A Little Bit of Déjà Vu (35 page)

“I tried to.” Maggie rested her hand on the nape of his neck. “I was so upset and groggy from the sedative the doctor had given me I didn’t realize you’d gotten the wrong impression until after you’d hung up. I planned to call you back in the morning and explain after my head was clearer. But by the time I woke up, my mom had thrown out your phone number and the garbage truck was just pulling away from my house.”

He closed his eyes. “She knew it was unlisted?”

“I don’t know. Maybe not. But at the time, I believed she did. So I wrote you that letter explaining it all and telling you I still wanted to marry you. After I got the postcard back and didn’t hear from you, I left home. I couldn’t live with my mother after what she’d done. Since I found out I’m going to be a grandmother, I’ve begun to realize how unfair I’ve been to my mom.”

Apparently she had been harboring the same kind of bitterness toward Katherine that he’d carried for Maggie all these years.

He straightened up and turned to gaze into her eyes. “I know what your mother did was inexcusable, but you need to forgive her, if only for your own peace and happiness. Regardless of how wrong it was, I’m sure Katherine believed she was doing the right thing for you. In her own sick way, she loved you.”

Pulling Maggie to his chest, he buried his face in her hair. “It’s all ancient history. Something we’re better off forgetting. So please, just marry me now and have my baby.”

She shoved him away and opened the car door. “No. The reason I told you there wouldn’t be a baby by next week is because I’ll probably miscarry.”

“Why would you assume that?”

“Because Dan and I were very lucky to have Emma. I’ve been pregnant numerous times, four that I’m sure of, since she was born. I lost every baby. The doctor said it was possible there was some genetic abnormality.”

When she slammed the sports car’s door and strode toward her porch, he scrambled out of the car and raced after her. “Maggie, I want to marry you regardless. Maybe we’ll have a perfectly healthy baby.”

“Absolutely not.” She unlocked the door and opened it. “I’m not stupid enough to agree to a loveless marriage again simply because I’m pregnant. Be honest. If Alex hadn’t been in love, would you have wanted him to marry Emma just because she was having his child?”

Jake didn’t need to be hit over the head. She couldn’t have said any plainer she didn’t love him.

Except—when they made love, the look in her eyes and her touch said she did.

Damn it. Maybe everything he’d said about male and females’ expressions of love was pure crap. Apparently, the intimacy they’d shared must have been meaningless sex for Maggie.

Pursing his lips, he shook his head. “No, if my son hadn’t loved your daughter, I would’ve moved heaven and earth to keep him from marrying her.”

“There you go.” She stepped inside the doorway. “If a miracle happens and I manage to carry this baby to term, I’ll raise it by myself.”

“Like hell! That baby is just as much mine as it is yours.”

“Considering the probable outcome, this is a pointless discussion. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m tired, and I feel sick. I’m going to bed.”

He could sleep for a year. “If you let me come to bed and hold you,” he said, lifting his eyebrows in a hopeful arch, “we’ll both sleep a lot better.”

The door slammed in his face.

