A Little Harmless Addiction (12 page)

She filled a cup with water as she thought about the sleeping medication also in her cabinet. She could take it tonight, but it would make it impossible for her to make it to work tomorrow. She needed a good eight hours of sleep before they wore off. And she didn’t want to take something that made it hard to wake up. She didn’t want to exist in that dream.

While staring at the bottles, she tossed the aspirin in her mouth and then drank the water. It was a tiny bit of defiance, or maybe she was trying to test her resolve. She would not succumb to them. Not tonight.

She turned off the light and walked back into her bedroom. A glance at the clock told her she wouldn’t be getting much more sleep, so she went into the kitchen to start coffee.

She waited at the counter and thought about her embarrassing behavior. What the hell had she been thinking? She hadn’t been.

The problem was she felt smothered. Everyone was mothering her, handling her with kid gloves. It had fit her when she was on the drugs. It hadn’t bothered her at all. Hell, she couldn’t feel a damn thing on them. So what was a little overbearing from well-meaning friends? And she had needed it if she were honest with herself. Mike had been a complete ass about the whole thing, and when she had needed someone to lean on he had left. It wasn’t the way she had expected that relationship to work out. In fact, they had talked of marriage, but that had dissolved because of Greg’s behavior. Of course, if there was one thing that came out of what had happened, it was learning what a complete loser Mike had been. He might be considered a celebrity chef, but he was an ass in her book.

But some of her dreams had disappeared when he’d left... They had talked of opening up a restaurant together. She sighed, but that idea was no longer viable. Right now, she didn’t know what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. And that was fine. Even if she had to repeat that phrase a few times.

Mike had tried to mend fences months later after the attack. While she had accepted his apology, she has sent him packing. She didn’t need a man who wouldn’t stand by her when she needed him.

Her coffee machine dinged that it was ready and she filled a cup and walked into the small kitchenette area. The dream might have cropped up because of her behavior. The rush of emotions could have brought on the nightmare that had plagued her after the attack. Or could it be that she was sliding? She waited for the regular panic to fill her, but it didn’t. In fact, the only thing she felt right now was well, being embarrassed as hell.

She closed her eyes and the image of Kai’s expression when she left him standing in the parking lot came to the forefront of her mind. Damn, she had been such a bitch. It hadn’t really been his fault. No, partially it was his fault.

Did she really believe the bullshit that he didn’t come around her because he couldn’t keep his hands off her? She scoffed and took a sip of coffee. As she went over the night in her mind, little things came to mind. His knee kept brushing against hers, and every now and then he’d seemed to lean closer to her. Maybe there had been a little truth in that. He had been beyond aroused when she’d kissed him. She’d felt the long, hard length of him through their layers of clothing.

She sighed. It still didn’t make it right that he was giving her space without telling her, other than the cryptic comments. That pissed her off. Maybe it was because people had been walking on eggshells around her for months. Even before Greg had attacked her, she had become a raving bitch. Hard not to with her boss and mentor hassling her, making her life a living hell. Not to mention Mike accusing her of cheating. She had started to implode and had gone full diva on more than one employee.

With a sigh, she realized she would have to apologize to Kai. It was going to suck, but she would do it. Then, the ball would be in his court.

“Hey, Kai, isn’t that your lady?” Vince said. For the second time in as many days, there was someone waiting for him when they docked. This time it was Jocelyn. Damn, she looked good. She was wearing another halter dress, this one in sunny yellow. It was cut down far enough to give him a fantastic view of the swell of her breasts. He sighed.

“Damn, if you aren’t going to date her, do you mind if I call her?” Tommy asked.

He resisted the urge to break Tommy’s legs and then beat him over the head with an oar. Barely.

“No. You stay away from her or I’ll kill you.”

Tommy said nothing for a second, then, “That’s not like you at all.”

As he walked away, Kai realized his friend was right. From the first day on his boat, he had been territorial about her, and that wasn’t something he did. Even with Keisha, he hadn’t been like this. There was something about Jocelyn that made him want to protect her. It wasn’t because she was weak, or the fact that she had been through a rough patch. No, there was something primitive beating through his blood that urged him to conquer.

