A man who cried (30 page)

”No.”

”Has . . . has he gone over there ?”

”I wouldn’t know, Dick; he went off duty almost an hour ago.”

He remained quiet for a moment, then said, ”Oh. Oh, thanks.” As he went through the door, Mr

Blythe called out to him, ”He’s iilely dropped in somewhere to have a pint; that’s if he’s been

lucky enough to find a place with any.”

”Yes, yes.” He nodded back at the man.

Out in the schoolyard he stood still for a moment. The blaze towards Swanson Terrace seemed to

be brighter, it was illuminating the sky, and away towards the docks he saw a long line of lights,

dull from this distance but definitely fires. They had been trying for the docks for some nights

now and likely tonight they’d found their target.

Where was his father ? He walked quickly across the schoolyard now, but outside the gates he

paused again looking first one way and then the other. Should he go back home and tell her that

his father was off duty at the post but had gone to help the firefighters, or should he turn the

other way and go down to his Aunt Florrie’s ?

Spurred now by a wave of feeling that was as near black anger as ever he had experienced, he

was running towards Brampton Hill, his mind jabbering at him with every step he took. He had

known for some time what was going on, he wasn’t a fool. His father must think he was a fool.

That day he had seen his father helping his Aunt Florae out of the van and holding her hand

before he would let her go through the gates and up the drive to her flat.

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”And another! Oh, dear, dear, Lord!”
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....

”Come on into the shelter.”

”No, no.” She shook her head wildly, then muttered, ”Abel. Where would he be?”

”He’ll be in the post or thereabouts and that first one was t’other side of here and nowhere near

the post, so don’t worry. Look; sit down, I’ll make you a drink.”

She allowed him to press her into a chair, and like a small girl she now sat with her hands joined

in front of her knees, her body rocking slightly all the while.

He had just handed her the cup of tea when he heard his name being shouted and before he could

get to the door Molly burst in. Banging it behind her, she stood with her back to it, one hand

gripping her throat; and now both Hilda and he were holding her, asking at the same time, ”What

is it? What’s the matter? It didn’t hit the house? It wasn’t that near.”

”No, no.” She shook her head, swallowed deeply. ”It ... it must have been the shock.”

”What must have been the shock?” Hilda was shaking her now.

Molly pulled herself away from the door and put her hand tightly over her mouth and held it

there for a moment before she said, ”She’s dead. It was after the bomb dropped. She . . . she cried

out and sat up and bumped her head on the underside of the table. I ... I thought it had knocked

her out but . . . but she hasn’t come round and -” She stopped and closed her eyes then said

slowly, ”Her heart’s not beating.”

”Come on; you could be mistaken, she’s likely in shock and her pulse is weak. Come on.” As he

went to open the door Hilda cried, ”Wait a moment. I’ll leave a note for Abel to tell him where

we are.”

Grabbing a pad off the dresser, she scribbled a few words on it and stuck it in front of the clock;

then they were all running down the yard, along the road, and up the drive towards the house.

It was only minutes later when the three of them rose from their knees and Hilda, turning to Dick,

said quietly, ”Go and find your father. Bring him as quickly as you can. . . .”

As he ran through empty streets towards the school, only once was he hailed by a warden

shouting, ”Do you want any help?”

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”No, no, thanks. I’m . . . I’m just going to the post, the Bower Road School one.”

He looked upwards as he ran. There was a glow in the sky towards the old town of Bog’s End,

and a brighter glow nearer still to the right of him.

There were two men on duty in the post room. He knew one of them, a Mr Blythe, and the man,

putting down a telephone quickly, said, ”You didn’t catch it?” and he replied on a gasp, ”No, no,

it’s over Swanson Terrace way I think. I saw a blaze coming from there. But. . . but it shuddered

us.” He looked round towards the other room. ”Is ... is my father about ?”

”No.”

”Has . . . has he gone over there?”

”I wouldn’t know, Dick; he went off duty almost an hour ago.”

