A Love Least Expected

a Love Least Expected

By: C.W. Nightly

The bar her friends had chosen for tonight's celebration brought back memories. A haunt of theirs from the days when they were starving students, rather than struggling adults. I examined each face of the people gathered around me. The faces of the people who had always been there, no matter what.

I, Payton Carmichaels, raised my glass in time with those of my nearest and dearest. “Good Riddance,” they chimed.

I echoed the statement, but the sentiment was lacking. The reason for tonight’s gathering was the fact I had disposed of yet another boyfriend. There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that Danny had to go. No ambition, no job, no future and completely self-absorbed in bed. I don’t even really remember why we were together in the first place. It was, in fact, an alarming pattern.

That wasn’t quite honest. After many years of being alone for Valentine’s Day, this year I didn’t want to be. No blind dates, no girl’s only nights because I was the odd one out, but I couldn’t do it. Danny had been a mistake that started as a date for the office Christmas party and just stuck around like a bad cold. I didn’t get the big deal, so what if I didn’t meet Mr. Right yet. Wasn’t it better to not have met him yet and be alone than to rush into something and make the mistake of a lifetime?

I licked my wrist, tossed back the bitter tasting tequila shooter in time with my friends
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Stuck the lemon wedge between my lips and sucked to complete the ceremonial toast, banging the glass back on the bar. We had been doing this since college, whenever one of us broke up, the others circled the wagons, not allowing for any morose behavior or injudicious rebounds.

I loved the people gathered around this oak bar like family with the one glaring exception, I could tell them anything. I let my eyes linger on each one of the members of my extended family. Kylie and her spiky blond hair coupled with a personality to match. Dawn our resident flirt and Avery with her quiet fortitude. Then there was Cade the lone man to brave our little group of estrogen and our body guard. Other men before him had tried and failed.

Cade joined our group the second semester of University and had remained unwavering ever since. When we all went out with dates,
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he would bring whatever girl he was seeing at the time, but like me, they never seemed to last. When the girls were getting together he always came alone. In fact, there had been a couple of evenings like this in his honor over the years, in spite of his protests that it was nothing serious.

Another shot arrived in front of me, pulling me from my musings.
Why can’t I find someone like him?
The question nagged me as I followed in yet another round of shots. That was my third and my last for tonight if I had any intention of walking.

“That’s it for me girls. I’m already numb.”

“No way Payton. Cade’s here, relax. At least one more. Look at all the yummy guys.” Dawn whined.

Cade sipped at his Virgin Sex on the Beach compliments of Kylie, a small smile turning up the corners of his mouth. It was his turn to be the designated driver for our group, so he sat back and watched the fall out of girl’s night. Then he would pile us into his car and get us home.

“You know I’ve got you Payton if you want to let go,” Cade confirmed Dawn’s comment.

“Are you willing to carry me, because that’s where this is heading?” I taunted him expecting a laugh or at least a smart comeback.

“Anytime Pay, anytime.”

His statement brought the conversation around me to a standstill and all heads turned in his direction. Cade was the constant with us, but he never flirted and never judged. This was new for him.

“Easy girls… I would carry any one of your drunken asses if I needed too.” Cade said the words but something passed between us when his eyes met mine. Something lingered there in his chocolate depths that I couldn’t quite make sense of. Actually chocolate and gold I corrected myself, before shaking my head.
Was I actually checking out my best friend?

“Bathroom break guys.” I stood from my stool and the floor shifted on me.
Shit, I knew I had already had too much.
I stepped back from the bar and I could feel Cade’s stare boring into my back. I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other when this wall of a man stepped in my path.

“Hey, sweetheart you want to dance?”

I didn’t bother looking up at him, and just muttered the standard rejection. “No thanks… maybe another time.” I went to move around him when his hand closed on my elbow. Panic began to rush to the surface as I pulled against his iron grip and not gaining an inch.

“What’s the rush baby, we’re just talking.”

“I think she said no thank you buddy.”

Cade’s deep voice boomed from behind me and the grip on my elbow disappeared. The heat of another body brushing against me from behind and the solidness of familiar hands on my shoulders eased the tension from me.

“I don’t want any trouble. It’s just a misunderstanding.” The new guy stammered.

“Then I suggest you get moving,” Cade replied with no hint of understanding.

The guy turned and disappeared into the throng of surrounding bodies. The hands on my shoulders urged me forward in the direction of the bathrooms. I apparently had earned myself an escort.