She smiled at him as he hopped off the boat.

Mine.

It was the only word that came to mind when he saw her smiling at him, with the sunshine on her and the fresh scent of the ocean surrounding them.

“Hey,” he said. Yeah, he was a Don Juan with the words.

“Hey.”

“I didn’t expect to see you today.”

She made a face. “I came to apologize.”

He wanted to laugh because she sounded so non-apologetic it was funny. But he didn’t.

“For what, pray tell?” he asked innocently.

“I brought you cookies,” she said abruptly.

“Jocelyn.”

She sighed. “I’m sorry I yelled. I guess I am still adjusting to life without meds.”

He nodded. “So those for me?” he asked.

She gave him a small container. “I just wanted you to know I wasn’t really mad at you. I just…I hate the way people tip-toe around me. If you were just taking me out to be nice, I would rather you would be up front.”

“No. I want you. I thought we had established that already.”

She took off her sunglasses. “Then when you think you can handle it, you come to me. I’m not going to chase after a man. I pretty much let you know I wanted you.”

Damn, she was blunt, and if that didn’t make him like her even more. And he wanted to take her back to her place, make slow love, fast crazy love, whatever until they wore themselves out. But he knew that he needed space, they both did.

He leaned forward and he hated the wary look in her eyes. He would do his best to fix that, but he thought a few days might be best.

He gave her a simple kiss, just barely brushing his mouth over hers. When he pulled back, he said, “I will definitely be calling you. Just…I need a few days.”

She nodded. “Maybe we both do. Bye, Kai.”

He watched her walk down the pier to the parking lot to her car. His heart was beating fast, his hands sweating. Shit, all he had done was give her a little kiss. Not much of one.

But it had his body begging to follow her. And that more than anything else scared the hell out of him.

“If you can’t do your job right, then maybe you need to find another one,” Kai said, his irritation with his skipper overriding any better sense.

His crew looked at him like he had grown a second head and Kai knew why. He didn’t threaten to fire people, especially in front of the rest of the crew. He felt, rather than saw the crew drift away as Vince walked toward him.

“Boy, you need to go after that girl.”

“I’m not your boy.”

“Yeah, I thought you were a full-grown man myself. Hard to tell by the way you’ve been behaving the last few days. But I told you a few days ago to go after her. Sitting on your ass isn’t going to get you anywhere.”

Kai looked over the expense reports for the last month and the numbers bled together. “Get off my back.”

“I will if you start running your ship right again. I don’t want you on this ship until you fix your temper.”

Kai tossed an evil smile over his shoulder at Vince. “You’re ordering me off my ship? Are you forgetting I’m the boss?”

“No. But I don’t want to unleash you on the public right now.”

It irritated him. Damn woman. He had told her they needed a few days, and he had given her that. He had never been a man who liked to deal with high-maintenance women, but he had a feeling that Jocelyn was just that. Besides the fact that she liked things her way, she had been through a rough patch. That added to the baggage he wasn’t equipped to handle. In the end, there was a very good chance both of them would end up being hurt.

It didn’t mean he could keep himself from wanting her, and it didn’t mean he liked waiting to make sure it was the right time.

“Listen, if the woman doesn’t want you, then find someone else. Do something, but don’t come back until you get out of the mood you’re in. It has gotten worse every day this week.”

“Okay.”

He turned back to the paperwork and he felt Vince’s gaze on his back. “What?”

“Just want to be sure you won’t show up at the dock in a few minutes.”

“No. Going to finish the paperwork.”

“Well, then…”

“Just go. I’ll kick your ass later.”

The older man chuckled. “As if you could. Later.”

When he was alone, Kai realized just how much of an ass he had been over the last week. He had grown nastier every day. So much so, his crew was barely talking to him, and May had said she disowned him. Evan had taken pity on him and taken him out drinking the night before. There had been more than one willing woman there. Tourists with time on their hands, wanting a good memory of the islands. With each and every one of them he had wanted to snarl. He thought he might have at the last one.

