A Love Like This (51 page)

“I hated the apartment,” he pressed on. “You
were everywhere, and I couldn’t stand being there without you. I
could still smell you in the bedroom. I could smell us together,
and I couldn’t take it. So, I took the pills at the hospital and
went to one of the on-call rooms.”

I remembered that room well and could see
where this was going. I struggled to get up, suddenly wanting to be
free, but Ryan refused to let me escape.

“Jane came to you.” It was statement. I knew
it already.

“Yes. You were right about her. I’m sorry I
didn’t realize what she was capable of.”

“I told you!”

“I know. I should’ve listened.”

My throat tightened up again and my eyes
burned, anger and jealousy turning me inside out. “What did she
do?” I demanded.

“I thought I was dreaming. We were still at
Stanford, I told you how I really felt, and we made love. I was
aching for you and so desperate to believe that you were with me. I
needed just a moment without the constant ache I’d been feeling for
weeks. She wore your perfume… I thought she was you.”

“Oh, God!” I struggled more forcefully as
the pictures of Jane making love to my husband started playing in
my head. I felt claustrophobic, like an animal clawing to be free
of a trap. “Let me up, Ryan!”

“No!”

“Please, don’t tell me anymore,” I begged
and gave up fighting, turning my face away and struggling not to
cry. I didn’t want this to matter, but it did. So much. “Please, I
don’t want the picture painted in my head.” But it was too
late.

“Julia. For God’s sake! Look at me.”

“How far did she go?” I demanded. I didn’t
want to know, but now, I had to.

“I was half asleep, babe.”

“Did she get you off? Did she get off on
you?”

“Honey, stop.”

“Did she?” I asked painfully.

“No, I didn’t come. I don’t know if she did
or not! We were fully clothed, honey. She kissed me, but that’s all
that happened. I told you, I was half asleep, and it doesn’t even
matter!” His voice was low and urgent, laced with desperation of
its own. “The minute I realized she wasn’t you, I stopped her,
Julia! I shoved her to the floor and told her to get the fuck away
from me! She knows we can’t even be friends, now.”

I couldn’t move, but I tried. All I could
think about was Jane on top of my husband, rubbing all over him,
and moaning his name. Even if they had clothes on, it wasn’t
something I could bear thinking about. I pushed against him again,
but Ryan still had my arms pinned down and his leg flung over both
of mine.

“No! You will stay still and listen!” He
shook me gently. “
You
are my life
! Look into my eyes!
You know it’s always been you since the moment we met! It will
always be
you
!”

My chest was heaving and tears burned the
back of my eyes, my whole body shaking with my grief. He didn’t
deserve my anger. I was to blame for leaving him, but still it hurt
like hell to hear that another woman tried to seduce my husband. I
struggled to push the words out. “It’s all… muh… my fault! It
happened because I left.”

Gentle fingers pushed my hair back and
traced the side of my face, and Ryan kissed me gently as I tried
not to cry. “Oh, baby, no, it isn’t. It’s mine, too. You shouldn’t
have left without talking to me, but I shouldn’t have let Jane come
between us in the first place. I let my guilt get out of hand. I
didn’t want to believe anything bad about her, and I closed my eyes
to what it was doing to you because I assumed you’d know we were
solid. It never crossed my mind you’d actually think I could want
anyone else. You were laughing just a second ago, so stop crying,
baby. It’s over.”

He kissed me harder, his tongue invading my
mouth and teasing mine into play. I wound my arms tightly around
his shoulders, and pulled his mouth closer. “I’m still sorry,” I
whispered against his mouth.

“Me, too. I went home, determined to find
you. I stopped being a stubborn ass and called your office. Andrea
texted back and I told her I was coming to Paris. Then, she told me
about the café’ and how you’d probably be there on Sunday.”

I closed my eyes and turned my face into the
strong column of Ryan’s neck. “I went every Sunday.” I couldn’t
seem to stop the stupid tears, and Ryan’s arms tightened in
understanding. His hand stroked down my back, smoothing my hair
over my skin.

“I love you, baby. I did that on Sundays
too. But, why was Turner with you?”

“We were meeting for coffee to say goodbye,
and I wanted the finals from the bridge shoot. I wanted a close-up
of our lock so I could frame it and keep it forever.” Talking about
it made me relive the emotions of the day I’d placed it on the
bridge and the pain I felt not having him with me. “But I left it
there.”

Ryan’s eyes were glassy when he nodded.
“It’s okay. We’ll fix it. He can send another one.”

“Did you read the article?”

“Yeah. I bought another copy and read it on
the subway. I couldn’t reconcile how you could do that for us, when
you believed I was letting Jane get between us.”

“Because, even if she separated us… in my
heart, you were still mine.”

“We’re so fucked up, baby girl. All this
could have been avoided.”

All I could do was nod.

“When I pulled that suitcase down and found
that picture… I cried like a baby. It’s incredible.” His hand
smoothed over my stomach again. “And, here he is, like a miracle.
We’re going to be okay, my love. We’re going to be better than
okay, I promise. This shit is never going to happen again,
okay?”

“Okay.” I blinked and reached up to flutter
my fingers along his jaw. “Ryan, make love to me again and this
time… I want you to come.”

He smirked and rolled onto his back, pulling
me with him so I straddled him, my legs resting outside his thighs.
“Yes, ma’am.”

My fingers wound in his hair and our mouths
hovered together, now so serious. His hand pulled my hips against
his, and I could feel his hardness.

“I don’t want to wait,” I breathed.

He slid into me, pulling me flush against
him so he was buried to the hilt inside me. “Then don’t wait.”

His delicious breath brushed my face, and
his lower lip bumped and nudged the top one of mine, until finally,
after what felt like eternity, his mouth crashed over mine. The
kisses were passionate, giving and taking, as our hips rocked
together.

