A Life Without Fear (Life #2) (3 page)

“You don’t have to apologize, Blake.”

“Neither do you, okay?” He grasps my hands and pulls me up then wraps his arms around my waist and holds me. Wrapping my arms around his, I rest my head on his chest. I don’t know how long we stand like this, but it isn’t long enough. The simple act of resting on his chest and being held is soothing. He lifts my chin to meet his gaze. “I should get going, it’s getting late and you need your rest. Can I take you out for dinner tomorrow?” I simply smile and nod. “Thank you.” He smiles down at me then places his lips ever so gently on mine. The kiss is short and sweet. He takes my hand and we make our way to the front door. After another quick peck, he sees himself out. I lock up and head to my room.

Today’s been mentally and emotionally exhausting. I need to get some rest because tomorrow I’ll call Bill. I’m going to need all the strength I can gather to tell my boss why I reacted the way I did.

I was walking through the office and there was no one there. Silence was all that greets me. A noise coming from down the hall had me heading in that direction.  A man walked briskly into the conference room.

“Hello?” I yelled but received no response. I turned the corner into the room and the door slammed behind me. Turning to see who closed it, I was pushed from behind and slammed into the door.

“You will never get away from me.”

Waking with a gasp and startled, I sit up and see I’m in my room with Rodger at my side. He starts pacing my bed, evidently worried about my behavior. After a few calming breaths, I rub his back and reassure him I’m fine. I hear talking coming from downstairs, so I hurry through my morning bathroom routine and head downstairs.

The heavenly smell of coffee greets me.

“Good morning,” I greet walking into the kitchen.

“Good morning, sweet girl. Come give me a morning hug.” Smiling at Betty, I hurry into her waiting arms. “I have coffee ready and waiting for you. Would you like some eggs and toast?”

“You don’t have to do that Betty, I can make my own breakfast.”

“Oh shush now. Go on and fix your coffee and I’ll start on the eggs.” There really is no arguing with her, so I do as she says.

“Where’s Granddad?” Looking at the clock, it’s only 6:00 a.m.

“He had a few appointments he had to get to and should be back by lunch. He wants you to stay home today. He’s already spoken to your boss.” My jaw drops. “He told him what he needed to know and nothing more. Don’t fault him, Angelica, he’s only doing what he thinks is in your best interest.”

“But it should have come from me, Betty. I should’ve been the one to explain my actions. I feel like a child.” Crossing my arms on the counter, I rest my head, now acting like one.

“Angelica, it’s done no need to fuss over it. You’re not a child.” She turns from the stove and places a plate of eggs in front of me. As she heads to the toaster, she stops and looks at me. “Speaking of childish acts, I want you to understand something child of mine. What you did was unacceptable.” Tears sting the back of my eyes and a lump forms in the back of my throat.

This was the reaction I was expecting, this is the reaction I deserve.

“I’m not saying that I don’t understand why you did it because Lord knows that I do, but that doesn’t make it right. Angelica, in life there’s always going to be obstacles that are going to drown you, but you must rise above them. Life’s precious, sweet girl, a gift that’s not given to everyone, never forget that. Every morning that you wake up is a blessing, one that you need to embrace, not try to end. When your sorrow feels so heavy, remember to breathe Angelica. Breathe in the air that keeps you alive and exhale all of the air that’s holding you down.” She smiles softly then continues to the toaster.

I do nothing but stare at her back as she butters the toast. Her words have cut me so deeply, but sweet Jesus she’s right. I don’t deserve her; I don’t deserve the life I live. How could I do something so stupid? Nearly killing myself was my decision and my decision alone. I know why I took those pills—it was to calm my nerves because I
knew
they’d make me feel better. When I felt that they weren’t doing their job, I decided to take more. Then I chose to get piss ass drunk because I wanted to
not
remember.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I even knew at the time that I was fucking up, yet I didn’t stop not even hesitate. For Christ’s sake, I almost fucked Jon! I knew that would happen if I went, and I still walked into that club.

