A Little Rain (2 page)

Rob has disappeared and I’m on the landing.  Uh-oh. 
It’s Nanook and Misery, the two big black and white pitbulls who are now in
front of me, barking, going mad, all wet face and jumping, trying to lick me.  I
push one off and the other jumps up.  I think seriously about kicking them both
down the stairs.  Then I‘m toppled over on the floor, bumped on my butt, and trampled
on by the big stinking mutts.  My squawks go unanswered as I cover my face with
my arms trying to scramble to my feet with no hands.  No one comes to my
rescue.  I stagger fast into the nearest room.  As I turn my head to look in,
there are two people on a sofa, both looking at me and two people asleep, one
in a chair, one on the floor.  No Rob.

“Hey, Skit,” one says.  It’s Dean, a local drug dealer.

“Hey...  You see Rob?”  I ask.  He gets up, finally
drawing the snuffly mutts’ attention away from me.  I straighten up and dust
myself down feeling filthy, sticky, drying my hands now covered in dog slobber
on my jeans.  The smell is awful.  I need to wash them.  Then I ask, “Is Ruby
here?” waiting now to get both my questions answered.

“I guess Rob went up.  Ruby’s not here.  Or Jamie.”  
The
Liar Mrs. Diaz
.

“Where is he?”  I say half-relieved, half really
pissed off he’s not here after nearly getting dogged to death.

“I ain’t his keeper.”

“Too bad you’re…”  Just then I hear Rob as he comes
stomping back down the stairs.

“Come on Skit let’s go,” he says, slapping me on the
back hard before I finish what I was going to say.  I’m not expecting this.  Where’s
the trouble?  Rob doesn’t even acknowledge the people in the room.  He’s
already heading down the stairs and on his way out.  I false smile goodbye at Dean
and stare hard back at the other person sitting, whose freak eyes have been
looking at me non-stop.  I don’t smile at him, just shoot a tiny little Evil Eye,
and run out of the house.  Rob’s already in the car revving impatiently,
sounding a bit like he’s at the start of a grand prix.  I’ve barely sat down and
shut the door and his tyres screech as he pulls away, going way too fast down
this little parked up street.  I smell the heat of burning rubber.  Rob says
nothing.  I know better than to say anything.  Give him a minute or two to get
his thoughts straight so his head doesn’t explode.  Even sympathetic little me
does not want it blowing up right now.  It’s certainly not the first time Mrs.
Diaz has lied to him.

I turn my head left and look out the window at the
houses and some kids on skateboards and bikes, more than usual I think, must be
because of the teacher-training day.  We drive past the fried chicken shop.  I think
I see Mussafa inside mopping the floor and it makes me think of food.  I’m always
hungry and I know Rob’s is too but won’t admit it.  “Let’s go someplace and get
breakfast.” I say, brightly.

“I’m not stopping,” he says.

“Drive through?”  I suggest, and so we go.  He pulls
up and lets me lean across and shout at the man in the little speaker.  Two
sausage and egg muffins.  Two hash browns.  One large coke.  He repeats what I
say and I say no, and say back the same things in a different order.  Rob’s
having none of it and pushes me firmly back to my seat and revs hard.  ‘
Thank
you
!’ I shout loud at the speaker-man as Rob whizzes on to the next
window.  Rob pays and we’re soon on our way again.  I unwrap his food and give
it to him, balancing everything carefully in my lap as we go.  I’m trying hard
not to mess up his immaculate car.  I’m hoping he’s not going to notice the
greasy fingerprint I’ve already put on the dash.  “So are we going to the flat
now?”  I ask, but Rob doesn’t answer.  I know it breaks his heart every time he
thinks of that place and of Marcia, Jamie, and Ruby in their cosy set-up
playing happy families.

“No...”  He answers so long after I spoke I forgot I
even asked a question.  He’s still raw.  When Rob and Marcia broke up just five
weeks ago Jamie dived right in.  The fact barely a week had passed didn’t seem
cross his mind.  If it did, he knew then, it was just more salt rubbed in to
Rob’s deep, raw hurt.  Rob speaks again, “…yes,” he says. “Yes.  We’re going to
go there now.”  I get a fresh fear in my belly but we drive on.