I gasped, feeling my entire body start to
tingle. “Ryan, I love you.”

“I love you, and you’re mine. You belong
with me.”

She was so damn beautiful. I watched Julia
from the next seat, my hand resting warmly on her leg beneath the
blanket. She was sleeping peacefully, leaning on the closed window
shade with her Stanford hoodie bunched up behind her head. I
yawned, covering my mouth with my hand. I was looking forward to
our bed. I hadn’t wanted to be there in six weeks but now the
proposition was glorious.

Julia and I had been exhausted from the days
and nights apart, but our lovemaking couldn’t be denied after our
reunion. We stayed a few days in Paris, running around the city,
putting the lock on the fence and leaving it there, Julia running
around the Louvre to show me all the great works that mattered to
her. Last night, we went up the Eiffel Tower. As glorious as the
days had been, the nights were even better. We couldn’t get enough
of each other and made love several times a night. We were paying
for it now, but it was so worth it.

Undoubtedly, she had to feel exhausted all
the time now anyway. Growing a baby surely had to take a lot out of
her, and I should have been more considerate by making sure she
rested more. But, it was technically our honeymoon, and once we
touched, there was no holding back.

I sucked in a deep breath, filling my lungs
to capacity. I was finally whole now that I had Julia beside me
again, and the prospect of our baby was a bonus. I could,
literally, feel tenderness fill me up as I looked upon the woman
next to me. I was truly blessed.

The flight attendant paused on her way past
and laughed at my expression. My smile widened. I didn’t give a
fuck what she thought about the sappy look on my face; I was happy
as hell!

“Do you need anything? Perhaps some
wine?”

“Sure. Red, please. Do you have Merlot?”

“What about your companion?” she nodded in
my wife’s direction.

“My wife can’t have alcohol; we’re expecting
our first baby,” I announced happily. It was the first time I’d
said it out loud to someone else, and it felt miraculous.

“Congratulations. How about some apple
juice?”

“She prefers orange, if you have it.”

By the time I’d placed the juice on her tray
table, Julia began to stir. Her eyes fluttered open slowly.

“Flight attendants drooling all over you,
hmmm?”

I glanced over and was met with bright green
eyes and a brilliant smile.

I grinned again. “Who?”

“Uh huh, whatever,” Julia grunted as she
pushed herself into a sitting position and picked up her juice.

She was so cute. I chuckled and squeezed her
thigh, leaning over to place an open-mouthed kiss on her lips.
“Mmm, you taste so good.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere.” She
smiled and nudged my shoulder with hers.

“I’m counting on it.” I leaned into her and
took her hand in mine, bringing it up to brush my lips against her
knuckles, and she laid her head on my shoulder. We couldn’t stop
touching each other, but I wasn’t complaining. Julia put on a brave
face about Jane, but it would kill her to think of me working
beside her day after day. I knew that I couldn’t stand it if Turner
had really tried to have her. If he’d touched her in the way Jane
had touched me, I’d want to kill him. There was no way in hell I’d
stand by quietly while Julia saw him every day after something like
that.

“Turner didn’t try anything while you were
in Paris, did he?” My eyes met hers and didn’t flinch. After what
I’d shared our first night back together, I hardly had the right to
ask, but I had to know.

She shook her head slowly. “No. He, um… he’s
actually become a good friend. He admitted to me that he had hopes
in my direction in the past, but after photographing our wedding,
he knew it was a lost cause. He told me to get my ass back where I
belonged. He’s got his eye on Andrea. She can’t see it. It’s sort
of hilarious.”

My eyebrows shot up. I was skeptical.
“Really?”

“Yeah, really.” She scrunched her nose at
me. “What brought that on?”

“This whole thing. I emailed Dr. Jameson
this morning and told him I was leaving St. Vincent’s.”

Julia’s back stiffened as she sat up
straighter. “What? Why? Ryan, you’ll have to start your residency
all over again!”

“So what? I refuse to put you through the
pain of having me around Jane every day.”

Her head cocked to one side, and she
relaxed, her expression filling with love and incredulousness. “Are
you certain?”

“Yes. You,” I rubbed my thumb over the back
of her hand over and over in a gentle caress and reached over with
my other hand to press it to her still flat tummy, “and, this, are
all that matter to me now.”

“I already love you more than I can stand.
You have to stop or I’ll explode.”

I leaned back in the leather seat. “Yeah, I
know.” I flashed a brilliant smile and winked at her. She giggled
and smoothed the blanket on her lap.

“I will explode.” She laughed softly and put
a hand on her belly. “Literally.”

“You’ll be gorgeous.” I reached out and
brushed her chin with my index finger.

She’d taken the week off to play in Paris,
except for Monday afternoon, and I hadn’t questioned her. She was
coming home with me, and I just figured she would resume her old
position. If not, plenty of magazines would want to hire her. I
wasn’t sweating it.

“So, I guess we’re both unemployed.”

“What?” I asked in surprise.

“Yeah. I quit Vogue.” She seemed at ease
with what would have been a major crisis a few weeks ago.

“You did? Why didn’t you tell me
before?”

“I was afraid you’d feel like it was your
fault.”

“When did this happen?”

“When I wanted to come home. I told Meredith
that I couldn’t stand being away from you. Even though she saw how
it was killing me, she refused to let me go home. She laughed it
off and said she’d have me home before for a measly visit in a
month and that was the end of the discussion. So I quit. This whole
fucked-up mess has taught me that no job is worth being away from
you or risking what’s between us. It looks like we both made the
same call.”

I looked at her and felt my heart expand
painfully. Incredibly, my love for my amazing wife grew yet again.
She was amazing. “I thought we decided we’re indestructible.”