A Mixture of Madness, Book II of The Bow of Heaven (31 page)

“I am resolute,” he said. “And I will be victorious.”

Domina
complained of the time they would be apart. “Who will be my hero,” she said, “and catch the mice for me now? We shall be overrun by the time you return.”

Crassus took her hands in his and kissed her cheek. “That was a long time ago,” he said, not unkindly. “Is that the surprise?” He pointed to the chest.

Tertulla sighed with resignation. “You’re going to like this,” she said as cheerfully as she could. She got up, went to the chest and pulled the lid up to reveal its contents.
Dominus
rose respectfully to join her. The trunk was filled with clothes and armor. There were extra tunics and two pairs of hobnail
caligae
.
Beneath these were a fine silver balteus from which would hang a new
gladius
with a golden hilt and a smaller
pugio
dagger. Crassus dug further into the chest, admiring first an embossed leather cuirass, then a padded
subarmilis
to keep his armor from chafing. It was complete with leather
pteruges
; he ran his hand appreciatively down the finely worked fringed strips. There were several sizes of cloaks, boxes of toiletries, and other packages containing little gifts, sweetmeats and remembrances. Wrapped in muslin was a small bronze statuette of one of our household
lares
.

“It is a duplicate,” Tertulla said. “I will implore mine to perform its task well—to protect and preserve our family,
all
our family” (
she looked at me, I glanced at Curio
) “and to bring my loved ones home to me, safe and unscathed.”

Crassus closed the trunk lid and turned to his wife. The words escaped his lips before thought, drawn out by some malicious sprite. “By rights Caesar ought to pay for at least half of all this.”

Lady Tertulla stood and turned her back to
dominus
, blinking away tears. He begged her forgiveness, but the damage was done, the scab picked at yet again.

She said, “We will never put it behind us, will we?” It was barely a question. Crassus went to her and
stopped, his hands frozen just above her shoulders, the distance separating them measured by fractions and continents. He glanced at me and I could see he was afraid to touch her lest she pull away. There are senators who call him one of Rome’s greatest orators, but now he stood mute. At last he lowered one hand to her bare shoulder, not daring to embrace her. After a moment, she reached up and covered his hand with her own.

My lord laid his head on her shoulder and they stood like that among the lotus trees, listening to rustle of the leaves. Finally, he told her that he would rather fall on his own sword than intentionally cause her harm. “But a green harpy lives inside me and will out no matter how I reason with it.”

My lady said, “Then do not reason with it, mighty Crassus. Bury your sword in its craw and be done with it. You have no cause for jealousy.”

Gently,
dominus
turned her around and wiped the tears from her eyes. “In my mind I know this to be true. It is my heart that yet writhes with the memory. I would tear it from my body, but then how would I love you?”

My lady smiled weakly. “There are enough senators to call you ‘heartless.’ I shall never add my voice to theirs.”

“I apologize for speaking to you as I did. Your gift is magnificent, as are you.”

“It is my fervent prayer,” she replied, “that you will have the entire trunk thrown into the Tiber. If you still love me, stay and put aside this war. We were rash, and we are wrong to seek revenge at such a cost.” Tertulla took his hands in hers and stared at him with such intensity that by this look alone she might have deflected him from his intended path. “You need not go further away, husband, to bring us closer together. You do not have to go. The people would have you stay.
I
would have you stay.”

He took both her hands in his.
“I cannot turn back, nor would I. Caesar has taken enough from me. No more. When I return, I will retrieve the
bulla aurea
of my childhood and wear it in the triumphal procession. This I swear to you and to any god who will listen. I did not act that night in Luca, to my everlasting disgrace. I must act now.”

“Then,” said my lady, “I will pray for you daily. Twice daily.” She reached up to
dominus
, and drawing him down to her, pressed her body full against his own and they kissed as I had not seen them do in many months.

“I have loved none but you, I love you still, and I shall love you always.”

She said this to him then, and he shook with emotion when he heard it. “I summon Venus and Mars to join in both love and in war. Come, Venus Victrix, come quickly now. Forsake Vulcan and with You, Father of Warfare, take pity on us, turn evil aside from us, and preserve my husband's and my sons’ life. Gird them with the strength of Hercules and the cunning of Mercury. Vanquish any and all who oppose them. Let not the scales of victory hover above the blocks, but fall decidedly in favor of, and with the full weight and power of Crassus.”

•••

Many months later, as he kneeled in the bloodied dust of a strange and desolate land, Crassus would marvel at the clarity of his recall of their last moment together—the warmth of her skin through the fabric of her tunic, the smell of almond and bergamot in her hair, the soft pressure of her arms about his neck. He wore the memory of her embrace like armor, and though he knew it would not save his life, it would be all that was left to him to ease his passage into whatever lay beyond.

Chapter
XIX

55 BCE   -   Fall, Rome

Year of the consulship of

Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus and Marcus Licinius Crassus Dives

“We could be home within a year,” I whispered. Felix was asleep in his crib. From his own cot, Hanno kept shushing our every sentence with a noise louder than our speech. I lit another lamp to aid in my packing.

Hanno said, “Bright.”

“I am sorry, son. It will only be for a little while. Try to sleep.”

“If I try, it never works.” I smiled at
his exhibition of logic and he smiled back, knowing he had pleased me.

