis is playing, perfect. I listen to the words as I start to run, who could be the one to save me? Who is going to save me from myself? No one. I need to save myself; no one can make me happy except for me. If I want to get back to the place that I was at before my life went into the shitter, I need to get myself there. I know I can, I just need to focus. Losing track of where the hell I am running I end up way further than normal and completely out of breath. Walking to the curb and sitting with my head between my legs, my phone vibrates on my armband. I grab it to read the text. It’s Blake of course.

Blake:
I hope you have a great day Angelica.

I respond immediately.

Me:
I will as soon as I make it back home.

Wrong response, my phone rings immediately.

“Blake, I’m fine.”

“What did you mean by that text, Angelica?”

“I accidently ran further than normal and I got winded.”

“Where are you? Do you want me to pick you up?”

“Hmm, I’m on a curb, I see a police station. I never knew there was a station over here. I'm all right, really. I just need to catch my breath then I’ll head back.”

“Are you sure? I can be there in five minutes.”

“Blake, I’m fine I’m getting up now. Relax.”

“You’re a stubborn woman. You do know that, right?”

“Yes, yes I do.” I laugh into the phone.

“Well, at the least let me stay on the phone with you while you walk home.”

“Who said anything about walking? I’m jogging back.”

“Fine, then I’ll talk while you jog.”

“Talk about stubborn,” I grumble into the phone. “Fine, listen to my panting breaths while I run.”

“I would love to listen to your panting breaths under different circumstances.”

“Pervert.” My voice is coming out in labored breaths. “I can’t run with you talking like that in my ear.”

“I’m motivating you to run home faster if you have a need I’d be more than happy to alleviate it.”

“Is that right?”

“Oh yes, I’d be more than happy to be of service to you Angelica.”

“Shut up Blake, you’re making me lose concentration, I’m going to run into a taxi!”

“I’m sorry, Angelica. I’ll stop.” He sounds worried.

“Blake you’re going to die of a stroke with the amount you worry.”

“It would be worth it to die for you.”

“Cheesy much? Plus, you can’t die then who will I talk to?”

“So does that mean you want me around, Angelica?” he questions. Damn, I walked right into that one.

“Perhaps it does.” I smile even though I know he can’t see me.

“I’ll break down that wall one brick at a time, Angelica.”

“You already have, Blake.”

Neither of us speaks for a while. The only sounds are those of my labored breathing and my shoes hitting the sidewalk. I can see my brownstone in the distance and I also see Blake sitting on my steps with his phone to his ear.

“Why are you on my steps, Blake?”

He turns in my direction and smiles. He ends the call and puts his phone in his pocket. I pull my earbuds out of my ears as I near him.

“Are you upset that I’m on your steps, Angelica?”

“No.”

“Good, will you let me in?”

“You know I have to go to work, if I let you in you’ll make me late. Will you take me out for froyo tonight?”

“It would be my pleasure.” He pecks me on the lips then pushes me toward the door. “In you go.”

“Bye, Blake.” I smile at him.

“Until later, Angelica.” He winks at me then heads to his waiting car.

Heading inside, I shower quickly and get ready for work. Once I’m dressed, I head downstairs and start to go into the kitchen but stop in my tracks. I was going to feed Rodger, old habits die hard I suppose. Turning on my toes, I head out to work. Stopping for coffee first like always, I make my way through the longer-than-life line until I reach the register.

“Hey Angelica, your order has been paid for,” Jill the barista tells me.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.” She smiles from ear to ear.

“He’s a handsome one isn’t he?” I say to her.

“Oh, yeah,” she replies with a small giggle.

Thanking her I take my already paid for coffee and bagel and head to work. Saying my normal hellos to Charlie and Bill when I arrive at the office and I get straight to work. Around ten I finally have five minutes to myself and email Blake.

Blake,

Thank you for the coffee, you’re amazing you know that? It was a very sweet gesture. I’m sorry I couldn’t thank you sooner, but I’ve been swamped at work. I’ll see you tonight for froyo.

Ang.

xoxo

His response comes almost immediately.

Angelica,

You’re very welcome. I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you. About tonight...would you mind terribly if I invited someone to join us? I’m passed due on my date night with her, and I thought this would be a great night for her to come out with us…

Blake

xoxo

I smile at his email; he must be talking about his niece. He’s told me before that he takes his niece for frozen yogurt. He’s seriously too good to be true.