I start to put a little more make-up on.  “Don’t make
a mess!” Rob grumbles.  I have to wait until we stop at traffic lights to do
the tricky parts, eyeliner and mascara.  A few shrieks and tuts later I’m
looking my best.  I now more than ever need to wash my hands, so when we stop
at a petrol station I quickly run in and ask the man if I can use his bathroom.
 He looks at me suspiciously but I switch on the smile offensive and he waves
me through.  I wash my hands then pee.  Then wash my hands again, cursing my
own stupidity.  It’s very dark in this little room but it’s clean which means a
lot.  I suppose maybe still because it’s early.  My bag is in the car with my
phone, so I’m guessing it’s still early.  I think ahead for elevenses time and
before I get back in the car, I go back in the shop and buy for myself orange
soda and a bar of milk chocolate.  I go back to Rob who’s waiting in the car.  I
give him the can of full fat sugar charged energy drink I bought for him and he
says, “Thanks, where’s my chocolate?” looking at mine, smiling.  We can share it,
I say, because he’s already started driving off, else I would’ve got out and
bought him something more.  But he’s not patient like that, never.  Usually he
doesn’t eat so much this early, not until lunchtime, but we’ll stop for
something proper later.  I’ll make sure of it.

We’re back on our way to the pre-noon strike, to the
home of the trolls, the witch and the trapped princess.  Today is supposed to
be the start of Rob’s weekend with Ruby.  Usually he would pick her up after
school from Mrs. Diaz.  Of course her not being at school today has thrown
this.  Rob’s early morning wakeup call will shake up the routine of those
layabout sprouts.  We get to the flat.  Jamie’s place is about a mile or so from
where we live in a road a bit like ours, but with bigger houses, newer cars, and
not so much rubbish in the road, no mattresses or broken furniture.  We park up
and I go and knock on the door.  It’s on the first floor, up a steep flight of
stone steps.  Rob hangs back, takes his time, composing himself, whatever.  I
rat-a-tat-tat on the fibreglass with the plastic knocker.  Ruby opens the door. 
“Hey baby!”  I say, and she jumps and hops around from foot to foot with arms
outstretched.

She’s singing, “El-lie, El-lie, Ella-Ella, El-lie!”  I
reach forward, hug her and pick her light body up.  Her hair smells of apples. 
I don’t see anyone else awake yet.  Rob is still not with me, dawdling behind
somewhere, gone back to get his phone from the car maybe.  I step into the hallway.

“Hello?  Hello...  Marcia?  You there?”  I peek
through the slightly open bedroom door and I see a sight that would be sure to kill
off completely Rob’s already broken heart.  Marcia and Jamie are in bed
together.  Naked.  Oh my God.  Just at this moment I can hear Rob as he gets to
the top of the steps.  I think quick.  “Hey Daddy!” I say, turning round with
Ruby in my arms, putting her down.

She runs over to Rob, “Daddy! Daddy!” she says crashing
into his legs, arms outstretched.

I walk cautiously into the bedroom. “Marcia?”  I say
wary, unnerved by the pair of bare bodies I’m facing.

“Hey Ella,” she says dreamily.  “You’re early!  I
haven’t done her bag.  Sorry I’m not up.  Heavy night, you know, sorry.”

“Err, ok...  Don’t worry...  So, Sunday night yeah?  Five
o’clock ok?”  I say quickly, I think I’m too repulsed to get angry.

“Yeah, five’s fine.  Have fun.”  Jamie stirs and
stretches an arm over Marcia and they snuggle up.  
Ugh
.  I actually think
I’m going to be sick.  Rob hasn’t come in any further.  
Thank God
.  I
want to make a quick retreat now.  I come out in the hall and shut the door.  As
I’m walking away, I think we can’t just go without taking any of Ruby’s things.
 She usually has clothes, of course her bunny Sparky and maybe a few other
toys.  I think I can’t just take her with nothing, but then maybe it’s ok.  It’s
only a couple of nights but no, she needs Sparky at least.

“I think we should take Sparky?” I say cautiously, opening
the door slowly again, but it’s too late.  I should have just left.  
Why did
I wait?
 Rob is now right behind me alone.  Ruby must be in the car.

“What’s the hold up?” he says over, my shoulder.  He
says again, “What’s up?”

“Nothing.  Come on let’s go!”  I say, pushing my body
weight against him.  He does not move.  I don’t want him to see what I’ve just
seen.  I just want to get out, now.

“Have you got her bag?”  Rob says, seriously.

“It’s not ready, let’s go.”  I urge.  Impatient.  Unsteady.
 Fearful of what might happen next.  Rob turns his head and looks at me, then
at the door.  He bursts through.  

Maybe they thought we were gone.  It didn’t take long.
 Rob instantly changes from Loving Daddy to Incredible Hulk.  I can see the
veins pulse in his neck.  He explodes into the room.  “Lazy fucks!  Too lazy to
sort out Ruby’s bag but time to get your dirty fucking freak on.  You disgust
me.”  How I agree, but how I wish I had just left without her bag.  At least
now Ruby’s out of earshot, just as well.  I start to heave at Rob’s arm and try
to drag him out of there.

