A Little Rain (7 page)

I
take my phone from my pocket to see what time is now.  03:28am.  There’s also a
text from Rob.  WERE U??  He can’t spell that well or maybe he just can’t see
in the dark.  I go back inside, leaving the guy alone smoking a stinky rollup. 
When I eventually find Rob near the edge of the dance floor, he’s sort of
dancing, but barely moving at all.  His eyes are shut.  I push him and say, “Hey! 
I would’ve found you twice as fast if you had had your eyes open.”

“How
does that figure?” He says, laughing.

“Err. 
You would’ve seen me!  Derrr.”  I think about telling him what just happened outside
and who with but think better of it.  It can wait.  I’m not rushing anymore.  Inside,
the whole club seems to have slowed down.  I look round.  There are some people
still dancing all crazy.  There are more hardly dancing at all, some completely
still.  A lot of people are sitting on the stage and round the edge of the floor.
 There’s one or two completely flat out, like dead men.  Occasionally a bouncer
will come by and make them get up.  I don’t feel like dancing anymore.  My head
is buzzing.  
Where did my guy go?  Who was that girl outside?  What was she
doing? She didn’t look high.  Why should I care?  I should tell Rob.  What does
it matter?
 Something tells me I should just shut up and say nothing.

We
go to find Jon.  He’s standing near the bar again smoking a cigarette, still
with the skinny girl and her friend who looks bored.  The Daisy Dukes.  I don’t
feel jealous anymore.  Then I think of Benny.  While we’re just standing around
I get my phone out.  I text him,
Sorry, I love you
.  I don’t mean it,
which I know makes it bad, but it makes me feel better.  He texts back, “Where
u?”  It makes me smile.  The second guy I have got concerned for my
whereabouts.  I call him.  He answers after about eight rings, maybe too cool
to pick up straight away, but maybe he was asleep.  “Yeah babe,” he croaks, I
think knowing I like the edge in his voice.

“Hi.
 I’m missing you.”

“You
in a club?” he says.  I’m now too mashup to care if he can hear the background
noise.

“Yeah
babe,” I say. “I want to see you tomorrow.”

“Ok
babe, I gotta get back.  I got people round.”  I think ok. I don’t care if he
has or not.  I realise all at once my indifference.

“Ok
bye, love you,” I say and he’s gone.  I’m looking a little too long at my now
silent phone before I realise there’s someone standing next to me.  I look up
and get fresh snowstorm shivers as the guy is back.   I realise we haven’t
actually spoken all night.  So I say, “Hey…  I think, I forgot to say thanks
properly earlier, for your help.”

“It’s no problem,” he replies, with a pretty heavy
accent.

“Sorry,” I say, a little surprised.

He thinks I haven’t heard him as he leans closer and
says it louder, “It’s really no problem,” just confirms it.  
Oh-my-gosh
.
 My hushed object of affection, my silent natural beauty, my quiet passion, is
French.  I don’t mind.  No really, it’s ok, but I think I liked him more when
he didn’t talk.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s amazing, and still beautiful, but
more amazingly beautiful silent.  So I go on, non-verbal.  I nod and smile and
he nods back and smiles back.  Sensible voice in head starts to speak.  
You
can’t be put off someone just because they talk with an accent
.  The
super-fussy part of me answers back,
but he’s French...  He might eat frogs
and horses
. 
Or even
s
nails!
 Then I start thinking in a new
direction, maybe I could teach the shimmering prince to speak a little more
south London.

“I better take your number?”  I say blatant as
daylight robbery, but then I realise I don’t even know his name, so I ask that
too.

“Etienne.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Etienne.  Eee-tee-iii-eee-doobell-enn-eee.” he
replies. I have never heard this before but I think it suits him.  Very French
but very beautiful.  Maybe I will call him Et.  “I was going to ask you the
same,” he says.  I smile and tell him.  “Elle, that’s a French name.”

I say, “No, it’s
Ella
.  E-l-l-A.”  We swap numbers
without saying another word.

We go back to the dance floor.  Etienne leads the way
and I follow.  He holds my hand gently.  We stand around in silence smiling
shyly at each other.  I keep drinking his water.  I dance in his direction,
touching my hand on his hip.  He doesn’t really move that much at all.  I go to
the ladies and when I come out its Rob, not Etienne that’s waiting outside.  
Oh
God what’s he said to him
?

“We’re going.” He says.

