A Mended Man (The Men of Halfway House Book 4) (30 page)

Jessie had managed to find a way to reach him in each of his hiding places, like playing hide-and-go-seek, he'd give Aidan a running start to let off whatever had triggered the escape, but then he'd find him and lure him back in to try to avoid the isolation Aidan often subjected himself to. But when Aidan escaped to his dark place and slammed that iron gate, it was the only place Jessie couldn't reach.

He pulled on Aidan's chin, drawing his focus again. "Don't shut down. Talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?"

Jessie tugged on Aidan's hand. "I want you to answer my question."

"Which one?"

He looked down at their clasped hands and stroked Aidan's long fingers, hoping to ease the tension.

"What part of this is frustrating you?"

Aidan shrugged.

Jessie wanted to grab Aidan and throw him flat onto the couch and pounce on him, kissing him silly until he finally surrendered to the mix of desire and passion Jessie often saw in his eyes before he hid them away. He chewed on his bottom lip, hoping for some enlightenment. Aidan hadn't come up with some excuse to escape. Jessie might not know how to break through, but this was Aidan's way of trying. "Okay, how about we start over?"

Aidan looked up, a flash of hopefulness crossing his expression.

"I said we would work up to talking about the big stuff. Right? So I'll go first. Ask me anything." A flicker of excitement sparked when Aidan's thumb brushed against Jessie's fingers.

"I didn't know your name was Jessiah until…that night," Aidan quietly commented, staring at their clasped hands.

Jessie inched closer, wincing slightly when the cushion brushed against his sunburned skin. "I don't use it. Only for legal documents when necessary."

Aidan pulled away the small couch cushion and gave it a menacing stare. "It means 'gift.' It's…fitting," he absently said. He grabbed the softer throw blanket and folded it, positioning it carefully behind Jessie.

A hint of a smile tugged at Jessie's lips with Aidan's attentiveness, revealing that secret, tender side Aidan tried to bury deep, deep down under his harder facade.

"My father gave me that name. He was very religious. My parents had a few miscarriages before I came along. So when my mom was able to carry me to term, he thought I was a gift to them. Needless to say, he threw that in my face a few times." Jessie quieted for a moment, trying to silence the flood of memories that surfaced about his father, the yelling, and how he always ended up feeling more like a discarded item than a gift in his eyes. "Mom always called me Jessie so that's what I prefer to use."

"But you still kept your name."

Jessie stared at their hands, a welcomed distraction to the thoughts circling his mind. "I guess, in the back of my mind, I figured maybe my father might come around someday. But if I changed my name, it would be a clear sign that I wasn't open to working things out." He shrugged and pulled Aidan's hand between his palms. "I know he and I have moved past that point. Now it's just a matter of me not wanting to be some thirty-year-old guy who wants to change his name to something cuter."

"You are cute," Aidan said with a half smile.

Jessie laughed. "Sweet-talker. You know, your name means little fire. I think it became a self-fulfilling prophecy on your part."

Aidan didn't say anything in return. Instead, he just stared down at their hands as the partial smile slowly faded from his expression.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"Huh?" Aidan looked up as if Jessie had pulled him from some thought.

"You got all serious on me."

"Oh…sorry."

"What are you thinking about?" Jessie asked.

Aidan shook his head as if shaking off whatever had a hold of his mind. "Nothing."

"Please don't shut me out."

Aidan's brow lowered before he quietly spoke. "I'm not."

Jessie sighed. He could sense the tension between them and his mounting frustration at not being able to break through. Rather than risk alienating Aidan, he opted to cherish their time together for the rest of the night. He tried to position himself in his usual spot tucked under Aidan's arm. As soon as his body pressed between Aidan and the couch, he winced from the sunburn.

Aidan immediately stood and walked to the hall closet, grabbing a spare bedsheet and pillow. He threw them on the floor next to the couch and positioned himself on them.

"What are you doing?"

