A Little Bit of Crazy (Little Bits) (27 page)

     “I hate you,” I sob through my orgasm and I mean it. My love for him is stronger than before but so is my hate. It burns within me like a never ending passion. I want to hurt him, yet love him and comfort him all at the same time. “I fucking hate you.”

      “Don’t say that baby,” he says and buries his face in my neck. “I’ll do anything.” I lower my legs and stumble into the bathroom to clean myself. “Please, Maya. Come to bed.”

     “It’s over,” my voice cracks and the tears fall again. I hate crying, I feel so damn stupid. “I hate you.”

     He reaches for me but I
bat him away with my hand, “I messed up. Really bad. I know this.”

    “I can’t go back now James. I can’t reverse this pain.”

    He gulps, his strong throat bobbing. “You love me. I love you. We can start again.”

     “No we can’t.”

     “We can!”

     I glare at him. My anger now my biggest emotion. “You broke me James! I love you dammit. I fucking love you. Christ I’m in love with you! No matter how hard I try to
convince myself I’m not… I am. Too much. It hurts, so bad. I… I don’t know how to move on from this.” My head shakes frantically. “I can’t look at you.”

     “So why’d you fuck me? Why’d you come here?”

     “To say goodbye.”

     His face contorts in pain and a single tear slips down his cheek. It hurts even more to see him as broken as I feel. “I love you. Take a couple of weeks but don’t divorce me. Not yet.”

     “Goodbye James,” I say and step past him to the door. “Goodbye.”

     “No,” he panics and grabs me around the waist. “Not happening. We can work through this. We’re strong, a great couple.”

     I tug his hands free and pull on the door. Cursing when the lock resists. When I finally manage to get it open I step into the hall and press the elevator button. He follows me out but I don’t look back, I ignore his pleas, his apologies for fear I’ll stay.

    “Take care of yourself,” I sniff.

     Two weeks ago I walked out on my husband. Two weeks ago I left my heart behind. Two weeks ago the flowers, the cards, the calls, the texts, the emails began. So two days ago I packed up my office and left it in the capable hands of a man called Oliver. LA here I come. I’ve decided to handle the offices down here for a while, until James gets it into his thick head that we aren’t together anymore.

     News of our divorce hit the gossip
mags and news a few days ago. I’m shocked at the fact James told the truth, told them what he did as they were ripping me to shreds. He told them to print how sorry he was and how much he misses me. My leaving will be a huge shock to him. He doesn’t know yet.

     “Hey you,” Jacob smiles and wraps me in his arms tight. “How you doing?”

     “My life sucks,” I sigh and pad into his kitchen. I arrived a few hours ago, I’m crashing with the star until I can find a decent residence near the beach. “I have to call him. Maybe I’ll text him.”

     “Yeah, I’d say text him,” he throws his jacket over the back of a chair and leans his elbows on the counter. “Sorry I couldn’t be here when you got in.” I wave him off and pour my third coffee. “Like my house?”

     I nod and look around, “It’s great. Very homely. I half expected some kind of tacky bachelor pad with a pole and a bar in the living room.”

     He grins and wags his eyebrows, “Was you looking forward to a bit of a pole dance?”

     “Fuck yeah I was.”

     “You serious?”

     “Yeah,” I keep my face straight and shrug. “No one can pole dance like me.”

     “I… I can buy one.”

     I roll my eyes and throw a tea towel at him, “Heartbroken here. Friend equals you right now. Let’s get drunk and have wild animal sex.”

     His mouth drops open but turns into a scowl when I grin mischievously, revealing my tease immediately. He walks away whilst pretending adjusting himself. “I’ll leave you to text, call or email your ex.”

     “Yeah,” Dammit, now I remember, I have to call him.

     The phone only rings once before it’s answered, “Hey.” James voice rips through me and I find myself clutching my stomach. “Baby.”

     “Yeah, you’ve said,” I sigh hating the quiver in my voice. “James?”

     “Yeah?” he sounds hopeful.

     “I’ve left.”

     He clears his throat, his voice now tight. “The office?”

     “No, the continent.”

     “When are you going to be back? Are you taking a break?”

     I shake my head even though he can’t see and push down the ache and nausea. “No. I’ve transferred to LA. There’s a guy called Oliver taking over my office. He’s good, we’ve traded places.”

     All I get is silence and heavy breathing. A minute later Jacob walks back in and rubs my back, clearly seeing the hurt in my eyes.

     “Are you there?” I ask.

     “When are you coming back?”

     I choke, “I’m not James.” Deep breath.

     “Here,” Jacob says and holds out a tumbler of whiskey. I take it with a thanks and hear something smash on James’ end.

     “Who the fuck was that?” he shouts as I sip my drink. “Are you… seeing someone? It’s been two weeks Maya!”

     “It’s Jacob. I’m staying with him until I can get a decent place.” No idea why I’m panicking over the thought of him thinking I’m seeing someone. Maybe I just don’t want to hurt him more than I have.

     Something else smashes and I hear him curse, it’s muffled so I know he’s covering the receiver. “I’m coming to get you Maya. Don’t do this… don’t leave.”

     I hate the begging tone in his voice, every time he pleads in that voice I come a little bit closer to forgiving him. Something I most definitely can’t do, I can’t be that woman, the one everyone knows and has in their life, the one where the man does whatever the fuck he wants and she lets him. “I have to go.”

     “Why are you doing this? If you want me to stop pestering you, I’ll stop. I promise. Anything you want baby I’ll do it. Just don’t leave me when I need you.”

     “I have to go.”

     “Maya…” he warns but I hang up.