I don’t see him to say goodbye and feel sad inside.  Rob
takes hold of my wrist and walks me away.  We get our coats.  There is no light
when we come out of the club.  I say we, it ends up just Rob and me.  Rob tells
me he left Jon with his girl.  Jon gave him his keys.  We’re staying at his
after all.  We don’t brave the walk this time.  It’s too cold.  We jump in a
cab that’s already waiting outside.  Rob directs.  It’s still the straight road
I remember in my hazy state.  I look for the chip van but don’t see it.  I’m
not sure if I’m hungry.

We are there in no time.

Outside I see the air mist in front of me.  Rob lets
us in.  I shiver more just stepping through the door.  The hall is freezing.  The
heating is off.  The clock on the wall says ten to five.  It ticks loudly in
the silence, unreal time, not morning or night but some mysterious place in between.
  There’s a silent dead feel to the house.  I feel spooked.  Rob goes straight
to the couch and crashes.  I feel still too high to sleep.  I smoke a cigarette
to the roach and I don’t know what to do next.  I squash up next to Rob, put
the tray on my lap, roll a joint, light it up.  The tunes go on ever so quietly
and only then I start to chill.  I must have fallen asleep.  I hear someone
come in.  Footsteps.  Rob sleeps next to me.  I’m freezing cold.

“Hey,” I say quietly, as not to wake Rob.  No answer.  “Hey!”
I say again, ever so slightly louder.  I put my feet on the cold floor and
stand.  I walk to the bedroom.  It is pitch black except for an orange light low
in the corner of the room, like something’s been left on charge.  I go to look.
 I don’t turn the light on.

“
Ella
.”  I hear, whispered.

“Who’s that!?”  I say running back, switching the
light on.  There’s no one there.  I switch the light back off and I step back
quickly to see what Rob wants.  He’s asleep, still.  I think he must be talking
in his sleep.  Intrigued I go back to Jon’s bedroom, to check again.  I think I
see my breath again as I walk in the darkness.  By God, it’s cold.

Then I see her, Ruby, right there, plain as day
sitting on the bed.  “
Ella.”
 She says in a whisper.  I panic.  I step
back and switch on the light.  She’s gone.  My heart thumps boom boom boom in
my ears.  My breathing’s not there.  I did not imagine that.  I am not
tripping. Maybe I am.  I go back quickly to be with Rob.  Still, he sleeps.

Wait, now he’s smiling. He looks happy.  ‘
Ruby’
he
mouths.  Oh my.  This is so weird.  Now she’s in him!  ‘
I love you’
he
says, barely audible.  And then slow,
‘Ella’
.  I have no explanation.  All
that’s right to do is be near him.  I bury myself under the soft cream blanket I
find on the back of the sofa and I feel warmer.  Eventually I find an uneasy
sleep but it does not feel like long.  Jon comes crashing through the door.  The
room is now brighter.  Rob is still out for the count.  I look up, startled.  Jon
says, “You look like you seen a ghost.”

“What ghost?” I say, drowsily, “where?”  I sit up.  Rob
is snoring next to me.  I look at Jon with contempt.  He just smiles, walks in
to bathroom, pees loudly, then comes back out.

“Go back to sleep Skit,” he says, going in to his
bedroom and closing the door.  I close my eyes, lie back and eventually again,
I’m asleep.

I wake up shivering.  Rob’s heavy hand is on my
shoulder.  He shouts at me, “Get up you lazy bonehead.”

“Urgghh, no!” I say, eyes shut, “What time is this!?”

“Come on, let’s go.  Get up!”

“Urrgghh...  No, I don’t want to.”  I say with one eye
open.  I shut it.  Then I’m already asleep again before I know.  I dream of
Marcia.  She’s dancing with me.  It’s silent, enchanting.  I can almost feel
the touch of her hands.  Beautiful Marcia Diaz.  A little older than Rob and
pretty as hell.  Too good really to be a stripper.  She always looked a lady.  Rob
fell in love with her the first time he saw her.  They were at a club, well he
met her outside.  She wore a long green coat with fur trim.  Her raven hair all
stacked up on her head.  Shiny high boots, legs you would kill for.  He ended
up going there more and more.  A sanctuary beneath the railway arches.  She smiled
a lot then, because of Rob.  Maybe a year later, because of Ruby and I like to
think sometimes because of me.  In my dream we are dancing hand in hand, in
spinning circles, faster and faster.  Her long hair dizzying in the wind.  Her cold
eyes look straight through me.  Her sharp features are softened by a forced
smile.  Her peachy pale skin fades to mist as I’m being I shaken awake.