“I can’t leave him, Andros,” Livia said, moving from our bed to stand over the crib. Under one arm she held a bundle of my folded tunics; with her free hand she tucked
Felix’s blanket up under his dimpled chin and bent to kiss his forehead. “I can’t do it.”

“We have no choice.”

“That is what angers me the most.” I took the tunics from her and laid them neatly in the open trunk that lay in the center of our bedroom, a
cubiculum
so well-appointed and lavish it would put many senators’ own lodgings to shame.

“Why are you still here?” Crassus stood in our doorway, the portiere drawn aside. His hands were not empty.

Livia and I turned and spoke simultaneously, “
Dominus!
”

Hanno sat up in his cot. “Father Jupiter! Hug?” At least the boy had learned to ask.

“Not now, Hanno. Father Jupiter is displeased.”

“That’s all right,” Hanno said, completely
oblivious of our master’s tone. “I’ll wait right here.”

“I thought,” I said, “to spend one more day with my family before departing for Brundisium.”

“I told you I needed you there by the end of the week. You were supposed to have left today. It was not a suggestion, Alexandros.” Crassus only called me by my birth name when he was truly angry.

“
Dominus
…,” Livia started.

“The answer is ‘no,’
medicus
. I did not send you to Egypt to learn to be a wet nurse. You and your skills will follow the army.” Livia looked at the floor. Thankfully, her unbound hair hid her expression.

“If I leave
the day after tomorrow, all will be in readiness for your arrival.”

“You will leave at first light. I will not have you depart the day the cover is removed from the
mundus
. It will be seen as an ill omen; bad enough we’ll be leaving the city before the Plebeian Games have ended.”

“Yes,
dominus
.”

“I am sorry to put you through this,” he said
, a shade less put out. He peered into the crib like a proud grandfather. I noticed that he was barefoot, and wondered how the coming months would treat his ailing feet. “Your
domina
will tend to your son as if he were her own, you have my word and hers. He couldn’t be in better care.”

More and more, it seemed
my lord was letting words fall from his mouth without permitting them to first pass through his brain. I could feel Livia vibrating by my side.

Crassus opened his hand to reveal a golden amulet on a gold link chain. He held the chain and let the
bulla
swing free. “Your mistress will keep it for him to wear, when he is older.”

“That is very generous of you,
dominus
. But a slave cannot—”

“He can, if I will it so.” He dropped the heavy ornament into my hand. I felt the heft of it, then handed it back to him.

“May we all return safely to see it adorn his neck. Livia, these are for you.” He held out two tunics trimmed with wide red stripes, the sign of a senior
medicus
. For a heartbeat, I thought she would refuse them, but sanity got the better of her and she mumbled gratitude.

To me he
said, “I was going to have your mate surprise you with this honor when she met up with you in Brundisium, but I see I shall have to rob her of that pleasure.” He handed me a 4-inch gold disk hung from a broad purple sash. The thick medal was reminiscent of the
phalerae
, awards centurions displayed proudly on their chests for deeds of valor. This one was inscribed
with writing that encircled the entire circumference:  “Alexandros, beloved of Crassus. Harm him, harm me. Disobey him, disobey me.” Within the circle, facing each other were two engraved likenesses, his, and my own. Between them was an image of one of the lotus trees from the peristyle at the estate in Rome. On the back, these words were etched: 

A face once effective

May one day be erased

For one need having perished

May find it's been replaced

“What does t
his mean?” I risked asking.

“
Should you ever require the knowledge, Alexander, your intelligence will guide you. Now finish here,” he said curtly. “You have an early start.”

On his way
out of our room, Crassus detoured to allow Hanno to throw his arms around his true master. The boy never looked so happy as when he had just been given the gift of human touch. After we had given him our own hugs of good night, Hanno settled down and was in blissful sleep within moments.

“I hate him,” Livia
whispered after Crassus' steps had receded down the hallway.

“I know that you don’t.
Dominus
does what he must.”

“You didn’t even argue with him.”

Livia wanted a fight, and I was close, posing no threat. “Argue? With him? Come, let us pour a cup of honeyed wine before bed. The packing is almost done.”

“Finish it then.”

“Livia, would you take Felix with us to Syria and beyond?”

“I would have the right to choose to tak
e him wherever you and I decide.”

“As would I. But such talk is nonsense. Besides, what finer care could there be than that of our lady?”

“The care of his mother.” She stood rigid, her hands at her sides.

“How I wish I could comfort you.” I placed my hand close to hers, without touching.

She was crying softly. “What a fool was that happy, whistling child.” Her fingers slid into mine. “Life is not what she imagined it would be. I was treated less cruelly in the house of Boaz, the slave merchant.” 

“Never say that,” I said, kissing her forehead. “Never think it.” We curled into each other’s arms, and Livia let me hold her until her sobs subsided.

“I hate for you to see me cry,” she said, pushing me far enough away from her to hold me by my elbows.

“Why? You will always be beautiful to me, no matter how red and puffy your face.”

“It’s not that, dolt.”

“To say nothing of the glistening of your runny nose.”

“Enough.” She kissed me hard on the mouth. “I don’t care about any of that. I don’t want you to think I am weak.”

I laughed, kissing her eyes and nose, then, between each sentence, with increasing fervor, her mouth. “Concrete is weak. Marble is weak. Even Margianian steel is weak, compared to you. Now come,
domina
,” I said, tugging lightly at her hand. “Who knows when we will be able to share a bed again?”