A Plain Love Song (13 page)
“Jah, Molly.” Adah wanted to stamp her foot. Matchmaking was frowned upon, but Plain women could be forced to it in a pinch when men wore blinders. “You think she bakes brownies for everyone?”
“Molly,” he said again, his face more contemplative. “Huh. She’s nice. I never thought of her like—”
“Well, you should. She’s sweet and kind and a good cook and a hard worker and smart—and did I say kind? She’s so kind she makes two lunches every day so that she’ll have one to share with someone—anyone who crosses her path. And she’s—”
“Whoa, whoa. She’s like you, you mean—”
“Nee, nee, she’s a much better person than I am!”
“She really makes two lunches every day?”
“She really does.”
“What’s going on here?”
A chill brushed Adah’s neck. Her heart froze. Richard’s gaze went over her shoulder. To his credit, his expression didn’t change. “I was just telling Adah here that your sister Molly makes a mighty fine brownie.”
His voice was calm, collected, his expression genial. The embarrassment that had Adah in its grip receded. She faced Matthew. “You must be as thirsty as Richard is. I’ll fill the cooler with lemonade if you’ll cart it to the haus.”
“In a minute.” Matthew’s cool gaze spun over her to Richard and then back. “I’d like a word, if I might.”
“With me?”
“Jah.”
Richard eased toward the back porch steps. “I’ll get the lemonade.”
Matthew leaned on the nearest post, but his stance still seemed tense. He was wound tighter than a barbed wire fence. “I spoke with Thomas.”
No
hello
. No
how are you
. No
I miss you
. Matthew had never been one for sweet nothings, but he’d always made her feel as if he cared for her comfort and well-being. Right now, nothing about his attitude indicated he thought more of her than he did the two girls digging in the garden on the other side of the fence. Adah could be just as cool. “About what?”
“He said he’ll let you make up the lessons you’ve missed. Do the reading. Talk with him separately until you’re caught up if you decide to be baptized this fall.”
Irritation—no, anger—whipped through her at his attitude. “Why would you do that—talk to Thomas on my behalf? Baptism is a decision I must make. No one can make it for me.”
“Because I care…you’re a…this is…” His jaw pulsed as he gritted his teeth. His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I’m worried for you.”
“My spiritual well-being?” A curious look on her face, Lillie got to
her feet and stuffed a few more beets in the basket. Adah fought to bring her voice down so only Matthew could hear her. “I’m fine. Don’t worry.”
“You’ll take the baptism classes then?” His voice softened and something crept into his expression. It looked like hope. “With me?”
“Is this about baptism or about us?”
“Both, I reckon.”
Adah became aware that the twins had stopped any pretense of digging in the garden. They both stared, unabashed curiosity on their faces. “Girls, that’s plenty. Take those inside and wash them off.” Gripping the nearest fence post with both hands, Adah waited until they traipsed by, taking their sweet time. She turned to Matthew. “How can you think about this right now with all the work you have to do? With your grandparents being here and the harvest and a full house with the Gringriches?”
She wanted to say
with Elizabeth
. But she didn’t. She wouldn’t blame him if he chose another. She’d pushed him away. And her mind daily thought of another. Matthew could never know about Jackson. Never.
“For those exact reasons, I find I have no place to go that isn’t already full.” His voice roughened. “I rode those acres Daed plans to give me. There are lots of shade trees and a pond. I found a spot…a good place to build a house for my family. With lots of room for kinner.”
His tone begged her to see it with him. Adah could see it. Clearly. The muscles in her neck and shoulders clenched. She rubbed her hands over the rough wood of the post, focusing on the grooves under her fingers. “I’ll talk to Thomas.”
“Pray about it.”
“I will.”
“What is it? What is it that’s holding you back?” Matthew pushed away from the fence and faced her. Hurt mixed with confusion etched his face. “I don’t understand.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t explain it. I’m so sorry.”
“Is it about the music?”
“Who told you about the music?” How could he know? No one
knew except Jackson. And Molly. Maybe Molly had said something after that day at the library. “It’s nothing. I’m not doing anything wrong.”
“I didn’t say you were.” He looked confused. “You know I’ve always let you have your way on the music. I went to the concerts with you. I bought the radio for the buggy. It’s your rumspringa.”
“I know, I know, I just thought you meant…something else.”
“There’s something else? Something besides the concerts and writing the songs?”
“Nee, there’s nothing.” She held his gaze and his dark eyes studied her. They seemed to see right through her. He looked tired. So tired. “How about you? How are you?”
“Fine.” He bit out the word as if he were angry, angry at having to answer that question so often.
“Your grandfather seems good.”
Matthew’s gaze faltered. His eyes were liquid with emotion. Adah wanted to take his hand, to hug him tight. She didn’t dare and that made her sad. She cared about Matthew. She should be able to touch him.
He cleared his throat. “He’ll be better when we finish the house. Right now, he doesn’t have his own place to go.”
“I’m sure he misses familiar ground.”
“He keeps asking where his bedroom is.” His face reddened. He swiped at his nose with the back of his sleeve. “And whatnot. He’ll settle in. Groossmammi is fine so he’ll be fine as long as he has her around to remind him where he is.”
The urge to hug him overwhelmed her. She willed her arms to stay at her side. He might consider her touch untoward and Richard would be back any minute with the lemonade. “They’ll settle in.”
“Jah.”
She searched for words that would give him some measure of comfort equal to a hug. “We’ve put a notice in the
Budget
for a card shower for them.”
