A Perfect Life: A Novel (24 page)

She and Simon talked about it for hours afterward and Salima
came in to comment. She couldn’t believe what she’d heard. Nor could the entire country as they watched it replayed again and again. It was breaking news.

Blaise managed to look serious and dignified the next day at work, although she was laughing inside. Susie appeared briefly to pack up her things and disappeared without saying goodbye. The whole station talked of nothing else, and Charlie looked like he had survived electric shock therapy. He met with Zack for an hour, who now understood that live interviews of sensitive major subjects, like presidents or their wives, were not a good idea, and why.

Blaise went quietly about her work throughout the day, doing research in her office, and offering no comment about Susie. Blaise had dodged a bullet yet again.

She was in great spirits that night, telling Simon everything that had happened that day at the network, when the phone rang. She could tell by the way Simon spoke that it was work related, and it sounded important. It took her a few minutes to figure out that it was Eric, the head of the school.

“What did Eric say?” Blaise asked, looking relaxed, after a great day at work. It had been a total victory for her, and her first stress-free day in months. The heat would be on her again sooner or later, but for now she had a major reprieve that would last a while, until the next Susie Quentin came along.

Simon’s face was pale when he answered her question. “They’re reopening next Monday. I have to go back this weekend.” He looked devastated.

“So soon?” She felt like she’d been punched in the stomach and
was suddenly panicked. Her joy over Susie Q’s demise was short-lived. “You’re going back?” She had been hoping he’d stay in New York with her and Salima. It was what Salima wanted too. Blaise knew he had a contract he had to honor, but she hadn’t wanted to think about his leaving, and hoped they could figure out something so he could stay, or come back very quickly.

“I have to,” he said simply. “My contract doesn’t end till May. What about Salima?”

“She wants to stay here. And she was hoping you’d stay with us.”

“I can’t,” he said, looking miserable, and Blaise was thinking it would be a long time till he returned in May. And now Salima wouldn’t be at the school, so she had no excuse to go up there to see him. She wished there was some way for Simon to stay, but knew there wasn’t.

“I’m going to miss you,” she said sadly, as his eyes met hers.

“It’s more complicated than that,” Simon said slowly.

“How’s that?” She could see something more in his eyes, but she didn’t know what it was.

“I didn’t want to tell you and ruin Christmas.” He swallowed before he spoke again. He could hardly get the words out. “Megan left her husband on Christmas Day. She finally did it.” Blaise nearly felt her heart stop at his words.

“What does that mean for us?” Blaise held her breath as she waited for his answer.

“I don’t know yet,” he said honestly. “I want to see her when I go back, and talk about it. I have to finish it cleanly and figure out what I’m doing.”

“I thought we knew what we were doing,” she said with a devastated expression. She had trusted him and given him her heart, and now he no longer sounded sure.

“I love you, Blaise. But I spent three years waiting for her to do this. She did it for me. I have a responsibility here, to her and her children.” He looked agonized as he said it, and Blaise as if he’d hit her.

“And she wants to have your baby, of course,” Blaise said with sudden irony in her voice. It was a tone he’d never heard her use, of defeat and bitterness. She could already see what was going to happen. He would go back to Meg, marry her, and have kids. She knew it was what she should have expected him to do at his age. But neither of them had believed that Meg would finally get free, after three years of empty promises. Her husband had finally crossed the line once too often, and her fear of losing Simon forever had given her the courage she’d never had before. “Do you love her?” Blaise asked him in a pained tone. She had expected better than this from him, or hoped for it at least. He had been so sure that he wanted a life with Blaise, no matter how unusual, and he had convinced her. But there was no fighting the fact that he still had feelings for Megan. He had waited three years for her, and she had been everything he wanted then. Now, torn between two women, he was confused.

“I just need to figure this out,” he said with a look of desperation. “I don’t want to lose you. I love you.” She could see that he meant it, but as he had said, it was complicated. She could see now that he didn’t want to lose Meg either. He wasn’t ready. He had waited so long for this, and she had finally left her husband.

