A Man of His Word (35 page)

Next to her bed was a Bible, but she didn’t pick it up. She hadn’t read the book in weeks, not since the day Taylor had visited, that same day Gabriel had revealed his secret. Her prayer life had always been strong, but she couldn’t bring herself to pray. What good would it do? She didn’t even know what to pray for anymore. All her hopes and dreams had been shattered, and she didn’t trust her own judgment. How could she, when she had completely believed in Levi’s fickle devotion, but had never noticed Gabriel’s love?

There was one thing she had decided on. After the baby was born, she would get a job to support herself and the child. Her parents would always have a place for her, but she didn’t want to depend on them anymore either. She would never marry. She would never put her trust in love again.

Flipping over on her back, she closed her eyes, tired of the thoughts assaulting her, tired of feeling empty. Finally, she succumbed to her weariness.

Gabe stood in front of the blazing forge until his face felt like it was on fire. He welcomed the burning as it heated his cheeks, threatening to sear the skin. Only until he couldn’t stand it anymore did he step back, his face tingling as his flesh cooled.

If only his resentment could be as easily extinguished.

Even though the shop didn’t officially open for another hour, he came out here to think, to try to figure out what he should do. He hadn’t seen her in nearly a month, and he was dying inside. Telling her he loved her had broken a dam of yearning inside him, one he couldn’t repair.

Leaning against one of his work tables, he hung his head. “What did you expect?” he said aloud to the empty shop. “Her to fall in love with you?”

No, he hadn’t expected it. But he had hoped for it.

He loved her so much—still did—but now it was even more difficult to hide that love than it had been before. When she had been married to Levi, when he hadn’t confessed his feelings aloud, he could push them down. But now that she knew, his love increased each time he caught a glimpse of her, and it was compounded by the fact that she was still out of his reach.

Picking up a rod of iron, he held it in the fiery flame of the forge, watching it grow red hot. As the rod heated, so did Gabe’s emotions. Yanking the rod prematurely out of the forge, he tossed it in the water bath and threw off his gloves.

“You’re up awful early.”

Gabe answered his father, but didn’t turn around. “
Ya
. Thought I’d get a head start.”

“By ruining that piece of metal?”

With a sigh Gabe said, “Sorry.”

John came up beside him. “I’m not bothered about that,
sohn
. I’m worried about you.”

“Don’t be. I’m fine.”

“That’s what everyone says, especially when they’re the exact opposite. I know your heart is hurt over Moriah, especially after you told her how you feel about her, but she needs time, Gabriel.”

“
Ya
.” Gabe said, but the bitterness seeped through his voice.

“You can’t force her into your life,
sohn
.”

“I’m not forcing anything!”

“You don’t think telling her about Levi’s request might make her feel pressured?”

“I didn’t have a choice.” He tossed his hat on the work table and hung his head. “She was upset with me about not coming forward about Levi’s affair. She asked me if I had any more secrets.” He glanced up. “I had to be honest with her. I wanted her to know I would never give up on her, that I would always care for her. I wouldn’t be like . . .”

“Like Levi?”

“I would never hurt her,
Daed
.”

“She’s already hurting, Gabriel. You both are.”

“Even more reason for me to make her understand how much I love her.”

“You can try. But you need to prepare your heart. Be ready to accept that you may never have her. God may have chosen another husband for Moriah.”

Just the thought of it made Gabe’s stomach twist in knots. If that happened he didn’t think he could take it. He would never abandon his father, but how could he live with seeing her married to someone else again? “I thought you were on my side.”

John put his hand on Gabe’s shoulder. “I am. I always will be, no matter what. But sometimes, despite our best intentions, certain things aren’t meant to be. And if you think you’re letting Levi down, don’t. If he were here now, he wouldn’t let this go on.”

“If it wasn’t for me, he might be here now.” Gabe sat in a chair and let his head drop in his hands.

As he sat down beside him, John asked, “What do you mean?”

“If I had told her how I felt a long time ago things would be different.”

“You can’t know that for sure. Moriah might have gone on to marry Levi no matter what you told her. Remember, God always has a plan.”

“But what kind of plan is this? Levi’s dead; Moriah’s pregnant, left to raise her baby alone.”

“Her family will help her. We’ll all help her.”

“You know what I mean. That child needs a father.”

John stroked his beard for a long time. “What’s the real reason you want to marry Moriah?”

“You know why. I love her. I love her more than anything.”

He patted him on the shoulder. “Spend some time in prayer, Gabriel. Seek God through this. And above all, remember that sometimes the hardest thing to do when we love someone is to let them go.”

