A Love Like This (54 page)

By the time she was dressed in a pair of old
sweats and one of my T-shirts, Marin was calling up the stairs that
dinner was done.

Jenna was putting the foil packets onto
plates, and my mother was getting everyone drinks.

My hand stayed on the curve of Julia’s lower
back and rubbed back and forth.

“Everyone hungry?” Mom asked, smiling all
the way to her eyes.

“I don’t feel like eating much.”

“You need to eat, honey. This might be the
last time you’ll get to for a while.”

Jenna, Marin, and my mother stopped what
they were doing and looked at us with wide eyes.

“Oh, my God!” Marin gushed and moved forward
to put both hands on Julia’s face. “Are you in labor?”

“Just barely,” she answered with a
smile.

“What?” Aaron rushed in from the other room.
“Jules, seriously?”

She nodded. I was fucking jumping out of my
skin, but I tried to appear calm. “Let’s just keep our wits about
us. Call the grandpas and tell them to get their asses on a couple
of planes.” I laughed. All three women went for their phones.

Jenna called Ellie. “Ellie! Julia’s in
labor!” They all scattered into other rooms for their respective
calls.

“Let’s eat!” Aaron picked up his plate, and
I shook my head at him. “What? You said be normal.” He grabbed a
fresh beer and went into the other room.

I laughed happily and nodded. “I hope
everyone makes it in time. Do you want to sit at the table or in
the other room with everyone?”

The evening was spent watching TV with Julia
curled on my lap
in our
big chair, my feet
propped on the ottoman. I had the stopwatch and was timing her
contractions. Sometimes no one knew but the two of us when she had
one, but when I felt her tense, I automatically started timing. Her
forehead rested against my jaw.

Every once in a while, one of the moms or
Jenna would ask about Julia’s progress; all of them anxious and
concerned. About midnight, when the contractions were about twenty
minutes apart, a hot wetness seeped between us, saturating her
sweats and my jeans. Her head popped up instantly, her lush mouth
forming a silent ‘o’.

“Either you just peed on me, or we need to
go to the hospital.” My hand pushed her hair back from her
surprised face. When her understanding dawned in her eyes, I leaned
in and kissed her gently. “This is it. Ready to go have a baby,
baby?” I asked. Her cheek was so soft under my fingers. I wanted to
memorize every nuance of this moment.

Listening, Jenna jumped up from the floor in
front of the couch. Aaron was asleep behind her and she smacked him
on his shoulder. “Wake your ass up, Uncle Aaron! We gotta go!”

“Oh my God! Here we go!” Marin stood up at
the same time as my mother, who put both hands to her mouth.

I took Julia upstairs to change while the
others scrambled around like the three stooges, only there were
four. We both changed our pants, and when we went back downstairs,
they all stood waiting by the door.

“Jenna, can you drive our moms in your car?”
I threw Aaron the keys to Julia’s Mazda. “Aaron, you’re with
us.”

Ryan was calm on the outside, but I could
tell he was freaking out a little bit in the way he moved around
the room, his eye always on the monitor, swiftly sitting beside me
then jumping up again. After Jenna helped to hook me up on the
monitor, everyone left Ryan and me alone. The pain was intense at
times, and Ryan would hold my hand and help me concentrate on the
breathing. I did it to give Ryan something to do, when I thought it
was basically all bullshit. It didn’t ease the pain at all.

We’d been here almost ten hours and the sun
was up, but the window blinds were drawn and the lights low. Ryan
had packed a portable stereo, and it played songs from our playlist
softly in the background.

The last time he checked me, I was nine
centimeters dilated and about ninety percent effaced. Ryan sat next
to me and held my hand, studying my face. I just couldn’t look away
from him, even as the pain tore through me. I squeezed his hand
tight and focused on his gorgeous eyes. I tried to think about us
and not the pain, about holding the baby and not how my body would
probably rip in half pushing him out.