Blake,

I would love for your niece Gracie to join us. :)

Ang

xoxo

Angelica,

Thank you. Thank you for remembering her name, that means a lot to me. She’s truly going to love you, I just know it. I’ll be picking her up from her mother’s house at six. Can we pick you up around six thirty?

Blake

xoxo

Blake,

Yes, please. I can’t wait to meet her. Until then.

Ang

xoxo

Ang,

Until then, beautiful.

B

xoxo

God, he’s perfect. Thanks to that last email, I have a smile on my face for the rest of the day.

Hearing my door ring right at 6:30 a.m. I grab my purse off the bed and head down the stairs. I had just enough time to change into some jeans and an NYC sweatshirt. I threw my hair in a side braid and put on my Uggs. Grabbing my keys from the hall table, I hurry to open the door. On the other side stands Blake holding the hand of a beautiful little girl. She’s dressed in jeans with a coat and boots very similar to mine. Her long hair is even done in a side braid. I smile when I see her and kneel in front of her.

“Hello Gracie, it’s very nice to meet you. I’m Angelica.” I smile at her.

“Hi Angelica, my Uncle Blake told me all about you.” Looking up to him I squint my eyes.

“Oh, has he now? I hope he’s told you good things,” I say to her.

“He told me that you were very nice and beautiful.” She giggles when Blake clears his throat. “He told me that you love frozen yogurt like me,” she exclaims.

“I do love it. It’s my most favorite food in the world.”

“Me too!” She smiles at me then turns to Blake. “You were right, she is perfect.”

Looking from her to him, I stand upright.
He thinks I’m perfect?
Far from it actually, but it gives me butterflies to think he’s told his niece that.

“Perfect huh?” I nudge him with my shoulder.

“Man, five-year-olds are horrible at keeping secrets.” We laugh together.

I lock up the house then follow them down to Blake’s car. He helps to buckle Gracie in then we head off to
Frozen Desserts
. The drive there is spent talking about all the flavors of frozen yogurt we love, as well as the toppings. Gracie apparently loves anything green, mint is her favorite. Once I tell her I strongly dislike everything mint she informs me I’m crazy. Blake laughs. You have to love a child’s innocence. They will say anything that comes to mind.

We arrive a short time later. Gracie is unbuckled before either of us and is ready to go. She comes out of my side of the car and holds her hand out for me to hold, smiling I clasp it tightly. Blake moves to her other side and she does the same to him. We both smile at each other as we all walk in hand-in-hand. The flavors change daily so we sample them all. Gracie picks mint with mint chips, I take cheesecake and chocolate with caramel cups and Blake gets vanilla with peanuts. We find a table in the corner and sit to enjoy our dessert. The night is spent laughing at Gracie’s jokes—I haven’t heard
‘knock knock’
jokes in years. I think she laughs harder at her own jokes than we do. Blake’s smile never leaves his face, I love it. Seeing the way he is with Gracie is a serious turn on. She isn’t even his, but he acts like the perfect father. What other bachelor uncle would take his niece on dates almost weekly? To top it off, he does it because he wants to not because he’s been asked. It’s amazing and it’s fucking hot. About halfway through our bowls of frozen yogurt Blake’s cell phone starts ringing. He checks the name then simply ignores it. Not thinking anything of it, we continue on with our jokes, her last one is by far the best.

“Knock knock,” she asks.

“Who’s there?” Blake responds.

“Cows go.”

“Cows go who?” Blake looks at me confused.

“No, silly, cows go moo.”

We all laugh in unison and her laughter makes the joke even funnier. After catching our breath again after our fit of giggles, I get up to grab us some napkins. When I come back, Blake has now answered his phone. He looks pissed and Gracie is frowning at him. I’m not sure what I missed. Blake stands from the table when I return and heads out of the shop to talk on the phone. Gracie looks concerned, so I ask her to tell me another joke and that turns her attention. After two more
‘knock knock’
jokes, Blake returns looking furious.

“We need to go, now.” His voice is calm, but his body language is anything but fierce.

“But I’m not done with my ice cream,” Gracie complains.