There was no denying that I enjoyed his hands on me. His strong fingers held me at the base of my neck where the shirt, I had chosen for tonight, fell away leaving bare skin. His thumb made small, endorphin inducing circles, just beneath my hair at the back of my neck sending electric impulses shooting through me.
This wasn’t right. Not Cade, there is no way I am going to risk messing up things with Cade.

His impressive body shifted and my muddled brain sensed him leaning in even closer. We were almost to the bathrooms. He turned me down the darkened hallway that promised the privacy I desperately needed. I needed to splash some water on my face and try to get a grip on the freight train of desire that was coursing through me.

“Can I speak to you a minute Payton?”

The voice I would recognize anywhere sounded unsure, out of character for our group’s rock. I nodded to him over my shoulder as we waited for the wall of bodies blocking the entrance to the washrooms to thin out. The hand on my shoulder exerted gentle pressure as he turned me to face him and backed me to the side of the hallway.

“I don’t know how to begin Pay, this is hard for me to say but I can’t wait anymore. I can’t sit on the sidelines and watch you make mistake after mistake, with guys that are all wrong for you. I have feelings for you, always have, and I can’t ignore them anymore. I know you’ve been drinking tonight and although I would rather you were stone sober I am taking what I can get. I want my chance Pay. Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, but I want my chance okay.”

All, I could do, was nod. He had just knocked me for the biggest loop of my life. The man, we had included in every form of girly conversation over the years, had been crushing on me. Crushing on me and now needed a chance.

All of a sudden the ideas circling in my head earlier didn’t seem so weird. I mean if we both wanted it right who would say no? I let my eyes run over Cade without the friend filter I always tried to use. Over six feet tall, he attracted more than his fair share of female attention, most of which he ignored. His years playing on the football team as quarter back had given him broad shoulders and defined athletic physic. Dark blond hair worn short in the back but turned a stylish shaggy in the front spoke to his choice of profession. My gaze settled on his eyes, they glinted with something different, something new and urgent causing my body to heat all over.

Cade Johnson was the epitome of the boy next door persona. The one that you crush on in first grade and long for every day after that. Star quarterback in high school, king of his senior prom, voted most likely to succeed. Everyone expected to see Cade signed with some major football team sooner rather than later until an on field accident ended his career. I knew because I’d seen his year book.

From our small group, he was by far the most successful having turned his injury into a career. He turned his studies towards business management and after graduation, and through his connections from playing, had secured funding to open his own sports medicine clinic.

I finally found my voice to answer him. “I don’t know what to say Cade.”

“Don’t say anything now Pay. Not unless you want to. I’ve waited this long, I can wait a little longer but I needed you to know. I needed you to see me as a man, not one of the girls.”

“I never saw you as one of the girls, Cade.”

“No… When I told you I’d carry you, I saw something flash in your eyes then disappear. What was that Pay?”

I dropped my eyes, the truth of getting caught checking him out embarrassed me. His finger hooked under my jaw and lifted my face back up to his. There was a definite heat in his eyes that I’d never seen before. Or maybe I hadn’t been looking.

“Forget it Pay, you don’t have to tell me. But let me tell you something, when I touch you my body comes alive, every nerve wakes up. I don’t get this feeling with anyone else, I’ve tried. Only you Pay. There is something between us.”

As he spoke the last words, he closed the distance between our lips. My body longed for the contact instead of repelling the idea. I waited breathlessly to experience the touch of his lips against mine. The hand on my shoulder cupped the nape of my neck angling my face upwards, I closed my eyes and panted with the anticipation of tasting him. With excruciating slowness, he lowered his face to mine, his breath danced over my skin as he hovered above my lips. The sweet aroma of his drink wafted over me and I swallowed…hard.

“Pay I want to kiss you, but I’m afraid if I start I won’t be able to stop.” His whispered his words flaying me.

“Then don’t stop. Kiss me Cade. Please kiss me.”

As if waiting for permission his lips pressed against mine, I took a deep breath and breathed him in. His tongue teased at the seam of my lips urging me to open to him. I couldn’t resist, his tongue plunged deep into my mouth and his hand tightened in my hair. All thoughts of ending the kiss fled as I leaned further into him. Sweet and strong, his flavor flooded my senses as his other hand traced the length of my back settling at my waist.