“Angelica, please stop crying.” Looking up at Betty, I hadn’t even realized I was crying.

“Thank you for saying that to me Betty, I needed to hear it.”

“I know you did, sweet child, I know you did.” She comes around the bar and hugs me tightly. “Now that you’ve ruined these eggs by crying into them, why don’t you take the toast and your coffee and head to the backyard to let Rodger roam?” Grabbing the toast from her, I reach for my coffee cup. Rodger is already by the back door waiting.

Sitting in one of my lounge chairs, I sip my coffee. How does one come back from such an incident? Do I pretend it never happened? Do I explain myself and hope people have compassion? Do I move to a different city? Who the fuck am I kidding, I’m never leaving the city, I love this place. I need to put on my big girl panties and own up to my mistakes. Apologies are in order. Proving myself has never been more important to me. Everyone needs to know that this was a one-time crisis and that it’ll never happen again. How will I do that? Who knows, but I’ll figure it out.

Playing fetch with Rodger for a while, I drink my coffee while nibbling on toast. Rodger is antsy so I decide to take him for a run, thinking it will be good for the both of us. We head back inside together; Betty is nowhere to be found, so I wash my dishes then head up to my room to change. Quickly changing into my running clothes, I go in search of Betty finding her in the library reading a book.

“Hey Betty, I’m going to take Rodger for a short run. I’ll stop if I feel off, okay?” I reassure her before she gives me the death stare.

“All right, sweet girl, be safe.”

Rodger is excitedly panting by the front door. I put his leash on him then head out not asking him, I chose to go to the right. We’ll only do two miles this time, knowing I’ll regret it if I try to do more. We hit our stride quickly and it feels great. The burning in my lungs, the air on my face, feels great. Darius Rucker is singing ‘
Homegrown Honey’
in my ears. At the one mile mark, we turn around and head back home. Feeling my legs burning already; I need to slowly ease back into my routine. It’s the beginning of the Christmas season and people are starting to decorate. I love this time of year—the decorations and the music, I adore it all. The sights make the run that much better. Once we arrive home, I let Rodger off his leash and head into the kitchen for some water. The kitchen is empty, as is the dining room and living room. Heading back up to the library to let Betty know I’m home I hear my granddad’s voice as I get closer. Tapping lightly on the open door before I walk in, my granddad smiles at me.

“How was your run darlin’?”

“It was nice Granddad, how were your meetings?” I look at him eagerly knowing they concerned me.

“They went well. Why don’t you have a seat and we can discuss a few things.” Nodding while I walk in and sit in the adjacent recliner across from them on the couch. “Right, I spoke with my Lawyer today and we went over the contract we had Edward sign many years ago. In that contract, it stated that he was never to make contact with you in any way shape or form, should he break that clause we would have him arrested.” Trying not to cry, I continue staring at them both. I want to be strong for once in my God damn life, I’m sick of crying. “Well, given what he pulled I’ve had him arrested.”

My heart stops, could this be it? Could this be the end of always looking over my shoulder? Always wondering if and when he will show up and try to fuck with me. Is that now a thing of the past?
Feeling my eyes water, I refuse to cry.

“The police found him quickly….” He lingers on that last word, what’s he not telling me? As if sensing my question he looks at Betty then back to me. “He was staying with your mother, Angelica.”

I’m on my feet in the blink of an eye, my hand covering my mouth. No, just no. How could she? How could that God damn woman let that disgusting disgrace of a man into her home, my old home? How could she? I start to pace the room. My mind is racing, as is my heart. Suddenly, I want a Xanax. I need help, so I take a few calming breaths before returning to my seat. They both look so sad, I wish there was a way to stop them from looking like that. I detest it.

“We’ll address your mother later. Edward was arrested and booked. The Statute of Limitations has terminated for what he did to you in the past and, therefore, there is no cause for arrest. So I’ve had him arrested for fraud and money laundering.”