“You can eat it in the car Gracie, but we have to go right now.”

“Come on honey. I’ll sit in the back with you and we can eat our ice cream together, okay?” I say to her.

She nods her head. Grasping her hand, we head out to Blake’s car. We’re almost to the back door when I hear a car slam on its breaks right behind us. I turn to see a town car behind us, it’s late in the day and the windows are so darkly tinted I can’t see who’s inside.

“Get in the car now, Angelica.” Blake sounds deadly.

Grabbing Gracie, I hurriedly get in the back seat of the car and lock the door behind me. I take my phone out of my purse and click on the Netflix app. I tell Gracie to pick a movie and all is forgotten. She’s looking through the options as I turn to see what the hell is going on. I can only see Blake’s back and he seems defensive, he’s talking to someone, but I can’t see the other person. I notice a suit so I know it’s a man, and every time the man tries to go around Blake he steps in front of him. The man tricks Blake, he steps to the right but goes to the left and sprints to Gracie’s door. I’d already locked the doors so the man can’t open it, but he slams his hands on the window. Gracie screams from the noise and I retrieve her out of her seat and hold her in my lap.

“Open the
God damn door now!
” I recognize the voice immediately. “Damn it, Blake, that’s my daughter give her to me.”

“Daddy?” Gracie asks from my lap.

“Get away from the car, Jon. You’re drunk and you’re scaring her.” Blake has reemerged and has put himself between the glass and Jon.

“She’s my fucking daughter and you have her out on a date with you and one of your whores?” He tries to shove Blake, but he doesn’t budge. Jon leans down to look in and he meets my eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me, you brought that slut with you?”

I wish I could be offended by that comment, but in all honesty he’s right. I am a slut.

That’s the last thing he says before Blake punches him in the jaw. Gracie screams, I hadn’t even noticed that she was watching them. I hold her tightly and turn her head away from them losing sight of them as they both start to wrestle on the ground. Soon a man emerges from the town car Jon was in and pulls Blake away from Jon. Jon is screaming something, but I can’t understand him. The man pulls Jon away toward the car, I can see blood dripping from his nose and mouth.

Blake watches them get back in the car then he turns and slides into our car. He starts it and looks back at us. I can see a small cut on his lip, and speck of blood sits on his lip. He looks from me to Gracie.

“I’m sorry honey. Your daddy was just having a bad night. I’m going to take you back home, okay?”

“Okay, Uncle Blake.” With that, she crawls back into her car seat and I help her buckle.

I wonder if she’s used to this kind of behavior from her father. She doesn’t question Blake about him. Blake looks at me with sad eyes, so I simply smile then buckle myself. We head off to Gracie’s house, no one speaks. Our once light banter filled with laughter and frozen yogurt is gone. Silence is what’s replaced it. We arrive at Gracie’s penthouse a short time later. Blake steps out of the car as I help to unbuckle Gracie. He opens her door and takes her hand.

“I’ll be back in a moment, Angelica,” he tells me.

“Of course, take your time.” I smile at Gracie. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Gracie. I hope we can enjoy frozen yogurt again soon.”

“I hope so.” She smiles at me, but she looks sad.

She and Blake head off into the fancy building holding hands. I lose sight of them as they make their way through the front doors. Sweet Jesus, if it’s not one thing, it’s another with me. Sure whatever the hell was wrong with Jon had nothing to do with me initially, but that quickly changed when he saw me. I’m poison to anyone who gets close to me, I swear. The best thing I can do is walk away from Blake. But I don’t want to, I really like him. Plus, I know Blake won’t let me leave, he’s proven it time and time again. At the very least I should just keep my distance from his family. I can’t do much harm to anyone else if I just got to work and then go straight home. With Rodger gone, I should really think about joining a kickboxing class that could also occupy my time. I start cleaning our spilled frozen yogurt from the back seat. In Gracie’s haste to get on my lap, she dropped her cup. Luckily the mess is small and I clean it quickly with some tissues from a box I found on the floor. My door opens suddenly and I look up to meet Blake’s eyes. He holds his hand out for me and I take it. He pulls me tightly to him, just holding me.

“I’m sorry about that Angelica. Jon and his ex-wife Alicia, are going through a custody battle with Gracie. He was drunk and a complete fucking idiot, please don’t listen to his foul words. They mean nothing.”

