A Little Broken (11 page)

She placed it delicately on the sink, staring at it as she dressed in the clothes Dominick had thoughtfully provided for her. Her heart was full, so many emotions swirling in it that she was almost in a daze. She had seen the colors of the bracelet before – they were a common indicator of SIDS awareness. What Jessie couldn’t fathom was how he could have picked one up in the short amount of time he was gone. He had said he’d had to run out anyway, but she hadn’t known he meant to run out for things for her, and especially not on a run to find something like this. Perching on the closed toilet lid, she picked the bracelet back up, turning it to look at it from all angles. It was beautiful to her, a thoughtful piece of silent support and…hope. Her vision blurred as she clutched it to her heart, then slipped it on her wrist.

A soft knock at the door broke her trance, and Jessie realized she must’ve been sitting there for a while, just staring at the thoughtful token she now wore.

“You ok in there, pretty girl?” Dominick’s voice filtered from outside the door.

“Yeah, I’m good – thanks for the clothes,” she answered as she wiped her eyes.

“Well, I’ll be waiting out front – we have a lot to do today, let’s get to it!” His voice was cheerful, an excited tone creeping out.

Deciding to not make a big deal out of the bracelet, she finished getting ready and left to meet Dominick. While she moved through his apartment, Jessie felt a tinge of anxiety about where he could possibly be taking her, but she squashed it quickly. No, she was going to enjoy this, this time. She could go back to wallowing tomorrow; today, she wanted to be alive.

***

The afternoon seemed to pass in a blur for Jessie. Dominick took her everywhere, bouncing around like a cartoon tiger with springs for feet. His enthusiasm had been contagious and Jessie found herself wide eyed and laughing along with him. Often times she caught him staring at her, and when she’d ask him why, he’d smile, chuck her under the chin, and pull her along in their tour of the city. It was the first day in a long time that every bad thing, every bad memory, seemed to fade for her. She wasn’t seeing ghosts in every corner, and didn’t have time to feel guilty about enjoying the day.

It was around sunset when Dominick pulled into an empty lot. They had just finished eating dinner, and he’d said that there was one more place he had to take her. Jessie looked out her window, looking for a sign or something to let her know where they were now. She saw no indicator close by, but when she looked out the front windshield, she saw sand and beyond that, ocean.

“The beach?” she asked.

“Yep, come on.”

Like he had the entire day, he opened her door, and offered his hand to her. She took it, allowing him to pull her from the seat and followed as he led her to a bench overlooking the water. It was so blue, almost clear in some places, and the smell of the salt in the ocean was much stronger out here than in the city. It was like it was calling to her and she couldn’t help but grin.

“Shoes,” he said, waiving toward her feet. He bent to take his own off, while she followed suit, rolling up the cuff of her pants as she went. When she was finished he took them from her, and pushed gently on her lower back, urging her toward the sand. “Go on,” he encouraged.

Jessie studied his face for a moment, noting the smiling glint in his eye and turned, running toward the majestic sight in front of her.  The second her feet hit the soft, white sand, a childlike giggle bubbled out of her, and she kept moving toward the water. The surf was cool on her bare feet and the sand was firm, having hardened under the weight of the water. She waded out, ankle deep, and turned, spotting Dominick leaning against his car, watching her. Waving, she smiled and spun, trying to take it all in.

As far as Jessie could see in front of her was water; to the sides there was an endless expanse of white sand. Out here, in the dimming light of yellow, pink, and purples, it was like a new world. Arms encircled her from behind and she leaned back, resting her head against Dominick’s chest, letting out a long sigh.

“This,” Jessie motioned around her, “is magical. It’s like…there’s a whole other world out there. It seems to go on forever.”

“It seems to. I like to think that the ocean has no memory. See how the surf rolls in, and goes back out? I always think that it is erasing what came before it, you know?” His voice was serious as he buried his face in her hair, tightening his grip around her waist.