“And what am I supposed to do here in the meantime?” He was going back to school, and now possibly to Megan. Blaise felt as though her life had just fallen apart. Her situation at the network was secure. And now her love life was disintegrating. Again. It had come apart in an instant.

“Give me the time I need to figure out what I’m going to do with my life, and end it cleanly with Meg, if it’s right for me to be with you. I need some time to sort this out.”

“I thought we already knew that it’s right for us,” she said unhappily. But now nothing was clear, and Simon looked confused. He had known about Megan leaving her husband since Christmas. And his confusion was the difference between being thirty-two and being forty-seven. Blaise knew what she wanted now, but he was torn. “What do I do with Salima, if you have to leave this weekend?” She had to deal with the practical aspects too now. She had no one to help her, and she was going to Lebanon for two days the following week. But the real problem was not Salima, it was them.

“Eric thought I’d be bringing her with me. I’ll talk to him about it tomorrow.” It was the least of their problems. Blaise couldn’t believe what had just happened. Not only was he leaving almost immediately, but Megan was suddenly front and center again. She was angry he hadn’t told her sooner.

She sat looking at him for a long moment and said nothing. There were tears bulging in her eyes, but she didn’t want him to see her crying. She refused to be pathetic. She was too proud to beg him to choose her, and she knew she couldn’t. He had to make the decision on his own and follow his heart, wherever it led him.

“Let me see if I understand this clearly,” she said, sounding like the woman he saw on television, not the woman he had come to love. “You want time to talk to Meg and figure out if you still love her, and who you want to spend your life with. Does that pretty much sum it up? And during that time, you’d like me to wait here, hoping that you pick me, with no idea of what you’re going to do.”

“I don’t know what else to do,” he said, looking acutely unhappy. He hated hurting her, but he didn’t want to make a mistake. He had to be sure he was making the right decision. “I never thought she’d leave him. I honestly thought it was over, Blaise. I swear. She rocked my world when she told me she left him. And she did it for me.”

“What if she’s lying to you again, or to him? Or what if she goes back to him after you lose me?” She was trying to be calm, but all she wanted to do was lie on the floor and scream. How could she have done this to herself again? She realized now that they had gotten involved prematurely. He wasn’t ready. And maybe he never would be. Or he’d wind up marrying Megan. She felt like a total loser.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he said clearly again. “I’m in love with you, Blaise.” But he had three years of history with Megan, a sense of responsibility to her, and the possibility of having a baby, none of which he had with Blaise. And their relationship was brand new.

“I think that’s the same thing Andrew said when I left him, that he loved me and didn’t want to lose me,” Blaise said coldly, and Simon could see clearly just how hurt she was, and he hated being the one to do it this time. “You can’t have it both ways, at least not for long. Go figure out what you want,” she said, and stood up, but she didn’t approach him. “And I’ve got some serious thinking to do
in the meantime. Maybe fifteen years really does make a difference. You have a right to be with the woman you want, Simon. I was just hoping that woman was me. Apparently, that’s not the case.”

“I don’t know that. I don’t know anything right now. I’m confused. She threw me a curve here. She left him after I told her it was over.”

“She sounds like a prime manipulator to me.” That was one thing Blaise wasn’t, and he knew that. He didn’t blame her for being upset or even angry with him. But he couldn’t tell her something he didn’t know for sure. He knew he needed to see Meg again and clear the air before he could go any further with Blaise. It wasn’t finished with Megan.

“You talked to Andrew for four years after it was over,” he reminded her gently. “You still do. You said it was unfinished business. So is this for me. I need to see her, and either cut the cord completely or make it work. I don’t want to wonder about this in five or ten years. I need to know that this is where I want to be, with you. You lead a big life, Blaise. You’re a big person. You have a gigantic career. And if we’re together, we’re going to be in the press. You have Salima. I have to figure out if I’m big enough to take this on, and that I can bring enough to the table. And part of that is knowing if Meg is past history for me, or if there’s something left. I can’t come to you cleanly until I know where I stand with her.”

