A Matter of Destiny (10 page)

"No," she said, and he let her go, even as her eyes said yes.

"Can we sit down?" he asked, realizing he had to bring these turbulent human emotions under control. He'd be in big trouble for this.

Sharon motioned toward a chair, then sat in the corner of the sofa. "What were you going to tell me about Luke?"

Her voice was uneven, Joe thought. Maybe she wasn't completely immune to him.

But what could he do about it? He should ask his fellow guardians how they'd handled similar situations. His body was experiencing some very painful human reactions.

Sharon studied the man across from her as he spoke. She finally had to admit there was a strong attraction between them, in spite of her recent loss. It was something she'd never experienced before and she was appalled at herself.

What kind of woman was she?

"...and Luke felt left out," Joe was saying. "He thinks you care more about David. I told him that wasn't true."

Joe's words tumbled into her thoughts. "What? Luke doesn't think I love him?"

Joe clasped his hands. "I didn't say that, but he covers up a lot of hurt, and it's beginning to affect his actions again. He was making fun of one of the other kids during practice, and they started shoving each other around."

"Luke's never picked on other kids."

"I didn't think so, but he's expressing his confusion in different ways than he normally would."

Sharon couldn't believe she knew so little about her son. "Did he tell you how he felt about his brother?"

Joe smiled. "Not exactly. I asked a lot of questions, and it appeared to strike a nerve when I brought up David."

She sat quietly, thinking over what he'd said. She didn't seem to be able to keep track of her sons' adjustment to their grief at all.

"Thank you for telling me." Her eyes met his and she saw the longing and loneliness that echoed hers.

Joe stood and reached for her hand, pulling her up. Sharon was going to refuse if he tried to kiss her again, but inexplicably felt hurt when he didn't.

He simply held her hands and said, "If there's a problem, I want you to call me, anytime of the day or night, all right?"

She smiled. "You've already been a friend above and beyond the call of duty. I don't want to take advantage."

"It's okay with me if you take advantage." He moved closer, his hand resting against her cheek. She lifted her face, only inches from his, waiting, wanting...

The front door opened and Sharon stepped backward, but not before David had seen them together.

No one spoke for a moment, until Joe broke the silence. "Well, now you have David to wait with you. I'll talk to Luke at school tomorrow, unless you want me to find him now."

Sharon shook her head. "No, thanks, he told me where he was going. I'll call over there."

The look on David's face told Joe he didn't belong here. They hadn't done anything wrong. Why should he feel guilty?

"Good night, Sharon," he said in a low voice as he brushed by her, grabbing his coat.

He heard her, "Thanks, Joe," but didn't acknowledge it.

He wanted more than her gratitude and told himself for the hundredth time, he had no right. He decided to try harder to help her sons instead. That was probably the most important thing he could do for Sharon.

"Good night, David." No answer. Joe was upset. David had no reason to dislike him so intensely. In fact, the teenager could've been here himself to stop his brother from running off.

Joe shut the door behind him. An ironic thought crossed his mind as he headed for his car. He'd figured a year at a country school would be relaxing, more like a vacation. Even guardian angels took a vacation now and then. So much for that idea.

This assignment was turning into his toughest ever, and that was saying a lot. He'd been sent to stop wars, deflect an assassin's bullet, save children from disaster, but this...

He flooded the car by pumping too many times on the gas pedal. Now, he had to sit in glum frustration, staring at the Quinn home until the engine would turn over.

Would he be able to forget her when his mission was completed?

"What was he doing here?" David asked his mother.

She heard the anger in his voice and responded with her own. "He came over to talk to Luke. He's concerned about him."

Why couldn't David meet her halfway? They were supposed to be working through these difficult times together.

"I don't know why you resent Joe. He's been a real friend, and I need one, in case you haven't noticed." She could've bit her tongue for being so sharp with him, but was at the end of her patience.

David hesitated, his eyes bewildered, then he came over and hugged her. "I'm sorry. It just surprised me, that's all. As long as he's just a friend." Stepping back, he asked, "What's this about Luke?"

Sharon was relieved David didn't say anymore about Joe. Not many men would have bothered to try and help like he had. "Your brother's been getting into trouble at school. Joe...Mr. Reardon thinks he's not adjusting to your father's death and is drawing attention to himself that way. Sports was helping, but he's still not getting along with others as well as he...used to before..."

"Where is he now?"

"He said he was going to Billy's when Joe told him he was coming here."

As they were deciding what to do, Luke came in. He glanced sheepishly from mother to brother. "Hi." Looking around, he asked, "Is he gone?"

Sharon nodded. "Luke, I want to talk to you."

David apparently understood she wanted to speak to Luke alone. He said he had some more homework to do, then stopped by the kitchen before going upstairs.

Luke fidgeted, his hands in his pockets, and Sharon asked him to sit down. She thought about what she was going to say before she began. "I'm sorry, Luke."