The door to the shop opened and Aaron walked inside. He glanced at the two men, but didn’t say anything. Instead he headed for the back of the shop and put his blue lunch cooler on the cluttered desk.

“Remember what I said.” John stepped away. “Take it to God, Gabriel.” He went to the front of the shop and flipped the Closed sign to Open.

Gabe worked steadily throughout the day, but his mind was consumed with Moriah and his father’s words. He didn’t have to pray about his reasons for wanting to marry Moriah. He loved her, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. The thought of living without her made him weep. If that wasn’t love, then he didn’t know what was. But he did need to pray for her, for both of them. Only God could see them through this. Other than that, the only thing he was sure about was that he’d do whatever he could in his power to make her happy. Even if that meant staying away from her forever.

Chapter 16

T
obias, what is your problem?”

Tobias looked at his brother Lukas, whose tanned complexion was florid with anger. Lukas tossed the piece of molding on the table in front of him. “This is the third time you’ve measured this wrong. It doesn’t fit, and now I’ve cut too much off. If we don’t get this armoire finished,
Daed
will have our heads.”

“Sorry. I’ll do it right this time.”

“You better.” Lukas was the most skilled woodworker in the Byler family, even better than their father. They all had natural talent, but Lukas’s passion for the craft surpassed them all. As serious about work as he was about life, he brooked no careless mistakes from his brothers. He turned around and headed back to the opposite end of the long work table, where he had been gluing and nailing the molding on the side of the large piece of furniture.

Respect for Lukas’s skill, combined with his own irritation at his lapse of attention, kept him from arguing with his brother. Instead he stalked to the very back of the shop where they stored the wood and selected another long piece of cherry molding. The wood was beautiful, as this particular Yankee customer wanted the best and had no problem paying for it. Lukas was right; if they screwed this job up, they would be losing a valuable customer, something that would upset their normally placid father.

He carried the molding back to the table and took out his tape measure. He intended to apply singular focus to his task, but as it had been happening all day, Rachel entered his thoughts. She was marrying Christian. Even though they hadn’t announced it, everyone knew. Rachel’s mother had been giddy with excitement, and he had over heard her and his
mami
talking about wedding plans a couple times during the church dinners. But the most telling sign had been the change in Christian. Before he had left for Charm, he had been a simple guy, not one to show too much emotion. Now, you never saw him without a smile. Of course who could blame him? If Tobias was marrying Rachel, he’d be walking around with a goofy grin too.

But Rachel’s reaction confused him. She didn’t act like a woman in love, at least how he thought one should be acting. He remembered how happy his sister had been when she and Levi had gotten engaged. Granted, that wasn’t the best example, considering how their marriage ended, but at the time Moriah had been very much in love with Levi, and everyone could see it. Kind of like they all could tell with Christian. Yet Rachel had seemed more resigned than anything else. Resigned and apathetic.

Or maybe that was wishful thinking on his part. He hated the idea of her and Christian together, but there was nothing he could do about it. Declaring his feelings for her now would complicate everything. And Tobias hated complications. He liked being Amish in part because he enjoyed the simplicity and ease of life. Not that he didn’t work hard, because he did. But he appreciated knowing what was around the next curve. With Rachel, he sure wouldn’t have that. Better to let Christian deal with her temper, her need to always have the last word, her competitive nature.

Lucky Christian.

“Tobias, the molding?” Lukas shouted at him. “I need it now.”

Shoving Rachel and Christian out of his mind, he ran the tape measure across the length of the molding and made the appropriate tick marks. Double-checking his work so he wouldn’t experience Lukas’s wrath, he took the molding to his brother, who put it up against the armoire. Nodding, he gave Tobias a half smile of approval.

At least someone was satisfied.

Gabe’s palms grew damp as he pulled his buggy into the Bylers’ driveway. It had been over a month since he’d seen Moriah, and he couldn’t stand it anymore. He had spent every night on his knees, asking for God’s guidance. The only thing that came to his mind clearly was that he needed to see her, but he didn’t know if that was God’s direction or his own overriding desires. Eventually he decided to take action, which had led him to try to visit her again.

He parked the buggy and stepped onto the driveway. His hat shielded his eyes from the glare of the bright sun. September had brought slightly cooler temperatures, mostly at night. Soon the harvest would begin. He had planted a small garden, and together he and his father would can the tomatoes, green beans, and beets the ground had yielded. Maybe one day he and Moriah would plant a garden for their own family, but he didn’t dare dwell on that prospect for very long.