“He wasn’t lying though Blake. I am a slut. I almost slept with him for Christ’s sakes. I almost slept with him while I was with you!” I break away from his embrace. “If that’s not a slut, I don’t know what is.”

“Angelica you are
not
a slut! You almost made a mistake, but Jon took advantage of you when the situation presented itself. If anyone is going to be given the title of a slut, it should be him.” He grasps my shoulders and makes me look at him. “Do you understand me, Angelica? You are
not
a slut and I won’t have you call yourself that again.”

“I’m not as innocent as you’re making me out to be Blake. I willingly went to his club. That was my decision.” I lay my head on his chest.

“Angelica, stop, please. Let’s get you home.”

He opens the front door for me and I get in. He strides over to the driver’s side and we head off to my house. Again, the ride is quiet, no music, no conversation, just the sound of the city. When we get to my house, I don’t wait for Blake to open my door. Instead, I slide out and head straight to my front door. I hear his door shut and his feet walking behind me.

“Is this how we’re going to end our evening, Angelica? You walking away from me?” I pull him to me and wrap my arms around him tightly.

“No Blake, this is not how we’re ending the night. I just want to go inside and change into P.J.’s and go to bed. Will you join me, please?”

“Always Angelica.” He kisses me softly on the lips.

I take him by the hand and he follows me inside the house, he locks the door then we head up to my room. He sits on the bed as I change into pajamas, I don’t hide or walk into the bathroom to change. I’m over all that when it comes to Blake, he’s seen me at my worst, he can handle this. I don’t turn to look at him, just strip off my clothes and change into an oversized T-shirt with nothing but booty panties underneath.

When I turn around to face him, he’s just sitting there looking in awe.

“Enjoy the show?” I jokingly ask him.

“It was a beautiful show to watch. Is this the part where I hold you until you fall asleep?”

Seriously? That’s what he says? I’m sitting here half-naked, we had one hell of a night and all he wants to do is fucking cuddle? I lose my shit. I rush to him; crushing my lips to his. He moans in response at my enthusiasm. Straddling him, I tug his hair while I hold his mouth to mine grinding my pelvis on his now rock hard erection. He flips me so I’m beneath him on the bed, kissing me once hard then he pulls away to take off his clothes. Unlike me, he undresses while locking eyes with me. I can hold his eyes while he takes off his shoes, socks, and pants but when the shirt and boxer briefs come off his eyes are the last place I’m looking.

His stomach is insane. He’s rock hard in all the right places. That sexy V in his lower abdomen is pointing straight to his gorgeous cock. What a gorgeous cock it is. Suddenly, I have the urge to taste him. I scoot off the bed and kneel in front of him. He doesn’t speak, he only watches while I wrap my lips around his larger than life cock. He sucks in a large breath when I take his dick all the way to the back of my throat. I have no gag reflex so it works to my advantage right now. I take almost all of him in my mouth and use my hand to stroke what won’t fit. His breathing is becoming more of a hiss. Starting a steady motion on him, I’m pulling all the way out and licking the tip, I can taste the precum. That’s when I lose my cool. I hate cum in my mouth. I like to think I’m game for some kinky shit, but swallowing is not one of those kinky things. I take him back in my mouth to try and distract myself. Before I can pull him out again, he lifts me by the shoulders and tosses me on the bed. He pulls my panties down my legs then positions himself in-between them. Unlike me, he likes to start slowly, he gingerly puts the tip of his tongue on my clit causing me to jolt and moan in response. He pins my thighs down with his arms then resumes his position. He starts to lick me incessantly and I begin to buck off the bed, but his hold is stronger. I feel my release building up then he moves one arm from my thigh and moves it to his side. I can’t see what he’s doing with his other hand, but I can now feel it. He’s masturbating while he’s eating me out. It’s the most erotic feeling in the world. Now we’re both moaning, only his moans are being muffled by my pussy. That’s all it takes, that single act and I’m coming, screaming his name while my release drags out thanks to his magical tongue. He crawls up my body, kissing his way up. He detours at my breasts, aggressively sucking each one. I hear a tear and I know he’s keeping my body wound up while he puts on a condom. Once it’s on, he kisses my neck at the same time he gently slides his dick into me.