When he looked surprised, she went on. "I haven't been aware of everything you've been going through, and I should have been. I love you, son, and I promise to do a better job of being here for you."

Luke was still silent, his head down. Sharon moved over next to him, and his face crumbled. "Why did Dad have to die?"

Sharon pulled him close, not even pretending to know the answer. "I don't know, sweetheart, I don't know." She realized this was probably the first time he had expressed his grief. If Joe hadn't intervened, Luke might have kept it inside until he exploded into destructive action.

She held her sobbing son until the trembling had subsided. I need help, she called out silently, hoping someone would hear.

Joe sat staring at the stack of papers in front of him as he drummed a pencil on the desk. He'd come back to school to work, but wasn't getting anything done.

He was tired, tired of trying to hide his feelings and feeling guilty for having them in the first place. Playing a human was exhausting.

Susan Browne, the school secretary, pushed into the room. She wore a red dress that was meant to capture the eye. The perfect solution for a relaxing evening, a woman who did nothing for his libido.

"Susan, I was just going to call you. Would you like to go to dinner?" He didn't bother to question what she was doing at school so late.

The following week, Sharon realized she hadn't seen Joe in the cafeteria lately, and in fact, hadn't run into him at all. Was he deliberately avoiding her, or was he extra busy as the semester drew to a close? She decided to leave well enough alone for the time being, but had thought he'd keep in touch with her about Luke.

It was as if he wanted to keep her at a distance. Not that she blamed him. All his offer of friendship had done from the beginning was cause trouble for him. She'd try to honor his apparent wish to be less involved with her problems, but she missed him. A lot.

Sharon knew Christmas was rapidly approaching, but had put off thinking about it as long as possible. It was going to be awful without Tom.

Sometimes, she still imagined he was simply away on one of his trips.

Christmas had been the family's favorite holiday. She'd have to go through the motions for the boys' sakes, hoping they'd understand if she wanted to keep any festivities low-key. Then again, she didn't want them to feel guilty for celebrating.

There was that word again. Guilt. For surviving.

Since she left school a couple of hours before David and Luke, Sharon was able to buy presents and have them stashed away before they came home. They both needed clothes, and she added a new computer they could use for homework and games.

Tom had been more extravagant at Christmas time, but Sharon had always put less emphasis on gifts. She justified the expense of the computer by telling herself it was more a necessity than a luxury.

One day, Sharon ran into Joe in the hall and asked him to join her for coffee. It seemed like ages since they'd taken a break together, and she bubbled inside at the sight of him. He looked wonderful in black slacks and a white sweater.

When they were seated, she casually asked what he was doing for the holidays.

"Going home to see my family," he replied with a faraway look in his eyes.

She nudged him with her foot to get his attention. "Where's home?"

She felt a pang of regret for not having asked before. She'd been too wrapped up in herself.

"Uh, San Diego." He looked at her and grinned.

She studied his face and realized how much she'd been counting on his friendship to help her through the ordeal of Christmas.

Sharon grasped her cup and said quietly, "But that's so far away."

"Does that mean you'll miss me?" His voice was husky, and he cleared his throat.

She studied him and saw the intent regard in his eyes. The air between them crackled with tension. What should she say? She deliberately dissolved the serious moment with a careless answer. "Oh, probably not."

Joe chuckled. "That's good. I'd hate to think of you pining away."

Sharon didn't want to admit it, but was afraid she'd do just that. She couldn't look away from his handsome and endearing face. Her "warm" feelings for him were rapidly escalating to "hot."

A brazen voice sliced into her quiet contemplation. "Am I interrupting something, or can anyone join in?"

She lifted her eyes to Celia, but the other woman was favoring Joe with a smoldering gaze.

Sharon picked up her purse and said, "I was just going." She stood and turned to leave, but not before she saw the frown on Joe's face.

I'm sorry, Joe, she apologized silently, but I will not stay in the same vicinity as that woman. Later, she'd chastise herself for running away.

Sharon didn't see Joe again except at a distance until the night before he was leaving for California. It was two days before Christmas. When she went to answer the doorbell, he asked her to come outside. She raised her brows in an unspoken question.

Joe gestured toward a large bag propped against the siding and tied with a red bow.

Sharon flipped on the porch light and peered at the bag. "Dog food? We don't have a dog." She cast him a puzzled look.

He leaned against the doorjamb, bringing his face close to hers. "You do now."

For a moment, Sharon forgot what they were talking about. Joe's breath was warm on her face, and her pulse shifted into high gear. She leaned toward him, but the spell was broken when

a whimpering sound came from the other end of the porch.

Then she saw the cardboard box.

Sharon moved quickly to the source of the sound and peeked in. The markings were unmistakable. "A Saint Bernard pup," she murmured, awestruck.

Kneeling beside the box, she lifted the round ball of fur. "Hello, precious. What a chubby little thing you are." Giving Joe a child-like smile, she asked, "Has he got a name?"