A moan hummed in my throat as he pressed my body tighter against him, and I could feel the length of his arousal through his jeans against the soft skin of my stomach. I threw my arms around his neck and pressed myself to him, losing any inhibitions I might have harbored to the liquid courage flowing through my veins.

As I dug my fingers into his hair and pulled him towards me, he pulled back and broke the kiss groaning in frustration.

“You taste like heaven Pay, but not like this. Not knowing you’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk Cade. I’m hungry.”

“An even better reason Pay. I’m not a one night stand kind of guy, at least not with you anyway.”

I fought the protest on my lips and swallowed the words I longed to say. Whether it was the years of masked attraction I’d been denying, or my lack of a fulfilling sex life, but I wanted Cade. I wanted Cade with and intensity I’d never known. In an attempt to calm my raging hormones, I took a deep breath and clenched my thighs against the powerful pull of lust. My womb rhythmically clenched with desire.

His hand drifted from my neck down my arm until he held my hand in his. I raised my face to meet his gaze and found regret etched there. Heat rose to my cheeks as the reality of my behavior weighed in. The man tells me he wants a chance and I try to seduce him in the hallway of a bar. Not classy. Very rebound.

“I’ve waited too long to mess this up Pay. I’ll still be here I promise. Now the line for the bathroom is gone. Use the bathroom,
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I’ll wait here.”

He took a deep breath and turned away, leaning against the wall and staring up at the ceiling. I pushed off the wall and walk-stumbled towards the bathrooms.

The harsh glare of the overhead lights made me squint and the faint odor of urine assaulted my nose. The lust infused haze cleared as I checked my reflection in the mirror. Long blond wavy hair, startling blue eyes, high well-defined cheek bones, full pouty lips. I didn’t bother with too much makeup but kept a healthy stock of lip gloss. I wasn’t conceited, but I considered myself beautiful. Everyone had that one thing they would change, but I refused to focus on that. I preferred to concentrate on the whole package which overall was good.

What have I done
? The question echoed in my ears as I shook my head at my reflection. A steady stream of woman paraded in and out of the washroom behind me.
I can’t face him like this.
Embarrassed by my behavior and what he must think of me now, I met my own gaze in the mirror and asked myself the question of the night.

“What did you expect?” The answer resounded inside of her, precisely this. My relationship with Cade, my special and unique friendship lay in ruins. Only time would tell if they could come back from a mistake like this one. Maybe I should thank him for having the whereabouts for stopping when he had. But from the words he’d whispered in my ear, he didn’t want to come back to the status quo. No, Cade wanted to move forward, just not tonight. I no longer knew if that was a possibility I could consider.

Without hormones wreaking havoc with my system, the repercussions of the choice I almost made were obvious. Not only for me but on our group as a whole. What would the girls say? Yeah, sure we joked around about one of us dating Cade but we all compared it to dating our brother. The problem with that was his hands on me tonight did not feel like those of a sibling. They were wonderful and warm and invigorating. His lips weren’t awkward or unsure, they were firm and demanding setting my whole body on fire.

My inner interrogation needed answers. What would happen if we spilt up? Would he still hang out with the girls or would the entire dynamic of the group be irreparably damaged. Would our friends have to choose sides over our relationship issues? The more I considered this, the more complicated it became.

I let my head hang on my shoulders and examined the chipped linoleum of the bathroom counter. There was no point avoiding the truth, I am attracted to Cade. The problem was now crystal clear, keep him as a friend and deny the emotions rioting inside, or act on them and risk everything else. The bottom line, as painful as it might be
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didn’t change. Cade was too precious to me as a friend to risk an affair.

Determined to try and forget the last half hour, I reached for the faucet and let the water run cold. I cupped my hands under the icy water and splashed water over my face, sobering myself further. Grabbing several brown paper towels from the dispenser I dabbed at my face. I opened my purse and found an oversized elastic and pulled my long hair back into a loose ponytail. The more serious appearance helped. I fished my favorite tube of lip gloss from my jeans pocket and reapplied the shell pink sheen to my lips with the applicator. Things were already looking up.

“No more drinks for you tonight,” I told my reflection with a stern glare.

Now back to the table and act as if nothing happened. With one last deep breath, I faced the door and exited into the darkened exterior. Of course, Cade lingered in the shadows waiting for me. He was at my side in an instant, his hand resting on my lower back. The tightening in my womb reminded me just how arousing kissing him had been.