     It’s only two seconds before he calls again, I ignore it. He calls again and again and sends texts, leaves messages for the next half an hour until Jacob grabs my phone and switches it off. “Want to go out for dinner?”

     I shake my head, “No. I’m going to sulk in my bedroom.”

     “Dinner it is,” he grins and grabs my elbow. “Want to order in?”

     “I want to sulk.”

     “Chinese it is. Want ice cream and chocolate?” he starts typing furiously on his phone.

     “I want ice cream and chocolate while I sulk.”

     Ignoring me yet again he pushes me onto the couch and sits beside me, “Want to have sex?”

     “For once in my life I don’t,” the feeling is foreign to me.

     “Ok, Chinese, ice cream, chocolate and then sex.” He turns the TV on. “And a couple of horror movies.”

     “Can I not just go and sulk?”

     “
Oooh, this looks good.” He rents some new horror flick with a lot of gore.

     Eye roll. “You’re an ignorant ass.”

     “Shut up and watch the movie,” he chuckles and pulls me into his side. “See, that’s not so hard is it.”

     “I’ve changed my mind.”

     “You want sex?” he grins mischievously. I respond by slapping him and groaning, “No. I’ve changed my mind on my top three most annoying men. You just booted Lucas to three and are second. Closely rivaling James for the number one spot.”

     “Have sex with me and I’ll be your number one in that area,” he winks making me laugh out loud. Man it feels good to laugh. He’s joking, I think we are now plutonic, I’m not actually sure whether we are attracted to each other in that way or not. We have an easy going friendship and are both quite alike. “How is Lucas and Amelia?”

     “They’re great, James took them off my account and put them on his much to my annoyance. I’m sending for them both soon. Lucas now has a job with James and James’ mother still doesn’t know. James probably isn’t sure how she’ll react.”

     “You’d think she’d be happy.”

     “That’s what I think. She may be a bitch at times but she loves her boy. You know? She’ll be happy he has the family he’s never really had. Not to mention how bad she’ll spoil Amelia.”

     “Yeah, I know.”

     “Anyway,” I yawn and stretch before tucking my legs under me. “Let’s watch this shitty movie. Is dinner coming?”

     “I know something that’ll be coming in a moment,” his fingers walk down my ribs before slipping under the waist band of my shorts. I smack his hand away and we both laugh together, that is until some dude’s head gets ripped off and I almost hurl. It’s a nice distraction from my morbid thoughts.

     I don’t switch my phone on until the next morning and instantly delete all of my messages from you know who. Oliver calls me and emails me a lot, still getting into the swing of things. He also tells me that James told him to tell me that he loves me so much and misses me and we belong together… I told him to tell James to stop harassing him at work. James responds by calling me endlessly. I get so pissed off and morbid I warn him with a number change.

     “Lucas,” I say and answer the phone. “How’s everything?”

     “Great thanks,” Lucas replies and sighs. “James is a mess. He genuinely thought you’d go back to him. He showed up last night pissed as a fart. Talk to him.”

     “I have talked to him.”

     “And?”

     “He wouldn’t drop it.”

     “Ok?”

     “He needs to move on. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

     “Is that her, is she there?” I hear James’ frantic voice followed by Lucas’ huff. There’s a scuffle, Lucas swear and shouts, “Sorry.” “Baby, it’s me,” James says and sniffs. “I really need you to come home now.”

     “He’s drunk again,” Lucas shouts. “And crying like a baby.”

     “Why are you drinking?” I ask softly.

     “Are you leaving me for Jacob? Do you want him?” his voice is a barely audible slur.

     “I’m not looking for a relationship James.”

     “You lying. You said you were going to fuck him. I deserve it… if you fucked him, I still want you. And your babies and you. I want you. So much. Come home. To me, and let’s have babies and get remarried and shit.”

     “How romantic,” I hear Lucas laugh and there’s another scuffle.

     “No!” James shouts like a child. “I’m talking to her. I’ll sing to her. She’ll like that…” Ummm… not too sure about the last one. “Baby. I need you here. With me.”

     “I’ll be coming back in a few weeks. I have things to sort out. We can talk then. Settle the business side of things. And the divorce.”

     “I miss your pussy baby. So fucking bad.”

     “Ok, let’s stop talking.” There’s a bang, a scuffle, a few grunts and then heavy panting.

     “I got it,” Lucas sighs and clears his throat. “Yeah, he’s just passed out.”

     “I’m so sorry Lucas.” I rest my forehead on the counter.

     “I don’t know what to do about him Maya. He’s a wreck.”

     “Everything ok?” Jacob pops his head around the door.

     “Who’s that?” Lucas growls and I swear I just heard his phone crack. With an eye roll I nod to Jacob and reply, “I’m on the phone to Lucas. Lucas that’s Jacob. I’m crashing at his until I can find a decent home. Better than being alone in a hotel.”

     “Can’t you come back here? Amelia will miss you.”

     “I’ll send for you both when I get my own place. It’ll be on the beach. Amelia will love it.”

     “It’s not the same.”

     “Don’t pull a James, please Lucas. I need this.”

     “Yeah, I’m sorry. I just feel like you’re running away.”

     I giggle, “Nope, not running. Just escaping. Giving us all time to breathe and move forward.”

     “Hurry up,” Jacob grins and holds up a bag of pretzels. “The game’s starting.”

     “Your boyfriend’s calling for you.”

     “Mature Lucas, real mature.”

     “Sigh.”

     “I’ll talk to you tomorrow or something.”

     “Yeah,” he says quietly and I can just imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose, James fashion. “Take care of yourself ok.” I nod and hang up even though he can’t see me.