A Passionate Discovery (Self-Discovery Series) (32 page)

He was
sure if he could just get her to calm down she would realize he would never
have hurt her; that it was meant to be something she would enjoy.

Carla
slipped her dress over her head, not taking her eyes off Jason for any longer
than was absolutely necessary as she fumbled for her shoes and pulled them on,
without bothering to locate her socks. She didn’t trust him, didn’t think she’d
ever be able to again; anyone who could do what he had was not someone she
wanted to be around.

Grabbing
up her purse she made for the door, skirting the room and staying as far away
from him as she could. She kept her eyes on him the whole way so she ended up
backing toward the door. “Don’t fucking call me, or ever try to get in touch
with me again,” she told him. “I don’t ever want to see or hear from you again,
you fucking freak!” She finally turned her back on him when she reached the
doorway and stepped through it. Her heart was broken beyond repair and she
wished she had the strength to kick his ass like he deserved.

“Carla, sweetheart,
be reasonable, you can’t drive like this.” He caught up with her just before
the stairs and took her by the arm, turning her back to face him. He couldn’t
believe how horribly wrong the night had gone and the thought of her walking
out of his life was tearing him up.

“Don’t you
dare call me sweetheart, you sick son of a bitch.” Pulling her arm from his
grasp Carla poked him in the chest with her finger. “You seriously need some
fucking help, you’re mental, Jason Portland.”

Turning
away she took off running as tears streamed down her face, nearly falling in
her haste to descend the stairs. If he tried to stop her she swore she’d grab
the nearest object she could find and smash it over his demented head.

Jason
followed, but didn’t try to stop her again. He was terrified she was going to
hurt herself in her current emotional state. She didn’t look back and he could
only assume she didn’t know he was following her. He wanted to beg her to let
him drive her home, but realized she was past any rational thought.

When he
saw her get behind the wheel of the canary yellow sports car he had given her
and speed off he did the only thing he could think of, he hurried to the garage
and got into one of his own cars to give chase. He slowed down once he caught
up to her and from that point he merely kept her in sight, wanting to make sure
she made it safely to wherever she was going.

Carla knew
she shouldn’t be driving the way she was, it was reckless and dangerous, but
she didn’t care, all she could think about just then was getting home. The
clock on the dashboard told her it was past three in the morning, idly she
realized that meant the streets would be emptier, making her reckless driving a
little less dangerous.

Turning on
the radio she cranked up the volume, attempting to drive away thoughts of how Jason
had betrayed her in the worst way possible. Blinking away the tears that
blurred her vision she did her best to focus on the road ahead.

How she
made it to the condo building without crashing she would never know, but she
did, and parking the car she ran inside. Wishing that Scarlett was there she
let herself into the condo, locked the door behind her and dropped to the
floor, where she cried helplessly.

Seeing
that Carla had arrived home safely, for which he was grateful given the way she
had been driving, Jason turned his car around and left the parking lot of her
new condo complex. He had kicked himself mentally for what he had put her
through the whole time he had been following her, and he continued to do so
during the drive home.

He had
played through the scenario with other women in the past, but only after being
very sure that they would be alright with it. He had debated whether to go
through with the faux rape all evening before heading home, and several times
he had decided to abandon it. In the end though something had made him continue
with his plan, and until then he hadn’t known why he did.

After
thinking about it during the drive there he thought he had figured it out. A
part of him had wanted to punish Carla for the feelings she had stirred within
him, feelings that threatened to turn his world upside down, feelings that he
was unprepared to deal with.

Now he
realized that what he had done was stupid, more than that, it was the single
stupidest thing he had ever done, or was ever likely to do. Worse than that, he
now knew that he loved Carla, and all he could think was that the knowledge had
come to him too late to stop him pushing things so far that he might never see
her again.

“Stupid
ass stubborn son of a bitch!” he swore aloud, slamming his hand down on the
steering wheel. “I wouldn’t blame her if she called the police.” Expecting the
worse as a result of his foolishness he headed home to prepare himself should Carla
decide to do as he feared.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Carla
remained curled up on the floor just inside the condo, weeping; she didn’t have
the strength of will to get up. As tears streamed down her face to spill onto
the carpet beneath her she found herself replaying each night with Jason in her
mind, it was like watching a horror movie when she couldn’t find the remote
control to stop it.

Her heart
ached as she realized that Jason had never truly given a damn about her, he’d
made her believe he did but Scarlett had been right, he didn’t. She’d never been
a violent person, right then though she wanted to rip his balls off and shove
them down his throat. At the same time she wanted to run back to him and beg
him to take away the horrible emptiness that made her feel like nothing would
ever be right in her life again.

Why did
she have to fall in love with the one man in this world that was so screwed up
he could never give her what she needed? Was she so fucked up that she could
only find passion with a demented asshole whose idea of a good time was to hurt
people, and who only knew how to show affection by destroying her mentally?

Lost in
her own mental hell she didn’t notice the arrival of her best friend, she was
aware of nothing as she sobbed, attempting to wash away the misery that filled
her.