Way to go, Ass
. Maybe if he’d offered her a backrub....

~~~

The phone’s call light flashed at Margie after she let herself into the house. She pressed the play button and the computerized voice told her she had one message.

“Hey, Margie, it’s Louise. I hope the dust has finally settled after what happened at the board meeting. Your son-in-law was quite eloquent in his defense of his dad. I just wanted to let you know I presented your funding request to the board for the parents’ book club.

Bless, Louise. Margie figured after she’d run out of the meeting with Emma, her mission would have a major setback.

“Naturally that jerk, Carmichael, tried to shoot it down. But after making such a fool of himself  trying to ruin Jake, the rest of the board was determined to do the opposite of anything the idiot recommended. So you have your book club. Now all we need are some eager parents. Talk to you later this week.”

At least something had gone right. Margie heaved a satisfied sigh as she crawled into bed fully clothed. She was too tired to even undress.

Despite her exhaustion, ten minutes later she was still tossing and turning, repeatedly fluffing her pillow while she mentally replayed everything Jake had said that evening. After hearing him explain men’s ability to disassociate love from sex, she could almost feel sorry for them.
But not quite
. It sounded too much like justification for sleeping with her when he still cared for Roxanne.

As for Katherine doing what she thought was best—in her heart, Margie knew he was right. Her mother had known Jake didn’t love Margie, and Katherine had done exactly what he said he would’ve in the same situation. Katherine had
moved heaven and earth
to try to keep Margie from ruining her life.

He’d once said perfect parents didn’t exist. In the last month, Emma had revealed plenty she would’ve improved on in Margie. She’d made it clear she thought Margie should’ve shown more backbone with Dan. Her daughter would’ve been thrilled if Margie had put up a fight about moving every few years. Not to mention, Emma resented not knowing her grandmother—a woman who’d had a lot more spine than Margie ever had.

If nothing else, her mother had been a woman of conviction.

Emma had always been a lot like Margie. It’d only been since Jake had been in her daughter’s life that the child had begun to show some spunk—like her grandma.

Margie smiled, remembering how adamant Emma was about saving her baby even if it cost her life. Her daughter was far stronger and more self-possessed than she’d been at her age. Her little girl was going to do all right, no matter what life handed her.

For nineteen years, Margie had been punishing her mother, telling herself that, since Katherine hadn’t wanted her first grandchild, she didn’t deserve a relationship with Emma, either. She’d insisted a good mother couldn’t treat her child the way Katherine had treated her.

But what was her mother really guilty of? Worrying when Margie was sick? Working extra shifts as a nurse to put a roof over her child’s head? Wanting her daughter to have the successful career as a doctor that Katherine regretted not having herself? And when Margie was in trouble and her future happiness was in jeopardy—
loving her enough to hurt her
?

Jake was right. She’d never be at peace if she didn’t let her bitterness go as well as her guilt. All these years, she’d been directing her resentment at her mom, when deep down, she’d been beating herself up for not standing up to Katherine and for not having more courage and self-confidence. It wasn’t her mom Margie was so pissed off at. It was herself.

As for her notion of what a good mother would do, she couldn’t claim to be blameless. She’d simply made different mistakes than Katherine had.

What about being a good daughter? A
good
daughter would forgive her mother for doing what she thought was best for her child. And a
good
daughter wouldn’t waste another moment before asking her mother to be a part of her life again.

She rolled over and dragged the phone off the night table and dialed the phone number Barbara had insisted on putting in her directory. Margie nearly hung up, but her mother’s voice stopped her. She sounded....
old
.

“Mom?” she choked out. “It’s Margie.”

“Margaret?” Katherine gasped. “Oh, my goodness.”

“Nobody calls me Margaret nowadays,” Margie explained. In fact, she didn’t even feel like
Margie
any longer.

Deep down, she’d loved the nickname Jake had given her nineteen years ago and had forsaken it the day he’d rejected her to marry Roxanne. If she really wanted to let go of her bitterness, she needed to reclaim the name her resentment had compelled her to discard.

“Please—call me Maggie instead.”

“Okay.” Katherine sniffled. “Maggie. You don’t know how I’ve prayed one day you would call.”

“A lot’s happened in my life recently that’s made me think about our relationship.”

“I know. Aunt Dorothy told me about Emma and showed me the wedding pictures you sent to her. She’s beautiful.”

Maggie squashed the urge to tell her mother her granddaughter was no more beautiful than Jake’s baby would’ve been. She was forgiving her mom and letting go of the past.

“I suppose she also told you who Em’s father-in-law is?”