“You’re amazing. Why aren’t you screaming? I
know it hurts like a motherfucker.” Ryan was in his scrubs, a gown
sitting ready on the chair, the lower portion of the mask tied
around his neck so he could tie it up easily. His hair was hidden
beneath the blue surgical cap and a fine sheen of sweat beaded on
his brow.

We were in a birthing room and would be able
to stay in here unless there were complications. Aaron and Jenna
waited just outside the door, while our parents, Ellie and Harris
waited down the hall in the waiting room. I might be writhing in
pain, but joy had a hold on my heart.

“He isn’t coming into this world hearing his
mother screaming.” My body seized again, but I kept my eyes trained
on my husband.

“You’re so brave. Just breathe, baby. Just
think of it as a little closer to having our son.” His fingers
brushed my hair back and wiped my forehead with a damp cloth. “Why
aren’t you cussing me out for getting you in this position?”

“I love you and…” Another contraction ripped
through me. They were longer now and much harder. “You… you didn’t…
do it alone. I really want to push. Can I?”

Ryan moved quickly, pulling on some gloves.
I bent my knees up, and when he put two fingers inside me and one
on top of my stomach, it hurt like hell. My face crumpled and I bit
my lip. “Jesus, it hurts, Ryan.”

“I’m sorry, baby. You’re dilated, and not
quite a hundred percent effaced, but yes, we’ll get you ready to
push.”

Ryan propped me up on four pillows and
dropped the lower portion of the bed, pulling a chair in between my
bent knees, and wrapping his hands around my thighs he scooted me
gently to the end of the bed. He ripped off the gloves, tied the
gown in place, and grabbed another pair.

“Honey, I want you to put your feet flat up
against my shoulders and use me as leverage. I’m going to hold your
hands and help you as much as I can. I’ll pull you into a curled
position to push during the contractions.” I did as he asked and
his hands wrapped around my wrists.

I nodded and bit my lip. Ryan’s eyes were
trained on the monitors. “Another one’s coming, baby. Take a deep
breath and hold it. One, Two…” I pushed so hard I thought the blood
vessels in my face would burst. “Three… four…” He continued to
count to ten, and then I let my breath out and sucked in another
one. “Good job. Wait until the next one.”

“Fuck, it hurts, Ryan!”

“I’m sorry, it’s too late for meds, honey.
You’re doing amazing!”

Three more pushes and minutes that felt like
hours later, sweat was starting to soak the forehead of his
surgical cap.

“Agggggggg….” I grunted as Ryan counted off
again, my fingers biting into his, and my feet pushed against his
chest so hard he’d probably have bruises.

“He’s crowning, Julia! I can see him!” The
excitement in Ryan’s eyes distracted me from the burning I felt as
my body opened. “Stop pushing, now. Stop, okay?” His pull on my
hands relaxed and I gripped tighter, trying to pull my body up, but
instead of pulling to help me, he reversed his pressure, making it
difficult for me to continue. “Baby, I need you to stop!”

“I don’t want to! I want him out! I want him
out! I want him
out
!” I yelled at him.

“Julia, stop or you’ll tear. Jesus!”

“What’s wrong?” I asked, panicked, and lay
back trying not to push. I looked up at the ceiling.

He unwound his hands from mine. “I can make
this easier with an episiotomy, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to
cut you.”

I was panting for breath. “Just do it, Ryan.
If that’s what we need to do… do it!”

Ryan nodded. “You’ve been pushing about 35
minutes. As soon as the next contraction starts, I’ll do it, and
you push through it. It will help you not feel it as much.”

“Okay,” I licked my lips and nodded
rapidly.

“Jesus, Julia…” His eyes were tearing up.
“I’m so sorry to put you through this.”

“I wouldn’t go through this for anyone else.
But it’s you and me, Matthews. He’ll be worth it. You’ll see.”

A little cry broke from his chest. “I love
you so fucking much!” His voice cracked just as my body contracted
again.

“Okay, here we go,” he said.