Scarlett
and Daniel walked into the condo laughing, having had a great evening, only to
be silenced by the sight of Carla curled up on the floor, sobbing. She was so
absorbed in her misery she didn’t hear them come in; she didn’t even hear them
when they asked her what was wrong.

Carla
didn’t react to their presence until Daniel lifted her into his arms; when he
did that she fought him like a wild animal, desperate to be free. Finally he
had to set her down again, just where he had picked her up from. She didn’t calm
down, even slightly, until Scarlett slid to the floor next to her and laid her
friend’s head in her lap, stroking her hair gently.

Daniel had
no idea what had caused Carla’s misery, but he knew she had been at Jason’s so
he rang his friend to find out what the hell had happened between them. It
didn’t take Jason long to recount his foolishness, though he was initially
reluctant to do so.

Always
before Daniel had considered his partner and friend a sensible person, if a
little extreme in his application of the Dom/Sub lifestyle, but what he heard
just then left him wondering about his mental state.

When he
was told the state his stunt had left Carla in Jason insisted on coming over,
despite Daniel’s insistence that he stay away, that his presence could only
make things worse. Daniel knew Jason was not one to be ordered around, and even
after all the years they had known each other he wasn’t inclined to listen to
advice, no matter how sensible.

Eventually
Daniel had to threaten his friend with the police in order to convince him to
stay away. He was half tempted to call them anyway, seeing the state Carla was
in, but decided to wait.

Disgusted
with the situation, but satisfied that his friend wasn’t going to turn up
unexpectedly, Daniel hung up on Jason and immediately dialed another number.
Knowing what had happened he realized that the best thing he could do for Carla
was call a friend from the dungeon scene.

His friend
was a psychiatrist, which made her the obvious choice to call for help.

Sylvia,
the psychiatrist, made it to the condo in just under an hour, responding
hastily to Daniel’s urgent plea for assistance. She had seen many things in her
profession, but the state of the young woman she had been called to see shocked
her.

“I think
someone needs to start talking,” she said, infuriated by Carla’s state. Not
only was she infuriated she was perplexed, especially after listening to Daniel
recount the scene as Jason had explained it to him.

As a
psychiatrist she had seen rape victims respond as Carla was during her
emergency room visits, but she had never known a lifestyle person to respond
with such psychosis. “I have to admit I am mystified by her response. Wasn’t
this scene discussed in contracts?” Sylvia asked.

Scarlett,
who was still holding Carla in her arms and stroking her hair like a child,
spoke up. “She was new to the lifestyle. She was actually a virgin until she
and Jason first met. They had decided to use safe words instead of a contract
until Carla knew more about what her limits were.”

“So am I
to assume he took a complete innocent, not just an innocent in our lifestyle,
but one with no sexual experience whatsoever, and threw her straight into
something like this?” She couldn’t believe that someone as experienced in the
lifestyle as Jason Portland would do something like that, it was beyond her
understanding. She had thought he had more sense than to do something so
stupid, and more importantly she’d thought he only got involved with people who
were already part of the lifestyle.

Scarlett
nodded; it was only the need to remain calm as she soothed her friend that kept
her temper at bay. If it hadn’t been for Carla’s presence she would have let
loose and given vent to what she thought of Jason Portland and his stupidity,
which he had demonstrated repeatedly during his ten nights with Carla.

“It
doesn’t take a professional to see your friend is in shock.” Sylvia shook her
head, attempting to maintain her professionalism. She resolved to have a long
discussion with Jason about his decision to involve an innocent in such an
extreme example of the lifestyle, just as soon as she had an opportunity to do
so.

Opening
her eyes Carla looked around; seeing the people surrounding her she closed her
eyes and sighed deeply. She hadn’t meant to lose it so badly, though it was
clear she had from the way Scarlett was holding her like a child and Daniel and
some strange lady was looking at her with concern in their eyes. “What
happened?” she asked. She kept her eyes closed for a moment longer before
willing them open.

“You had
us scared to death, honey.” Scarlett hugged her tight before letting her go.

“How are
you feeling now, Carla?” Sylvia squatted alongside the young woman, smiling
reassuringly at her.

“Um, I’m
sorry, who are you?” Carla wanted to know, she had no idea who the lady next to
her was, and wasn’t about to talk to her until she did.

“My name
is Sylvia, I’m a friend of Daniel and Scarlett; I’m also a psychiatrist.” She
smiled again, wanting to put Carla at ease. “Don’t worry, I’m just here to help;
Daniel thought I might be of some assistance when he saw how upset you were by
what happened.”

Groaning
softly Carla sat up. “Look, I’m sorry for the inconvenience, I just freaked out.
Seriously, I’m fine now,” she said, seeing the skeptical look on Sylvia’s face.

“You’ve
been catatonic for the past two hours, my dear,” Sylvia said gently. “I don’t
think you’re fine, not yet.”

Carla
couldn’t believe she had been out of it for that long, it only felt like a few
minutes since she entered the condo and collapsed to the floor. Her face burned
with embarrassment. “I’m so sorry, Scarlett, I just lost it.” She was mortified
at having Daniel and a stranger as witnesses to her meltdown, especially since,
given the look on her friend’s face, it had been bad.