“I heard.”
“They know a lot of folks in Lancaster County and up in Indiana.
Your mudder said the word has already spread. They’ve received many cards already.”
Matthew took a step closer. His gaze intensified. “One of the many good things about our community. I’ve grown to appreciate it more in recent weeks. I want to commit to it.” His hand covered hers on the fencepost for a fleeting moment and then withdrew. “Don’t you? With me. I need you to want it too.”
The admission that he needed her left Adah’s lungs flat. The enormity of his willingness to bare his thoughts and fears to her…this was a gift. He didn’t want to face the future alone and he’d chosen her to share in it. Tears floated close to the surface. She breathed, forcing them back. “Matthew…”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put my burdens on you.” His hands dropped to his side and then clenched into fists. “It’s not fair. You have to make this decision about baptism on your own. I know that.”
“Matthew—”
“I need to get back to work.”
He stalked away, head bent against the blazing sun, arms swinging.
She wanted to call him back, but she couldn’t. He was right. She had to figure this out on her own. She had to find her way to him.
But first she had to find her way to God.
That meant going to the baptism classes.
And staying away from Jackson Hart.
A
dah managed to clean the Harts’ kitchen, guest bathroom, and formal dining room before she ran into Jackson. She caught the spicy scent of his aftershave mixed with the
schtinkich
of cigarette smoke before he spoke. He smelled different from the sweat and dirt smell she associated with Plain men. They smelled of hard work. Dust cloth clutched in her hand, she debated. Maybe if she didn’t turn around, he’d give up and leave the room. She gave the ceramic fruit bowl in the dish hutch a final wipe, waiting.
Sharp notes plucked with fine precision filled the air. Crystal clear, running up and down the scale. Running up and down her spine. “Amish girl.” Jackson sang the words. “I’ve missed you.”
The familiar
woof woof
that followed told her Captain accompanied his master. The plaintive note in his bark suggested he might also have missed her. Both of them were full of hooey. They didn’t know each other well enough to miss each other. So why did she feel the same way? She’d been on edge from the second she entered the front door. Wondering if he was here. Wondering if she would see him. Wondering if he would play for her. Now that he was here, her stomach did backflips. She had to deny the feelings. She was stronger than they were.
Determined to try, she picked up the glass cleaner, sprayed the windows on the hutch doors, and began to wipe with greater vigor.
Work. Work. Work.
I’ve met my match
I knew it when I saw her standing in that dirt patch
Her hands fumbling with the gate latch.
No matter what I do, I can’t catch her.
I get close, she rears up and lets me have it.
She doesn’t give a bit, no matter what I do,
Even if I try something completely new
She rears up and lets me have it.
God knows, He sees how hard I try
But I guess he knows I’ve met my match.
She’s like a wild horse waiting to be tamed.
She needs a soft voice, a gentle touch.
No rush.
I got time. I’m gonna give her all my time.
All my touches ’cause there’s no rush.
I’ll take it real slow because
I’ve met my match.
No matter what I do, I can’t catch her.
I get close, she rears up and lets me have it.
I’ve met my match.
But so has she.
I’m like a wild horse waiting to be tamed.
I need a soft voice and a gentle touch.
This ain’t no wrestling match.
It’s a love match.
We’ll take it real slow
Because we’ve both met our match.
Two wild horses waiting to be tamed.
It’s a love match. It’s a love match. It’s a love match.
Between her and me.
Between you and me.
She closed her eyes, gritted her teeth, and blew out air, trying to even out her breathing.
Don’t do it. Don’t do it.
She turned. “The lyrics need some work, but I like the melody.”
“Feedback noted.” Jackson leaned back in his seat on the couch and patted the guitar. Instead of the usual cowboy hat, he wore a red St. Louis Cardinals baseball cap with the bill turned to the back, but his usual uniform of faded jeans and T-shirt hadn’t changed. “Writing about unrequited love is hard. There are so many songs out there about it already that it’s hard to have an original thought, let alone original lyrics.”
Not so unrequited. Adah slapped her hand to her mouth and then realized she hadn’t said the words aloud. Her feelings were such a mishmash, torn between what her head demanded she do and what her heart shouted. She chewed her lip, trying to keep staggering emotion from pouring out from her and onto this man who stood not five feet from her, looking so warm and so certain he could give her what she wanted and needed. She’d only known Jackson for a month. She’d known Matthew her entire life. Matthew was a nice fire in the fireplace, Jackson, a raging inferno that threatened to burn every living thing in its path. Including her. “I have to clean.”
“Mom got called out to the horse barn. Something’s wrong with her horse. The one she’s planning to ride in the barrel racing competition at the rodeo in Springfield next week. She’s in a tizzy.” He leaned the guitar against the couch. “RaeAnne went swimming with her friends in town. Jeff’s working with Dad.”
“RaeAnne went swimming with her friend Dani Jo, your girlfriend?” He dated a high school girl, a cheerleader. Adah had been reminding herself of this fact for weeks now. “You should’ve gone with them.”
“She’s not my girlfriend.” His eyebrows rose over wary eyes. “Who told you that?”
His denial rang truthful, but RaeAnne made it sound like Jackson chased a lot of girls. “It’s none of my business, anyway.”
“RaeAnne told you, didn’t she? She’s always meddling in my business. Takes after Mom. You heard wrong.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Adah couldn’t let it matter. “Why would I need to know all the comings and goings of your family?”
