A Miracle of Hope (The Amish Wonders Series) (8 page)

Josiah took his place at the table. Hannah sat on his left and Simon at the opposite end. Josiah tried to peek out the window without Simon noticing. Lindie hadn’t moved. Did she realize she was holding up the meal? In a few minutes, the fading sun would limit his ability to see outside. Then he’d never get her attention without knocking on the windowpane. That would only rile Simon up over the matter, which wouldn’t be good for any of them. Lindie wouldn’t be long. If not hunger, the drop in temperature should bring her in at any moment.

Hannah wiggled in her chair.

Simon cleared his throat. “So how does Hannah get along with your new
fr
—”

“Her name is Lindie.” He didn’t want Simon’s reference to be how Hannah learned the news. He turned his attention to his daughter, who was staring at him. Her expression was blank. He smiled warmly at her, but the gesture failed to elicit a response. His child’s empty stare cut through his heart. He wished he knew what hid behind those big brown eyes of hers.

Simon heaped a spoonful of potatoes onto his plate and passed the bowl to Josiah. “What is she doing outside anyway?”

Josiah shrugged, then forked a chunk of meat and lowered it onto Hannah’s plate.

“It seems as though mealtime would be important to your
fraa
.”

Josiah stood. “Let me get you some
kaffi
.” He didn’t want to discuss this now, especially not in front of his daughter. She could read lips. Although she hadn’t shown any interest in joining
conversations lately. Even though she was born deaf, she could talk some. But she had chosen not to since her mother died.

With his back turned from them, Josiah explained, “I haven’t told Hannah that Lindie and I are married.”

“The child’s bound to suspect something. The woman is living under your roof.”

Josiah jerked around. He blew out a breath; she hadn’t been watching her grandfather’s lips. Josiah raised his brow in an effort to remind Simon this was something he didn’t wish to discuss. Not now.

Simon wasn’t one to take advice from others, especially not his son-in-law. “The child’s already troubled in the mind.”

His father-in-law wasn’t saying anything new. Hannah required the same level of supervision as a toddler. And that was something Lindie was supposed to do.

Josiah squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and then reached inside the cabinet for cups. He had enough problems. To top it off, Lindie didn’t seem to have enough sense to come in from the cold, or eat for two. She was certainly putting him in an awkward position in front of his father-in-law. The woman was homesick and he was miserable. He needed to pray now that his decision didn’t cause Hannah to retreat further. He’d lost his wife. Was it too much to ask God to give him back his little girl?

Simon cleared his throat.

Josiah looked over his shoulder as Lindie wandered into the kitchen. Her red button nose and rosy cheeks masked her pasty complexion and gave her a nice winter’s glow. Josiah averted his eyes. She was nice to look at. And under a normal covenant of this sort, a striking wife was a welcome distraction. But he couldn’t allow himself that luxury. He needed her to partner with him in making this arrangement work.

“Have a seat,” he said, picking up the coffee cups. “I’ll bring yours to the table.”

“Denki.”
Her answer was faint. Perhaps Simon’s scowl had intimidated her.

They were silent the remainder of the meal. Simon was the first to clean his plate and leave the table, mumbling something about turning in early.

Lindie poked at her food.

The only one who didn’t seem affected by the tension in the room was Hannah. But that was about to change.

Chapter Six

L
indie had no more than showed Hannah the brush when the girl flung her arms wildly and raced off to her bedroom. Lindie didn’t feel cut out to be a mother. She had to try another approach to reach the child.

Her stomach roiled and she darted out to the porch. Was she going to be sick every morning? She wished Margaret lived close by so she could ask her sister-in-law if this was normal. It didn’t feel right. But nothing did. She guessed her insides were rebelling so much today because of all the crying she’d done during the night. How do you stop thinking about home? Even Josiah seemed beside himself not knowing how to help her. The situation wasn’t going to change. She needed to accept her new life.

Jesus, I’m so lonely
. She lifted her face toward the sun and closed her eyes.
Is all this a mistake? Hannah refuses to communicate, Josiah is tolerant, and Simon hasn’t uttered a word to me since our introduction. He’s made it clear he doesn’t like that Josiah married me
.

Lindie had no clear purpose. Josiah was self-sufficient. Hannah hid in her bedroom most of the time, and when they were in the same room, she ignored Lindie. Studying the sign
language book was of no value if she couldn’t practice the gestures with someone.

Lindie squinted from the sun’s reflection off the snow. This was the first day since her arrival that there weren’t any looming snow clouds. It looked like a good day to catch up on laundry.

She went inside, kicked her shoes off at the door, and hurried down the hall toward the bedrooms. It wasn’t long before footsteps tromped down the hall.

“Lindie?” Josiah knocked on the door. “Are you in there?”

“
Jah
, you can
kumm
in.”

He opened the door and poked his head inside. “Were you planning to rest for a while?”

“Nay.”
She bent down and collected the pile of dirty clothes. “I’m going to do some laundry. Is your friend doing your clothes, or should I collect them from your room?”

He stepped inside the bedroom. “I plan on telling Hannah about our marriage and I had hoped you would join me.”

“
Ach
, I’m
nett
sure that’s a
gut
idea.” She wouldn’t be able to follow the hand gestures. She hadn’t yet learned the whole finger-spelling alphabet, and certainly hadn’t progressed to words. Why would he need her there? She scanned the floor for more clothes even though she was sure she’d collected everything.