I took a deep breath and tried to use my
elbows as leverage. My feet were still against him, but I no longer
had his hands to pull me forward. I pushed with all my might,
concentrating on getting the baby out. The muscles in my thighs and
arms started to shake.

Ryan set the scalpel back on the metal tray.
I vaguely registered the blood.

“Push, baby, here he comes. His head is
almost out. Stop when I tell you, okay?”

“Ernnnnnn….” I pushed as hard as I could. My
face felt like it was ready to explode with the effort.

“Okay, stop.”

“What’s happening?” I asked, panting.

“I’m making sure the cord isn’t caught
around his neck and clearing out his nose.” He reached for
something and I heard this sucking sound as he sucked out the
baby’s nose and mouth.

“What’s he look like? Is he bald?”

“My son is not bald.” Ryan’s brilliant blue
eyes locked with mine for a second. They were all I could see of
his face. “He has lots of dark hair.”

I smiled and started to cry.

“Okay, baby. One more big one.”

I sniffed and sucked in my breath. It took
just a second or two before the baby slid from my body, and Ryan
was lifting him up to rest on my chest and stomach. I gazed at my
baby. He wasn’t making a sound. Ryan grabbed a towel and started to
briskly rub the blood and white gunk from his skin. The baby sucked
in his first breath and started to wail.

I was laughing and crying at the same time.
“Oh my God. He’s gorgeous.”

Ryan came to me and kissed me, one arm
behind me and the other around me and our baby. “He’s a miracle.
He’s perfect. He has huge balls.” He laughed happily, staring at
Aiden.

I laughed out loud, tears raining from my
eyes. I touched his downy cheek with my finger.

At the sound of the baby crying, Jenna burst
through the door, fully dressed in a surgical gown. She looked at
the three of us and smiled. “Time of birth?” Her eyes rolled as she
waited for Ryan to tell her.

“Oh, shit.” He looked at the clock. “About
five minutes ago.”

Jenna huffed, her smile hidden by her mask,
but I could see it in her eyes. “Dickhead.”

Ryan laughed, and she smiled at me and took
a good look at her nephew, still crying in my arms. Jenna handed me
a receiving blanket and helped me wrap it around Aiden’s little
pink body,

I snuggled him close to my chest, examining
every perfect thing about him. “Hey…” I hushed him. “It’s okay…
You’re okay.” He stopped crying and looked up at me with dark eyes.
It was hard to tell now, but I hoped with all my heart that his
eyes would be as blue as his daddy’s. I leaned in to kiss his
little head. He was so tiny. Jenna moved away then came back and
put a little hat on his head.

“Give me the little man. Time to weigh him
and all that shit.” Then she took Aiden from me.

Ryan changed gloves again. “Sorry, baby.
We’re not quite done. I’ll need one more push to deliver the
placenta then I’ll need to stitch you up.”

To say that was the grossest thing ever
would have been an understatement and I was glad when it was over.
When Ryan finally pulled the gloves and mask off, he stared into my
eyes, both of us getting choked up as he gathered me close. He laid
his head down on my chest and, I wrapped my arms around him. When
he looked at me, we were both crying.

“Thank you. He’s amazing. You’re still
everything. Only now, Aidan is part of us. It always amazes me how
there is always more and more love… it blows my mind.”

I nodded and kissed his mouth, clutching him
close. Jenna was discrete, giving us some privacy with her back to
us, cuddling our little son and speaking to him in hushed
tones.

I was yearning to hold Aidan, so Jenna gave
the baby back to me, and Ryan went to tell the others.

After everything was cleaned up and we were
finally alone again, the baby suckling at my breast, Ryan went to
the duffle bag setting in the chair. “I got you this for
Valentine’s Day before I came to Paris. But, after I found out
about the baby, I decided this was the day to give it to you.”

He handed me a book, and I looked at it,
puzzled until it finally registered. It was a copy of Dorian Grey.
I opened the front cover, and the words he’d written inside made my
breath catch. My mind flew to the night we made love for the first
time, when he woke to find me drawing his portrait.