She rested her hand on his, taking it all in as the water created a rhythm around them, almost a song. Closing her eyes, Jessie could swear that she almost heard music – a gentle, peaceful melody, promising things that she had lost all hope in. Dominick turned her to face him, moved his hands, and placed her arms around his neck. She laced her fingers, allowing him to lead her through the surf, moving them to the rhythm of the water. His eyes locked with hers, and the emotion and thoughts flashing across them was almost too bare for her to handle. She could plainly see his longing, desire, and something she was too scared to even give name to.
He couldn’t possibly, anyway
. Blocking her thoughts, unwilling to let them have any influence on this moment between them, she allowed her body to melt against him, completely trusting him to lead them in this dance.

Dominick placed a soft kiss on her forehead, before grabbing one of her hands and abruptly spinning her. Startled, she laughed, lost her balance, and stumbled backwards into the surf. He tried to catch her, but in his attempt, tumbled with her to the ground, bracing his hands out to catch himself before landing too hard on her.

As he towered above her, Jessie’s laughter quickly stopped in her throat. The sexual tension between them quickly returned, having been forgotten during the day. Water was soaking through the back of her shirt, her jeans, but she barely registered the spreading coolness. She could only focus on his face, so close to hers, his eyes on her lips. Everything stilled around them, as if the entire world were holding its breath. Jessie relished in the weight of his body against hers, and she stayed as still as possible for fear of breaking the moment. With the next wave of the surf, his eyes flicked up to hers and locked on them as he lowered his head, brushing his lips softly against hers. She couldn’t help arching into him, pressing against him, and pushing for more.

“Jessie,” Dominick whispered against her mouth. Groaning, he kissed her once more before getting to his feet, lifting her as he went. “No.”

Pushing away from him, she felt the tears of rejection threaten her eyes, but held them back – she knew his stand in regards to intimacy between them, and she would have to live with it. That didn’t make his rejection hurt any less, though. Jessie didn’t speak as she made her way back to the car or during the return drive through town, instead focusing on the lights outside her window. Dominick hadn’t even specified where they were going, and when he pulled up outside her condo her vision was watery. Her heart squeezed painfully and all she could think of was getting to her space so she could lock out the world and him, and lick her wounds in privacy. She barely heard his farewell as she hurried from the car and to the hallway leading to her place. Once she was out of his sight, she ran, taking the steps two at a time, rushing to get inside. At the door, it took her four tries to get the key to trip the lock, and she burst inside, her breath ragged.

As she entered, she discovered her sanctuary no longer held any appeal to her. Looking around in the darkness, taking in the small studio space, Jessie realized that this had never been ‘home’ to her. It was just a new place, a new state, for her ghosts. After staying with Dominick the night before, and spending the day with him, it seemed so…sad in this place. She couldn’t believe that just the day before it had been her haven – now she didn’t want to be there at all.

Tears falling freely, she moved to the bathroom, not bothering to turn on a light as she peeled off the ocean-wet clothes as she went and discarded them carelessly on the floor. She turned the water heat on high, and stepped into the shower. Jessie stood unmoving, letting the hot spray wash away her tears, along with the lingering scent of Dominick off her skin.

After what could have been days, the water turned cold and she angrily shut it off. Jessie grabbed a towel, haphazardly dried herself, and walked back into the living space. Confused, she realized a light was on – she’d left it dark, hadn’t she? Her eyes took in the small room, and at the counter of her small kitchen stood Dominick.

Chapter Eighteen

“How…how did you get here?” she stuttered in shock.

“The door,” he murmured, staring at her. It took a moment for her to realize that she was still holding the towel, instead of wearing it. She quickly wrapped it around herself. Dominick shook his head, as if to clear it, and started again. “It was open – I called out, but you didn’t hear me over the running water.”

Jessie glanced around, embarrassment flooding her at the sight of him in her small, pathetic space. It took every ounce of self she had to not start trying to pick things up. The damage had already been done – he’d been here for who knew how long. Besides, it’s not like she had anywhere to put things. The pallet on the living room floor was the only ‘furniture’ in the place other than the built-in appliances in the kitchen. She’d never bothered with buying anything else; no one was ever in her apartment, so there was no use for any of it.