He remained quiet for a moment, then said, ”Oh. Oh, thanks.” As he went through the door, Mr

Blythe called out to him, ”He’s likely dropped in somewhere to have a pint; that’s if he’s been

lucky enough to find a place with any.”

”Yes, yes.” He nodded back at the man.

Out in the schoolyard he stood still for a moment. The blaze towards Swanson Terrace seemed to

be brighter, it was illuminating the sky, and away towards the docks he saw a long line of lights,

dull from this distance but definitely fires. They had been trying for the docks for some nights

now and likely tonight they’d found their target.

Where was his father ? He walked quickly across the schoolyard now, but outside the gates he

paused again looking first one way and then the other. Should he go back home and tell her that

his father was off duty at the post but had gone to help the firefighters, or should he turn the

other way and go down to his Aunt Florrie’s ?

Spurred now by a wave of feeling that was as near black anger as ever he had experienced, he

was running towards Brampton Hill, his mind jabbering at him with every step he took. He had

known for some time what was going on, he wasn’t a fool. His father must think he was a fool.

That day he had seen his father helping his Aunt Florrie out of the van and holding her hand

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betore he would let her go through the gates and up the drive to her flat.

J93 .;: ,

, It was as his father had turned towards the van again that he had caught sight of him along the

road and when they met he had said glibly, ”I saw your Aunt Florrie out shopping, I gave her a

lift back.” He had only just stopped himself from saying, ”She must have dropped her basket or

her parcels somewhere then.”

And his Sunday afternoon walks. His father no longer walked the fells. He had even seen him

going towards them, then cutting down behind Wardle Drive. Now why should he do that ?

When he reached the gates of No. 46 he stood hanging on to them for a moment. Then he swung

his torch on to the drive and began to run again, and he kept on running until he reached the

house door. There he stopped. Bracing his shoulders, he buttoned his coat, smoothed back his

hair, then went through the hall, along the corridor and to the door of the garden flat.

When a woman opened the door he stared at her for a moment thinking that it wasn’t his Aunt

Florrie, then when he recognized that it was, he put her changed condition down to the fact that

she was standing under an electric light that was enveloped in a dark green shade. But when she

said under her breath, ”Oh, Dick,” he went into the passage and she closed the door. He then saw

the reason for the change in her. His Aunt Florrie had always been as thin as a rake, but the

woman standing before him was fat, at least part of her was. His Aunt Florrie was pregnant, very

pregnant. Quickly he turned his head away from her and looked towards the end of the passage,

and there stood his father. He had his overcoat on and was apparently ready to leave. He came

swiftly towards him now and when he spoke his voice was harsh, ”What do you want here?”

”I could say the same to you.”

”Now! now! look here, boy.”

”Don’t boy me.” Both his manner and his voice were aggressive. ”I’m no longer a boy. I stopped

being a boy when I stopped saying, Yes, Dad, No, Dad. And that’s some long time ago.”

”Please. Please.” Florrie had her arms spread out towards each of them as if to separate them and

she pleaded now, ”Come in. Come in,” and she went ahead of them into the room. It was she who

spoke first. ”Try to understand, Dick,” she said, ”about your father and me. ...” But turning his

head to the side and flapping his hand at her, Dick cut her off, saying, ”I don’t want

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to hear, Aunt Florrie. Anyway, I’M Hot the one y*§tt should be explaining things to.”

”Now look here. ...”

”Is that all you can say ?” Even as he spoke Dick was amazed at his own courage; then he added,

”Me Aunt Hilda sent me looking for you. Mrs Burrows died of shock when the bomb dropped. It

dropped quite near. It could have hit us.” He now looked from one to the other, then said, ”It’s a

pity it didn’t, isn’t it, it would have solved your problems ?”

As he turned towards the door to go out he knew that his Aunt Florrie was restraining his father.

He went into the passageway again and had opened the door and was going across the hall when

he heard his father say, ”Don’t worry, it’ll be all right.”

When his father caught up with him, they walked out together in silence, down the gravel drive

and towards the gate, and there they almost bumped into a small figure and became entwined in

leads, at the end of which were two dogs.