"Your sunburn's going to be a bitch all night and I'm not going to aggravate that. Besides, you didn't sleep much last night with my stupid bed drama."

"And I'm not going to let you sleep on the floor."

Aidan's jaw muscles twitched and his brows knit together. "Jess, I can't sleep in that small-ass chair in the corner. So it's either you on the couch and me on the floor next to you, you in your bed and me on the floor next to you, or you in your bed and me on the couch. Pick one."

"So you and me in the bed is not an option?"

Aidan's jaw muscled twitched again. "No. And I need you to please not push me on that subject."

Jessie rubbed his own arms, trying to resist the need to scratch his burned skin. He wanted to be in bed, but his desire to be near Aidan overpowered his own needs. He was becoming a petulant child and knew it was the sleep deprivation creeping up on him combined with the painful irritation of his careless sunburn. He needed a solid few hours of consecutive downtime, but if Aidan wasn't ready to give the bed a shot again, he wasn't going to push, especially without a solution or knowing what had happened to trigger his reaction. "Okay, couch," he said, finally caving.

He settled himself in a lying position but let his arm hang over the edge to rest on Aidan's chest where he lay on the floor at his side. Aidan grabbed his hand and held it tightly in his, pressing it against his chest.

"Night, Jess."

He rubbed his thumb along Aidan's fingers. He wasn't being pushed away, but deep down, he couldn't help thinking Aidan was retreating again.

* * * *

Aidan stood behind the couch as he sipped his coffee, watching Jessie stir in his sleep. There was something peaceful about the way Jessie slept. His features relaxed and a hint of a smile touched the corners of his mouth as if a dream filled his mind and transported him to his happy place.

A place Aidan wanted to be.

He took a deep breath, going through the last few weeks in his mind. He'd promised to try, and it seemed he kept screwing things up along the way. He refused to walk away; that was a step in the right direction. At least…he hoped so. But his hyper-awareness worked overtime, conscious of everything he did and said, worried the slightest thing would push Jessie away. Any semi-questionable thought or string of words remained silent. He wouldn't take the chance. The bed thing had turned out to be an epic fail and had triggered his mission of yard work the next day. He loved that Jessie wanted to be with him while he worked, but now, seeing Jessie's sunburned shoulder as he snuggled into the pillow…maybe it hadn't been such a good idea after all. He'd let Jessie sneak in a few hours of sleep instead of waking him for their morning workout. He hoped that earned him a point.

Why the hell didn't someone publish a book on how to make this
us
thing work for people? He sighed and took another sip, leaning over to pull up the soft throw when it slipped off Jessie's body.

Jessie stirred again, turning upward on the couch to face him. "Good morning," he said, with a sleepy and sexy as all hell grin. The tousled look suited him, whether he believed it or not.

"Good morning."

Jessie stretched his arms over his head and yawned, finally sitting up on the couch.

"How'd you sleep?"

Jessie shrugged. "Good. Better if you'd have been with me."

Aidan took another sip of his coffee, hiding a smile. "How's the burn feel?"

Jessie stretched his arms again. "Better." He cocked his head and twisted his mouth as his eyes traveled along Aidan's face and arms. "It's amazing how you can't tell you were outside yesterday. You have this golden tan color but no burn at all."

Aidan chuckled. "Yeah, I don't burn…not like you do. Neither does Ty. We get that from our mom. She used to say something about olive skin coloring…whatever that means," he said with a shrug. "But Dad, he used to burn like you. Mom always teased him about looking like a lobster after our weekend barbecues."

Jessie smiled and rested the side of his head against the back of the couch. "That, right there. That's all I ask for."

"What's that? Burning like a lobster after a barbecue?" he asked, holding back a chuckle as he sipped his coffee.

"No. Telling me about you. The little things. That's what I want."

"Oh." He quieted, fidgeting with his now empty mug. He turned and walked toward the kitchen to rinse out his cup.

"Are you leaving already or do you still have a few minutes?"