With a sigh, he realized he didn’t have a choice but to go see Jocelyn. It was that or drive himself and everyone he cared about insane. He checked his watch, then decided to call someone who knew Jocelyn’s schedule and would help him out.

Jocelyn finished decorating the cake and stood back to admire it. The cake was simple, just a child’s birthday cake, but it had been fun to start decorating again. She loved everything in baking, but decorating cakes had been a joy she’d had since she was a girl. As she progressed through school, she had realized that not many people had the innate ability to handle cakes. They weren’t hard, but there was a thin line between gorgeous and trashy. Most people didn’t know how to handle it.

“That is so cute,” Cynthia said as she stepped up beside her. “Winnie the Pooh was always one of my favorites.”

Jocelyn nodded. “Mine too. I hope they like it.”

“Are you kidding me, they’ll love it. I think we are going to gain more and more business with you around, especially after my wedding. That is going to get you tons of referrals.”

“I thought it was going to be small.”

Cynthia smiled, her dimples in full force. “It will be, but you are still learning about living here. It is all one little big town. Everyone knows everyone else.”

“May said something like that.”

Cynthia nodded. “By the end of July, you will probably be so booked up I will have to hire another baker.”

“Why don’t you go home and check on Chris.”

While Cynthia’s morning sickness hadn’t been too bad, Chris’s was getting worse. Something that most of the people who worked for him were taking great joy in.

“I think I’ll take you up on that. They already paid and they know to knock on the front door. She should be here in the next thirty minutes.”

Jocelyn shooed her out of the bakery a few minutes later and smiled at the silence. She had been busy since she’d had started working a week ago and she loved it. Every day she was up before the sun rose, but she had spent her afternoons enjoying Hawaii. There was nothing like walking on the beach every day, taking in the scenery, smelling that sweet sea air.

It was more than that. At first, she had issues with personal space. Hawaiians tended to stand closer than some other nationalities, and she had been bringing her pills with her to work, just in case. She did not want to have a breakdown in front of everyone. But she hadn’t needed it. Most of their customers were some of the sweetest people she’d met. They were open and friendly, but not prying as many of her friends back in New Orleans had been.

Jocelyn was bagging the plastic pieces for the cake when she heard a knock at the door. She turned, a smile on her face, and froze. Kai stood there. It had been a week since she had seen him. She walked to the door and unlocked it. “Hey, we’re closed.”

He gave her an odd look. “That’s good because I didn’t come here for the food.”

She felt heat fill her face. “Come on in. I’m waiting for someone to pick up a cake.”

He stepped inside, then around her as if trying not to touch her. It embarrassed her that he was acting like she might jump him if he touched her. Just because it was true didn’t mean she would act on it.

After relocking the door, she turned and found him watching her. Those green eyes hid secrets that she wasn’t sure she would ever know.

“What did you want?”

His lips curved. “I know you have tomorrow off, so I wondered if you were up to a beach day.”

She frowned. “How do you know I’m off tomorrow?”

His cheeks reddened. “I might have called Cynthia.”

For a moment, she couldn’t respond. Seeing a big, strong guy like Kai blush boggled the mind. Then, in the next instant, she realized what he had said.

“Cynthia didn’t say anything to me about it.”

“Yeah, I asked her not to.”

She crossed her arms beneath her breasts. “I meant what I said the other night. I don’t need anyone taking pity on me. I can make my own friends.”

“I don’t remember you saying anything about friends.”

She opened her mouth.

“And neither did the neighbors across the street sitting on their front lanai.”

She covered her face with her hands. “Oh, God.”

“Or my father, who heard through the open window. Not to mention Evan who saw what you did to me in the parking lot of Dupree’s.”

Embarrassment shifted through her. That temper would be the death of her someday. She lowered her hands, but before she could apologize there was a knock at the door. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Mrs. Blakenship who had ordered the cake.