“Ok…why are you here, then?” Jessie’s tone was snarky as she asked, the pain she felt showing through her words.

“I want you, Jessie,” he responded, his voice full of a breathy desperation.

“No, you don’t, Dominick. It’s okay. Really – you don’t have to charge over with a boom-box on your shoulder and serenade me outside the window. I get it. I’m sorry that I’ve pushed you, teased you, or made you feel pressured from guilt. I just can’t help it – you make me feel more alive than I’ve felt in…well… never mind.” Her words came out fast, trying to get her point across before her voice started shaking – before he realized that it really hurt to say these things. He may not want her, but she wanted
him
.

“Jessie, stop talking and listen to me a second.” He moved toward her as he spoke, hands out as if to touch her. “At the beach, your smile…” his voice trailed off for a moment before he took a deep breath and started again. “You were
so
happy that you were radiant…so much so that you put the gorgeous sunset to shame. You were carefree, nothing touched you there. God, Jessie, I can’t believe you think I don’t want you, or worse that you think you’ve pressured me with guilt. How could you even
think
that? Haven’t I shown you that I want you? I’ve made it pretty clear, I thought, that I’ve wanted you since the first time I saw you.”

She closed her eyes as she remembered the peace she felt at their beach, his insistence at getting her to go out with him, but her heart dropped as she remembered his rejection tonight. She opened her mouth to say something, but Dominick interrupted her before she got the chance.

“No, Jessie. You just don’t get it. I
want
you. You’re already
mine
.” He closed the distance between them and pulled her mouth to his. His lips pressed against hers, hard, and he drew his tongue across hers, seeking entrance. She opened to him, their kiss turning into something more, heated. She kissed him back, her face still cradled in his hands, her hands holding his arms for support. He pulled back to look at her, his eyes searching her face as he ran his thumb across her swollen lip.

“Come home with me,” he whispered, their faces close.

“Oh, I don’t know about that, you know. I mean…you said before,” she teased him.

“Screw what I said before. You have two minutes to get dressed, or you’ll be wearing that towel on the drive.” He chuckled and swatted her lightly on the behind. “Less than two minutes now.”

“Yeah, like you would
really
take me out, dripping wet, in a towel. Sure thing, buster,” she called as she pulled random clothing out of a pile on the floor next to her makeshift bed. Dropping her towel, she heard Dominick cough, and glanced over her shoulder to see him trying hard to not look at her bare body. It was her turn to laugh as she threw on a maxi dress, grabbed a brush to run through the wet length of her hair, and turned to him.

“Okay,” she said simply.

He walked to her, taking her hand and tugging her close, kissing her once more. She cursed herself as she melted into him. She could have sworn he had some sort of magic power. All he had to do was kiss her and she turned to putty, maybe worse, possibly complete liquid. They broke apart, both breathing hard, and Dominick laughed again.

“We need to go.”

“Okay, lead on. OH wait, where did you put your boom box?” she teased him, opening the door.

“Mmhmm, laugh on, pretty girl, laugh on.”

She locked the door behind them, and followed Dominick down, his hand comfortingly holding hers. If she were being honest with herself, she was a little nervous to go home with him, but nothing was going to keep her from going. Besides, at this point, he already said it - she was his.

***

The drive to his place seemed to go by ridiculously fast to Jessie. Every minute they got closer to his place, she got more and more nervous, which irritated her. The nerves she felt, though, weren’t the ones she thought she would have. She wasn’t afraid of going to bed with him, or even the intimacy. No, she was nervous about something else completely. It had been a long time since she’d
been
with a man, not counting the night before. Though she’d been married before, she wasn’t what she would consider
experienced.
 She’d only ever been with her husband, he’d been her first love…her first everything. Her first real dose of what she had thought love was. God, she’d been a fool. She felt more for Dominick, in the last few weeks she’d known him, than she ever had for Ryan. Without the buffer of ‘love’ she was afraid she wouldn’t be good enough. How many women had he had? Obviously he was gorgeous and everyone liked him.