“GET UP!!!”  Rob roars.  The blankets are gone, the
window is open.  I am frozen to the core.  I curse him,
Die! Die!
 Without
intent.  Slowly, I come to and I am awake.  Rob has stalked off.  I lay on the
sofa alone, daring myself to shut my eyes just one more last time.  Though now
I just have my hoodie for company.  Sleep needs warmth.  Shaking like Steven, again
I hear someone peeing in the bathroom.  I don’t know who.  Jon or Rob I’m
hoping.  Not sure if I’m prepared to see a stranger come out and see me in this
dishevelled sleep state.  The door clicks open and I see a fully dressed Rob
wearing yesterday’s clothes.  I scrunch up my face and smile broad at him.  
Sorry
. 
He smiles back.  I’m forgiven.

“You sleep well?”  I say.  He nods and makes a
positive
uh-huh
noise without opening his mouth.  “It’s going to be a good
day today.  I can feel it.”

“Sure.”  He says.  I feel positive.  We are going to
see Ruby today.  Then my stomach lurches as I remember what I saw late last
night in the darkness.  A chill runs right through me, makes my arm hairs stand
on end and I feel a little devil dance down my spine.  What if it was her
ghost?  What if she’s...

“Nah... Don’t be silly.”  I say out loud and Rob looks
at me.  “We better call Mrs Diaz, hey?  Tell her we’re coming,” but this
wouldn’t be the real reason for my call.

“Ok.”  Rob says. “What happened to your face?”

“Oh, it’s nothing.  I walked into a door.”  I feel
embarrassed.  I go and use the bathroom, quickly, obviously in need of makeup.  When
I look in the mirror I see the coin mark still there.  Red and angry.  I had to
lie to Rob.  If he knew it was Benny, he would beat him.  I’m no fan of
violence.  Not for something so trivial.  Not ever.  I think how hurt Rob would
be if he found out I lied.  I would be devastated if he lied to me.  I trust
every word he says.  I might lose my faith in the world if I couldn’t count on
him.  I feel bad for lying, so silly me, when I emerge from the bathroom I tell
him.

“Actually...  Y’know, Benny threw a coin at me joking
about.  He thought I’d catch it, but derrr, stupid me, I ducked.  It hit me in
the face.  I never realised he chucked it low.”

Rob doesn’t make a sound, just looks at the wall.  His
breathing has changed, like he’s counting.  Then he rubs his chin and points at
me and says, “If he ever lays a finger on you… Seriously, I mean it, tell me.  If
I find out otherwise...”  He shoves my shoulder hard enough for me to stumble
but not quite fall.  I know now I can never tell him the whole truth.  
Nah-uh
.
 I can tell when he means business.  He gets this look about him.  I can see
his soul.  I can’t explain it, so intense, every word resonant.  I have never
known it in anyone else.  Maybe I will tell him the truth one day, like the day
after his arms and legs fall off.

I go into the bathroom again to make the call.

“Hello.”

“Hello Mrs.Diaz.  It’s Ella.  How are you?”

“Ok.”  She says with more frost than the Arctic but at
least I know nothing’s wrong.

“We were hoping to come and get Ruby soon.  We can be
there in a maybe an hour or so.”  I say, thinking try and be as flexible as
possible.

“She’s not here.” She says.

“What!?”  I say, hearing perfectly though not understanding.
 Rob’s weekend turned half-weekend is now turning into no weekend at all.  I
want an explanation. “What are you talking about?”

“Ruby’s not here right now.”

“Marcia?  Jamie?”

“They’re not here either.  I’m not expecting them back
‘til tomorrow night.”  Tomorrow is Sunday.  I’m thinking that’s well and truly
the end of the weekend.

“But it’s Rob’s weekend.”  I whine.  “She can’t...”

“Speak to Marcia and...”

Mrs. Diaz knows all too well Marcia will never speak
to us, so I interrupt, “I would if she answered her fucking phone!”  I say very
loudly and the line goes dead.  
Oh shit
.  Now what am I going to do?  I
have to tell Rob.  
Fuck
.  Then my second fast thought before moving an
inch is to redial quickly.  She picks up, but says nothing.  “I am so sorry, so
so sorry Mrs. Diaz.  I didn’t mean to be rude,” but in my heart I know the
damage is done.