"I've got about five."

"Okay," Jessie said, rising from the couch and making his way to the bathroom. "Give me a couple of minutes."

Aidan watched Jessie disappear down the hallway and into his bedroom. There's nothing he wanted more than to block every thought from his mind and just hide away with Jessie, without the worry of saying or doing something wrong that would knock him off the pedestal Jessie seemed to prop him up on.

He gathered his case files from the dining room table and stuffed them into his bag. He had to figure out what to do. Dr. Engel had nailed it—he had reached a stalemate in his life. Jessie wanted him to open up, to peel away the protective layers he used as a shield. But doing so would leave him exposed, vulnerable, weak—definitely not a state he chose to be in. And if Jessie walked away, well, he didn't want to let his mind go there. He could handle a lot of things—Lord knew he could—but Jessie leaving…definitely a what-if he wanted to avoid more than a flashback.

Jessie returned to the living room all polished and presentable as usual. Even his shirt looked as if it had been de-wrinkled. How the hell did he do that?

"Now kiss me before you go off to work."

This part, Aidan could totally do without even thinking. He snaked his arms around Jessie's waist and tugged him close as he bent to press his lips against Jessie's, hoping to convey his feelings with each swipe of his tongue and pull of his mouth.

The warm press against his body and the gentle caress at the nape of his neck was all he needed to transport his mind to Jessie's happy place—where optimism, love, happiness, and peace surrounded him.

"You remember the home videos you mentioned a while ago?" Jessie asked Cole, thumbing through the manual of the new audio system Cole's old crew member had installed in the house a few hours earlier. He appreciated the Saturday company. Although he loved working from home, the isolation sometimes wore on him, especially on those weekends Aidan worked.

Cole stretched his legs and stifled a yawn. "The ones of Aidan and Ty? Yeah. What's up?"

"Do you think Ty would mind if I borrowed some of their old videos?"

"I'll ask him. Any particular ones you want? My-Ty's got them all sorted by date and color-coded by holidays and special events," Cole finished quietly, hiding a smile.

"Any would be fine." He set the manual aside. "You're going to have to give me a crash course on how to use this system."

"Super easy. It's what we've got at the shop. And I'll give you the most embarrassing videos."

Jessie smiled at how Cole could easily manage multiple conversations. His friend was far sharper than most people gave him credit for. "I think you enjoy pissing off Aidan." He kicked Cole's booted feet off the coffee table.

"I love getting a rise out of him. Haven't you noticed that little vein he's got at his temple?" Cole said, tapping the side of his forehead with a playful expression. "That little vein talks to me every time I'm in the room." He crossed his arms and firmly nodded. "I have a personal relationship with that vein of his. You should work on getting a rise out of him. It's fun to watch."

"I do get a rise out of him."

Cole slowly raised an eyebrow. "Well, well, well. It's about fucking time."

Jessie sighed. "Don't tease me about it. Please." He absently brushed his fingers along the couch cushion, following the lined pattern as his mind wandered. He loved Aidan, more with each passing day, and sensed the stubborn man had an immense capacity to love and believed even he would be overwhelmed if Aidan were to open the floodgates. Aidan would love intensely. He'd love hard. And he'd love forever.

"Jessie," Cole said, pulling him from his thoughts.

He looked up at an oddly serious Cole.

"Don't give up on him."

"I'd
never
give up on him," Jessie fiercely said.

"He trusts you, and that's a huge first step for him whether he admits it or not."

"I know," Jessie whispered, brushing the random pattern on the cushion.

They chatted for a while and ran through the new system basics before Cole finally left. Jessie showered and worked on preparing dinner, tinkering with the new system in between. He grabbed the other bag of items and strolled throughout the house. He walked into the master bedroom…
Aidan's
bedroom. He stood there for a moment, taking in the emptiness of the space. The far left corner of the room held a desk area where Aidan often worked on a case if he didn't want a distraction from the living room.