“We can go and buy Ruby some new stuff, toys, whatever...”
 I say my voice high-pitched, unsteady.  “Let’s just go!”  We just have to get
out of here.  Somehow, I don’t know how, either with my own strength or if Rob
just chose to follow, we end up outside.  As we’re out of the front garden and on
to the pavement, it happens without warning.  Jamie is there, out of bed,
shirtless in shorts.  He runs at Rob.  
POW!!
 You can almost see the
word in colour, Batman-style, as his knuckles connect with Rob’s chin.  I can
hear Ruby in the car start screaming.  She can see it all.

“Daddy.  No!  Jamie.  No!  Ellie, Ellie!”  I open the
car door and unbuckle her.  She jumps out and hugs me.  The maniacs behind are
swinging wildly for each other.  Holding her tight, I spin her round and round,
trying to ignore the ruckus I see going on in stomach wrenching bursts over her
shoulder.  Her cuddles are some cold comfort.  I walk away trying not to panic.
 I hold Ruby’s face down, deep in my shoulder.  I don’t like to look back as I
walk away.  I am calm and slow.  It is my business but there’s nothing I can do
right now.  Leave the men to fight.  Ruby is my concern.  What good would it do
just standing there screaming at them like children, when it’s the real child
that’s caught in the middle?  I walk.  I know Rob will find us.  I have faith
in him.  I don’t look back.

Next thing I know someone tugs on my shoulder.  I look
round, about to be relieved to see Rob, but no, oh no, it’s not Rob.  It’s Jamie.
 
Oh God.
 “Give me her.”  There’s no maybe about it.  Ruby clings to me
like a limpet.  I think Rob could be lying in a puddle of blood somewhere so I
think it’s no good now if I get beat up too.  I wouldn’t put it past Jamie.  He
is big, must be six foot at least.  I can barely see past him.  
How could I
do anything?

“Just give it up,” I say.  “It won’t last.”  Ruby
screams and cries as Jamie wrenches her from me.  There’s nothing I can do
right now, not without Rob.  My heart is now broken too.
Where the hell is
he?
 Ruby is not my responsibility anyhow.  Hell no, I know I don’t mean
that.  I just stand and stare as Jamie carries her off, crying still.  I reach
for my phone and ring Rob.  My heart is pounding.  He doesn’t answer.  I ring
again.   He still doesn’t answer.  I know wherever he is he’s going to be
furious, sitting somewhere raging, kicking a fence or punching a wall.  Either
that or he’s out cold.  I just don’t know.  This is all just so surreal like a
film with a fight, a screaming child, and the hot felt rage of the total
injustice of it all, not even a happy ending in sight.  The hero lost
somewhere, maybe injured, dead, maybe not, probably not, hopefully not.  I cannot
think of that impossibility.

Then I think Rob can look after himself.  Ruby is the
innocent stuck in this mess.  So I have no choice really.  Even though I’m not
the hero I have to follow Jamie.  First I try and ring Rob a third time.  He
answers, finally.  “Is she with you? … Well?”  He hangs up.  He knows what my
answer’s going to be.  I ring him again.  His phone is off.  My feet are barely
moving along this cold, so close, yet so unfamiliar street and life suddenly
feels a whole lot emptier.  I feel like I’m going to slump on the floor and
scream and cry, not that I’d ever do something like that, not me.  I have to
find Rob.  He is what I need right now.  I head back to where I came from and
when I get back to their place, Jamie is already back inside, with Ruby gone,
the door firmly closed.  I don’t see Rob anywhere.  Panicked I go into the
middle of the road and start running up the street, calling out, looking left,
looking right, between the cars.  Then I see him in the gutter, sitting on the
kerb.  His head is so low it’s almost between his knees.  My insides turn over
and over and I feel like I might fall down.  I slowly walk over to stand by
him, where he sits.  “Hey...  Get yourself up.  Come on.  Let’s go back and get
Ruby.”  I say, trying to be brave, when I could just collapse and cry any
second but I won’t.  He is silent.  “Come on.  Please.  We can’t stay here.  We
have to move.”  Not a flicker.  “Rob!”  He looks at me.  I could cry just from
the pain I see in his eyes.  His hands are bright pink.  His eyebrow is cut
ever so slightly.  I know that’s not what’s hurting.  Blood trickles to his
mouth, not even smeared.