Now I’m completely lost.

“You see, I don’t trust your mother, not in the slightest. So I’ve always watched her closely, every aspect of her life. One of the things that was rather easy to monitor was her bank account, seeing as I’m the one constantly depositing into it. Well, a few years back I noticed large lump sums being transferred to a business account. After some digging, I found that Edward had created a fictitious business and was not only asking your mother for money, he was siphoning money from the account in slow, small withdrawals. He knew as well as I did that she never checks her accounts, she has no reason to. What Edward failed to take into consideration was the account was in my name, so in essence he’s been stealing from me.”

Good God, I knew my grandfather was a smart man but this is beyond me. “I knew what had been going on for a while, but I let it continue knowing I’d be able to have him arrested with one call to the authorities. But I needed to ensure it was more of an insurance policy that I had over his head in case he decided to try to harass you again. I was well aware that the Statute of Limitations had passed, so I needed to ensure I had something else to get him on. I won’t bore you with the details, but suffice to say he’s now in jail. He’ll be in jail for a long time—I’ll make sure of it.”

The breath that I didn’t know I was holding releases in one long, loud sigh. I’m at a loss for words. Knowing I have a lot of questions in my head somewhere, I can’t seem to voice them.

“Wow! Just wow! How could she?” The sobs wrack my body and I slump onto the floor. Betty and my granddad rush to my side. I just can’t get over the fact that he did that, but more importantly how could
she
let him stay with her? They both hold me tightly while sobs wrack through my body, not letting go until the tears have eased.

“Sweet child, no one knows why anyone acts the way they do. We need not focus on her and focus on ourselves. Let’s get you back healthy, her demons are her own.” I nod my head in agreement. She’s right, I’ve never understood why my mother is the way she is, and I never will. The time has come for me to stop focusing on her and start focusing on myself. She hasn’t been my mother in a very long time—if ever.

“You’re right, Betty. Now if you’ll both excuse me, I’m going to hop in the shower.” Without waiting for a response, I stand and head up to my room.

Heading straight for the shower and turning on my stereo, I start to undress. Snow Patrol is singing about forgetting the world, such a pleasant concept. Hopping into the shower, I stand under the hot stream of water that is flowing down my body, calming me. Regardless of the relationship I have with my mother, I’ve never stopped dreaming that one day we’d find that bond that would hold us together. The one that would turn our relationship into a loving mother and daughter. It’s a childish dream I know, but that idea never stopped me from having it. Sometimes things just aren’t in the cards for you; it’s something I need to learn and to accept. Once finished, I change into some plain jeans and a white top. I’m sitting on a stool in my bathroom when I hear feet pad into the room, and notice Betty in the mirror. She walks right into the bathroom and searches the drawers until she finds my blow-dryer. Grabbing the brush she starts drying my hair. It’s such a mundane task, such a chore I carry out almost daily but having someone else blow dry my hair feels special. In a comfortable silence, Betty dries my hair to her liking then pulls it into a French braid. Feeling like a child again, I love the feeling, though. Once she’s finished, I turn and give her a big hug and then we head down to the stairs together. My granddad is in the backyard playing with Rodger.

“How much longer are you guys here, Betty?”

“Sick of us already?”

“Ha, never!”

“Probably tonight or early tomorrow morning. Your granddad doesn’t like to be away from the ranch for too long. If you’d like, I could stay with you for a few extra days.”

“Betty, I’ll be fine. Plus, we both know if you don’t go back with Granddad he may very well starve to death.” We both break into hysterical laughter.

“Child you are so right!” She walks past me and into my pantry. “Looks to me like you have everything we need to make a pumpkin pie. It’ll have to be can, but it’ll still be delicious. What do you say?”

“I say I’ll call Joey to pick up some whipped cream!”

“Good answer.” Shooting Joey a quick text, I help Betty obtain all the ingredients ready to make our pie.