I picked up speed trying to weave my way through the other patrons and distract myself from the sensation of his hand heating my lower back. When I reached the table the girls had ordered another round.

“Hey Payton, what took you guys so long?”

The heat crept up my cheeks as guilt swamped me, but three sets of eyes demanded answers. I decided to give them a half-truth. Maybe half-truth was too strong a statement, I would give them half of the story.

“The same old story. Some total jerk was trying to get busy and Cade swept in and saved me. Then he escorted me to the washroom to ensure I wasn’t accosted. Imagine all the trouble we’d be in if we didn’t have him watching out for us.”

As I said the last words, I searched his gaze for understanding. I willed him to understand what I was trying to say to him through my conversation with the girls. That he meant too much to me, to all of us to risk throwing it away.

“Hey, Kylie is your roomy still out of town?” I asked hoping that she was.

“Sure is, won’t be back until next Wednesday. Why Pay?”

“Can I crash at your place tonight? I just don’t want to deal with being alone.”

“Sure Pay, no problem.”

The sound of pity in her voice made me cringe and I studied my empty glass. The girls were quick with the reassurances that Danny had to go mistaking my request for being lonely. How wrong they were. I was always the last stop when Cade drove as my apartment was only blocks from his. The fifteen-minute drive alone with him after the interlude in the hallway threatened to be too much for me to handle. Add to that my place was empty and I didn’t need any more temptation tonight.

I offered the girls a weak smile and glanced over at Cade. His eyes narrowed at me, his gaze filled with suspicion, but he didn’t call me on it.

Kylie ordered two more rounds of shooters that I declined. Dawn was over on the dance floor with her flirting conquest of the evening, she never took them home. Avery sat chatting animatedly with Cade while I brooded in silence. The pangs of jealousy bothered me more than anything. Cade didn’t belong to me, he was all of ours, but the reminder fell on deaf ears.

Already the strain of sitting only feet away from the first man to cause that kind of reaction in my body was taking its toll. The urge to move closer and tempt his resolve burned and my fingers itched to be buried in the dirty blond mess of hair. My thoughts kept drifting to possible scenarios that ended with both of us naked, sweaty and satisfied.

Time crawled as they continued to imbibe copious amounts of alcohol while Cade and I exchanged questioning glances. As the bar tender announced last call, the girls declared we had exorcised the ghost of Danny to their satisfaction and we could go home.

I began the arduous task of layering my outer garments to fight the bitter chill outside. Really, it was no wonder people ended up being single in this time of the year. Everyone resembled giant marshmallows, bundled in hats, coats and scarves. You were lucky to determine the gender of the people around you let alone whether or not you found them attractive.

Cade was already protected from the elements when he announced, “I’m going to bring the car around. Stick together and meet me out front.”

He tugged his hat a little lower over his ears, turned away from the rest of the group and headed towards the door. His hands stuffed deep in his pockets as his form disappeared through the door.

A new pang of guilt stabbed at my chest. Maybe I’d hurt his feelings. No, that couldn’t be. If he hadn’t stopped me, I would still be testing our new found connection. If anything, he rejected me, even if it was for all the right reasons. The fact still left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I had the talk with Danny a few days ago when I realized I could no longer stand spending time with him. So considering the timing, it screamed rebound, but my reaction to him said genuine.

“Hello! Earth to Payton!”

I tuned back in to find my three friends staring at me with matching expressions.

“What?”

Dawn piped up to answer the question, “Do you want us to fix you up for next weekend. There is this new guy that just started this week. He is pretty easy on the eyes.”

“Oh no, no, no. No more friends of friends or friends from work, or guys from the gym. I’ve had my fill of being fixed up. When I find the guy for me it will be because it was predestined. Not, not…”

My tirade was interrupted by my phone buzzing in my back pocket. I pulled out the vibrating smart device to see I had a text from Cade.

I’m out front. How about breakfast tomorrow
?
??

I pulled my lower lip between my teeth and worried it as I typed in a response.

Coming

Lame as far as responses went, but until I had more time to consider how to handle this I didn’t want to commit to anything. Pressing the power button, I slipped the phone back into my pocket. My eyes traced the length of the bar top and found my three friends giving me curious glances.

“Come on you guys, Cade is out front and waiting. Let’s go.” I turned and headed for the door. Avoiding the questions that no doubt were about to inundate me was well worth it. I hunkered deeper into my down filled coat and pushed out into the cold with my three closest friends following behind me.