”Bugger me! Look where you’re goin’.”

If Abel hadn’t picked out the bristling figure of Mr Donnelly in the light of his torch, the voice

itself would have told him who it was.

Mr Donnelly now silenced the yapping dogs with, ”Shut your traps, will ya!” Then turning his

torch on to Abel and Dick, he said, ”Oh, it’s you’s, is it?”

”Anything wrong ?”

To Abel’s question Mr Donnelly now cried, ”Wrong? No! I’ve only lost me bloody house. The

whole bloody street copped it, an’ I would an’ all only I wasn’t there. They wanted to kip me

down in the school with a lot of screeching women. I told them where to go.” His voice suddenly

sinking to almost a whisper, he ended, ”Bugger me! T’was a shock to see the whole bloody lot

gone. Anyway” - his voice lifted - ”Our Florrie ’11 put me up on the couch for the night.”

”There’s always a room around our place if you’re stuck, Fred.”

”Aye well, thanks, we’ll see; but let’s get the night over, ’cos I’m a bit shook up.”

With no further words he left them, and after a moment they, too, walked on.

They had gone some distance along the road before Abel said, ”I want to talk to you.”

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”I don’t want to hear, me eyes have told me all I want to know the night.”

”Your eyes have told you nothing.” Abel had swung him round by the shoulders, and now they

were peering at each other through the dark with Abel hissing at him, ”Who got me into this

situation anyway in the first place ? Think back, ask yourself. Do you think I would have trapped

myself as I did if it hadn’t been for you? It was done to keep you off the road.”

”You didn’t lose anything by it as far as I can see. Me Aunt Hilda’s been good to you.”

”Your Aunt Hilda hasn’t been good to me ; you know nothing about it, boy.”

Dick now pulled himself away from Abel’s grasp, saying, ”Don’t keep calling me boy.”

”Well, don’t act like one.”

”Oh, I suppose I could be called a man if I would countenance you having two wives and a

mistress.”

”God Almighty!” There was such a desperate note in the words that Dick remained silent until

Abel said further, ”I’m going to tell you something. I’ve loved your Aunt Florrie from the first

moment I saw her and I’ve just learned lately she felt the same way about me.”

”What! with all the men she’s had?”

The blow missed its aim and glanced off the side of his head; then Abel was holding him by the

shoulders, almost hugging him to him, saying, ”Oh my God! what’s happening to us ? I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.”

After a moment of stunned silence Dick thrust Abel from him and, his voice holding a broken

note, he said, ”Don’t you ever lift your hand to me again. If you do you’ll get as much back, as

big as you are. Now I’m telling you and . . . and I’m going to say it : you stand there and tell me

you fell in love with her the first moment you saw her, well, all I can say is you quickly forgot

Alice, the Alice who was so wonderful, the Alice that drove us out on to the road. Less than a

year and the great romance was over.”

For a moment Abel did not answer and when he did it wasn’tto retaliate, what he said now and

quietly was, ”Yes, it appears like that. I grant you it appears like that, but it wasn’t that way at all. You’ll learn. Oh, you’ll learn some day.” And with a defi-196

nite plea in his voice now, he added, ”Can... can I ask you not to let on to Hilda ? I mean to tell

her, I’ve been meaning to tell her for a long time, but . . . but not at the moment.”

They walked on side by side, the silence heavy between them, and it wasn’t until they were

nearing the yard that Dick spoke, when, as if he were just continuing the conversation, he said,

”There’ll be no time you can tell her when it will be easier, there’ll be no way to soften the blow, you know that.”

”Yes, yes, I know that.”

”No matter how she goes on at times she cares for you . . . more fool her.”

Abel made no reply, he couldn’t for at this moment he was suffering a hurt which until now he

hadn’t experienced. Of all the things that could happen to him in his life the last one he would

have believed possible was the rejection of him by his son. The boy, the adoring boy, the boy

who was no longer a boy but a young man ... a man, a man who had acted like one tonight. In