He sighed. The weight of disappointment in his tone wasn’t lost on Lindie. He crossed his arms over his chest.

“I can’t force you to take on a role that should
kumm
natural,” he said.

She clutched the clothes against her chest. “And what role are you referring to? It’s obvious I’ve failed to meet your expectations, but please clarify if it’s the role of taking care of Caroline’s child or her husband.”

“This isn’t about me. We had an agreement about Hannah.”
He groaned under his breath. “Lindie,” he said, stretching out her name pathetically. “Don’t you think it would be best if we talk with her together? She needs to know that”—he cleared his throat—“we’re married and . . . you’re her . . . new . . .” He turned his head and coughed into his hand.
“Mamm
.”

Lindie tried
not
to concentrate on how difficult it seemed for him to say those words aloud. Still, it hurt. Her mouth quivered as she tried to force a smile.

How much would he tell Hannah about their marital conditions? She was too young to understand what a marriage of convenience meant. Yet wouldn’t she question why they didn’t share the same bedroom? Had he prayed for wisdom? Children learned from example—even poor examples. No parent would want their daughter trapped in a loveless marriage.

“Will you?” he said softly.

She swallowed hard through her throat’s tightness. “If you believe it’s wise.”

“
Jah
, I do.”

She needed to support them. After all, they were in this mess together. The laundry could wait. She tossed the clothes into a pile on the bed. “You don’t expect me to talk, do you? I don’t know any sign language.”

His jaw clenched. “Talk slow and she’ll read your lips.”

Only if she wants to
.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll translate for you.”

“Okay.”

Josiah took a step, then turned back to face her. “Let’s pray first.” He reached for her hand and led her to the side of the bed where they knelt together.

“Father God, I ask that you give me wisdom and guidance in what to say to Hannah. Sometimes she’s unreachable . . .”

Lindie peeked at Josiah when his prayer fell silent. Tears collected in his closed eyes and wet the creases.
Lord, give him strength
.

“Aemen.”
He opened his eyes, blinked a few times, then swept his shirtsleeve over his face. “Ready?”

“You are not making sense.” Josiah signed the words as he spoke them. “Slow down.”

The child’s eyes narrowed as her fingers flew in quick hand motions.

Lindie bit the inside of her cheek. She didn’t relish being the topic of a conversation she could only follow by trying to decipher facial expressions. Why wasn’t Josiah translating his daughter’s words? She studied the wood grains embedded in the table.

“Yes. She and I are married.”

Lindie looked up and forced a smile, but Hannah still glared.

“Can you welcome Lindie to the family?” Josiah nodded, encouraging his daughter to agree.

Hannah fisted her hands.

Message received.

Lurching forward in his chair, Josiah gestured without verbalizing the words, leaving Lindie lost.

Hannah shoved away from the table and bolted off the seat.

Josiah jumped up and grabbed her arm to prevent her from leaving the kitchen. He circled her around to face Lindie, knelt in front of the child, then signed and said, “Apologize.”

Forcing Hannah to accept her was too much. Lindie stood. “Please, Josiah, give her time.”

The child’s empty stare tore at Lindie’s heart. She wasn’t sure
she could have accepted a new mother if her father had lived to remarry.

Josiah tapped his daughter’s shoulder, made a few hand gestures, and stopped when Hannah covered her eyes.

Stomach acid washed up the back of her throat. She dashed past them and out the door. But once outside, inhaling the cold air helped the queasiness subside. With her arms folded across her chest, she paced up and down the length of the porch. The cold air bit, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to go back inside. She made another pass to the end of the porch and stopped at the corner. This marriage was a mistake. She squeezed her eyes closed. “
Ach,
Lord, Josiah’s probably saying the same thing.”

“That we’re in a jam?” Josiah closed the door behind him.

She jolted.

He crossed the porch and stood beside her. “
Jah
, I said that too.” He leaned down, rested his forearms on the railing, and sighed. “Neither one of us thought this out.”

She huffed and turned her back on him.

“I remember our conversation at the bus station. You were given a choice.”

He didn’t know her brother very well if he believed Eli had let her choose.

“Lindie,” he said, moving in front of her. “It doesn’t matter how we got to this point. We took vows in front of God, and we’re in this for life.”

“It isn’t just about us.”

“She’ll get used to the idea.” As though finalizing the statement in his mind, he nodded. “She will.” He smiled. “I still believe in miracles.”

Miracles took faith. Something she’d lost a significant amount of over the past few months. She marveled at his ability
to hold on to any morsel of hope after everything he’d gone through. For his sake, she hoped for a miracle, because she didn’t see this marriage working any other way.

Josiah burned off most of his frustration mucking out the horse stall. Hannah hadn’t accepted Lindie, and Lindie hadn’t accepted her new role. The stress was too much. He started coughing and had to stop shoveling to catch his breath. Sweat rolled down his face and stung his eyes. He went to reach for his hankie, then remembered he hadn’t replaced the one he’d given Lindie to use.

Simon stepped around the corner. “I heard you coughing over in the milking area. You need to see a
doktah
.”

Josiah couldn’t think of that now. He had other problems to worry about besides his failing health. “Maybe I’ll get a chance next week.”