“Don’t you
dare worry about anything, honey,” Scarlett told her, continuing to hold her
friend’s hand. “I’m just sorry I ever introduced you to him.” She felt like
shit; as far as she was concerned everything that had happened to Carla was her
fault, if she hadn’t taken her friend to that party she would never have met Jason,
and everything would still be alright with her.

“Scarlett,
stop, this isn’t your fault.” Pulling her friend into an embrace Carla held her
tight. “I just freaked out, I’m fine, honestly.” Her heart may have been
broken, but no one had ever died from a broken heart, had they?

“Listen, Carla,
my name is Sylvia Lawrence.” She pulled a card from her purse. “As I told you,
I am a psychiatrist. If you need to talk about this, or about anything, anything
at all, just call me, okay? Any time of the day or night, it doesn’t matter.”
She wasn’t entirely convinced that the young woman before her was actually
okay, but she did seem improved and Sylvia felt it would be okay to leave her
with her friends.

“It’s nice
to meet you, Sylvia.” Carla was tremendously embarrassed by everything; she
couldn’t believe she had caused such a scene that her friend’s boyfriend had
felt it necessary to call a psychiatrist. In her opinion people should be able
to work things out for themselves, or with their friends, they shouldn’t need
to speak to a stranger about their problems. “You won’t report this or anything
will you?” As pissed off as she was she didn’t really want to get Jason in
trouble.

“I have to
admit, Carla, I am in a very tough position here. Daniel has told me that you
agreed to spend ten nights with Jason, nights which you knew would contain a
sexual element.”

Carla
nodded, reluctant to discuss those ten nights with the psychiatrist.

“See that
would make it difficult to do anything if I were to report what happened; I
know from experience, both as a psychiatrist and a submissive, that when it
comes to people involved in the lifestyle, the police are reluctant to get
involved.” It was a reluctance that Sylvia was very much at odds with. “On the
other hand, Jason’s appalling decision tonight, when he was very much aware
that you are inexperienced, both in the lifestyle and in sexual matters in
general, could result in tremendous emotional and psychological damage to you.
Damage that we are not yet able to assess the extent of.”

“I really
have to take at least part of the blame,” Carla said, she felt a little better
knowing the lady before her was part of the lifestyle as well, at least it
meant she wasn’t likely to judge anything she said negatively. “I agreed to
spend the ten nights with Jason without finding out more about what I was
getting into.

“Besides,
I think it was a first for him as well as for me.”

“No, Carla.”
Daniel shook his head from where he was leaning against the kitchen island.
“He’s done it before. It’s always been with people experienced in the lifestyle
though.”

“The truth
is, whether it was his first time doing it or not, he knew what he was doing,”
Sylvia said firmly. “While what he did may not be illegal, in the strictest
sense, it certainly wasn’t a well thought out act.

“I have
known Jason for fifteen years now, and I have never seen him act so
irresponsibly.” She was dumbfounded that he had allowed things to get so out of
control. Jason Portland was known in their community as a leader, and the
person a Dominant could turn to for help and advice.

“I just
wasn’t ready.” Carla found herself fighting back tears again. “Maybe if he’d
waited a while before doing it I would have been ready, it wouldn’t have been
such a shock to me.” Her voice wavered as she spoke.

“I don’t
want you internalizing this, Carla, Jason is much more to blame than you could
ever be; he knew what he was doing.” Sylvia was truly worried about the long
lasting effects of the training Jason had subjected her to. “It doesn’t matter
if you might have been ready for what he wanted to do in time, the fact remains
that you weren’t ready for it, and as much experience as he has in the
lifestyle it is impossible that he didn’t know that.

“I have a
small group that meets twice a week to demonstrate the basics of our lifestyle,
and to discuss any problems or questions that the members might have. I’d like
you to come and sit in.”

“To be
honest, I’m not sure I want to think about this lifestyle again.” She knew that
for the rest of her life, when she thought about BDSM, or indeed anything to do
with the culture, she would think about Jason, and being constantly reminded of
him was not going to help her forget, either him or the things he had done to
her.

“I think
you should at least consider the classes, Carla,” Sylvia told her. “Even if you
decide you do not wish to continue with this lifestyle I think it will help you
heal. It may also show you a side of the life that Jason has not yet
demonstrated.” Seeing that she wasn’t convinced she continued. “Please, Carla,
if nothing else it would help me sleep better at night.”

Carla
wasn’t sure why she nodded, but the thought of the psychiatrist having come to
take care of her in the early hours of the morning meant a lot to her. “I’ll
check out a class, okay?”

“Wonderful,
and if you need me before then, just call me. As I said, I am available any
time of the day or night.” She pulled a second card from her purse and handed
it to Carla. “The next class is in two days, at six p.m. Just follow the
direction on the back of the card.” Standing up she gave quick goodbyes to Daniel
and Scarlett before leaving them.

“Carla,
I’d like you and Scarlett to come stay at my place tonight. We were on our way
there when we stopped in to pick up a change of clothes for Scarlett.” Daniel
hoped that she would accept his offer. He didn’t entirely trust Jason to stay
away, despite his threats to involve the police.