“Yes,” Katherine admitted, a chill creeping into her voice.

“You may still bear a grudge against Jake, Mom.” Probably because he was one of the few people who’d ever stood up to Katherine. “But you should know he’s the one who convinced me I was wrong to cut you out of my life. I’m sorry.”

“No, Sweetheart, I’m the one who needs forgiving. I had no right to make the decision for you that I did. And I guess I owe Jake an apology as well.”

“Regardless, it still wasn’t fair to deny my daughter the chance to know her grandma. I’d like to change that. I’d love for you to visit us.”

“Thank you. I don’t know if I deserve a second chance, but I would love to put the past behind us.”

So would she. Just as long as her mother didn’t screech with laughter when and if Maggie had to confess she’d stupidly let Jake get her pregnant—
again
.

Chapter 19

Much to Alex’s distress, Emma was released from the hospital on Saturday morning and sentenced to partial bed rest until further notice—meaning her feet were only allowed to touch the floor while she ate her meals and showered.

During the drive home, every time she so much as sighed, fear paralyzed his chest, and he had to fight the temptation to turn the Explorer right back toward the hospital.

Shortly after they arrived home, his mother-in-law showed up and fussed over Emma all afternoon. She took her blood pressure every two hours in between helping his dad proofread the introduction to his dissertation and cooking dinner for them all.

Alex camped out on the family room sofa in front of the television and held Emma, watching her as if she might self-destruct if he took his eyes off her. He just wanted everyone to go away, so he could punch something and relieve some of the tension cramping his shoulders.

By eight o’clock that evening, he’d finally had enough and flipped off the remote. “Mom, I appreciate all your TLC, but Em and I need some time alone. We’re gonna say goodnight.”

“Don’t apologize. I should get going anyway.” Maggie headed for the door as if she had a demon chasing her.

Jake grabbed her hand. “Come for breakfast tomorrow, and you and I can go to church together afterward.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Your daughter needs you right now.” He smiled at Emma with a pleading look in his eyes. “Don’t you, Em?”

Emma’s gaze bounced between them. “Yes, Dad, Alex and I need both of you.”

Maggie sighed and pressed a kiss to Emma’s forehead. “Okay, I’ll be here at eight.”

Alex led Emma to their room, closed the door, and sank onto the bed with her. “I guess, since you went along with my dad’s emotional blackmail, you’re okay with him getting involved with your mom.”

“I guess.” She shrugged. “I think he really loves my mother, and I realized he cares a lot about me, too.”

He nodded and bit his lip. The only thing they’d talked about for two days was their baby. He needed to hear Emma say she’d forgiven him. “Angel, what about us?”

“What do you mean? What about us?”

“Do you still want to stay married to me?”

Her lower lip trembled. “You don’t want me to?”

“No! I mean,
yes
, I want you to. I don’t ever want you to leave me. I just don’t know if you can forgive me.”

She scooted into his lap and wound her arms around his neck. “I already have, Alex. Your dad helped me see you weren’t in love with me when Brandy pushed herself on you. I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me what she did.”

“Because I was afraid you’d think I wanted her. I didn’t—don’t. I swear. I need you to believe me when I tell you I love you—and only you.”

“That’s hard sometimes, Alex. You could have any girl you want. I’m always amazed you chose me.”

“But I feel the same way about you. You’re the only girl I ever met who didn’t care my last name is Manion or that I was the school’s quarterback and had a hot car. No other girl ever listened to me the way you do.” He crushed her mouth under his.

She slid off him onto the mattress and unzipped his fly. “I probably shouldn’t have sex until after I ask Dr. Brennan about it, but I don’t think doing it with my mouth could hurt anything.”

God forgive him, he’d love to let her. But he didn’t want Emma to ever think what they did in bed would impact his love for her. “No, Em,” he whispered. “All I want is for you to let me undress you and hold you.”

She smiled and flipped off the light. “I love you, Alex.”

“Angel?” He pulled her blouse over her head in the dark and unhooked her bra. “When are you going to finally let me see you naked?”

“Umm—maybe when your body isn’t more beautiful than mine.”

“Em.”

“Alex, you don’t understand. My breasts aren’t....”

“Aren’t what?”

“Normal. They’re—uhh....different sizes.”

That’s what all her shyness was about?

“So? You don’t think I know that? It’s one of the things I love about you. You’re like a variety pack.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You don’t get it, Angel.” He laughed and licked her nipple. “Most guys need two women to get the kind of choice I have with you. When I want just a mouthful, I simply play to the right. When I’m in the mood for a handful, I go to the left. I consider myself a very lucky man.”

She tickled him in the rib. “And that’s why I love you.”