“That all makes sense,” Blaise said quietly, feeling as though her heart had turned to stone inside her. “I just don’t want to live through that. I’ve been there. It’s not a good situation for me.” And she thought it unlikely that he’d choose a woman fifteen years older instead of one his own age. She was fighting a losing battle, and she
knew it. And she’d rather bow out gracefully than wait for him to reject her later. She didn’t feel like she could win against Megan. She was sixteen years younger, and willing to have kids. And he had loved her for three years.

“I’m sorry to do this to you. You don’t deserve it,” he said miserably.

“No, I don’t,” she agreed with him. “And neither do you. You deserve to be with a woman who really loves you. Just make sure she does, before you take on a woman who lied to everyone for three years and has three kids by someone else. That doesn’t sound like a good situation to me.”

“I’ve never been happier in my life than I’ve been with you for the past three months. I wanted it to go on forever.” He looked heartbroken as he said it, and so did she.

“So did I. I was beginning to think it would. I thought we had it all figured out, but I guess we didn’t.” She had already resigned herself to the idea that he was going back to Meg. She was sure he would, and stay there. He had been loyal to Meg for three years before he left, to the point of obsession. How could she compete with that? And their relationship was healthy and sane, despite the age difference, not obsessed. And then she thought of something. “If you’re really leaving, and planning to work it out with Meg, don’t wait until the weekend. Have Eric send someone immediately. I don’t want to drag this out any longer than we have to. If you’re going to break my heart, and that appears to be the plan, make it quick. Don’t linger. It’ll just make it worse for both of us,” and particularly for her. He had someone else waiting for him, she didn’t. And knowing that Megan was back in his life was agony for her.

“Blaise, I told you I need time. I’m not telling you I’m going back to her for sure. I need to see her and be sure of what I want. If I didn’t do that, it wouldn’t be fair to you, or to me.”

“I understand. I’m just not as optimistic as you are. And to be honest, this is humiliating. I don’t want to stand around, while you figure it out, sample the merchandise, and decide who you love better. I have to compete every day at work and fight for my life. I don’t want to do that with you too. If you’re unclear enough to want to check it out with her again, I doubt very much that you’ll be coming back to me. And you probably shouldn’t. She can offer you a much more normal situation, with a house full of kids, hers and your own. That’s pretty hard to resist, particularly at your age. All I can offer you is my very grown-up life and Salima.”

“I love you both, you and Salima.” He looked honest as he said it.

“I’m grateful for everything you did for us for the past three months. It was amazing, particularly for Salima, and for me too,” she said sadly. She had never been as happy in her life. And now she had to pay the piper. She had been a fool to think their ages didn’t make a difference, and she knew it. They did. She was trying to be reasonable, but she was hurt and angry, and sounded bitter.

“I’ll call Eric in the morning,” he said quietly, and stood up to go back to his room. He wanted to spend the night with her, now more than ever, but he sensed that she wouldn’t let him. She didn’t say another word to him and walked back to her suite. And when she got there, she lay on the bed and sobbed. Her worst fears had just come true.

The two days after Eric’s call telling Simon the school was reopening were a blur for both Simon and Blaise. He continued keeping Salima busy, they were on a museum binge, and had been to three in the past week, while Simon explained both the visual and historical aspects of the shows to her. Salima loved it. And he had taken her to the LightHouse for the Blind too, and two concerts in the evening. But his mind was somewhere else. Several times Salima had to press him to get an answer to a question. His mind kept drifting as he thought of the situation he was in.

“Is something wrong?” she asked him finally as they left the Whitney. He hadn’t told her yet that he was leaving for Caldwell that Sunday, or sooner if Eric sent his replacement. Blaise wanted to break the news to Salima herself. She knew how much Salima would miss him. Her life, under Simon’s care, had been totally transformed. She had grown up in a mere three months. He had worked magic. And with Blaise as well. He made everything better, for each of them, and had brought both women out of their shell.
When Blaise had talked to Simon about it, she told him he wasn’t an enabler but an enhancer. It was an apt description of him.